The beauty of women
Did you know that if shop mannequins were real women they'd be too thin to have babies?
There are 3 billion women who don't look like supermodels and only eight who do.
Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14.
If Barbie was a real woman, she'd have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.
The average woman weighs 144 lbs and wears between a 12-14.
One out of every four college-aged women has an eating disorder.
The models in the magazines are airbrushed - not perfect!
A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes spent looking at a fashion magazine caused 70% of women to feel depressed, guilty, and shameful.
Models twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today they weigh 23% less.
Today women are lovers, mothers, and career women. Who else is able to balance such a load, and do it with a smile?
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the care that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman, with passing years - only grows.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Monday, March 29, 2004
correct or not?
correct or not?
a poem dedicated to My Beau
Kuala Lumpur, March 29, 2004
never a dull moment with you, honey
that's why i love your company
and i suspect same goes for me
if ever you're afraid, just remember that fear stems from the unknown
knowledge and understanding empowers us to conquer our fears
and take control of our lives
i'm certain you're not one to let the situation control you
you're more likely to want to control the situation
correct or not?
Saturday, March 27, 2004
Kismet or Contrived?
"If I meet a girl that I actually LIKE, what should I do after we first get together to make sure that we KEEP getting together?"
Just remember this: God gives us things, and gives them when we need them. It unfolds at the pace HE sets. Not us. We are NOT in control. HE is. Just let it happen. It will end up the way HE intends it to. I truly believe that in my heart.
We try so hard to control what is NOT ours to control. A lot of our frustration stems from trying to control what we can't, and in failing, as we are doomed to.
This is a great question. I personally think:
1) Most guys "settle" for the women that they wind up in long-term relationships with.
2) When you begin to understand women and have more success, you start to realize that MOST women ARE NOT the type that you'd be HAPPY with long-term.
3) When you have gone through the process of learning how to be more successful with women and make them feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION... and then you finally DO meet a woman you really like, you have to handle the situation in the right way if you want to keep her.
If you like you actually LIKE a particular girl, and would like to pursue this in a "let's see if this turns into something" kind of way, do realize a few things about what a woman EXPECTS you to do...
If you're dealing with an attractive woman, then you must remember that you're not the first guy who has ever been interested in her.
In fact, she's probably approached all the time by guys, and she probably has a lot of experience with guys who want to "get involved" with her.
This is one of those funny situations that works in kind of a backwards way (not unlike many other aspects of male/female relationships, actually).
If you meet an attractive girl, you can be pretty sure of a few things:
1) She gets approached by men, one way or another, all the damn time.
2) Just about 99% of the men that she meets and dates wind up following her around like puppies... either from the beginning or eventually.
3) When a guy acts "too nice" and does it "too soon," she sees this as a sign of neediness and weakness, and she's repelled by it.
I realize that this is going to sound bizarre, but sometimes you have to push things away from you gently in order to bring them to you.
And beautiful women fall into this category.
"How do you make someone want something?"
Have you ever thought about that concept?
Why is it that people WANT things in the first place, and how can you actually MAKE someone want something?
When you think about the things that YOU want, and then ask yourself WHY you want those things, you'll begin to realize why this is such a profound question.
Why is it that Coke has dominated the cola market when we all know that Pepsi wins the taste tests?
Why is it that some nightclubs keep people outside in line for hours when there's plenty of room inside the club?
Well, I obviously can't go into an in-depth explanation of why these things are so, but I think it's obvious that:
1) Most of the things that people "want" aren't for the most logical reasons.
2) We humans only "want what we don't have"... and once we get what we want, we quickly get bored.
3) Even knowing that something is readily available to us makes us lose interest.
So why such a long explanation?
Why not just tell you when to call her, what to say, and what tone to use?
Because even if you know the exact right words to say, and the exact right time to say them, the woman you're talking to will still be able to pick up what you're REALLY thinking if you don't understand how and why women become attracted to men.
Here are a few ways to make a person want something:
1) Create a challenge.
2) Give her a little, then lean back.
3) Give her the gift of missing you.
4) Be unpredictable.
When you create a challenge, you really ENGAGE a woman's mind and emotions.
Women don't feel ATTRACTION for men that are push-over Wuss Bags. Women feel ATTRACTION for men who are a CHALLENGE.
When you give a woman a little bit, then lean back, you set up a "Hey, I want more of that" situation.
If you just keep pouring on the attention and giving her everything she wants, you'll become predictable and uninteresting.
When you give a woman the "Gift of missing you," you realize that for women, thinking about, missing, and anticipating the next time is often even more powerful than the actual EXPERIENCE of "the next time."
Men often get insecure, and feel that they have to call and keep an eye on a woman all the time. This is a huge mistake. It says all the wrong things.
When you're UNPREDICTABLE, you do something that is almost MAGIC... when a man understands how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION, then he doesn't do things that are PREDICTABLE, women will tend to think about him ALL THE TIME.
Things that are predictable don't require much thought. They're uninteresting and boring.
Things that are UNPREDICTABLE, on the other hand, require a LOT of thought. Unpredictable things are FASCINATING to people... especially women.
What makes a movie lame?
Predictability.
What makes a movie great?
A well-written story that ISN'T predictable.
Predictability and BORING-NESS are the enemies of ATTRACTION.
Here are a few thoughts on the questions you asked:
1) If you call her the next day, be cool about it. Don't try to be too "suave," and don't try to set up another date immediately. Call and say "Hey, what's up?" Make a little small talk, then hang up. Lean back, and she'll be thinking about you for the next several days (if you didn't act like a dumb-ass the night before, that is).
2) If you email, keep it light as well. In this day and age, I find it natural to email or call.
3) Your TONE should be cool, calm, laid back, busy, and upbeat. Never complain about things, whine, or act like you're in a bad mood and need attention.
4) Be very cool about this. Don't act like you might want to get married within 90 days, or like you've met the woman of your dreams. Give her some space, and the gift of missing you.
5) For the first 10 dates or so, don't see her more than once or twice a week. Stay busy with your life, and always have things going on.
6) Until you decide that you really like a particular woman and want to "settle down" with her, or have a long-term relationship, don't focus too much energy on the relationship. If you're dating other women, don't stop. When you focus all of your energy and time on a woman that you've just met, it often creeps them out and makes them run.
Use these concepts HOWEVER you decide to communicate with her.
Sources: Kristi D. Hager, David DeAngelo
Just remember this: God gives us things, and gives them when we need them. It unfolds at the pace HE sets. Not us. We are NOT in control. HE is. Just let it happen. It will end up the way HE intends it to. I truly believe that in my heart.
We try so hard to control what is NOT ours to control. A lot of our frustration stems from trying to control what we can't, and in failing, as we are doomed to.
This is a great question. I personally think:
1) Most guys "settle" for the women that they wind up in long-term relationships with.
2) When you begin to understand women and have more success, you start to realize that MOST women ARE NOT the type that you'd be HAPPY with long-term.
3) When you have gone through the process of learning how to be more successful with women and make them feel that magical emotion called ATTRACTION... and then you finally DO meet a woman you really like, you have to handle the situation in the right way if you want to keep her.
If you like you actually LIKE a particular girl, and would like to pursue this in a "let's see if this turns into something" kind of way, do realize a few things about what a woman EXPECTS you to do...
If you're dealing with an attractive woman, then you must remember that you're not the first guy who has ever been interested in her.
In fact, she's probably approached all the time by guys, and she probably has a lot of experience with guys who want to "get involved" with her.
This is one of those funny situations that works in kind of a backwards way (not unlike many other aspects of male/female relationships, actually).
If you meet an attractive girl, you can be pretty sure of a few things:
1) She gets approached by men, one way or another, all the damn time.
2) Just about 99% of the men that she meets and dates wind up following her around like puppies... either from the beginning or eventually.
3) When a guy acts "too nice" and does it "too soon," she sees this as a sign of neediness and weakness, and she's repelled by it.
I realize that this is going to sound bizarre, but sometimes you have to push things away from you gently in order to bring them to you.
And beautiful women fall into this category.
"How do you make someone want something?"
Have you ever thought about that concept?
Why is it that people WANT things in the first place, and how can you actually MAKE someone want something?
When you think about the things that YOU want, and then ask yourself WHY you want those things, you'll begin to realize why this is such a profound question.
Why is it that Coke has dominated the cola market when we all know that Pepsi wins the taste tests?
Why is it that some nightclubs keep people outside in line for hours when there's plenty of room inside the club?
Well, I obviously can't go into an in-depth explanation of why these things are so, but I think it's obvious that:
1) Most of the things that people "want" aren't for the most logical reasons.
2) We humans only "want what we don't have"... and once we get what we want, we quickly get bored.
3) Even knowing that something is readily available to us makes us lose interest.
So why such a long explanation?
Why not just tell you when to call her, what to say, and what tone to use?
Because even if you know the exact right words to say, and the exact right time to say them, the woman you're talking to will still be able to pick up what you're REALLY thinking if you don't understand how and why women become attracted to men.
Here are a few ways to make a person want something:
1) Create a challenge.
2) Give her a little, then lean back.
3) Give her the gift of missing you.
4) Be unpredictable.
When you create a challenge, you really ENGAGE a woman's mind and emotions.
Women don't feel ATTRACTION for men that are push-over Wuss Bags. Women feel ATTRACTION for men who are a CHALLENGE.
When you give a woman a little bit, then lean back, you set up a "Hey, I want more of that" situation.
If you just keep pouring on the attention and giving her everything she wants, you'll become predictable and uninteresting.
When you give a woman the "Gift of missing you," you realize that for women, thinking about, missing, and anticipating the next time is often even more powerful than the actual EXPERIENCE of "the next time."
Men often get insecure, and feel that they have to call and keep an eye on a woman all the time. This is a huge mistake. It says all the wrong things.
When you're UNPREDICTABLE, you do something that is almost MAGIC... when a man understands how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION, then he doesn't do things that are PREDICTABLE, women will tend to think about him ALL THE TIME.
Things that are predictable don't require much thought. They're uninteresting and boring.
Things that are UNPREDICTABLE, on the other hand, require a LOT of thought. Unpredictable things are FASCINATING to people... especially women.
What makes a movie lame?
Predictability.
What makes a movie great?
A well-written story that ISN'T predictable.
Predictability and BORING-NESS are the enemies of ATTRACTION.
Here are a few thoughts on the questions you asked:
1) If you call her the next day, be cool about it. Don't try to be too "suave," and don't try to set up another date immediately. Call and say "Hey, what's up?" Make a little small talk, then hang up. Lean back, and she'll be thinking about you for the next several days (if you didn't act like a dumb-ass the night before, that is).
2) If you email, keep it light as well. In this day and age, I find it natural to email or call.
3) Your TONE should be cool, calm, laid back, busy, and upbeat. Never complain about things, whine, or act like you're in a bad mood and need attention.
4) Be very cool about this. Don't act like you might want to get married within 90 days, or like you've met the woman of your dreams. Give her some space, and the gift of missing you.
5) For the first 10 dates or so, don't see her more than once or twice a week. Stay busy with your life, and always have things going on.
6) Until you decide that you really like a particular woman and want to "settle down" with her, or have a long-term relationship, don't focus too much energy on the relationship. If you're dating other women, don't stop. When you focus all of your energy and time on a woman that you've just met, it often creeps them out and makes them run.
