Baby Jokes

Courtesy of Aliah Zainal, with thanks

SUPER BABY
A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.

"Are you my doctor?" he asked.

"Why, yes, I am," said the doctor.

The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth."

He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"

"Yes, dear, I am," said the mother, beaming.

"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.

He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"

"Yes, I am," his father proudly answered.

The baby motioned him closer, then, poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index finger. "Hurts, doesn't it?"


BABY FOOD
A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor's office.

He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"

She replied, "I'm having a baby."

With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"

She answered, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"

She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."

With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked, "Then why did you eat him?"


I'D RATHER HAVE A PUPPY
A little boy and his dad were walking down the street when they saw two dogs having sex.

The little boy asks his father, "Daddy, what are they doing?"

The father says, "Making a puppy."

So they walk on and go home. A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex.

The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"

The father replies, "Making a baby."

The little boy says "Hmmmm, can you please flip Mommy around? I'd rather have a puppy instead!"


DEAD GOLD FISH
Little Tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbour said, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it, Tim?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth and replied, "That's because I couldn't get him out of your cat."


WHISPER
A mother took her little boy to church.

While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee."

The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church.

So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'"

The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper."

The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."