HUMOUR: The English Language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English
Language? Let's face it, English is one crazy language. There is no
egg in the eggplant, no ham in the hamburger. And neither pine nor
apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England.
French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English
for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that quicksand
takes you down slowly (not quickly), and boxing rings are square. And
a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write,
how come fingers don't fing? If the plural of tooth is teeth,
shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth? If the teacher
taught, why didn't the preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what the do humanitarians eat? Why do people recite at a
play, yet play at a recital? Or park on driveways and drive on
parkways? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where
a house can burn up as it burns down, and in which you fill in a form
by filling it out. And a bell is only heard once it goes! English was
invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of
the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why
when the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out
they are invisible, and why it is that when I wind up my watch it
starts, but when I wind up this observation, it ends.