Use these concepts HOWEVER you decide to communicate with her.
Sources: Kristi D. Hager, David DeAngelo
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Yes, it's over...
but the work has only just begun...
Yes, the election's over and Malaysia is waking up to a Tuesday morning minus the euphoria of Monday's landslide victory announcements. No need to make lengthy analyses as has been done quite competently elsewhere. The BN's won simply because we, the people of Malaysia, have believed in your sincerity, Pak Lah.
And now, the real work begins. As MPs and ADUNs bathe in the light of their 15 minutes of fame, they should do well to remember that they have been elected to represent the people: in Parliament, and in the various State Assemblies. In this regard, I find the Malay term Wakil Rakyat more descriptive than Member of Parliament.
While being an MP is being a member of arguably the most exclusive club in the country, it has its price. Instead of membership dues, as in other clubs, MPs have to work 24/7 to serve their constituents. And you jolly well better do. We didn't elect you, Yang Berhormat, to fart around in fancy offices or traipse around the country in fancy cars (read black Perdana V-6) to wheel-and-deal your way into becoming fat cats.
We elected you to serve us, your constituents.
If you don't, we'll kick you out in five years' time. And you may not even have that long. If Pak Lah's rhetoric isn't just that, the ACA (Anti-Corruption Agency) will get you. After all, the Prime Minister promised to stamp out corruption in public office and it wouldn't do to have you make a mockery of, what I truly believe are, his sincere intentions.
And if any of you MPs haven't the foggiest notion what the blazes your job entails, I suggest you read Chinua Achebe's A Man of the People and Things Fall Apart. If you can't read or write English, please learn. Fast.
If you aren't Internet savvy, get your children to teach you, and hang around your neighbourhood Internet cafe where, I might add, you'll find some of your under-18 constituents smoking. We're not going to waste half a day in the smoke-filled waiting room of your office to lodge a complaint about public services. We're going to email you, so you'd better give us your email addresses. Start a blog, so that we know what you've been up to. Transparency is key.
If you want to give us your handphone number so that we can SMS you, so much the better. I have two MP friends whose handphone numbers I know, so this is not pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking.
Pak Lah, please think carefully who you'd want in your cabinet. Malaysians are tired of seeing the same old weary faces for the past 20 years. As Asians, we've been hinting obliquely that these old-timer Ministers have gone well past their expiry date. Tapi dia orang masih lagi tak paham bahasa. We've just given you a mandate to start on a clean slate. Use it. Cull. Let's see some tanak vagu.
As for the UMNO elections in June, don't worry too much about this. Let the members decide with their vote. Your job is to make sure those elected deliver what is expected of them; or kick them out, just as you can with your cabinet and MPs.
We'll also be watching whether you give anyone close to you preferential treatment. The last thing we want to see is one bunch of cronies replaced by yet another.
With the sincerity we believe you have in your heart, and the resources of the country at your beck and call, Malaysians aren't expecting miracles. All we want is for those elected into power to wield it wisely, sincerely, and for the greater good.
Note
"Tanak vagu" is Kadazandusun for "anak baru" which interprets as "young blood," and not the more literal "new children."
Comments
"I'm almost 23 years of age now, but still didn't practice my rights to vote yet. But i have to admit, we and our country need a bunch of leaders yang berjiwa rakyat."
Sheilla Elliza
Kagoshima City, Japan
"The YB will soon be called Yang Berkhidmat..."
My Sanctuary
News Summaries (edited for clarity)
BN Will Be Strong Opposition In Kelantan, Says Mustapa
KOTA BAHARU, March 23 (Bernama) -- "Barisan Nasional (BN) will not disappoint the people of Kelantan," said State BN chairman Datuk Mustapa Mohamed.
Mustapa said that the party's elected representatives were directed to immediately meet the people and attend to their needs in order to garner more support.
DAP Candidates Who Lost Requested To Serve The Areas
IPOH, March 23 (Bernama) -- Commenting on the naming of the new Cabinet, Menteris Besar and Chief Ministers, DAP national chairman Lim Kit Siang, urged the Prime Minister to exclude those who were tainted with charges of corruption or had serious allegations of impropriety and abuse of power made against them.
Pak Lah Factor Main Reason For Success Of Barisan Nasional
KUALA LUMPUR, March 23 (Bernama) -- The "Pak Lah factor" was the main factor behind the Barisan Nasional's resounding success in Sunday's general election, former Deputy Prime Minister Tan Sri Musa Hitam said Tuesday.
The Prime Minister had represented a change in political and Government administrative culture, he said.
BN's Impressive Win Due To Abdullah's Credibility - Tajol Rosli
IPOH, March 22 (Bernama) -- Perak Menteri Besar Datuk Seri Tajol Rosli Ghazali said the Barisan Nasional (BN)'s landslide victory was due to Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi's credentials and style.
He said the voters, especially the Malays, viewed Abdullah as an Islamic scholar and good administrator as well as pious and friendly.
"It was the Pak Lah factor that resulted in the big win," he said.
BN Victory Is A Nod For PM's Anti-Graft Drive
KUALA LUMPUR, March 22 (Bernama) --The resounding victory for Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi's Barisan Nasional (BN) coalition suggests clear public approval of his moves to combat corruption and improve public service.
The clear mandate given to Pak Lah to pursue his anti-graft policy - if backed by further action - should improve the allocation of resources and looks positive for Malaysia's medium-term outlook, said Citigroup in a statement here Monday.
Three MIC Candidates Promise Efficient Service
SEREMBAN, March 22 (Bernama) -- Three MIC candidates who won their respective seats in Negri Sembilan have promised to provide efficient service to their constituents. MIC Secretary General S. Sothinathan said he would continue to work hard for the well being and development of the people.
Negri Sembilan MIC Chief Datuk T. Rajagopalu... promised efficient and satisfactory service to the people for giving him the mandate to serve them. "I'll not misplace the faith the people have in me," he said.
Dr L. Krishnan said he would continue the good work and development programmes initiated by his predecessor.
Yes, the election's over and Malaysia is waking up to a Tuesday morning minus the euphoria of Monday's landslide victory announcements. No need to make lengthy analyses as has been done quite competently elsewhere. The BN's won simply because we, the people of Malaysia, have believed in your sincerity, Pak Lah.
And now, the real work begins. As MPs and ADUNs bathe in the light of their 15 minutes of fame, they should do well to remember that they have been elected to represent the people: in Parliament, and in the various State Assemblies. In this regard, I find the Malay term Wakil Rakyat more descriptive than Member of Parliament.
While being an MP is being a member of arguably the most exclusive club in the country, it has its price. Instead of membership dues, as in other clubs, MPs have to work 24/7 to serve their constituents. And you jolly well better do. We didn't elect you, Yang Berhormat, to fart around in fancy offices or traipse around the country in fancy cars (read black Perdana V-6) to wheel-and-deal your way into becoming fat cats.
We elected you to serve us, your constituents.
If you don't, we'll kick you out in five years' time. And you may not even have that long. If Pak Lah's rhetoric isn't just that, the ACA (Anti-Corruption Agency) will get you. After all, the Prime Minister promised to stamp out corruption in public office and it wouldn't do to have you make a mockery of, what I truly believe are, his sincere intentions.
And if any of you MPs haven't the foggiest notion what the blazes your job entails, I suggest you read Chinua Achebe's A Man of the People and Things Fall Apart. If you can't read or write English, please learn. Fast.
If you aren't Internet savvy, get your children to teach you, and hang around your neighbourhood Internet cafe where, I might add, you'll find some of your under-18 constituents smoking. We're not going to waste half a day in the smoke-filled waiting room of your office to lodge a complaint about public services. We're going to email you, so you'd better give us your email addresses. Start a blog, so that we know what you've been up to. Transparency is key.
If you want to give us your handphone number so that we can SMS you, so much the better. I have two MP friends whose handphone numbers I know, so this is not pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking.
Pak Lah, please think carefully who you'd want in your cabinet. Malaysians are tired of seeing the same old weary faces for the past 20 years. As Asians, we've been hinting obliquely that these old-timer Ministers have gone well past their expiry date. Tapi dia orang masih lagi tak paham bahasa. We've just given you a mandate to start on a clean slate. Use it. Cull. Let's see some tanak vagu.
As for the UMNO elections in June, don't worry too much about this. Let the members decide with their vote. Your job is to make sure those elected deliver what is expected of them; or kick them out, just as you can with your cabinet and MPs.
We'll also be watching whether you give anyone close to you preferential treatment. The last thing we want to see is one bunch of cronies replaced by yet another.
With the sincerity we believe you have in your heart, and the resources of the country at your beck and call, Malaysians aren't expecting miracles. All we want is for those elected into power to wield it wisely, sincerely, and for the greater good.
Note
"Tanak vagu" is Kadazandusun for "anak baru" which interprets as "young blood," and not the more literal "new children."
Comments
"I'm almost 23 years of age now, but still didn't practice my rights to vote yet. But i have to admit, we and our country need a bunch of leaders yang berjiwa rakyat."
Sheilla Elliza
Kagoshima City, Japan
"The YB will soon be called Yang Berkhidmat..."
My Sanctuary
News Summaries (edited for clarity)
BN Will Be Strong Opposition In Kelantan, Says Mustapa
KOTA BAHARU, March 23 (Bernama) -- "Barisan Nasional (BN) will not disappoint the people of Kelantan," said State BN chairman Datuk Mustapa Mohamed.
Mustapa said that the party's elected representatives were directed to immediately meet the people and attend to their needs in order to garner more support.
DAP Candidates Who Lost Requested To Serve The Areas
IPOH, March 23 (Bernama) -- Commenting on the naming of the new Cabinet, Menteris Besar and Chief Ministers, DAP national chairman Lim Kit Siang, urged the Prime Minister to exclude those who were tainted with charges of corruption or had serious allegations of impropriety and abuse of power made against them.
Pak Lah Factor Main Reason For Success Of Barisan Nasional
KUALA LUMPUR, March 23 (Bernama) -- The "Pak Lah factor" was the main factor behind the Barisan Nasional's resounding success in Sunday's general election, former Deputy Prime Minister Tan Sri Musa Hitam said Tuesday.
The Prime Minister had represented a change in political and Government administrative culture, he said.
BN's Impressive Win Due To Abdullah's Credibility - Tajol Rosli
IPOH, March 22 (Bernama) -- Perak Menteri Besar Datuk Seri Tajol Rosli Ghazali said the Barisan Nasional (BN)'s landslide victory was due to Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi's credentials and style.
He said the voters, especially the Malays, viewed Abdullah as an Islamic scholar and good administrator as well as pious and friendly.
"It was the Pak Lah factor that resulted in the big win," he said.
BN Victory Is A Nod For PM's Anti-Graft Drive
KUALA LUMPUR, March 22 (Bernama) --The resounding victory for Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi's Barisan Nasional (BN) coalition suggests clear public approval of his moves to combat corruption and improve public service.
The clear mandate given to Pak Lah to pursue his anti-graft policy - if backed by further action - should improve the allocation of resources and looks positive for Malaysia's medium-term outlook, said Citigroup in a statement here Monday.
Three MIC Candidates Promise Efficient Service
SEREMBAN, March 22 (Bernama) -- Three MIC candidates who won their respective seats in Negri Sembilan have promised to provide efficient service to their constituents. MIC Secretary General S. Sothinathan said he would continue to work hard for the well being and development of the people.
