Sunday, August 08, 2004

Many Men Don't Use Condoms

Because Men Deny Risk, STD Prevention is Low Priority

Many low-income, straight men don't use condoms for disease prevention, despite knowing the risks, a new study shows.

Rather than wear a condom to prevent syphilis, gonorrhea, or other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), they would rather take a chance -- and deal with the consequences later, researcher Diane M. Grimley, PhD, chair of the Department of Health Behavior at the University of Alabama at Birmingham.

Her paper appears in the January 2004 issue of the American Journal of Health Behavior.

Public health warnings regarding STD prevention have made some impact, she notes. Rates of syphilis and gonorrhea are at a 50-year low. However, there's still a big problem -- rates of syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia remain far higher in the U.S. than in other industrialized nations, writes Grimley.

Her concern focuses specifically on sexually active men who have multiple partners and/or overlapping relationships. She explains that infected men can readily infect a woman only after one sexual encounter. Typically STD prevention programs target women and this lack of emphasis on heterosexual men is troublesome given their contribution to continuing STD transmission, she writes.

How Safe Are You?
In their study, Grimley and her colleagues focused on 224 men -- all with STD symptoms -- who sought treatment in a Birmingham STD clinic. The average age was 26, and most men were black.

In face-to-face, private interviews, each was asked the same set of questions

Among them:
1) How often have you used a condom in the past month?
2) How long have you been using condoms?
3) Do you have any intention of starting condom use?
4) Why do you use condoms?
5) Do you wear condoms for STD prevention or to protect your partner from pregnancy and disease?
6) Why don't you use condoms?


And the results:
1) 80% reported that most people their age did not use condoms consistently. They also said that 61% of people their age had gonorrhea.
2) 81% acknowledged sexual contact with two or more partners during the preceding six months.
3) 45% reported sexual relationships that overlapped.
4) 65% said they had been diagnosed with one or more STDs in the past.


Despite strong beliefs that condoms could be effective in STD prevention, many men were not motivated to use condoms consistently, Grimley reports.

Of those men with one main sexual partner, two-thirds were not motivated to use condoms.

These men also gave little indication they would start using condoms for STD prevention, she explains.

"They wanted their partners to know that they were committed to the relationship," she writes. Other studies show similar attitudes, indicating that intimate relationship issues are important to many men, as well as women, she says.

Safety is Often Not a Concern
Also, alcohol and drug users gave the least indication they would use condoms.

For many men, safety from disease does not play a central role in their decision-making about condoms, writes Grimley.

"These men do perceive themselves at high risk for STDs, but appear to cope with this risk" by getting treatment once they've got symptoms -- rather than preventing it with condoms, she writes.

Other researchers have found, too, that low-income minority men "calculate their risk and take actions based on what they have learned through their own observations and experiences," writes Grimley.

This study provides "an important window into condom use in a population that is potentially at risk," says Gail Wyatt PhD, associate director of the AIDS Institute at the UCLA School of Medicine. She is also author of the book, No More Clueless Sex: 10 Secrets to a Sex Life That Works for Both of You.

However, "you have be careful not to generalize this to other African-American men," Wyatt tells WebMD. In the South, and especially in Alabama, low-income men generally distrust medical researchers -- which could have affected the answers they gave, she says.

"It's important to look at ethnic minorities individually, to take time to understand the issues for each group," Wyatt says. "We know that health services utilization in the South, among poor people, is not the same as for people with jobs and health insurance."

Nonetheless, she says, "a number of studies involving ethnic minority men have shown that heterosexual men don't feel they need to use condoms. Even if they hear the message [to use condoms for STD prevention], they don't want to hear it."



SOURCES:
Grimley, D. American Journal of Health Behavior, January 2004; vol 28: pp 33-42.
Gail Wyatt PhD, associate director, AIDS Institute at the UCLA School of Medicine, and author of No More Clueless Sex: 10 Secrets to a Sex Life That Works for Both of You.

Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice

RUKUNEGARA

Guiding or Forgotten Principles?
By Melati Mohd Ariff

KUALA LUMPUR, Aug 4 (Bernama) -- Come August 31, Rukunegara would be 34 years old and based on its history the five principles should have been our way of life and not treated as only a pledge, to be occasionally read, fullstop.

Proclaimed on Merdeka Day 1970 by the fourth Yang di-Pertuan Agong, the Rukunegara was formulated after the nation was rocked with the racial riot of May 13, 1969. It was to bind and unify the people of Malaysia who at that time still harboured a deep sense of racism and racial prejudice.

It was also to be used as a guidance in the formation of one Nation regardless of race and religion.

Rukunegara consists of two parts: The first envisions the kind of society desired as stated in the following pledge:

"Our Nation, MALAYSIA, being dedicated - to achieving a greater unity of all her peoples; to maintaining a democratic way of life; to creating a just society in which the wealth of the nation shall be equitably shared; to ensuring a liberal approach to her rich and diverse cultural traditions; to building a progressive society which shall be oriented to modern science and technology."

The second part outlined the five principles - Belief in God; Loyalty to the King and Country; Supremacy of the Constitution; Sovereignty of the Law and Good Behaviour and Morality -- embodying all the high values to mould a Malaysian society that is free from vengeance, envy and prejudice.

RUKUNEGARA ADVICE
Recently Malaysians are advised to "go back and appreciate the principles of Rukunegara in their every day lives to strengthen nation-building." The call was made by Tan Sri Ghazali Shafie, one of the architects of the Rukunegara who had once held the post of Information Minister, Home Minister and Foreign Minister.

The Principles of Rukunegara, he said, "must be used as a benchmark in implementing various projects and jobs. This include all politicians, lawyers and civil servants."

According to him, "the failure to practise the principles of Rukunegara has impacted many projects including corruption."

Ghazali had probably made the statement after "a lengthy observation" based on his broad experience in and outside the government. He probably did not like what he saw happening in the Malaysian society of today.

What is certain is that his call should be heeded and the Rukunegara should be re-emphasized, especially among the younger generations, so said several leaders including religious leaders when contacted by Bernama.

Malaysian Umno Youth Movement Exco, Datuk Firdaus Ismail said the call made by Ghazali is timely in view of the current situation.

LIVE UP THE SPIRIT
"Many Malaysians, especially the younger generations don't appreciate the principles of Rukunegara. There are even those who cannot remember them. I once asked some primary school children and they told me they couldn't remember.

"Look also at our youngsters, the way they dressed. They have more regard for foreign culture than their own. I worry that in the end the Rukunegara will no longer be regarded as something that is noble. Malaysians should take pride in Rukunegara as Indonesians do with their Panca Sila," said Firdaus, who is also a former Imam of Masjid Negara.

He said what is needed is to find a mechanism to revive the spirit of appreciating the principles of Rukunegara.

To that effect, he called for the civics subject to be re-introduced in primary and secondary schools that would emphasize on statehood, the principles of Rukunegara and its interpretation.

"When I was in school, I learnt alot on the principles of Rukunegara through civics. Now they don't teach civics anymore. I like to call for this subject to be revived.

KNOW THE INTERPRETATION OF EACH PRINCIPLE
"Equally important is the interpretation of each principle. The first principle, for example, Belief in God. If we were to hold to this principle, our moral will be taken care of. This principle is for all religions and beliefs. We should respect all religions. We must have tolerance and if we are to appreciate this, hatred of other religions will not arise," he explained.

Firdaus said civics will also teach the younger generation not only to love their country but also to respect their leaders.

"Now we can see the signs of disrespect and some even don't know who is the head of state, who are their leaders," he added.

Understanding the principles is also as important as understanding the objective of the Rukunegara, namely, to create a just, unified, liberal and democratic society.

According to the President of International Movement for a Just World (JUST) Dr Chandra Muzaffar, Malaysians also need to look at the overall history of Rukunegara and its relation with two other important documents, namely, the National Constitution and Vision 2020 which are important processes in our history respectively.

