MISS BEHAVING IN PUBLIC
According to a report by BERNAMA today, the wives of Members of Parliament (MP) and Members of the State Legislative Assembly (ADUN) need to attend courses on palace and diplomatic protocol and etiquette so that they can conduct themselves accordingly as wives of public figures at government functions.
As wives of elected representatives, they had certain responsibilities and need to know how to conduct themselves decently in public. This is interesting, because the
New Straits Times today quotes the Attorney-General, Tan Sri Gani Patail, as saying that the definition of indecency is very subjective.
"Wearing a miniskirt in a
kampung would be considered indecent, but not in the city," he says.
"Some would argue that hugging is okay but groping is not. But it very much depends on which part of the body you grope."
As for gross indecency, the Attorney-General gives the example of committing fellatio in public. One would hope the wives of elected representatives would not fellate in public. Well, if they did, one would also hope it was their husbands that benefited from such loving displays of affection.
The
New Straits Times also quotes lawyer Datuk Zaid Ibrahim, the MP for Kota Baru, as saying what constitutes indecent behaviour is based on the people's perception of morality. And the concept of morality changes according to time and varies according to communities, says Zaid.
In April last year, the Ipoh City Council went on a crusade against couples displaying affection. The mayor, Datuk Sirajuddin Salleh, said it was necessary to crack down on couples holding hands in public "to keep Ipoh morally clean." I don't have to tell you that the Mayor of Ipoh is a complete idiot. You've already figured that out for yourself. He'd be best advised to stop issuing licences to health spas and massage parlours ~ euphemisms for places of prostitution ~ if he really wanted "to keep Ipoh morally clean."
I'm now going to give my two cents worth of what my values are.
KISSING
There are two types of kissing ~ kissing on the cheeks and kissing on the lips/mouth (snogging). Kissing on the cheeks is good. You kiss three times, once on each cheek and on the first cheek again. You may do all this while hugging your partner, friend or relation of the opposite gender. We need to display affection publicly. We need to give a clear signal to our young people that it's okay to feel and receive affection. It is something natural, beautiful and is to be encouraged, as is
holding hands.
Are you listening, Datuk Sirajuddin?
Young people cannot be repressed. They should not be made to feel guilty for having natural feelings. Society needs to tell them that it's really okay to display feelings of affection openly and without fear of persecution from sexually-repressed anal-retentive arseholes such as over-zealous
Bandaraya enforcement officers who are intellectually armed with nothing more than an
SPM Gred Tiga and whose idea of literature is
Gila-Gila magazine.
SNOGGING
Kissing on the lips and on the mouth is quite something else. Firstly, it's to be reserved for that someone special. Like the person you're currently in a relationship with. You're looking for trouble if you're in a snogging relationship with more than one person at any one time. And because it's special, you'd want to keep such displays of affection private. It's the very fact that only the both of you share such moments that make them special. What you do with your tongues is, of course, just between the both of you.
Of course, you can try snogging at the back of a bus or on the LRT but, with Malaysians being Malaysians, everyone's going to stare (that tedious Malaysian habit) at the both of you and very soon you won't be feeling that you're sharing a special moment with your loved one anymore.
GROPING
This has always been a favourite educational experience in cinemas ever since there were cinemas in Malaysia. This is where many people of your parent's generation (whether they may care to admit it or not) had their first real encounter with the anatomy of the opposite gender. It's a mixture of curiosity, daring-do, raging hormones and, well, lust. While it's best to be avoided in public lest you get caught, it's in many ways the
safest place for such anatomical explorations. Because such furtive activities are in public (although under the cover of darkness), your partner is not going to go "too far" and get caught with his pants down, would he?
Trying petting (as such fondling and snogging is collectively called) in the privacy of your own home when your parents are out and such activities are likely to lead to unplanned explorations into virgin, erm, uncharted territories.
FROTTAGE
Frottage ~ the art of obtaining sexual pleasure by rubbing the clothed body against that of others, usually strangers in crowded places ~ is best avoided altogether. If ever you feel the urge to indulge in this perversity, please make an appointment with a psychiatrist (Tel: 03-7950 2368) or confess to your priest.
FELLATIO & CUNNILINGUS
Best avoided in public, especially if you're a Member of Parliament (MP) or Member of the State Legislative Assembly (ADUN). Best done with someone who is your spouse. You may call me a prude, but with all these antibiotic-resistant STIs nowadays, not to mention HPV and HIV, there is something to be said about the "old-fashioned" value of the only person to see you naked is your spouse. What married couples do behind the closed doors of their bedroom is nobody else's business. Unless, of course, if it's...
ANAL SEX
Also known as sodomy, these penetrations of the back passage may very well be consensual, but it's against the law in Malaysia, as Anwar Ibrahim has discovered to his cost...
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