Negri Sembilan MIC Chief Datuk T. Rajagopalu... promised efficient and satisfactory service to the people for giving him the mandate to serve them. "I'll not misplace the faith the people have in me," he said.
Dr L. Krishnan said he would continue the good work and development programmes initiated by his predecessor.
Sunday, March 21, 2004
The Vernal Equinox
bits and pieces
Schumacher wins yet again. Formula 1 is becoming tediously tiresome by its predictability. Team McLaren Mercedes, I'll give you TWO kicks up the backside this time.
Just Before You Sleep Tonight...
Kuala Lumpur, March 21, 2003
by Azlan Adnan
Just before you sleep tonight...
Snug and cozy in your warm bed,
After a hot and satisfying dinner,
With a roof over your head
Do give a ray of hope and spare a prayer
To those unwitting Victims of War,
Who have fled their homes in panic and fear:
Internally Displaced People and Refugees
For they shall be sleeping far from home,
Without a meal in their aching bellies,
Under the open sky, without a roof over their heads,
With the cold winter winds for company
They have spent the day walking for miles,
Bringing only what food and clothes they can carry,
Fleeing their homes, leaving everything behind,
Seeking safety and what remains of human dignity.
###end###
Schumacher wins yet again. Formula 1 is becoming tediously tiresome by its predictability. Team McLaren Mercedes, I'll give you TWO kicks up the backside this time.
Just Before You Sleep Tonight...
Kuala Lumpur, March 21, 2003
by Azlan Adnan
Just before you sleep tonight...
Snug and cozy in your warm bed,
After a hot and satisfying dinner,
With a roof over your head
Do give a ray of hope and spare a prayer
To those unwitting Victims of War,
Who have fled their homes in panic and fear:
Internally Displaced People and Refugees
For they shall be sleeping far from home,
Without a meal in their aching bellies,
Under the open sky, without a roof over their heads,
With the cold winter winds for company
They have spent the day walking for miles,
Bringing only what food and clothes they can carry,
Fleeing their homes, leaving everything behind,
Seeking safety and what remains of human dignity.
Of Beggars and Vagrants
a short story inspired by my late father
I was once with my late father, in Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman, Kuala Lumpur, when we passed a beggar with obvious disabilities. I thought it strange that my father ~ who was then the Director-General of Social Welfare ~ didn't stop to leave some spare change. How could a man, in such a position, not have any empathy?
I learnt the truth the next day. My father had sent his Social Welfare Officer to the beggar to assess his disabilities and needs, with a view to providing financial, and other, aid. The government has budgets for people who qualify as Orang Kurang Upaya (OKU).
The reason why my father did not give him any spare change is because do so only encourages more beggars and vagrants onto the streets. He explained to me that the System needs to take care of such people. If people have nowhere to live, there are Welfare Homes and Old Folk Homes funded by the Government. There is no reason for them to be begging on the streets.
By similar token, my late father refused to go to private hospitals and was treated all his 75 years in Government Hospitals. It was not a question of not being able to afford private medical care. His reasoning was ~ if it is to be good enough for the people, it has to be good enough for him, a Civil Servant. And the corollary was, if it wasn't good enough for him, it certainly wasn't going to be good enough for the people, and we should therefore improve the System. After all, Civil Servants serve civilians ~ the people that make up our great country.
Comments:
"Your father was a true civil servant and not just a government servant.
My former boss in JKR, Tan Sri Omar, is also one of those rare breeds.
I don't see that anymore these days (including among politicians)."
Mohd Adib Noh, Kuala Lumpur
The Reader
"I have massive respect for the qualities your father showed regarding his responsibility to the people he was, in a way, responsible for. However, ...welfare systems are stretched to capacity around the world; no matter how successful a government's social policy is, there will always be those that slip the net."
Chloe Monroe, London/Los Angeles
Chloe
"What your father did was outstanding, Azlan.
He helped the beggars to survive not only for a day, but for the rest of their lives.
Being a generous citizen is not bad at all but we could also take a brilliant step by using our generosity through the right channel. In our case here, we shouldn't simply give them, the beggars and homeless, what they want. It is much more efficient if we could show them the solution to their problems. Life is not that easy where you just have to sit and beg people for money. But I think Malaysian citizens are too generous, and that's why beggars and vagrants are still everywhere. Even nowadays, begging is regarded as a type of profession. And, yes, their famous 'office' spots are at Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman and also streets around Pudu area!"
Sheilla Elizza, Kagoshima City, Japan
Elizza
"Your father was a brave and generous man, what else can I say?
Be proud to be his son.
It's remarkable how he believed in the system in a time when everyone doubts everything."
Maike Doornebosch, Groningen, The Netherlands
Maike
News Flash
Fighting Poverty Is Among PM's Priorities
KUALA LUMPUR, March 23 (Bernama) -- Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi has told the BBC News that his priority after having been returned to power with a big mandate in Sunday's polls is to reduce the poverty rate significantly, especially among the hardcore poor.
"The issue of poverty is important. Although we have reduced the poverty rate significantly, I don't want to see hardcore poverty," he said in an interview with the BBC after the polls results.
Abdullah said the government had given out assistance also to other communities [besides Malays] to help them emerge from their poverty.
For example the government was also assisting the Indian community, to come out of its poverty and social problems.
I was once with my late father, in Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman, Kuala Lumpur, when we passed a beggar with obvious disabilities. I thought it strange that my father ~ who was then the Director-General of Social Welfare ~ didn't stop to leave some spare change. How could a man, in such a position, not have any empathy?
I learnt the truth the next day. My father had sent his Social Welfare Officer to the beggar to assess his disabilities and needs, with a view to providing financial, and other, aid. The government has budgets for people who qualify as Orang Kurang Upaya (OKU).
The reason why my father did not give him any spare change is because do so only encourages more beggars and vagrants onto the streets. He explained to me that the System needs to take care of such people. If people have nowhere to live, there are Welfare Homes and Old Folk Homes funded by the Government. There is no reason for them to be begging on the streets.
By similar token, my late father refused to go to private hospitals and was treated all his 75 years in Government Hospitals. It was not a question of not being able to afford private medical care. His reasoning was ~ if it is to be good enough for the people, it has to be good enough for him, a Civil Servant. And the corollary was, if it wasn't good enough for him, it certainly wasn't going to be good enough for the people, and we should therefore improve the System. After all, Civil Servants serve civilians ~ the people that make up our great country.
Comments:
"Your father was a true civil servant and not just a government servant.
My former boss in JKR, Tan Sri Omar, is also one of those rare breeds.
I don't see that anymore these days (including among politicians)."
Mohd Adib Noh, Kuala Lumpur
The Reader
"I have massive respect for the qualities your father showed regarding his responsibility to the people he was, in a way, responsible for. However, ...welfare systems are stretched to capacity around the world; no matter how successful a government's social policy is, there will always be those that slip the net."
Chloe Monroe, London/Los Angeles
Chloe
"What your father did was outstanding, Azlan.
He helped the beggars to survive not only for a day, but for the rest of their lives.
Being a generous citizen is not bad at all but we could also take a brilliant step by using our generosity through the right channel. In our case here, we shouldn't simply give them, the beggars and homeless, what they want. It is much more efficient if we could show them the solution to their problems. Life is not that easy where you just have to sit and beg people for money. But I think Malaysian citizens are too generous, and that's why beggars and vagrants are still everywhere. Even nowadays, begging is regarded as a type of profession. And, yes, their famous 'office' spots are at Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman and also streets around Pudu area!"
Sheilla Elizza, Kagoshima City, Japan
Elizza
"Your father was a brave and generous man, what else can I say?
Be proud to be his son.
It's remarkable how he believed in the system in a time when everyone doubts everything."
Maike Doornebosch, Groningen, The Netherlands
Maike
News Flash
Fighting Poverty Is Among PM's Priorities
KUALA LUMPUR, March 23 (Bernama) -- Prime Minister Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi has told the BBC News that his priority after having been returned to power with a big mandate in Sunday's polls is to reduce the poverty rate significantly, especially among the hardcore poor.
"The issue of poverty is important. Although we have reduced the poverty rate significantly, I don't want to see hardcore poverty," he said in an interview with the BBC after the polls results.
Abdullah said the government had given out assistance also to other communities [besides Malays] to help them emerge from their poverty.
For example the government was also assisting the Indian community, to come out of its poverty and social problems.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
The Diary
contributed by Maybelle
As I have written elsewhere, "...I believe communication based on mutual respect and honesty is key to any relationship..." The following short story exemplifies what I mean by what happens when there is no open communications between friends and things go all pear-shaped and awry...
Monday
I was so excited to go to school today as I'll be seeing my suitor and secret crush, Charlie, again. But then, the whole day he just smiled as my close guy friend, Carlo, cheered me up. He didn't even talk to me, he just smiled at me from afar.
Tuesday
I was thinking Charlie might approach me now, as he should, since he's courting me. But then, the
whole day he just smiled as my close guy friend, Carlo, cheered me up. He didn't even talk to me,
he just smiled.
Wednesday
I didn't want to talk to anyone, not even Carlo who cares so much for me, since I was pissed off at Charlie. As usual, the whole day he just smiled as my close guy friend, Carlo, cheered me up. He didn't even talk to me, he just smiled.
Thursday
I went to school as usual. Carlo kept cheering me up. I was so pissed that I shouted at him and told him to just leave me alone. And Charlie? The whole day he just smiled. He didn't even talk to me, he just smiled. My close guy friend, Carlo, tried to ignore me the whole day.
Friday
I received a note with the words:
"You just don't know how much I love you,
I know it's impossible for you to like me,
but I just want to let you know how amazing you are."
Even though there's no signature from the sender or even a name, I was sure it was from Charlie. And the whole day he just smiled. He didn't even talk to me, he just smiled. My close guy friend, Carlo, tried to ignore me the whole day.
Ten years later...
Here I am at my close friend Carlo's wedding with Charlie as my date. I never enjoyed Charlie's company, Carlo still rocks my socks. But it was too late, he's getting married. And besides, he's too good for me. He would never love a person like me.
Before the ceremony, Carlo came up to me and asked, "What is that paper you're holding?"
It was the note from Charlie, 10 years ago, "Oh, the love letter from Charlie saying how much he loved me. It's been 10 years, you know."
Then, Carlo bowed his head and tears fell from his eyes and said, "You just dont know how much I love you. I was the one who gave you that note 10 years ago. It wasn't Charlie. I wanted to tell you in person, but I was afraid you'd reject me, and our friendship, forever. I was too afraid to lose you."
I started to cry. I just said, "I loved you, too. All this time, it was you. But I thought that you only see me as this friend."
Carlo whispered to me, "I'm sorry. It's too late."
And he went back to his bride as Charlie asked me what happened.
"It all ends today," and I just cried.
Note
I like this story but for one nagging loose end. Why would our unnamed female protagonist bring the note to Carlo's wedding? Wouldn't she had shown it to Charlie earlier? And deduced its author?
As I have written elsewhere, "...I believe communication based on mutual respect and honesty is key to any relationship..." The following short story exemplifies what I mean by what happens when there is no open communications between friends and things go all pear-shaped and awry...
Monday
I was so excited to go to school today as I'll be seeing my suitor and secret crush, Charlie, again. But then, the whole day he just smiled as my close guy friend, Carlo, cheered me up. He didn't even talk to me, he just smiled at me from afar.