"Our Constitution was made in 1957 as the framework for the country's concept taking into consideration the history, the current situation and the society's need as the basis for our country. After May 13, 1969, we realised that we need a document that would outline with more precision and detailed the future of our country besides adding and strengthening the existing Constitution," explained Dr. Chandra.

VISION 2020
He said Vision 2020 that was introduced in 1991 explained in detail "certain aspects of Rukunegara so as to give an overall picture on the country's noble aspirations."

Even though Rukunegara is still being recited at primary and secondary's school assemblies, Dr. Chandra said "reciting without understanding its purpose and objective will not have any meaning for the society. We should practise them. Practice becomes a problem due to weakness in the monitoring system."

He also questioned whether any effort is made to ensure students understand the purpose and objective of the Rukunegara that they are reciting.

"Take for example 'Good Behaviour and Morality'. In this case, our students should possess good ethical values that are also included in Vision 2020. There is a link but do teachers and parents really monitor their behaviour and who do they associate with or show healthy examples to the younger generation?" asked Dr. Chandra.

He however said it is still not too late to make amend and at the same time there is also a need for a change in mindset involving all including leaders, religious groups, influential people and parents themselves.

RELIGIOUS PERSPECTIVE
President of the Sasana Abhiwurdhi Wardhana Society, Sarath W. Surendre, said based on what is happening today including crimes which are alarming, Malaysians should go back to the principles of Rukunegara and adhere to the teachings of their religions.

He hoped that the government would not concentrate in its efforts to instill Islamic values only amongst the Muslims of this country. "The government is actively explaining to the Muslims on the concept of Islam Hadari. I hope the government would also make the same effort in the application of values of other religions," he added.

Sarath who is also a teacher for the past 30 years said school children do not appreciate the principles of Rukunegara and at the same time they do not have a sense of belonging to their schools.

"There's something missing here. They no longer have a sense of belonging," said Sarath who is also the honorary treasurer of the Malaysian Consultative Council of Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism and Sikhism.

He said there is a need for a study to identify the causes of problems like polarisation in schools. Or why the close relation between the races is losing its warmth.

SCHOOLS AND INSTITUTIONS OF LEARNING
President of the Malaysian Hindu Sanggam, Datuk A. Vaitilingam, said what is required now is to give emphasis to the importance of Rukunegara not only in schools but also other institutions of learning as it is lacking now.

He said what need to be emphasized include respect for the law. "Nowadays there are certain members of the younger generation who don't seem to respect the rule of law and order. The government needs to come out and stress on civic mindedness and responsibilities, for example, in public places.

"Even though they can be fined, there are some who openly flout the law. Therefore, monitoring and enforcement must be stressed," he added.

On racial unity, he said it is of utmost important for all to understand that all religions possess good values.

General-Secretary of the Council of Churches in Malaysia (CCM), Rev. Dr. Hermen P. Shastri, said his side has always supported the principles of Rukunegara as the basis of governance of this country.

"We are in full support with the call made by Tan Sri Ghazali that we should go back to the Rukunegara as the pillar of our national mindset.

"The first principle 'Belief in God' for example signifies that all religions should co-exist peacefully and teach the people to respect each other and live in peace with one another," explained Dr. Hermen.

-- BERNAMA

Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice

Revving Up Women's Sex Drive

Will there ever be a 'Viagra' for women?

Sex Better Than Money for Happiness

More Money Doesn't Mean More Sex,
But More Sex Can Make You Feel Richer


Good news for folks whose bedrooms have more activity than their bank accounts:
New research shows that sex is better for your happiness than money.


That's not to say that being financially poor but sexually active is the secret to a happy life. But despite common theory, more money doesn't get you more sex, say "happiness economics" researchers.

After analyzing data on the self-reported levels of sexual activity and happiness of 16,000 people, Dartmouth College economist David Blachflower and Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick in England report that sex "enters so strongly (and) positively in happiness equations" that they estimate increasing intercourse from once a month to once a week is equivalent to the amount of happiness generated by getting an additional $50,000 in income for the average American.

"The evidence we see is that money brings some amounts of happiness, but not as much as what economists might have thought," says Blanchflower. "We had to look to psychologists and realize that other things really matter."

Rich Man, Poor Man: What's the Difference?
Their paper, "Money, Sex, and Happiness: An Empirical Study," recently published by the National Bureau of Economic Research, essentially puts an estimated dollar amount on the happiness level resulting from sex and its trappings.

Despite popular opinion, they find that having more money doesn't mean you get more sex; there's no difference between the frequency of sex and income level. But they do find sex seems to have a greater effect on happiness levels in highly educated -- and presumingly wealthier -- people than on those with lower educational status.

Overall, the happiest folks are those getting the most sex -- married people, who report 30% more between-the-sheets action than single folks. In fact, the economists calculate that a lasting marriage equates to happiness generated by getting an extra $100,000 each year. Divorce, meanwhile, translates to a happiness depletion of $66,000 annually.

Whether that hefty happiness income boost is the result of marital bliss or more sex is up for debate. But their "econometric" calculations confirm what psychologists have long known: People who consider themselves happy are usually richer in sexual activity.

"Many studies confirm that people who are depressed have less sex," says psychologist and sex therapist Robert Hatfield, PhD, of the University of Cincinnati and a spokesman for the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. "Conversely, if you're not depressed -- 'happy,' as some might say -- you're more likely to have more frequent sex."

Does sex lead to happiness, or are happy people just more likely to lead each other to the bedroom? That's still under investigation, but there is evidence that psyche and sex feed off each other.

Semen: An Antidepressant?
Take that study in the May 2001 issue of the Journal of Sex Research, in which Georgia State University researchers found that people who are involuntarily celibate are frequently afflicted with nonhappy feelings -- anger, frustration, self-doubt, and even depression. They conclude it's the result of "missed opportunities" of living without sex.

But according to another researcher, it may not be the sex per se, but lack of semen exposure.

"Semen appears to act as an antidepressant in women," says psychologist Gordon Gallup, PhD. "In our studies, women who have unprotected sex have lower levels of depression, as measured on the gold standard evaluation tool, than those who have the same amount of sex with a condom.

"In fact, we found no difference in depression scores between women having heterosexual sex with condoms, lesbian sex, or not having sex at all," adds Gallup, of the State University of New York in Albany.

And in a follow-up study to that finding, reported two years ago in Archives of Sexual Behavior, women having sex without condoms were more likely to display depressive signs once they stopped having sex than those on a sexual hiatus whose previous partners used condoms.

"Women who have sex without condoms are also more likely to fall victim to the rebound effect following the breakup of their relationship," adds Gallup. "This suggests that there is a withdrawal effect that influences depressiveness when semen exposure stops."

Whether sex is protected or not, orgasm does trigger a release of endorphins, those "feel-good" brain chemicals that elevate mood and dull pain. "But I'm not sure that's the sole explanation, because the effects of endorphins wear off in about an hour," says Hatfield, whose money is betting on the feel-good benefits that result from touch -- especially with a spouse or other trusted lover.

"We know that people who touch and are receptive to touch are more likely to be happy and have fewer problems with depression and anxiety," adds Hatfield. "Especially in a committed relationship or marriage, sex provides more opportunity for touch. I think orgasm is Mother Nature's icing on the cake, a reason to make you want to go back for more the next time."



SOURCES:
Blachflower, D. "Money, Sex and Happiness, An Empirical Study," May 2000.
Gallup G, Archives of Sexual Behavior, June 2002; vol 31: pp 289-293.
Donnelly, D., Journal of Sex Research, May 2001.
David G. Blachflower, PhD; Bruce V. Raunder professor of economics, Dartmouth College, Hanover, NH
Robert Hatfield, PhD, assistant professor of psychology, University of Cincinnati and certified sex therapist, spokesman, Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality.
Gordon Gallup, PhD, professor of psychology, State University of New York at Albany.