Tuesday
I was thinking Charlie might approach me now, as he should, since he's courting me. But then, the
whole day he just smiled as my close guy friend, Carlo, cheered me up. He didn't even talk to me,
he just smiled.
Wednesday
I didn't want to talk to anyone, not even Carlo who cares so much for me, since I was pissed off at Charlie. As usual, the whole day he just smiled as my close guy friend, Carlo, cheered me up. He didn't even talk to me, he just smiled.
Thursday
I went to school as usual. Carlo kept cheering me up. I was so pissed that I shouted at him and told him to just leave me alone. And Charlie? The whole day he just smiled. He didn't even talk to me, he just smiled. My close guy friend, Carlo, tried to ignore me the whole day.
Friday
I received a note with the words:
"You just don't know how much I love you,
I know it's impossible for you to like me,
but I just want to let you know how amazing you are."
Even though there's no signature from the sender or even a name, I was sure it was from Charlie. And the whole day he just smiled. He didn't even talk to me, he just smiled. My close guy friend, Carlo, tried to ignore me the whole day.
Ten years later...
Here I am at my close friend Carlo's wedding with Charlie as my date. I never enjoyed Charlie's company, Carlo still rocks my socks. But it was too late, he's getting married. And besides, he's too good for me. He would never love a person like me.
Before the ceremony, Carlo came up to me and asked, "What is that paper you're holding?"
It was the note from Charlie, 10 years ago, "Oh, the love letter from Charlie saying how much he loved me. It's been 10 years, you know."
Then, Carlo bowed his head and tears fell from his eyes and said, "You just dont know how much I love you. I was the one who gave you that note 10 years ago. It wasn't Charlie. I wanted to tell you in person, but I was afraid you'd reject me, and our friendship, forever. I was too afraid to lose you."
I started to cry. I just said, "I loved you, too. All this time, it was you. But I thought that you only see me as this friend."
Carlo whispered to me, "I'm sorry. It's too late."
And he went back to his bride as Charlie asked me what happened.
"It all ends today," and I just cried.
Note
I like this story but for one nagging loose end. Why would our unnamed female protagonist bring the note to Carlo's wedding? Wouldn't she had shown it to Charlie earlier? And deduced its author?
Petronas Malaysian Grand Prix
"Oh, Sugar!"
I'm not even going to bother to watch Formula 1 tomorrow if Ferrari's going to monopolise the track. Read the reasons for my disappointment here and here.
And if you're a Ferrari fan, you might also want to read this. No gloating, please. The race isn't over yet.
And to those in Team McLaren Mercedes, if you think it'd help to have a good kick up the backside, I'll gladly supply you one. Gratis.
"Oh, Sugar!"
I'm not even going to bother to watch Formula 1 tomorrow if Ferrari's going to monopolise the track. Read the reasons for my disappointment here and here.
And if you're a Ferrari fan, you might also want to read this. No gloating, please. The race isn't over yet.
And to those in Team McLaren Mercedes, if you think it'd help to have a good kick up the backside, I'll gladly supply you one. Gratis.
Thursday, March 18, 2004
This is How I Feel
About unrequited love, also contributed by Maybelle
Do you like to know you hurt me?
Does it make you feel so strong?
I sit and cry my eyes out
cause I know you've done me wrong
How can someone I love so much
hurt my heart so bad?
When you forgot me on my birthday,
I had never felt so sad
There were so many times I wish you knew
how hard I'd sit and cry
My heart was built for loving you,
but for me you'd only lie
I gave my heart away to you,
my trust is what you had
I told you all my secrets
'til you lied and got me mad
You weren't supposed to know that,
or how did you find out?
That's what you used to say to me,
now what's that all about?
You told me you'd be there
and you wouldn't let me down
You made me all those promises,
but then you weren't around
Don't get me wrong, I love you
and you know I always will
There's just something about you
that makes me love you still
I think it's cause I know who you are inside
I know you don't mean to hurt me,
if you only would have tried
We had something special,
or at least that's what I thought
We could tell each other how we felt,
it was a love that can't be bought
Sometimes I sit and wonder
if what you said was true
If you told me that you loved me,
why'd you do the things you'd do?
If you really did love me,
you'd have never let us go
I can't seem to forget you,
so this is how I know
I guess it's time to say goodbye,
you were wonderful from the start
I've got to learn to let you go,
but you'll always have my heart.
About unrequited love, also contributed by Maybelle
Do you like to know you hurt me?
Does it make you feel so strong?
I sit and cry my eyes out
cause I know you've done me wrong
How can someone I love so much
hurt my heart so bad?
When you forgot me on my birthday,
I had never felt so sad
There were so many times I wish you knew
how hard I'd sit and cry
My heart was built for loving you,
but for me you'd only lie
I gave my heart away to you,
my trust is what you had
I told you all my secrets
'til you lied and got me mad
You weren't supposed to know that,
or how did you find out?
That's what you used to say to me,
now what's that all about?
You told me you'd be there
and you wouldn't let me down
You made me all those promises,
but then you weren't around
Don't get me wrong, I love you
and you know I always will
There's just something about you
that makes me love you still
I think it's cause I know who you are inside
I know you don't mean to hurt me,
if you only would have tried
We had something special,
or at least that's what I thought
We could tell each other how we felt,
it was a love that can't be bought
Sometimes I sit and wonder
if what you said was true
If you told me that you loved me,
why'd you do the things you'd do?
If you really did love me,
you'd have never let us go
I can't seem to forget you,
so this is how I know
I guess it's time to say goodbye,
you were wonderful from the start
I've got to learn to let you go,
but you'll always have my heart.
art of letting go
with many thanks to Maybelle
Put away the pictures
Put away the memories
I've poured over and over
Through my tears
I've held them 'til I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that might keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more
How do you leave it in a drawer
Now here it comes
The hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone
Guess I'm just learning
Learning the art of letting go
Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye
But each time it catches in my throat
You're still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friends forever more
Wish I could open up that door
Now here it comes
The hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that holding on
How do I start to live my life alone
Guess I'm just learning
Learning the art of letting go
Watching us fade
What can I do
But try to make it through the pain
Now one more day without you
Where do I start to live my life alone
I guess I'm learning
Only learning
Learning the art of letting go
with many thanks to Maybelle
Put away the pictures
Put away the memories
I've poured over and over
Through my tears
I've held them 'til I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that might keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more
How do you leave it in a drawer
Now here it comes
The hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone
Guess I'm just learning
Learning the art of letting go
Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye
But each time it catches in my throat
You're still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friends forever more
Wish I could open up that door
Now here it comes
The hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that holding on
How do I start to live my life alone
Guess I'm just learning
Learning the art of letting go
Watching us fade
What can I do
But try to make it through the pain
Now one more day without you
Where do I start to live my life alone
I guess I'm learning
Only learning
Learning the art of letting go
Next, please!
with many thanks to Tina Elaine
I received the following short piece (in italics) from a friend today along with 18 other Life's Useful Lessons. I didn't want to reproduce all of the lessons here as they would detract from the profound impact of its meaningful message. Below it, is a piece I wrote recently on a similar theme. I thought it would be enlightening to reproduce it here as the juxtaposition with the piece from Tina Elaine may lead us to read it in new light.
If someone does not like you, even if they once did, give up. Even if you succeed in temporarily getting them to like you, it will take escalating work to maintain the relationship.
Seek your partners among those that naturally like you. The rest might as well be invisible vis a vis potential partners. Chasing after people who have rejected you is as silly as going to the movies and waiting for some movie star to become your partner.
On the other hand, don't presume people won't like you just because they are extraordinarily wonderful or beautiful. Pay attention to the objective clues as to how well they like you, not to how well you calculate they should like you based on your relative pecking order status.
Hollywood convention is that if the girl rejects the guy in the first reel, guaranteed they will be married in the last. Real life does not work that way. Movies are just wishful fantasies.
Finding your Prince Charming, ladies, is like flipping a deck of cards. Sometimes the first card you flip is a Prince. Sometimes you have to flip almost all the cards in the deck before you flip a Prince. It could even be among the last four cards you flip. If you shuffle the deck properly, there is no way of knowing which card you flip is going to be The Prince.
In real-life, whether you want to admit it or not, we all have criteria. Some ladies in their twenties, wouldn't befriend men my age, for example. I am not in their acceptable age range, according to their criteria.
Others would only want to befriend me if they think I'm loaded (I wish I were); irrespective of what my age is. To them, money has a higher priority than age. They ask not-so-subtle questions like "Do you play golf?" or "What car do you drive?" They want to know my net asset value, without actually having to mouth: "What is your net asset value?"
I have four main criteria to which I give equal weighting (in alphabetical order): beauty, intelligence, personality and youth, which needs to come as a total package. Although I aim for top 5% world-class beauty, I may settle for less (pandang tak jemu) if there are redeeming features in the other criteria. I aim for an IQ of more than 130. Don't get me started on personality theory and meta-values or else you'll be reading all night. Suffice it to say, we all need to befriend honest, virtuous and loving people with compassion and a sense of humour. I'm not interested in meeting women my age because they are either already somebody's wife or divorced with three kids and want to get married now! before menopause sets in. They have a window of opportunity and don't want to miss having children (or at least one child) with their new husband. They are not interested in being friends first. They want a husband and a whirlwind romance to achieve that end. They want a child to cement the marriage.
Of course, I'm being facetious and hyperbolic but you get my drift.
Of my four criteria, age and physical beauty may be appreciated by the eyes within seconds. It takes a little longer to know if someone is intelligent. But to really know someone, to learn what makes them tick, to appreciate the way they think, what lies within, beneath the surface... takes time. It takes time to get a feel for someone's personality and meta-values. Can they match your wit? Can they relate to your logic? Will they have anything stimulating to offer to you mentally?
They may, or they may not. But what's definite is, you're not about to discover their inner beauty in a matter of minutes. And that's a risk worth taking, an investment in time worth making.
It takes time because some people can fake a persona for months, or even years, particularly if they have a hidden agenda.
You need to start off all relationships on a platonic basis then mutually and reciprocally "upgrade" each other to a romantic relationship when both are comfortable doing so. You cannot jump into a romance straight away.
Many, less mature, men do that, especially if they find their beau physically attractive. Even when the lady is not ready for romance. Their logic is to "cekup cepat-cepat sebelum orang lain kebas." This is a big mistake.
Why? Because in love--romantic love--it takes two to tango. If one partner is keen in a disinterested other, it is not love. It is called infatuation.
A tango is a dance. Which means both partners need to move at the same pace. There is no use for the man to dance at a frenetic pace, leaving the lady standing still and bewildered. Both have to move at the same pace.
It works both ways. While a lady may have to befriend many frogs and toads before she finds her Prince, a man, too, must invest in many platonic friendships and a few romantic relationships before finding a good wife. Investing in friendships is not a waste of time or money, though it can be. Think of it as a learning experience. Each time we befriend someone, we learn something. Some new virtue to look for, some annoying trait to avoid next time.
With time, and some degree of lowering of expectations through re-iterative reality checks ("you ingat babe macam tu nak ke orang macam you? Rumah takde, kereta pun takde, cuba cermin sikit!") people usually find each other.
Hopefully.
Note:
My piece may also be found at the Love and Romance Page at my Friendship Site.
From: ~*tiNaElaiNe*~
Date: Mar 18, 2004 05:41 PM
Thanks for the acknowledgement. Your article's fascinating.
"You need to start off all relationships on a platonic basis then mutually and reciprocally "upgrade" each other to a romantic relationship when both are comfortable doing so. You cannot jump into a romance straight away." (I guess this is awfully true.)
"Many, less mature, men do that, especially if they find their beau physically attractive. Even when the lady is not ready for romance. Their logic is to "cekup cepat-cepat sebelum orang lain kebas." This is a big mistake." ( haha! true true!!!)
Anyways, you have really high criteria, you know that? hehe. None of my friends fit to that! hehehe. Most definitely not I. I have IQ of only 120! hehe. Well, I guess you must take into consideration that the girl of your dreams may also have standards. You know what I mean? :) Well, I really wish you all the luck to your continuous struggle or quest in seeking your match ;)
"Each time we befriend someone, we learn something. Some new virtue to look for, some annoying trait to avoid next time. " (oooh annoying! hahaha. yeah, you're right! hehe)
With time, and some degree of lowering of expectations (Yeah this is what im talking about!!! lol) through re-iterative reality checks (re-iterative reality checks huh!!!! true, true) people usually find each other. :)
[Edited for clarity]
I received the following short piece (in italics) from a friend today along with 18 other Life's Useful Lessons. I didn't want to reproduce all of the lessons here as they would detract from the profound impact of its meaningful message. Below it, is a piece I wrote recently on a similar theme. I thought it would be enlightening to reproduce it here as the juxtaposition with the piece from Tina Elaine may lead us to read it in new light.
If someone does not like you, even if they once did, give up. Even if you succeed in temporarily getting them to like you, it will take escalating work to maintain the relationship.
Seek your partners among those that naturally like you. The rest might as well be invisible vis a vis potential partners. Chasing after people who have rejected you is as silly as going to the movies and waiting for some movie star to become your partner.
On the other hand, don't presume people won't like you just because they are extraordinarily wonderful or beautiful. Pay attention to the objective clues as to how well they like you, not to how well you calculate they should like you based on your relative pecking order status.
Hollywood convention is that if the girl rejects the guy in the first reel, guaranteed they will be married in the last. Real life does not work that way. Movies are just wishful fantasies.
Finding your Prince Charming, ladies, is like flipping a deck of cards. Sometimes the first card you flip is a Prince. Sometimes you have to flip almost all the cards in the deck before you flip a Prince. It could even be among the last four cards you flip. If you shuffle the deck properly, there is no way of knowing which card you flip is going to be The Prince.
In real-life, whether you want to admit it or not, we all have criteria. Some ladies in their twenties, wouldn't befriend men my age, for example. I am not in their acceptable age range, according to their criteria.
Others would only want to befriend me if they think I'm loaded (I wish I were); irrespective of what my age is. To them, money has a higher priority than age. They ask not-so-subtle questions like "Do you play golf?" or "What car do you drive?" They want to know my net asset value, without actually having to mouth: "What is your net asset value?"
I have four main criteria to which I give equal weighting (in alphabetical order): beauty, intelligence, personality and youth, which needs to come as a total package. Although I aim for top 5% world-class beauty, I may settle for less (pandang tak jemu) if there are redeeming features in the other criteria. I aim for an IQ of more than 130. Don't get me started on personality theory and meta-values or else you'll be reading all night. Suffice it to say, we all need to befriend honest, virtuous and loving people with compassion and a sense of humour. I'm not interested in meeting women my age because they are either already somebody's wife or divorced with three kids and want to get married now! before menopause sets in. They have a window of opportunity and don't want to miss having children (or at least one child) with their new husband. They are not interested in being friends first. They want a husband and a whirlwind romance to achieve that end. They want a child to cement the marriage.
Of course, I'm being facetious and hyperbolic but you get my drift.
Of my four criteria, age and physical beauty may be appreciated by the eyes within seconds. It takes a little longer to know if someone is intelligent. But to really know someone, to learn what makes them tick, to appreciate the way they think, what lies within, beneath the surface... takes time. It takes time to get a feel for someone's personality and meta-values. Can they match your wit? Can they relate to your logic? Will they have anything stimulating to offer to you mentally?
They may, or they may not. But what's definite is, you're not about to discover their inner beauty in a matter of minutes. And that's a risk worth taking, an investment in time worth making.
It takes time because some people can fake a persona for months, or even years, particularly if they have a hidden agenda.
You need to start off all relationships on a platonic basis then mutually and reciprocally "upgrade" each other to a romantic relationship when both are comfortable doing so. You cannot jump into a romance straight away.
Many, less mature, men do that, especially if they find their beau physically attractive. Even when the lady is not ready for romance. Their logic is to "cekup cepat-cepat sebelum orang lain kebas." This is a big mistake.
Why? Because in love--romantic love--it takes two to tango. If one partner is keen in a disinterested other, it is not love. It is called infatuation.
A tango is a dance. Which means both partners need to move at the same pace. There is no use for the man to dance at a frenetic pace, leaving the lady standing still and bewildered. Both have to move at the same pace.
It works both ways. While a lady may have to befriend many frogs and toads before she finds her Prince, a man, too, must invest in many platonic friendships and a few romantic relationships before finding a good wife. Investing in friendships is not a waste of time or money, though it can be. Think of it as a learning experience. Each time we befriend someone, we learn something. Some new virtue to look for, some annoying trait to avoid next time.
With time, and some degree of lowering of expectations through re-iterative reality checks ("you ingat babe macam tu nak ke orang macam you? Rumah takde, kereta pun takde, cuba cermin sikit!") people usually find each other.
Hopefully.
Note:
My piece may also be found at the Love and Romance Page at my Friendship Site.
From: ~*tiNaElaiNe*~
Date: Mar 18, 2004 05:41 PM
Thanks for the acknowledgement. Your article's fascinating.
"You need to start off all relationships on a platonic basis then mutually and reciprocally "upgrade" each other to a romantic relationship when both are comfortable doing so. You cannot jump into a romance straight away." (I guess this is awfully true.)
"Many, less mature, men do that, especially if they find their beau physically attractive. Even when the lady is not ready for romance. Their logic is to "cekup cepat-cepat sebelum orang lain kebas." This is a big mistake." ( haha! true true!!!)
Anyways, you have really high criteria, you know that? hehe. None of my friends fit to that! hehehe. Most definitely not I. I have IQ of only 120! hehe. Well, I guess you must take into consideration that the girl of your dreams may also have standards. You know what I mean? :) Well, I really wish you all the luck to your continuous struggle or quest in seeking your match ;)
"Each time we befriend someone, we learn something. Some new virtue to look for, some annoying trait to avoid next time. " (oooh annoying! hahaha. yeah, you're right! hehe)
With time, and some degree of lowering of expectations (Yeah this is what im talking about!!! lol) through re-iterative reality checks (re-iterative reality checks huh!!!! true, true) people usually find each other. :)
[Edited for clarity]
A Good Read
Bringing Down the House:
The Inside Story of Six M.I.T. Students Who Took Vegas for Millions
Bringing Down the House:
The Inside Story of Six M.I.T. Students Who Took Vegas for Millions
Excerpted from Bringing Down the House: The Inside Story of Six MIT Students Who Took Vegas for Millions by Ben Mezrich. Copyright © 2002. All rights reserved.
Chapter One
It was ten minutes past three in the morning, and Kevin Lewis looked like he was about to pass out. There were three empty martini glasses on the table in front of him, and he was leaning forward on both elbows, his gaze focused on his cards. The dealer was still feigning patience, in deference to the pile of purple chips in front of the martini glasses. But the other players were beginning to get restless. They wanted the kid to make his bet already -- or pack it in, grab the ratty duffel bag under his chair, and head back to Boston. Hell, hadn't he won enough? What was a college senior going to do with thirty thousand dollars?
The dealer, sensing the mood at the table, finally tapped the blackjack shoe. "It's up to you, Kevin. You've had a hell of a run. Are you in for another round?"
Kevin tried to hide his trembling hands. Truth be told, his name wasn't really Kevin. And he wasn't even slightly drunk. The red splotches on his cheeks had been painted on in his hotel room. And though thirty thousand dollars in chips was enough to make his hands shake, it wasn't something that would impress the people who really knew him. They'd be much more interested in the ratty duffel bag beneath his chair.
Kevin breathed deeply, calming himself. He'd done this a hundred times, and there was no reason to think that tonight would be any different.
He reached for three five-hundred-dollar chips, then glanced around, pretending to look for the cocktail waitress. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his Spotter. Red-haired, pretty, wearing a low-cut blouse and too much makeup. Nobody would have guessed she was a former MIT mechanical-engineering major and an honors student at Harvard Business School. She was close enough to see the table but far enough away not to draw any suspicion. Kevin caught her gaze, then waited for her signal. A bent right arm would tell him to double his bet. Both arms folded and he'd push most of his chips into the betting circle. Arms flat at her sides and he'd drop down to the lowest possible bet.
But she didn't do any of these things. Instead, she ran her right hand through her hair.
Kevin stared at her, making sure he had read her right. Then he quickly started to gather his chips.
"That's it for me," he said to the table, slurring his words. "Should have skipped that last martini."
Inside, he was on fire. He glanced at his Spotter again. Her hand was still deep in her red hair. Christ. In six months, Kevin had never seen a Spotter do that before. The signal had nothing to do with the deck, nothing to do with the precise running count that had won him thirty thousand dollars in under an hour.
A hand in the hair meant only one thing. Get out. Get moving. Now.
Kevin slung the duffel bag over his shoulder and jammed the purple chips into his pockets.
The dealer was watching him carefully. "You sure you don't want me to color up?"
Maybe the man sensed that something wasn't right. Kevin was about to toss him a tip when he caught sight of the suits. Three of them, coming around the nearest craps table. Big, burly men with narrow eyes. No time for niceties.
"That's okay," Kevin said, backing away from the table. "I like the way they jiggle around in my pants."
He turned and darted through the casino. He knew they were watching him from above -- the Eyes in the Sky. But he doubted they would make a scene. They were just trying to protect their money. Still, he didn't want to take any chances. If the suits caught up to him -- well, everyone had heard the stories. Back rooms. Intimidation tactics. Sometimes even violence. No matter how many makeovers the town got, deep down, this was still Vegas.
Tonight Kevin was lucky. He made it outside without incident, blending into the ever-present flow of tourists on the brightly lit Strip. A minute later, he was sitting on a bench at a neon-drenched cabstand across the street. The duffel bag was on his lap.
The redhead from inside dropped onto the bench next to him, lighting herself a cigarette. Her hands were shaking. "That was too fucking close. They came straight out of the elevators. They must have been upstairs watching the whole time."
Kevin nodded. He was breathing hard. His chest was soaked in sweat. There was no better feeling in the world.
"Think we should quit for the night?" the girl asked.
Kevin smiled at her.
"Let's try the Stardust. My face is still good there."
He put both hands on the duffel bag, feeling the stacks of bills inside. A little over one million dollars, all in hundreds: Kevin's bankroll, partially financed by the shadowy investors who recruited him six months before. They had trained him in mock casinos set up in ratty apartments, abandoned warehouses, even MIT classrooms. Then they had set him loose on the neon Strip.