Condoms Halve the Risk of Fertility-Threatening Pelvic Inflammatory Disease

Sexually active women whose partners consistently use condoms are less likely to get recurrent pelvic inflammatory disease, an infection of the female genital tract that is a leading cause of infertility.

That's the report from researchers who studied 684 women, aged 14 to 37, with symptoms of pelvic inflammatory disease, for nearly three years.

The painful condition is caused by germs that travel into the upper region of the genital tract carrying sexually transmitted diseases -- STDs -- such as gonorrhea or chlamydia. Every year, a million women in the United States get pelvic inflammatory disease. More than 100,000 of them become infertile.

Condom use protected women from the disease, report Roberta Ness, MD, MPH, of the University of Pittsburgh Graduate School of Public Health, and colleagues. Women who said their partners used condoms consistently -- at least six out of 10 times -- were half as likely as infrequent condom users to have another episode of pelvic inflammatory disease.

"The finding is significant because pelvic inflammatory disease tends to recur," Ness says in a news release.

The study, which involved 13 U.S. medical centers, appears in the August 1 issue of the American Journal of Public Health.

SOURCE: Ness, R.B. American Journal of Public Health, August 1, 2004; vol 94.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

The Shape of the Jug

~ Rumi, "Masnavi"

The outward form of things passes away, but the essence remains for ever.
How long will you be besotted with the shape of the jug? Cast aside the jug,
and seek the water. If you look too closely at the form, you miss the essence.
If you are wise, you will always pick out the pearl from the shell.

How Do I Love Thee?

by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, English Poet, 1801-1861
Dedicated to the Love of My Life, Baizura Kamal

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

No-Parking Zone



A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because
he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put
a note under the windshield wiper that read:

"I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my
appointment.
FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with
this note:

"I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket,
I'll lose my job.
LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."

Life



As you lie there in your bed
With doubts and worries in your head
Your soul is ready to be bared
But in your heart you're just plain scared
You think of things that could go wrong
And the bad times seem to go on for so long
The truth is that in your heart
You really don't know where to start
Against the darkness everyday you fight
As you long to find the light
Life passes you by in a blur
You wish you knew where you actually were
You just want someone to stand by you
You wish that you could start a new
This feelings getting really old
You feel alone and in the cold
But then you fill with warmth inside
As you realize the friends right by your side
Someone with all your problems to share
For you know deep in your heart I will always be there...

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Foods That Get You In The Mood!

by Veronique DiSorrento
EDITOR'S NOTE: Veronique DiSorrento is a self-educated sex expert.
She draws upon both experience and research to help you have a better
sex life.


Food, sensuality and sex have long been intertwined in our human
history. No surprise, of course. Eating and procreation are our two
most basic instincts -- and for many, our most favorite activities (at
least in the top five).

In ancient times, nutrition was a big concern. Food was not as readily
available, and undernourishment was a common reality. Poor nutrition
affected both libido and fertility rates, and aphrodisiacs were sought
out to not only remedy sexual anxiety or inadequate performance, but
to increase fertility.

Foods that, by their nature, represented seed or semen, such as bulbs
and eggs, were considered inherently to have sexual powers. Other
types of foods were considered stimulating because of their physical
resemblance to genitalia. In fact, aphrodisiac foods have been
documented as early as the first century A.D. by the ancient Greeks.

In any case, we all know you are what you eat. So if you want to be
sexy, you need to eat sexy food! Here's some help with the shopping
list.

Chocolate
The Aztecs and Mayans were the first to recognize the potency of
chocolate, celebrating the harvest of the cacao bean with festivals of
wild orgies. The Aztec ruler, Montezuma, reportedly drank 50 cups of
chocolate each day to better serve his harem of 600 women (not all at
once, I assume). You know what's tastiest under a drizzle of warm
chocolate sauce? Skin.

Asparagus
The ancient "Law of Similarities" said that if one thing looks like
another, it will improve what it resembles. As a phallic symbol,
asparagus proves size doesn't matter! See if your lover can control
himself when you lick Hollandaise sauce off individual spears and then
nibble them one at a time.

Grapes
Marc Anthony wooed one of the most captivating women in the world with
grapes (no, not J-Lo -- Cleopatra!), peeling each one and feeding her
the individual juicy orbs. Ladies, if you want to serve your lover
grapes, lie down and place them one at a time in your navel.

Pine Nuts
These delicate, buttery nuts have been known to stimulate the libido
since the second century. We now know they contain lots of zinc, a key
mineral in the production of testosterone. You can bake them in
cookies, or use them to make pesto. Or simply sprinkle a trail of pine
nuts on your lover's body, and nibble your way home.

Honey
From the Kama Sutra to the Bible, honey has been connected with love,
sex and sensuality. Ancient Egyptian remedies for sterility and
impotence were based on honey. And of course the "honeymoon" is based
on a Medieval tradition of newlyweds going into seclusion and drinking
mead, a fermented drink made from honey until the first new moon of
their marriage. Lipstick is icky but honey is yummy. Smear your lips
with honey and give your lover a luscious kiss.

Vanilla
The scent and flavor of vanilla is believed to increase lust.
According to the myths of the ancient Mexican Totanac culture, Xanat,
the young daughter of the Mexican fertility goddess, loved a Totonac
youth. Unable to marry him due to her divine nature, she transformed
herself into a plant that would provide pleasure and happiness
forevermore. You'll find lots of pleasure in a small carton of vanilla
ice cream. Drop cool spoonfuls on warm skin, and lick the drips as it
melts.

Libations
Alcoholic beverages have served throughout history as a basis for most
love potions, masking the foul tastes of bizarre ingredients. Of
course now we know a glass of wine, or a smooth cocktail relaxes us,
lowers inhibitions and stimulates our senses. Try a Margarita you'll
never forget. Sprinkle some salt on your lover's neck, and have him
hold a wedge of lime in his teeth. Lick the salt from his neck, drink
a shot of very smooth tequila and have him squeeze the lime in your
mouth. Oh-lay.

Oysters
These seductive mollusks have been documented as an aphrodisiac for
two thousand years. Glistening on the half-shell, with delicate petals
of tender meat, is it any wonder they look sensually familiar? They
also happen to be loaded with zinc, a key ingredient to testosterone
production. In any case ladies, if your lover loves oysters, you're in
luck! Tuck a pearl in your oyster, and let him go diving.

Your Toes Know



Get yourself ready for sleep by warming up your feet.

In addition to having a quiet, dark room to sleep in, having warm feet
also may help trigger sleepy feelings, research suggests. The body
naturally dilates blood vessels in the hands and feet and releases
heat from these extremities in preparation for sleep. Warming your
feet with socks and then removing the socks would mimic this sleep
preparation process.

RealAge Benefit: Getting 6 to 8 hours of sleep per night
can make your RealAge as much as 3 years younger.

Grace Under Pressure



If you can stay calm during stressful situations, it may mean a lower
risk of developing high blood pressure later in life.

In a study, researchers measured the participants' blood pressure
while they completed stressful tasks. Years later, researchers
monitored the study participants' blood pressure. Those whose blood
pressure had increased most during the initial, stressful-task phase
of the study were most likely to have high blood pressure years later.

RealAge Benefit: Keeping your blood pressure at 115/76
mm Hg can make your RealAge as much as 12 years younger.

Be Finicky About Fish



If you're eating fish in a bid to help make your heart healthier, skip
the fish sandwich and choose a baked filet.

A recent study revealed that people who ate baked or broiled fish
at least once per week had a decreased risk of atrial
fibrillation, a heart condition characterized by irregular heart
rhythms. People who ate fried fish or fish sandwiches did not
experience any reduction in risk.

RealAge Benefit: Eating at least 1 serving of fish per week can
make your RealAge up to 2.7 years younger.

Punctuation is Powerful

An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is
nothing" on the blackboard and asked his students to punctuate it
correctly.