Most of his friends were back at school -- taking tests, drinking beer, arguing about the Red Sox. He was in Las Vegas, living the high life on a million dollars of someone else's money. Sooner or later, it might all come crashing down. But Kevin didn't really care.
He hadn't invented the System. He was just one of the lucky few smart enough pull it off...
Copyright © 2002 by Ben Mezrich --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Dazzling Beauties
Note: Click on the photos for high-resolution images.
NASA's newly named Spitzer Space Telescope has captured dazzling images of a dusty, spiral galaxy; a glowing, stellar nursery and a young, buried star, demonstrating the power of its infrared eyes to spy hidden objects.
The dusty, star-studded arms of M81, a nearby spiral galaxy similar to our own, are illuminated in unprecedented detail. The image reveals Spitzer's ability to explore regions invisible in optical light.
Resembling a flaming creature on the run, this image exposes the hidden interior of a dark and dusty cloud in the emission nebula IC 1396. Young stars previously obscured by dust can be seen here for the first time.
This Spitzer image transforms a dark cloud into a silky translucent veil, revealing the stellar winds from an otherwise hidden newborn star called HH46-IR. Spitzer's remarkable capacity to peer through cosmic dust allowed it to unveil this never-before-seen star.
Launched in August 2003 as the Space Infrared Telescope Facility (SIRTF), Spitzer was renamed in honor of Dr. Lyman Spitzer, Jr, the first to propose placing telescopes in space.
Photo Credit: NASA/JPL-CaltechNote: Click on the photos for high-resolution images.
Madrid Bombings
At a certain level, if only we cared to step back and take a look at the big picture, as we philosophers are wont to do, it doesn't matter who were responsible for the bombings.
The questions we should address ourselves are:
What is this disease that the bombings are but a symptom?
Why does our Society marginalise and alienate a minority to the extent that they have to resort to anarchy, violence and terrorism to be heard?
Do they speak in voices of dissent in a Society that does not accommodate dissent within their so-called democratic process?
At a certain level, if only we cared to step back and take a look at the big picture, as we philosophers are wont to do, it doesn't matter who were responsible for the bombings.
The questions we should address ourselves are:
What is this disease that the bombings are but a symptom?
Why does our Society marginalise and alienate a minority to the extent that they have to resort to anarchy, violence and terrorism to be heard?
Do they speak in voices of dissent in a Society that does not accommodate dissent within their so-called democratic process?
Same-Sex Marriages
I think it's remarkably "inside-the-box" to assume that there are only two genders. I have met people with XXY chromosomes and a man with ambiguous genitals. He had a pear shaped-body and... I think I shouldn't go into the details. I'm not even talking about transexuals in the usual prurient sense.
Suffice it to say that specimens of a "third gender" exist. This poses interesting questions.
Are they allowed to marry? Or not?
Do they have to be "forced" to become either a "male" or a "female" in order to marry?
Reminds me of the days of old when eunuchs were commonplace. They weren't allowed to marry, were they?
Is not the right to marry a right guaranteed in the 1948 Universal Declaration of Human Rights? But only if you are male or female but not neither?
I'm just stimulating some "out-of-the-box" thinking here. Not being difficult. Of course not.
Eman of AquaCool's Response:
I do agree with you, the "third gender" as you call it does really exist, but it's not a normal phenomenon. I believe in the balance of female and male in everything in nature, anything else, to me, is out of order. "Third gender" people won't lead normal lives, therefore something should be done in order to offer them a balanced life. I find the word "forced" a bit improper, I prefer the word "choose". They should choose to become one of either sexes to lead normal healthy lives, that's what I think.
The fact that they are not "normal" phenomena, or are not statistically significant, does not invalidate the fact that they do exist. Surely, Society needs to accommodate these human beings and not force them to "choose" the lesser of two evils.
Enough said about those who were born sexually ambiguous and have a genetic basis for being so. What about the gays, lesbians, transexuals and transvestites? Are they to be relegated to the dregs of society?
What if Prince Charles were gay? Would he be accepted as the King of England?
Are transexuals and transvestites only good as sex workers in the pleasure industry?
Do gays and lesbians really have a case for being what they are?
The fact that a religion may be silent on homosexuality issues does not necessarily mean that it condemns it. Or does it?
I think it's remarkably "inside-the-box" to assume that there are only two genders. I have met people with XXY chromosomes and a man with ambiguous genitals. He had a pear shaped-body and... I think I shouldn't go into the details. I'm not even talking about transexuals in the usual prurient sense.
Suffice it to say that specimens of a "third gender" exist. This poses interesting questions.
Are they allowed to marry? Or not?
Do they have to be "forced" to become either a "male" or a "female" in order to marry?
Reminds me of the days of old when eunuchs were commonplace. They weren't allowed to marry, were they?
Is not the right to marry a right guaranteed in the 1948 Universal Declaration of Human Rights? But only if you are male or female but not neither?
I'm just stimulating some "out-of-the-box" thinking here. Not being difficult. Of course not.
Eman of AquaCool's Response:
I do agree with you, the "third gender" as you call it does really exist, but it's not a normal phenomenon. I believe in the balance of female and male in everything in nature, anything else, to me, is out of order. "Third gender" people won't lead normal lives, therefore something should be done in order to offer them a balanced life. I find the word "forced" a bit improper, I prefer the word "choose". They should choose to become one of either sexes to lead normal healthy lives, that's what I think.
The fact that they are not "normal" phenomena, or are not statistically significant, does not invalidate the fact that they do exist. Surely, Society needs to accommodate these human beings and not force them to "choose" the lesser of two evils.
Enough said about those who were born sexually ambiguous and have a genetic basis for being so. What about the gays, lesbians, transexuals and transvestites? Are they to be relegated to the dregs of society?
What if Prince Charles were gay? Would he be accepted as the King of England?
Are transexuals and transvestites only good as sex workers in the pleasure industry?
Do gays and lesbians really have a case for being what they are?
The fact that a religion may be silent on homosexuality issues does not necessarily mean that it condemns it. Or does it?
Monday, March 15, 2004
The Tension
with many thanks to Sheilla Elizza for her Comments
"If anybody happens to feel unhappy or
disagrees with what you [have written],
they should write their own opinions."
~ Sheilla Elliza
Not only is freedom of expression a basic tenet of democracy, it is also necessary for the process of Falsification, as those who have read Karl Popper and studied Theory of Knowledge would realise.
Basically, it starts on the premise that every idea is right... until proven wrong. Through subsequent re-iterations, we eventually come to what is accepted as the state-of-the-art of Knowledge today. Without doubt, Falsification is an on-going process and hinges on freedom of expression. Hence, a scientist's overpowering need to publish.
However, to Structuralists, an idea can only be accepted when a society is ready to accept it, so the advance of science has less to do with scientific proof or the ideas of an individual than it has to do with the general consensus of a society.
Structuralism has been responsible for the persecution and suppression of individuals of creativity and innovation and their ideas since the beginning of time. Structuralists, for example, were responsible for the long-held notion that the sun, the planets and, indeed, the whole universe revolved round the Earth.
This tension between Men of Ideas and Structuralists is one of the things that makes life interesting, to say the least.
It's quite a lot of fun being "born ahead of my time," I can tell you that.
with many thanks to Sheilla Elizza for her Comments
"If anybody happens to feel unhappy or
disagrees with what you [have written],
they should write their own opinions."
~ Sheilla Elliza
Not only is freedom of expression a basic tenet of democracy, it is also necessary for the process of Falsification, as those who have read Karl Popper and studied Theory of Knowledge would realise.
Basically, it starts on the premise that every idea is right... until proven wrong. Through subsequent re-iterations, we eventually come to what is accepted as the state-of-the-art of Knowledge today. Without doubt, Falsification is an on-going process and hinges on freedom of expression. Hence, a scientist's overpowering need to publish.
However, to Structuralists, an idea can only be accepted when a society is ready to accept it, so the advance of science has less to do with scientific proof or the ideas of an individual than it has to do with the general consensus of a society.
Structuralism has been responsible for the persecution and suppression of individuals of creativity and innovation and their ideas since the beginning of time. Structuralists, for example, were responsible for the long-held notion that the sun, the planets and, indeed, the whole universe revolved round the Earth.
This tension between Men of Ideas and Structuralists is one of the things that makes life interesting, to say the least.
It's quite a lot of fun being "born ahead of my time," I can tell you that.
The Cracked Water Pot
with many thanks to Lena Zakaria for reminding me of this edifying tale
A water-bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pot full of water in his master’s house.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water-bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master’s house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water-bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure. The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot’s side?
That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.
"Each of us has our own unique flaws. We’re all cracked pots."
But if we will allow it, God will use our flaws to grace His table. In God’s great economy, nothing goes to waste.
Some of us don't grow old gracefully, some are not so smart, some are tall, large and big, some bald, some physically challenged, but it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape. Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life! Or as I like to think of it ~ If it's not for the crackpots in my life, it would be pretty boring.
Note:
This edifying tale was posted about five years ago at
AZLAN ADNAN'S PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE WEBSITE:
http://www.insidetheweb.com/mbs.cgi/mb114176
Unfortunately, insidetheweb.com has since gone defunct.
with many thanks to Lena Zakaria for reminding me of this edifying tale
A water-bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pot full of water in his master’s house.
Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water-bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?" "I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master’s house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water-bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure. The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot’s side?
That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.
"Each of us has our own unique flaws. We’re all cracked pots."
But if we will allow it, God will use our flaws to grace His table. In God’s great economy, nothing goes to waste.
Some of us don't grow old gracefully, some are not so smart, some are tall, large and big, some bald, some physically challenged, but it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding.
Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape. Remember to appreciate all the different people in your life! Or as I like to think of it ~ If it's not for the crackpots in my life, it would be pretty boring.
Note:
This edifying tale was posted about five years ago at
AZLAN ADNAN'S PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE WEBSITE:
http://www.insidetheweb.com/mbs.cgi/mb114176
Unfortunately, insidetheweb.com has since gone defunct.
Sunday, March 14, 2004
BN wins 14 Parlimentary and 7 State seats uncontested
But I doubt that the election campaign this week will be walk-over. Full details of the uncontested seats may be obtained from the Barisan Nasional (BN) website here.
I would especially like to congratulate YB Datuk Dr Haji Yusof bin Haji Yacob, 48, (P178 Sipitang), a kind and compassionate gentleman, for whom I have had the pleasure of working.
Yang Berhormat Datuk Dr Haji Yusof bin Haji Yacob, MD (UKM), MSc Public Health (NUS), PGDK, ADK has an MD medical degree from Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia and a Master of Science in Public Health from the National University of Singapore. He has more than 20 years' experience in business, finance, investment and banking as well as in clinical practice as a medical practitioner and public health administrator. Formerly the chairman of Bank Rakyat, he is currently the chairman of Clinipath (Malaysia) Sdn Bhd, Saham Sabah Berhad and of Sedcovest Holdings Sdn Bhd, a subsidiary of the Sabah Economic Development Corporation (SEDCO) charged with the promotion of bumiputera business and industries in Sabah.
The BN also released the full list of candidates for Parlimentary and State seats in Kelantan as well as Selangor at their website.
A close scrutiny of the list of Parliamentary candidates would show that Datuk Noh Omar (P095 Tanjong Karang) and Datuk Dr Shafie Mohd Salleh (P112 Kuala Langat) are not standing for State seats, putting paid to previous rumours that one of them has been slated to be the next Chief Minister of Selangor.
But I doubt that the election campaign this week will be walk-over. Full details of the uncontested seats may be obtained from the Barisan Nasional (BN) website here.
I would especially like to congratulate YB Datuk Dr Haji Yusof bin Haji Yacob, 48, (P178 Sipitang), a kind and compassionate gentleman, for whom I have had the pleasure of working.
Yang Berhormat Datuk Dr Haji Yusof bin Haji Yacob, MD (UKM), MSc Public Health (NUS), PGDK, ADK has an MD medical degree from Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia and a Master of Science in Public Health from the National University of Singapore. He has more than 20 years' experience in business, finance, investment and banking as well as in clinical practice as a medical practitioner and public health administrator. Formerly the chairman of Bank Rakyat, he is currently the chairman of Clinipath (Malaysia) Sdn Bhd, Saham Sabah Berhad and of Sedcovest Holdings Sdn Bhd, a subsidiary of the Sabah Economic Development Corporation (SEDCO) charged with the promotion of bumiputera business and industries in Sabah.
The BN also released the full list of candidates for Parlimentary and State seats in Kelantan as well as Selangor at their website.
A close scrutiny of the list of Parliamentary candidates would show that Datuk Noh Omar (P095 Tanjong Karang) and Datuk Dr Shafie Mohd Salleh (P112 Kuala Langat) are not standing for State seats, putting paid to previous rumours that one of them has been slated to be the next Chief Minister of Selangor.
What is The Purpose of Life?
contributed by Tiki
All of us spend our lives searching, consciously or unconsciously, for lasting fulfillment. We make hundreds of decisions every day, from what to eat for breakfast to what CD to listen to in the car to how hard to work on a project to whom we fall in love with, based on what we think will make us happier, what will create a greater sense of security, what will provide us with more of the things we tell ourselves we need to feel successful and complete. Most of these decisions are attempts to master, or at least cope with, the outer world. This is where we put our energies ~ trying to get what we want and keep everything under control.
In spite of our best efforts, in spite of how hard we try to get everything to turn out the way we want it to, a strange thing happens: our hopes and dreams keep bumping into reality. We have a picture of how we always thought our lives should be, but if we are really honest with ourselves, we have to admit that our lives look very different from that picture. And so we suffer, because what is happening, because we are feeling something different from what we think we should be feeling. Reality lets us down, not just once, but over and over again.
At some point in our lives, usually by the time we reach our thirties or forties, we face the difficult realization that no matter what we acquire or achieve, we can't completely control what happens on the outside. This conclusion often fills our hearts with a deep sensation of emotional and spiritual uneasiness, and haunts our minds with challenging and perhaps disturbing questions: What is the purpose of my life? What am I supposed to be doing here? Why is it so difficult for me to experience true happiness, true inner peace?
All of us spend our lives searching, consciously or unconsciously, for lasting fulfillment. We make hundreds of decisions every day, from what to eat for breakfast to what CD to listen to in the car to how hard to work on a project to whom we fall in love with, based on what we think will make us happier, what will create a greater sense of security, what will provide us with more of the things we tell ourselves we need to feel successful and complete. Most of these decisions are attempts to master, or at least cope with, the outer world. This is where we put our energies ~ trying to get what we want and keep everything under control.
In spite of our best efforts, in spite of how hard we try to get everything to turn out the way we want it to, a strange thing happens: our hopes and dreams keep bumping into reality. We have a picture of how we always thought our lives should be, but if we are really honest with ourselves, we have to admit that our lives look very different from that picture. And so we suffer, because what is happening, because we are feeling something different from what we think we should be feeling. Reality lets us down, not just once, but over and over again.
At some point in our lives, usually by the time we reach our thirties or forties, we face the difficult realization that no matter what we acquire or achieve, we can't completely control what happens on the outside. This conclusion often fills our hearts with a deep sensation of emotional and spiritual uneasiness, and haunts our minds with challenging and perhaps disturbing questions: What is the purpose of my life? What am I supposed to be doing here? Why is it so difficult for me to experience true happiness, true inner peace?
Friday, March 12, 2004
Notable Mention
Got mentioned in Jalan-Jalan on Wednesday for pointing out some typos and for "being such a stickler for grammatical conventions." Go read it for yourself here.
Although it appears I have no right to, according to Belle de Jour, also on Wednesday:
mercredi 10 mars
It's official - everyone's an editor now. I shall go through the archives and change all sentences to suit the suggestions that come my way.
Um, or not.
Got mentioned in Jalan-Jalan on Wednesday for pointing out some typos and for "being such a stickler for grammatical conventions." Go read it for yourself here.
Although it appears I have no right to, according to Belle de Jour, also on Wednesday:
mercredi 10 mars
It's official - everyone's an editor now. I shall go through the archives and change all sentences to suit the suggestions that come my way.
Um, or not.
Midnight Musings
Midnight Musings
Although we had never met before, she let on that she had come across me on the Net ~ but couldn't remember if it was My Friendship Site, My Blog or My Fan Club. She just remembered my photo ("Oh, sure!") and had recognised me. Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Talking about reputation, it appears that I've become a bit of a minor celebrity in the Securities Commission, with the whole of the SC, it seems, discussing whether I'm real, a fake or just a persona. Apparently, they've been forwarding the URL of My Friendship Site to each other and having heated debates ~ which explains a couple of miss calls I received from the general line of the SC a few weeks ago. I guess the caller wanted to find out if I was for real but didn't really know what to say. When I called back, of course, the operator answered, but since I didn't know who had called, that was where the trail went cold.
A source reliably informs me that a gaggle of ladies behaving like schoolgirls had met at the Coffee Bean in Ampang Point lunchtime last Saturday. They had brought along pages printed from My Friendship Site and were having a raucous time pouring over my prose. It was almost too unreal to believe ~ some of these ladies were middle-aged and married ~ and, yet, they were enthusiastically discussing my thoughts on relationships, love and romance like a study group going over their notes on Hardy or Byron.
As you know, I get my fair share of hate-mail ~ "Ah, the price of fame!" ~ the majority of which are from Malay boyz. I hesitate to call them "men" because they don't appear to be mature enough to deserve to be called "men." Some of them are friends or colleagues of my lady friends, who were appalled to note that these boyz ~ their friends ~ could say such nasty things about me, someone they hadn't met or even know. They say that this behaviour is typical of Malay boyz ~ and a particularly virulent specimen is a final-year English literature student at the International Islamic University. I'm sad that a literature student, of all students, could be so juvenile.
I write what I write. I make no apologies for this. If you do not like what I write, that is fine. After all, I am not holding a gun to your head and forcing you to read my essays. You do not have to read them (I doubt my blog is set reading text). It's a free world. If anyone thinks what I write is wrong, they're most welcome to start a blog of their own and write (if, indeed, these boyz are capable of articulating what transpires inside those silly heads of theirs) to correct me.
Freedom of expression ~ one of the basic tenets of democracy ~ means I am free to write (predicated by the laws of copyright and of libel) what I desire. They may not agree with what I write, but I sincerely doubt that they are willing to defend to their death, my freedom to express it.
This is a sad state of affairs, indeed, and not only a dismal reflection on the state of our education system, but also of our society and the values it purports to uphold. And a couple of months of National Service is unlikely to put that right, either.
Note:
Also kecoh sikit kat www.wolverinemalaya.com as you can see:
... din_y65: azlan adnan sape nih??apsal kecoh pasal azlan adnan nih?? alan si kumis aku kenal ...
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
How to Tell if You're Rich
by Harvey Mackay
When I was a kid in Minnesota, watermelon was a delicacy. One of my father's buddies, Bernie, was a prosperous fruit-and-vegetable wholesaler, who operated a warehouse in St. Paul.
Every summer, when the first watermelons rolled in, Bernie would call. Dad and I would go to Bernie's warehouse and take up our positions. We'd sit on the edge of the dock, feet dangling, and lean over, minimizing the volume of juice we were about to spill on ourselves.
Bernie would take his machete, crack our first watermelon, hand us both a big piece and sit down next to us. Then we'd bury our faces in watermelon, eating only the heart - the reddest, juiciest, firmest, most seed-free, most perfect part - and throw away the rest.
Bernie was my father's idea of a rich man. I always thought it was because he was such a successful businessman.
Years later, I realized that what my father admired about Bernie's wealth was less its substance than its application.
Bernie knew how to stop working, get together with friends and eat only the heart of the watermelon.
What I learned from Bernie is that being rich is a state of mind. Some of us, no matter how much money we have, will never be free enough to eat only the heart of the watermelon. Others are rich without ever being more than a paycheck ahead.
If you don't take the time to dangle your feet over the dock and chomp into life's small pleasures, your career is probably overwhelming your life. For many years, forgot that lesson I'd learned as a kid on the loading dock. I was too busy making all the money I could.
Well, I've relearned it. I hope I have time left to enjoy the accomplishments of others and to take pleasure in the day. That's the heart of the watermelon. I have learned again to throw the rest away.
Finally, I am rich.
by Harvey Mackay
When I was a kid in Minnesota, watermelon was a delicacy. One of my father's buddies, Bernie, was a prosperous fruit-and-vegetable wholesaler, who operated a warehouse in St. Paul.
Every summer, when the first watermelons rolled in, Bernie would call. Dad and I would go to Bernie's warehouse and take up our positions. We'd sit on the edge of the dock, feet dangling, and lean over, minimizing the volume of juice we were about to spill on ourselves.
Bernie would take his machete, crack our first watermelon, hand us both a big piece and sit down next to us. Then we'd bury our faces in watermelon, eating only the heart - the reddest, juiciest, firmest, most seed-free, most perfect part - and throw away the rest.
Bernie was my father's idea of a rich man. I always thought it was because he was such a successful businessman.
Years later, I realized that what my father admired about Bernie's wealth was less its substance than its application.
Bernie knew how to stop working, get together with friends and eat only the heart of the watermelon.
What I learned from Bernie is that being rich is a state of mind. Some of us, no matter how much money we have, will never be free enough to eat only the heart of the watermelon. Others are rich without ever being more than a paycheck ahead.
If you don't take the time to dangle your feet over the dock and chomp into life's small pleasures, your career is probably overwhelming your life. For many years, forgot that lesson I'd learned as a kid on the loading dock. I was too busy making all the money I could.
Well, I've relearned it. I hope I have time left to enjoy the accomplishments of others and to take pleasure in the day. That's the heart of the watermelon. I have learned again to throw the rest away.
Finally, I am rich.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
WHAT OTHERS SAY
I have updated my Friendship Site to include a
WHAT OTHERS SAY section at the bottom of the front page.
Check it out at my Friendship Site.
Please feel free to forward the URL ~ http://geocities.com/azlan088 ~ to your friends and colleagues.
Also, if you have any Comments you wish me to consider including in the WHAT OTHERS SAY section, please email them to az2koh@yahoo.co.uk
Do not forget to include your Full Name, Designation, Company, E-mail address, and Website URL.
Thank you.
never a dull moment
(",) azlan ::~~~
the Absolutely Hilarious, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
I have updated my Friendship Site to include a
WHAT OTHERS SAY section at the bottom of the front page.
Check it out at my Friendship Site.