All the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Recipe Hawaiian Nut Cookie from Famous Amos Cafe, Bangsar

This is a true story

My daughter and I had just finished a muffin at Famous Amos Cafe in Bangsar
& decided to have a some cookies. Because both of us are such cookie lovers,
we decided to try the "Hawaiian Nut Cookie".

It was so excellent that I asked if they would give me the recipe and she
waitress said with a small frown "I'm afraid cannot." Well I said,"would you
let me buy the recipe?"

With a cute smile, she said YES". I asked how much and she responded,"Only
two fifty, it's a great deal!" I said with approval, "just add it to my
bill."

Thirty days later, I received my VISA statement from Famous Amos and it was
RM285.00. I looked again and remembered I had only spent RM9.95 for two
muffins and about RM20.00 for a pie. As I glanced at the bottom of the
statement, it said, "Cookie Recipe - RM250.00". That's outrageous!!!

I called Famous Amos's Accounting Dept. and told them that the waitress said
it was "two-fifty," which clearly does not mean "two hundred and fifty
dollars" by any POSSIBLE interpretation of the phrase. Famous Amos
refused to budge..

They would not refund my money, because according to them, "What
the waitress told you is not our problem. You have already seen the recipe -
we absolutely will not refund your money at this point."

I explained to her the criminal statutes which govern fraud in Malaysia. I
threatened to refer them to the Police for engaging in fraud. I was
basically told, "Do what you want, we don't care, and we're not
refunding your money. "

I waited a moment, thinking of how I could get even, or even try to
get any of my money back. I just said, "Okay, you people got my
RM250.00, and now I'm going to have RM250.00 worth of fun."

I told her that I was going to see to it that every cookie lover in
Malaysia with an e-mail account has a RM250.00 cookie recipe from
Famous Amos... for free... She replied, "I wish you wouldn't do this"
I said, "Well you should have thought of that before you stole from
me", and slammed down the phone on her.

So, here it is!!! Please,please, please pass it on to everyone you can
possibly think of. I paid RM250.00 dollars for this...I don't want
Famous Amos to ever get another sen off of this recipe...

Recipe may be halved:
2 cups butter
4 cups flour
2 tsp. baking soda
2 cups granulated sugar
2 cups brown sugar
5 cups blended oatmeal (measure oatmeal & blend in blender to a fine
powder) 24 oz. chocolate chips
1 tsp. salt
1 8 oz. Cadbury bar (grated)
4 eggs
2 tsp. baking powder
3 cups chopped nuts (your choice)
2 tsp. vanilla

Cream the butter and both sugars. Add eggs and vanilla; mix together
with flour, oatmeal, salt, baking powder, and soda. Add chocolate
chips, Hershey bar and nuts. Roll into balls and place two inches
apart on a cookie sheet.

Bake for 10 minutes at 375 degrees. Makes 112 cookies.. Have Fun!!!

This is not a joke - this is a true story... Ride free this isn't some
stupid chain letter either.. pass it on.. if you don't, you won't die
or get dumped... you'll just do the world an injustice...

JULIA JAAFAR
Journalist
New Straits Times,
31, Jalan Riong
59100 Kuala Lumpur
Tel: 03-2056 9378
Fax: 03-2282 1434

Repaying a Debt

Dedicated to Shaliza Anuar of Utusan Malaysia, who still owes me RM500
since February 2003



The Hodja (teacher) was selling olives at the market and business was
slow. He called to a woman who was passing by and tried to entice her.
She shook her head and told him she didn't have any money with her.

"No problem," the Hodja grinned, "You can pay me later."

She still looked hesitant, so he offered her one to taste. "Oh no, I
can't, I'm fasting," she responded.

"Fasting? But Ramadan was 6 months ago!"

"Yes, well, I missed a day and I'm making it up now. Go ahead and give
me a kilo of the black olives."

"Forget it!" shouted the Hodja, "If it took you 6 months to pay back a
debt you owed ALLAH, who knows when you'll get around to paying me!"

Mozart Beyond the Grave



When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days
later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some
strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified,
the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint,
unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran
and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his
ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's
Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,
and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth...
the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the
magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered
in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about.
It's just Mozart decomposing."

Qur'an, Al-An'am, Surah 6:163-164



I ask whether I should seek any god besides God~~
when He is the Lord of all things.
All people will reap the harvest of their own deeds;
no one will bear another's burden.
Ultimately all of you will return to your Lord,
and He will resolve your disputes.

Qu'ran, Al-Baqara, Surah 2:264

Those who are generous by day and by night,
both in secret and openly, will be rewarded by God.
They have nothing to fear or regret.

Qu'ran, Al-Baqara, Surah 2:264

Those who are generous by day and by night,
both in secret and openly, will be rewarded by God.
They have nothing to fear or regret.

Qu'ran, An-Nisa, Surah 4:38

God does not like those who spend their wealth ostentatiously,
believing neither in God nor in the last day.
Such people are making friends with Satan -
and what an evil friend he is!

Qu'ran, An-Nisa, Surah 4:173

God will reward those who have faith and do good;
He will enrich them from His own abundance.
As for those who are disdainful and proud,
He will severely punish them;
and they will find that no one besides God
can protect or help them.

The Difference He Made

Amidst the morning mist of swift returning tide
I set out on my daily run, my walkman on my side.
Lost within my private world apart from cares and woes
I ran along the moistened shore, the sand between my toes.

In the distance, I saw a boy, as busy as can be.
He was running, stooping, picking up, and tossing in the sea.
Just what he threw, I couldn't tell, I looked as I drew near.
It seemed to be a rock or shell â€Â“ as I approached him I could hear:

"Back you go, where you belong. You're safe, now hurry home.
You family's waiting for you, you little starfish, hurry on!"
It seemed the evening tide had washed the starfish on the shore,
And the swift receding water left thousands there or more.

And this self-appointed savoir, was trying one-by-one
To toss them back into the sea, against the racing sun.
I saw his plight was hopeless, that most of them would die.
I called out from my private world, "Hey kid, why even try?"

"Must be at least a thousand here, strewn along the beach,
And even if you had the time, most you'll never reach.
You really think it makes a difference, to waste your time this way?"
And then I paused and waited, just to hear what he would say.

He stooped and took another, and looked me in the eye.
"It makes a difference to this one sir, this starfish will not die!"
With that he tossed the little life, back where there was hope.
He stooped to take another. I could tell this was no joke.

The words that he spoke to me cut like a surgeon's knife.
Where I only saw numbers, he saw only life.
He didn't see the multitude of starfish on the sand.
He only saw the little life he held in his hand.

He didn't stop to argue, to prove that he was right.
He just kept tossing starfish in the sea with all his might.
So I too stooped, and picked up, and I tossed into the sea,
And I thought, just what a difference, that this boy had made in me.


~ Randy Poole

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

If you want to be happy...

If you want to be happy for an hour...
...take a nap.

If you want to be happy for a night...
...get drunk

If you want to be happy for a day...
...go fishing.

If you want to be happy for a month...
...get married.

If you want to be happy for a year...
...inherit a fortune.

If you want to be happy for a lifetime...
...do gardening

- Amharic Proverb

A Prisoner's Last Request

Two men, sentenced to die on the same day, were led down to the room
where the electric chair was. The priest had given them last rites,
the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had
been said among the participants. The warden, turning to the first
man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please
play the Macarena for me one last time?"

"Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked,
"Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?"

"Please," said the condemned man, "Kill me first."

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Guilty Conscience

An elderly Italian Jew wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by
talking to his Rabbi.

"Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I
pretended to be a Catholic and changed my name from Levy to Spumoni,
and I am alive today because of it."

"Self preservation is allowable, and the fact that you never forgot
that you were a Jew is admirable," said the Rabbi.

"Rabbi, during the war, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door
and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic, and
they never found her."

"That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to feel guilty."

"It's worse, Rabbi. I was weak and told her she must repay me with
sexual favours, which she did, repeatedly."

"You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the
Germans had found her. There is a favourable balance between good and
evil, and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt."

"Thank you, Rabbi. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one
more question."