Please feel free to forward the URL ~ http://geocities.com/azlan088 ~ to your friends and colleagues.
Also, if you have any Comments you wish me to consider including in the WHAT OTHERS SAY section, please email them to az2koh@yahoo.co.uk
Do not forget to include your Full Name, Designation, Company, E-mail address, and Website URL.
Thank you.
never a dull moment
(",) azlan ::~~~
the Absolutely Hilarious, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
Monday, March 08, 2004
Election issues
What are the political issues that differentiate the Barisan Nasional (National Front) from the Opposition in the coming Malaysian General Elections on March 21? What are the issues the Malaysian public are most concerned about?
Certainly, corruption in public office is high on the agenda. If the Barisan Nasional (BN) fields candidates with less than a pristine reputation, candidates who have a chequered past, candidates with a reputation for being skirt-lifters, candidates who are well-past their expiry date, they have only themselves to blame if they do not win with the majority they expect.
Yes, it is true, the BN will win by a two-thirds majority. They may not be able to regain Kelantan or Terengganu. They may even lose Kedah and Perlis. One or two "big name" BN MPs will certainly lose their seats. Many BN candidates will win, albeit with a narrower majority. All of that is almost a dead certainty.
The Malaysian population would like to see more good work done by the Anti-Corruption Agency (ACA). To this end, they will not vote for candidates who are known to be less than upright. The BN has to ensure that they field reputable candidates. To not do this, would be to court disaster ~ political suicide, even.
Malaysians are a little intolerant of PAS, the main Opposition party, because of its inflexible "Islamic State" policies. However, the electorate is willing to send a strong message to the BN by voting for PAS if the BN fields the wrong candidates. MPs and Ministers who have over-stayed their terms in office should not be fielded. Young blood is what is needed, especially in the MIC and Gerakan (component BN parties).
While mega-projects like Putrajaya and the Twin Towers are seen as a waste of public money by the population, infrastructure projects are most welcomed. The new highways on the outskirts of Kuala Lumpur, for example, have alleviated much of the traffic congestion in KL and are much appreciated. So have the PUTRA, STAR, Aerobus and KTM Kommuter railway systems. A promise to revive the North-South double-tracking railway system, while much appreciated, is not exactly an election issue, though.
The economy is on the mend. Unemployment is not an election issue. In any case, it is doubtful if the Opposition can do a better job with the economy. So, the economy is not an election issue.
Anwar Ibrahim is a non-issue. In fact, most Malaysians are certainly quite fed-up of hearing his name and wish he'd just die; if not for anything, so that they can forgot this whole sordid episode. Similarly, the DAP, a has-been opposition political party, is history.
So, really, except for the corruption issue, which the government can do something about by making some well-timed high-profile arrests in the next two weeks; and by fielding young and upright candidates, this election is going to be one characterized by the lack of issues.
Go and vote in the morning and then sit back, relax and watch Formula 1 on the telly at 3 pm.
What are the political issues that differentiate the Barisan Nasional (National Front) from the Opposition in the coming Malaysian General Elections on March 21? What are the issues the Malaysian public are most concerned about?
Certainly, corruption in public office is high on the agenda. If the Barisan Nasional (BN) fields candidates with less than a pristine reputation, candidates who have a chequered past, candidates with a reputation for being skirt-lifters, candidates who are well-past their expiry date, they have only themselves to blame if they do not win with the majority they expect.
Yes, it is true, the BN will win by a two-thirds majority. They may not be able to regain Kelantan or Terengganu. They may even lose Kedah and Perlis. One or two "big name" BN MPs will certainly lose their seats. Many BN candidates will win, albeit with a narrower majority. All of that is almost a dead certainty.
The Malaysian population would like to see more good work done by the Anti-Corruption Agency (ACA). To this end, they will not vote for candidates who are known to be less than upright. The BN has to ensure that they field reputable candidates. To not do this, would be to court disaster ~ political suicide, even.
Malaysians are a little intolerant of PAS, the main Opposition party, because of its inflexible "Islamic State" policies. However, the electorate is willing to send a strong message to the BN by voting for PAS if the BN fields the wrong candidates. MPs and Ministers who have over-stayed their terms in office should not be fielded. Young blood is what is needed, especially in the MIC and Gerakan (component BN parties).
While mega-projects like Putrajaya and the Twin Towers are seen as a waste of public money by the population, infrastructure projects are most welcomed. The new highways on the outskirts of Kuala Lumpur, for example, have alleviated much of the traffic congestion in KL and are much appreciated. So have the PUTRA, STAR, Aerobus and KTM Kommuter railway systems. A promise to revive the North-South double-tracking railway system, while much appreciated, is not exactly an election issue, though.
The economy is on the mend. Unemployment is not an election issue. In any case, it is doubtful if the Opposition can do a better job with the economy. So, the economy is not an election issue.
Anwar Ibrahim is a non-issue. In fact, most Malaysians are certainly quite fed-up of hearing his name and wish he'd just die; if not for anything, so that they can forgot this whole sordid episode. Similarly, the DAP, a has-been opposition political party, is history.
So, really, except for the corruption issue, which the government can do something about by making some well-timed high-profile arrests in the next two weeks; and by fielding young and upright candidates, this election is going to be one characterized by the lack of issues.
Go and vote in the morning and then sit back, relax and watch Formula 1 on the telly at 3 pm.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
A question of etiquette
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Miss C
Date: Mar 6, 2004 08:33 PM
if a boy and a girl have been together for a long time, should the guy/girl invite their significant other to friends' birthdays, weddings, etc? yes or no? and if it is yes? some of the time? most of the time? all of the time?
----------------- My Response -----------------
There is no hard and fast rule. Do whatever feels most comfortable, for both of you and well as the host.
If the both of you are "an item" and your friends and relatives know this, an invitation to you should rightly be for "Miss C and Partner." If the invitation is for "Miss C" only, then extending the invitation to include your partner without your host's knowledge and permission may cause problems with the catering arrangements as your significant other was not expected. This would also embarass your significant other, as he may feel excluded at the party. Besides, you should realise it's not you who's the host. You have no business inviting anybody. That's the host's prerogative; it's their party.
Having said that, if you get an invitation for "Miss C" only and you feel like bringing along your significant other, please clarify with your host if you may bring your significant other. Most hosts would be gracious enough to say they didn't realise you were both an item, apologise for the oversight, and say, of course, please extend the invitation to him as well. Your host would also make the necessary adjustments to the catering arrangements.
The next issue is your significant other. An invitation is just that ~ an invitation. It is up to you and your significant other to either accept or decline an invitation. You may both decide to both accept the invitation or ~ for various reasons ~ only for you to accept it. It is considered bad form for your significant other to accept the invitation and for you not to. That would be kinda weird, too.
Of course, the host may be mutual friends of you and your significant other and he may have received a separate invitation of his own. It that case, he may accept the invitation even if you should decline and there would be no etiquette issue.
Coming back to your significant other. Having received an invitation for "Miss C and Partner" ~ for you and your significant other ~ and you wish to accept the invitation and want to bring along your significant other, but he is unwilling to go. This is a likely scenario. You should be both open enough to discuss and understand his reluctance.
Say it's for a cousin's wedding and all your relatives would be there and he's not ready to face them. Perhaps you may reassure him it's no big deal. Or, perhaps, he is not ready to make a marital commitment to you and sees going to the wedding as "problematic." All your aunts and cousins would ask you when is your turn to get married and he just doesn't want to face all that pressure.
Or, it could be something as simple as he would be out of town, having to work over-time or would be otherwise indisposed at the time of the party. Discuss this with him. Talk to each other. Don't make assumptions!
As I have written elsewhere in my profile and at my friendship site, "communication based on mutual respect and honesty is key to any relationship" and also "you should be very open with your feelings as the foundation of intimacy is truth."
As a general rule of thumb, doing the right thing is doing what feels most comfortable for all parties concerned.
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Miss C
Date: Mar 6, 2004 08:33 PM
if a boy and a girl have been together for a long time, should the guy/girl invite their significant other to friends' birthdays, weddings, etc? yes or no? and if it is yes? some of the time? most of the time? all of the time?
----------------- My Response -----------------
There is no hard and fast rule. Do whatever feels most comfortable, for both of you and well as the host.
If the both of you are "an item" and your friends and relatives know this, an invitation to you should rightly be for "Miss C and Partner." If the invitation is for "Miss C" only, then extending the invitation to include your partner without your host's knowledge and permission may cause problems with the catering arrangements as your significant other was not expected. This would also embarass your significant other, as he may feel excluded at the party. Besides, you should realise it's not you who's the host. You have no business inviting anybody. That's the host's prerogative; it's their party.
Having said that, if you get an invitation for "Miss C" only and you feel like bringing along your significant other, please clarify with your host if you may bring your significant other. Most hosts would be gracious enough to say they didn't realise you were both an item, apologise for the oversight, and say, of course, please extend the invitation to him as well. Your host would also make the necessary adjustments to the catering arrangements.
The next issue is your significant other. An invitation is just that ~ an invitation. It is up to you and your significant other to either accept or decline an invitation. You may both decide to both accept the invitation or ~ for various reasons ~ only for you to accept it. It is considered bad form for your significant other to accept the invitation and for you not to. That would be kinda weird, too.
Of course, the host may be mutual friends of you and your significant other and he may have received a separate invitation of his own. It that case, he may accept the invitation even if you should decline and there would be no etiquette issue.
Coming back to your significant other. Having received an invitation for "Miss C and Partner" ~ for you and your significant other ~ and you wish to accept the invitation and want to bring along your significant other, but he is unwilling to go. This is a likely scenario. You should be both open enough to discuss and understand his reluctance.
Say it's for a cousin's wedding and all your relatives would be there and he's not ready to face them. Perhaps you may reassure him it's no big deal. Or, perhaps, he is not ready to make a marital commitment to you and sees going to the wedding as "problematic." All your aunts and cousins would ask you when is your turn to get married and he just doesn't want to face all that pressure.
Or, it could be something as simple as he would be out of town, having to work over-time or would be otherwise indisposed at the time of the party. Discuss this with him. Talk to each other. Don't make assumptions!
As I have written elsewhere in my profile and at my friendship site, "communication based on mutual respect and honesty is key to any relationship" and also "you should be very open with your feelings as the foundation of intimacy is truth."
As a general rule of thumb, doing the right thing is doing what feels most comfortable for all parties concerned.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Aleeya stars in Udara
WATCH TV3 AT 9 PM TONIGHT (WED MARCH 3)
My MySpace Friend Aleeya is starring in Udara a TV3 drama at 9 pm tonight, Wednesday, March 3.
She's single and available so if you know any guys who want to catch a babe, (did I just say "catch"? I meant "watch") just ask them to tune in tonight, okay?
BTW, the drama was filmed 3 years ago, but I can attest Aleeya masih lagi cun as I've met her in person.
live and laugh
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
WATCH TV3 AT 9 PM TONIGHT (WED MARCH 3)
My MySpace Friend Aleeya is starring in Udara a TV3 drama at 9 pm tonight, Wednesday, March 3.
She's single and available so if you know any guys who want to catch a babe, (did I just say "catch"? I meant "watch") just ask them to tune in tonight, okay?
BTW, the drama was filmed 3 years ago, but I can attest Aleeya masih lagi cun as I've met her in person.
live and laugh
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
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