"And what is that?"

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

Two Women at the Pearly Gates

Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing
stories on how they died.

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the
cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful
death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that
my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there
somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up
into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went
through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up
until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that
I just keeled over with a heart attack and died!

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer. We'd both
still be alive.

Monday, August 02, 2004

How many members

...of the Bush Administration does it take to change a lightbulb?

The answer is SEVEN:

1) one to deny that a lightbulb needs to be replaced;

2) one to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has
questions about the lightbulb;

3) one to blame the previous administration for the need of a new lightbulb;

4) one to arrange the invasion of a country rumoured to have a secret
stockpile of lightbulbs;

5) one to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how
to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a lightbulb;

6) one to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the
lightbulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American
flag; and finally

7) one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a lightbulb
and screwing the country.

Captain's Urge

This new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the African desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

The nervous sergeant said "Well, sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post... and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have 'urges.' That's why we have the camel."

The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about men's urges, so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own urges. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls his pants down, and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

"No... not really, sir! They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are," said the Sergeant.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Jesus Christ, are you still in there?

A Sunday school teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his
students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ. He wanted to
make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time
ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus
today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven!"

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart!"

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I
know! He's in our bathroom!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for
a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long
seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he
knew this.

Little Johnny replied, "Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs
on the bathroom door, and yells: 'Jesus Christ, are you still in
there?'"

Friday, July 30, 2004

Why Is This Night Different?

During one of his many trips to London, George Burns became friends
with a very wealthy, yet very modest, Jewish chap named Hyman
Goldfarb. On one visit, Hy told George that because of his large
donations to charities through the years, the Queen wanted to knight
him, but he was going to turn it down. "That's a great honour," George
said. "Why would you turn it down?"

"Because during the ceremony you have to say something in Latin," he
said. "And I don't wish to bother studying Latin just for that."

"So say something in Hebrew. The Queen wouldn't know the difference."

"Brilliant," Hy complimented George, "but what should I say?"

"Remember that question the son asks the father on the first night of
Passover?... 'Why is this night different from all other nights?' Can
you say that in Hebrew?"

"Of course," he said. "Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh. Thank you, old
sport, I shall become a knight."

At the ceremony Hy waited his turn while several of the other honorees
went before the Queen. Finally they called his name. He knelt before
Her Majesty, she placed her sword on one shoulder and then on the
other, and motioned for Hy to speak. Out came "Ma nishtana ha leila
hazeh."

The Queen turned to her husband and said, "Why is this knight
different from all other knights?"

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Delusions of Grandeur

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

Another patient asked, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

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of all of your current credit cards. Photocopy onto one side of paper
only ~ you may use two sheets, if necessary. You also need to supply
your bank account details, your employment details (and name, address
and telephone of previous employer) and one personal referee (or
spouse).

When you have all these ready, then only contact me. It is month end
and I have loads of applications to process, so please only contact me
when you have all these supporting documents in hand.

Azlan
012-383 1324

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Church Restoration Project

There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested
in making a dollar where he could. So he often would thin down his
paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away
with this for some time.

Eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration project.
Jack put in a painting bid and, because his price was so competitive,
he got the job. And so he started, erecting the trestles and putting
up the planks, and buying the paint and thinning it down with
turpentine. Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job
nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The
sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all
over the church and knocking Jack off the scaffold to land on the
lawn. Jack was no fool.

He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees
and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, "Repaint! Repaint! And
thin no more!"




BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that religious humour can be risky.
It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we can make
this subject more approachable. If you find any of these
objectionable, we apologize. Many were passed along via email and
others spotted on websites. As with most jokes, the original authors
are unknown -- but we thank them.

Monday, July 26, 2004

Nun at the Hospital

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery. He
awakened to find himself in the care of a nun at a Catholic hospital.
As he was recovering, the nun asked how he was going to pay the bill.

He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank.

He replied, "No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"

He said, "Just a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun, slightly perturbed, said, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are
married to God."

The patient replied, "Then, send the bill to my brother-in-law."


BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that religious humour can be risky.
It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we can make
this subject more approachable. If you find any of these
objectionable, we apologize. Many were passed along via email and
others spotted on other websites. As with most jokes, the original
authors are unknown -- but we thank them.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

INTRODUCTORY SPEECH

BY PROFESSOR EMERITUS TAN SRI DATO' AWANG HAD SALLEH

CHAIRMAN, UWC NATIONAL COMMITTEE FOR MALAYSIA
AT YPCS POETRY READING BY SALLEH BEN JONED
AT 8.00 PM ON JULY 24, 2004
HELD AT RUMAH UNIVERSITI, UNIVERSITY OF MALAYA, LEMBAH PANTAI, KUALA LUMPUR

[SALUTATION]

I am pleased to introduce Salleh Ben Joned, who shall tonight be reading some as-yet-unpublished poems from his forth-coming book, "Adam's Dream."

Salleh was born in Malacca in 1941 ~ which makes him 62, I suppose ~ but like me, he keeps his mind active so that number doesn't mean a thing.

Salleh spent several years Down Under as one of the last Colombo Plan Scholars. He fell seriously -- and unconventionally, I might add -- in love with an Australian fellow student in the first year and married her. Due to her family's disapproval of the marriage, the couple moved from University of Adelaide to University of Tasmania, where fate has it, that he became a student of the major poet James McAuley.

He came back to Malaysia in 1973 and lectured in English Literature at the University of Malaya until 1983, when he quit to become Head of Drama at TV3 and a freelance scribbler. His first book was the bilingual poetry collection "Sajak-Sajak Saleh" (Teks, 1987). His publisher later committed suicide.

This was followed by "As I Please" (Skoob, 1994) which compiled his popular New Straits Times column. A remixed version of "Sajak-Sajak Saleh" was published by Pustaka Cipta in 2002. His last film appearance was as the vicious pimp Farouk in "Bintang Malam" (1991) and he also wrote the original story for "Amok (1995), both directed by Adman Salleh (no relation). By the way, I should also add that I am also no relation of Salleh, although we both were once contemporaries at the University of Malaya.

According to Googlism.com, there are only three things you ought to remember about Salleh:

1) Salleh Ben Joned is a Malaysian writer who pushed the envelope of political criticism in a young and fragile democracy.

2) Salleh Ben Joned is one of that rare breed; the literary street fighter who does not hesitate to be controversial or shocking to prove his point.

3) Salleh Ben Joned is a Malaysian poet equally at ease writing in English and in Bahasa Melayu.

Intellectuals like Salleh are important in society because he provokes us to think and in so thinking, we begin to question our implicit assumptions, their validity and, therefore, help us innovate and become better people, citizens and thinkers.

I am pleased that Salleh has agreed to give this poetry reading tonight with the aim being two-fold:

1) Firstly, to initiate a dialogue among Young Professionals Consultative Society members and prospective members about the society we live in, the values we hold dear and through this consultation among it's young professional members, we can be stimulated to improve society by being motivated to give back to society. Salleh's writing is controversial ~ which means he has succeeded in provoking thought. He is a living example why it is important to embrace diversity of thought; dissent, even. If we live in a world of "yes-men," society will have no room for progress.

2) Secondly, I am very pleased that both Salleh and YPCS have agreed to donate tonight's collection to the United World College Scholarship Fund. Since you have contributed to this fund by your presence here tonight, it is only fitting for me to say a few words about the United World Colleges movement, of which I am the chairman of the UWC National Committee for Malaysia.

Ladies and gentlemen,

There is an old Chinese saying that says a picture is worth a thousand words.

I would like to take the liberty of extending the word "picture" here to imply picture-like expressions by people other than me so that they become more convincing.

Here is one such expression:

"Through international education, experience and community service, United World Colleges enables young people to become responsible citizens, politically and environmentally aware, and committed to the ideals of peace and justice, understanding and cooperation, and the implementation of these ideals through action and personal example."
- So says the UWC Mission Statement.

United World Colleges (UWC) is the only global educational movement which brings together students from all over the world at pre-university level (or tertiary level in the case of one College), regardless of their ability to pay. Almost all students are scholars. Students are selected on merit and live together in an environment designed to foster international understanding, tolerance and peace.

The United World Colleges originated in the ideas of the educationalist Kurt Hahn in the 1950s and the first United World College, Atlantic College, opened in Wales in 1962.

Today, there are ten United World Colleges in the UK, Singapore, Canada, Swaziland, the USA, Italy, Venezuela, Hong Kong, Norway and India. Each College has its own distinctive character but all share a common mission which has become more relevant than ever.

High academic standards, extensive community service and a wide range of cultural and outdoor activities are features of a UWC education. There is also great diversity: students come from a very wide range of backgrounds and it is common for more than 80 nationalities to be represented in a College at any one time. 27,000 Graduates are evidence of UWC's success -- in most cases, a personal commitment to peace and international understanding has become a central part of these Graduates' lives.

The ten United World Colleges follow one of three models:

1) those offering a two-year pre-university education for students aged 16-19 based on the International Baccalaureate (IB) curriculum;

2) those which offer this programme within a larger College and provide students of younger ages with the opportunity to gain a UWC experience;

and

3) Simon Bolivar UWC of Agriculture which offers a three-year tertiary agricultural education and training for students aged 18-21.

The academic curriculum forms just one part of UWC students' busy and diverse lives: an extensive programme of community service plays a central role in all the Colleges, while the shared experiences of living and working together in an intensive multicultural environment also do much to build international understanding.

UWC National Committees and Selection Committees are currently formed in 114 countries in order to promote UWC, select the students to attend the Colleges, and raise some of the funds needed. The fact that students throughout the world are selected from within their own cultures and communities is a further unique feature of the United World.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Let me give you another "picture" that is worth a thousand words.

"Each UWC Graduate is potentially a future architect of peace... The fundamental values of a UWC education are increasingly relevant to global stability and peace and I truly believe that the world will be a better place because of the contribution of our Graduates."
~ So says HM Queen Noor of Jordan, President of the United World Colleges.

Yet another "picture":

"The striking feature of the United World Colleges is that they embrace the entire world across all divides of race, history, culture, wealth, religion, economic status and political belief: they are unique and they are conscious of their responsibilities."
~ So says Nelson Mandela, United World Colleges Honorary President.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I am indeed pleased to learn that the Young Professionals Consultative Society (YPCS) has agreed at it's recent Annual General Meeting to adopt United World Colleges as its flagship education project until it's next AGM. Raising money for a Malaysian student to attend one of the United World Colleges will have great benefit not only to the scholar concerned, but also to Malaysia and to everyone the scholar comes into contact with in College.

To the President, Committee Members and members of the Young Professionals Consultative Society, I would like to thank you for working in partnership with United World Colleges Malaysia to raise funds for scholarships.

So, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the colourful and ever-so-thought-provoking Salleh Ben Joned.

### ENDS ###

Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice

Incompetent Idiots

I'm in a foul mood and am looking for someone to sue.

Almost got killed at noon today at Subang Jaya, at the T-junction near Chatters'. The incompetent idiots who were doing the roadworks screwed up the traffic lights and it was green in two mutually exclusive directions. It was green for me as I was turning right while it was also green for traffic coming straight on from the right.

I'm thinking of suing the roadwork contractors, the President of the Subang Jaya Municipal Council, the Jabatan Kerja Raya (JKR) Selangor, the suppliers of the traffics lights, all of whom are incompetent idiots in my books for exposing me and my two young passengers to imminent danger and possibly death.

If I were the MB of Selangor, I'd suspend all of them without pay pending an official investigation. Gross incompetence and criminal negligence all come to mind.

Any mercenary Doberman lawyers out there who wanna take up the challenge?

Might be some money and publicity in it for you...

A Profitable Evening by All Accounts

A Short Report
We had a great time earlier tonight at the poetry reading by Salleh Ben Joned, who was in top form and held court over an engrossed audience. Not a large audience by any stretch of the imagination, but a very attentive and appreciative one, who all profited from Salleh's wisdom and largesse--he read some of his political and social commentary as well as poems in both English and Malay.

Thanks to a large donation of RM400 by Mazlan that underwrote the cost of the evening, we made a profit of RM75 (RM50 from Yang Ariff and husband, RM20 from Greg of the British Council and RM5 from me). We also have a pledge from Azreen and wife of an undisclosed amount, so we look forward to receiving that soon. So, financially we made a nett profit.

A big "Thank You" to Prof Awang Had for giving up his time to introduce Salleh and to say a few words about UWC. It was very gracious of him to spend a whole evening with us.

Same goes to Khaldun and Baizura for volunteering to drive Prof Awang Had and Salleh back home respectively.

I'd also like to thank Mr Cheah from Times Publishing who not only agreed to sell As I Please, but also volunteered to sell copies of Poems Sacred and Profane/Sajak-Sajak Salleh and Nothing is Sacred. Thank you to all those who bought books. I'm sure Salleh is grateful for the royalty (poets have to eat, too).

So, all in all, a profitable evening all round. And for those who wanted to turn up but got inconveniently indisposed at the last moment (BK & Hasmah), we thank you for your moral support because we know you were with us in spirit. As for all those who promised to turn up but didn't (you know who you are)--no need to apologise, it's your loss.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

EVENT UPDATE!

Poetry Reading by Salleh Ben Joned

Date: Saturday, July 24, 2004
Time: 7.30 pm to 11.00 pm
Event: Poetry Reading


Poet: Salleh Ben Joned


Introduction by: Professor Emeritus Tan Sri Dato' Awang Had Salleh

Venue: Rumah Universiti, University of Malaya, Lembah Pantai, 59100 Kuala Lumpur. If lost, ring Tel: 03-7956 0286 for directions.
Directions: Nearest LRT station is Putra Stesen Universiti, then take a bus or taxi (they are plentiful outside the PUTRA LRT Stesen Universiti)
Maps:
Routes to the University of Malaya

University of Malaya Campus Map

Entrance: by donation at the door
Light refreshments will be served

Organised by
Young Professionals Consultative Society (YPCS)
in aid of
United World Colleges Scholarship Fund

International Debut
Malaysian poet, journalist and essayist Salleh Ben Joned will read selected as-yet-unpublished poems (in English and Bahasa Melayu) from his forth-coming book called Adam's Dream and also poems from the second edition of Poems Sacred and Profane, signed copies of which will be available on a first-come-first-served basis as well as limited copies of his controversial books of social commentary and essays As I Please: Selected Writings 1975-1994 and Nothing is Sacred.


Salleh Ben Joned is one of that rare breed; the literary street fighter who does not hesitate to open his "big mouth" (above, centre) as he pleases to be controversial or shocking in order to make his point.

PLEASE KEEP
SATURDAY, JULY 24, 2004
FREE IN YOUR DIARY!


Venue is confirmed at Rumah Universiti, University of Malaya, Lembah Pantai, 59100 Kuala Lumpur.

Background
This is what another Malaysian writer says about Salleh Ben Joned:
"...another poet writing in English--and Bahasa Malaysia--worth mentioning, but he has written too few poems. Strong poems, but only a handful."
~ Poet Wong Phui Nam in MANOA, A Pacific Journal of International Writing: Land Beneath the Wind.

Salleh Ben Joned was born in Malacca in 1941~-which makes him 62, I suppose~-but he keeps his mind active so that number doesn't mean a thing.

He spent several years Down Under as one of the last Colombo Plan Scholars. He fell seriously--and unconventionally, I might add--in love with an Australian fellow student in the first year and married her. Due to her family's disapproval of the marriage, the couple moved from University of Adelaide to University of Tasmania, where fate has it, he became a student of the major poet James McAuley.

Salleh returned to Malaysia in 1973 and lectured in English Literature at the University of Malaya until 1983, when he quit to become Head of Drama at TV3 and a divinely inspired freelance apostate and scribbler. His first book was the bilingual poetry collection "Sajak-Sajak Saleh" (Teks, 1987). His publisher later committed suicide.

This was followed by As I Please (Skoob, 1994) which compiled his popular New Straits Times column of the same name.

A remixed version of "Sajak-Sajak Saleh" was published by Pustaka Cipta in 2002.

His last film appearance was as the vicious pimp Farouk in "Bintang Malam" (1991) and he also wrote the original story for "Amok (1995), both directed by Adman Salleh (no relation).

According to Googlism.com, there are only three things you ought to remember about Salleh:

1) Salleh Ben Joned is a Malaysian writer who pushed the envelope of political criticism in a young and fragile democracy.

2) Salleh Ben Joned is one of that rare breed; the literary street fighter who does not hesitate to open his "big mouth" as he pleases be controversial or shocking to prove his point.

3) Salleh Ben Joned is a Malaysian poet equally at ease writing in English and in Bahasa Melayu.

Intellectuals like Salleh are important in society because he provokes us to think and in so thinking, we begin to question our implicit assumptions, their validity and, therefore, help us innovate and become better people, citizens and thinkers.

The Young Professionals Consultative Society (YPCS) aims to be a conduit for both the interests and responsibilities of professionals across the country. We are first and foremost committed to the idea that as professionals, we have an attendant responsibility to give something back to our community. And that includes, as how we have come to understand it, the process of educating, exposing, exchanging and ultimately involving both professionals and other members of society in improving and bettering our lives individually and collectively. We believe that creating a better society is a collective effort and that young professionals are in a position to help tremendously in achieving those aims. We hope to share some of these aspirations with you. YPCS has "adopted" United World Colleges as its flagship education project and has decided to help raise funds for Malaysian students to attend a United World College.


United World Colleges (UWC) is the only global educational movement which brings together students from all over the world at pre-university level (or tertiary level, in the case of one College), regardless of their ability to pay. Students are selected on merit and live together in an environment designed to foster international understanding, tolerance and peace.

UWC Mission Statement


AGENDA
7.30 pm Arrival of members and guests. Light refreshments served. Opportunity for mingling and networking. Salleh Ben Joned will sign copies of his various books, which shall be on sale.

8.00 pm Welcome address by Khaldun Malek, President of YPCS.

8.10 pm Introduction by Professor Emeritus Tan Sri Dato' Awang Had Salleh, Chairman, UWC Malaysia National Committee.

8.30 pm Introductory Remarks and Poetry Reading by Salleh Ben Joned.

Question and Answer Session.

Announcement by Khaldun Malek, President of YPCS of total amount of donation collected from audience.

10 pm Salleh Ben Joned will sign copies of his various books, which shall be on sale. More mingling and networking.

11 pm Close.

Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice

HUMOUR: On Fire!

During a recent ecumenical gathering, a secretary rushed in shouting,
"The building is on fire!"

The Methodists gathered in the corner and prayed.
The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"
The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the damage.
The Jews posted symbols on the door hoping the fire would pass.
The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself!"
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Christian Scientists concluded that there was no fire.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a
committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.

The secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.

BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that religious humour can be
risky. It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we
can make this subject more approachable. If you find any of these
objectionable, we apologize. Many were passed along via email and
others spotted on other websites. As with most jokes, the original
authors are unknown -- but we thank them.

Albert Einstein on Personal Development

All that is valuable in human society depends upon the opportunity for development accorded to the individual.
~ Albert Einstein

HUMOUR: Leaves of the Book

A little boy opened the big Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

"Mama, look what I found!" the boy called out.

"What have you got there, dear?"

With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

Qur'an, Al-Mujadilah, Surah 58:1

God hears the words of the woman who complains to Muhammad about the cruelty of her husband;
God hears her words when she complains directly to Him.
God listens to everything that is said;
He hears all and observes all.

HUMOUR: Sweeter Than Pork

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a
train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying, "I
know that in your religion you're not supposed to eat pork. Have you
actually ever tasted it?"

The rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd
occasion." Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked,
"Your religion, too... I know you're supposed to be celibate, but...?"

The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have
succumbed once or twice."

There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the
newspaper he was reading and said, "Sweeter than pork, isn't it?"

Qur'an, At-Taghabun, Surah 64:5-6

Have you not heard of people in the past who refused to believe?
They have already suffered through their unbelief;
and a terrible punishment awaits them.

When their envoys brought them clear arguments, they said:
"Will mortals be our guides?"

They denied the truth, and turned their backs.

But God has no need of them;
He has all He needs,
and He alone should be praised.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

Qur'an, An-Nisa, Surah 4:134

Let those who seek rewards in this life, remember that God holds the rewards in both this life and the next. God sees all and hears all.

Qur'an, Al-Nour, Surah 24:20-21

If God lacked patience and mercy, all of you would long ago have been punished.
If God lacked compassion and forgiveness, none of you would have escaped.

Al-Sarraj, "Rabi'a the Mystic"

Fear is a state of darkness in which the soul wanders, bewildered, seeking help, and then comes hope as a ray of light, and grace prevails.

HUMOUR: The Haircut

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car.

His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."

After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car.

They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."

To which his father replied, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"

SYMPTOMS OF BURNOUT

A Short Guide

1. chronic fatigue - exhaustion, tiredness, a sense of being physically run down
2. anger at those making demands
3. self-criticism for putting up with the demands
4. cynicism, negativity, and irritability
5. a sense of being besieged
6. exploding easily at seemingly inconsequential things
7. frequent headaches and gastro-intestinal disturbances
8. weight loss or gain
9. sleeplessness and depression
10. shortness of breath
11. suspiciousness
12. feelings of helplessness
13. increased degree of risk taking

Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice

HUMOUR: The Coffin

(Humour)

A family in the Southern Province of China, were puzzled when the coffin of their dead grandmother arrived from the States.

It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it!

When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top; which... read as follows.

Dear Cousins,

I am sending Ahma's (Grandma) body to you since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Tung Shin.

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave have been utilised. You will find inside the coffin, under Ahma's body, 12 cans of Yohmeitsu (alcoholic herbal tonic), 10 packets of Swiss chocolates and packets of Chinatown Lap Cheong (Chinese sausage). Please divide these among all of you.

On Ahma's feet you will find a new pair of Nike Air shoes (size 10) for Ah boy. Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Ah Mei's (sister) and Ah Lien's (sister) sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ahma is wearing 6 CK T-Shirts. The large size is for Ah Bak (Uncle) and the others are for my nephews. Just distribute them among yourselves. The 2 new Armani jeans that Ahma is wearing are for the boys.

The Rolex watch that Lee Ah Bai wanted is on Ahma's left wrist. Kiasu Aunty Pei Pei, Ahma is wearing the Tiffany necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them. The 6 white Polo cotton socks that Ahma is wearing must be divided among my teenage cousins.

Let me know what else you need as Ah Kong is also not keeping well nowadays. I can send all required things when our Ah Kong (Grandpa) also...

Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice

HUMOUR: Mate Match

(Humour)

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.

Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.

The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked three random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet.

Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win.

What is your name? First only please."

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"

Brian: "Yes."

DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"

Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."

DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."

Brian: "Sarah."

DJ: "Is Sarah at work, Brian?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"

Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."

DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"

Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."

DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?

Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."

DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"

Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a couple of weeks..."

DJ: "Uh huh..."

Brian: "...and the mother-in-law was in the shower at the time."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: "On the kitchen table."

DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."

[3 minutes of commercials follow.]

DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?" (Touch tones.....ringing....)

Clerk: "Kinkos."

DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"

Clerk: "This is she."

DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."

Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"

Sarah: "No."

DJ: "Good!"

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"

Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."

DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Oh God, Brian... uh, this morning before Brian went to work."

DJ: "What time?"

Sarah: "Around 8 o'clock this morning."

DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"

Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."

DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Where did you have it?"

Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"

Brian: "Just tell him, honey."

DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Well..."

DJ: Come on Sarah... where did you have it?

Sarah: "Up the arse..."

After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break..."

har har har har harrrrrrrrrrr

Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice

Dhammapada 2

Dhammapada, 2, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu


Those with initiative, mindful, clean in action, acting with due consideration, heedful, restrained, living the Dharma: their glory grows. Through initiative, heedfulness, restraint, & self-control, the wise would make an island no flood can submerge.

Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice

Al-Furqan

Qur'an, Al-Furqan, Surah 25:72-74

The true servants of the merciful Lord are those who do not tell lies against others, and do not lose their composure when listening to profane abuse; and who do not turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the Lord's revelations, when they are reminded of them. The true servants of the merciful Lord are those who say to him: Make our families happy, and make us examples to all who honour you.

Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice

Saturday, July 17, 2004

AL-SAFFAT

Al-Qur'an Surah Al-Saffat "The Rangers" 37:120-144
(Revealed At Mecca, 182 Verses)

Recite the following verses three times after maghrib or isyak,
Then doa in your own words.



120. Salamun AAala moosa waharoona
'Peace be upon Moses and Aaron!' (120)

121. Inna kathalika najzee almuhsineena
Thus We recompense the good-doers. (121)

122. Innahuma min AAibadina almumineena
They were among our Believing servants. (122)

123. Wainna ilyasa lamina almursaleena
And Elias was among the Envoys. (123)

124. Ith qala liqawmihi ala tattaqoona
When he said to his people, 'will you not be god-fearing? (124)

125. AtadAAoona baAAlan watatharoona ahsana alkhaliqeena
Do you call on Baal, and forsake the Best of the creators~~ (125)

126. Allaha rabbakum warabba abaikumu alawwaleena
God, your Lord, and the Lord of your ancient fathers?' (126)

127. Fakaththaboohu fainnahum lamuhdaroona
But they gave lies to him, so they will surely be arraigned, (127)

128. Illa AAibada Allahi almukhlaseena
except for God's exclusive servants. (128)

129. Watarakna AAalayhi fee alakhireena
And We left for him among the later folk: (129)

130. Salamun AAala il yaseena
'Peace be upon Elias!' (130)

131. Inna kathalika najzee almuhsineena
Thus We recompense the good-doers. (131)

132. Innahu min AAibadina almumineena
He was among Our Believing servants. (132)

133. Wainna lootan lamina almursaleena
And Lot was among the Envoys. (133)

134. Ith najjaynahu waahlahu ajmaAAeena
When We delivered him and his family altogether, (134)

135. Illa AAajoozan fee alghabireena
except an old woman among those who stayed behind. (135)

136. Thumma dammarna alakhareena
Then We utterly destroyed the others. (136)

137. Wainnakum latamurroona AAalayhim musbiheena
And you indeed pass by them in the morning, (137)

138. Wabiallayli afala taAAqiloona
and in the night; will you not understand? (138)

139. Wainna yoonusa lamina almursaleena
And Jonah was among the Envoys. (139)

140. Ith abaqa ila alfulki almashhooni
When he fled to the laden ship, (140)

141. Fasahama fakana mina almudhadeena
and he cast lots and was among the rebutted. (141)

142. Failtaqamahu alhootu wahuwa muleemun
Then the whale swallowed him, and he was to blame. (142)

143. Falawla annahu kana mina almusabbiheena
And had he not been of those that celebrate God, (143)

144. Lalabitha fee batnihi ila yawmi yubAAathoona
he would have remained in its belly, till the day they shall be raised. (144)

Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice

AL-WAQIAH

Al-Quran Surah Al-Waq'iah "The Event" 56:35-74
(Revealed at Mecca, 96 Verses)

Recite the following verses three times after subuh (fajr)
Then doa in your own words



35. Inna anshanahunna inshaan
We have formed them perfect, (35)

36. FajaAAalnahunna abkaran
and made them virgins, (36)

37. AAuruban atraban
loving, of like age, (37)

38. Liashabi alyameeni
for Those on the Right-- (38)

39. Thullatun mina alawwaleena
a multitude among the former, (39)

40. Wathullatun mina alakhireena
a multitude among the later. (40)

41. Waashabu alshshimali ma ashabu alshshimali
And Those on the Left, what of Those on the Left; (41)

42. Fee samoomin wahameemin
they shall be amidst scorching winds and scalding waters, (42)

43. Wathillin min yahmoomin
and the shadow of black smoke-- (43)

44. La baridin wala kareemin
neither cool nor refreshing. (44)

45. Innahum kanoo qabla thalika mutrafeena
Before that, they lived at ease, (45)

46. Wakanoo yusirroona AAala alhinthi alAAatheemi
and persisted in the Great Sin. (46)

47. Wakanoo yaqooloona aitha mitna wakunna turaban waAAithaman ainna lamabAAoothoona
And they used to say, 'is it that when we are dead and become dust and bones, shall we be raised up, (47)

48. Awa abaona alawwaloona
and our ancient fathers?' (48)

49. Qul inna alawwaleena waalakhireena
Say, 'surely the former and the later folk (49)

50. LamajmooAAoona ila meeqati yawmin maAAloomin
shall be gathered to the appointed time of a known day. (50)

51. Thumma innakum ayyuha alddalloona almukaththiboona
Then, O you that have gone astray and cried lies! (51)

52. Laakiloona min shajarin min zaqqoomin
you shall eat of a tree of cactus, (52)

53. Famalioona minha albutoona
and fill your bellies with it; (53)

54. Fashariboona AAalayhi mina alhameemi
and, on top of that, you shall drink boiling water, (54)

55. Fashariboona shurba alheemi
and drink as drinks the thirsty camel. (55)

56. Hatha nuzuluhum yawma alddeeni
This shall be their hospitality on the Day of Recompense. (56)

57. Nahnu khalaqnakum falawla tusaddiqoona
We have created you, then why do you not confirm? (57)

58. Afaraaytum ma tumnoona
Have you considered that which you spill? (58)

59. Aantum takhluqoonahu am nahnu alkhaliqoona
Do you create it, or are We the Creators? (59)

60. Nahnu qaddarna baynakumu almawta wama nahnu bimasbooqeena
We have decreed death between you, and We cannot be outstripped, (60)

61. AAala an nubaddila amthalakum wanunshiakum fee ma la taAAlamoona
in that We change your likes, and make you to grow in a form you do not know. (61)

62. Walaqad AAalimtumu alnnashata aloola falawla tathakkaroona
And you have known the first form, then why do you not pay heed? (62)

63. Afaraaytum ma tahruthoona
Have you considered that which you sow? (63)

64. Aantum tazraAAoonahu am nahnu alzzariAAoona
Do you cause it to grow, or are We the Growers? (64)

65. Law nashao lajaAAalnahu hutaman fathaltum tafakkahoona
If We will, We would make it broken bits, and you would remain bitterly jesting: (65)

66. Inna lamughramoona
'We are debt-loaded; (66)

67. Bal nahnu mahroomoona
no, we have been deprived!' (67)

68. Afaraaytumu almaa allathee tashraboona
Have you considered the water you drink? (68)

69. Aantum anzaltumoohu mina almuzni am nahnu almunziloona
Did you send it down from the clouds, or are We the Senders? (69)

70. Law nashao jaAAalnahu ojajan falawla tashkuroona
If We will, We would make it bitter; then why do you not give thanks? (70)

71. Afaraaytumu alnnara allatee tooroona
Have you considered the fire that you kindle? (71)

72. Aantum anshatum shajarataha am nahnu almunshioona
Did you make its tree to grow, or are We the Growers? (72)

73. Nahnu jaAAalnaha tathkiratan wamataAAan lilmuqweena
We Ourselves have made it a reminder and a comfort for the desert-dwellers. (73)

74. Fasabbih biismi rabbika alAAatheemi
So extol the Name of thy Mighty Lord. (74)


Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice