Quotation of the Week
Many thanks to my new fan club member Estela Marie B. Ubaña for this absolutely profound quotation:
"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not."
which I have edited to read as:
"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for who you are not."
I love the subtle change in meaning.
live and laugh
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
Sunday, February 29, 2004
Saturday, February 28, 2004
The End, or, A New Beginning?
From: M
Date: Feb 28, 2004
Subject: A Goodbye Letter
Dear P,
I give up… There are a lot of things that I want to tell you, but I don’t know where to start. I just want to thank you for the friendship that was. I am not sure if I can stay friends with you because I am always expecting… assuming that we have more than friendship. I should have kept it simple, the first time you shared your thoughts… your books… your angst in life… your life… with me. I should have made myself understand that I can never have you. I may strike you as a carefree “one–of-the-boys� pare that you can ask for favors from… a girl who drinks more than you do… a girl who stopped smoking to impress you without you knowing my reasons… I may be the strong-willed individual in your eyes… I may act as if I don’t need you. But you are wrong; I wore a mask to hide my expectations, to hide my assumptions, to hide the colossal and confusing emotions building up inside me… I just want to let go of these emotions without searching for the reasons. There are questions that are simply left unanswered. I don’t want to infer with my heart, I just want to give everything up before the time comes that I am holding on to you more than I am holding on to reality… thanks for the thoughtfulness and the sincerity of your friendship…
Goodbye!!!
M
----------------- My Response -----------------
Dear M,
As I write in my Friendship Site, "The ladies I'm seeking need to possess, above all, sincerity and candour... You should be very open with your feelings as the foundation of intimacy is truth. ...I believe communication based on mutual respect and honesty is key to any relationship..."
Being transparent has its virtues.
Love is nothing but feelings. There are no reasons in love, it is purely affective. When you start having reasons, that is when you become calculative and scheming. Love is nothing like that.
It is evident you have a lot of feelings for your friend. And it appears that this may be the first time you have communicated the intensity of these feelings to him directly. Men can be so dumb sometimes. We just don't get hints easily. You just have to tell us straight.
If he requests you to reconsider, I would encourage you to do so and resolve to be more open, transparent and more sincere in your relationship with him.
It may not be time to end the relationship, but to start a new phase based on an altogether different footing...
Please come visit my Friendship Site; it may be written with much tongue-in-cheek, but it does offer much sensible ideas to consider...
take care
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
From: M
Date: Feb 28, 2004
Subject: A Goodbye Letter
Dear P,
I give up… There are a lot of things that I want to tell you, but I don’t know where to start. I just want to thank you for the friendship that was. I am not sure if I can stay friends with you because I am always expecting… assuming that we have more than friendship. I should have kept it simple, the first time you shared your thoughts… your books… your angst in life… your life… with me. I should have made myself understand that I can never have you. I may strike you as a carefree “one–of-the-boys� pare that you can ask for favors from… a girl who drinks more than you do… a girl who stopped smoking to impress you without you knowing my reasons… I may be the strong-willed individual in your eyes… I may act as if I don’t need you. But you are wrong; I wore a mask to hide my expectations, to hide my assumptions, to hide the colossal and confusing emotions building up inside me… I just want to let go of these emotions without searching for the reasons. There are questions that are simply left unanswered. I don’t want to infer with my heart, I just want to give everything up before the time comes that I am holding on to you more than I am holding on to reality… thanks for the thoughtfulness and the sincerity of your friendship…
Goodbye!!!
M
----------------- My Response -----------------
Dear M,
As I write in my Friendship Site, "The ladies I'm seeking need to possess, above all, sincerity and candour... You should be very open with your feelings as the foundation of intimacy is truth. ...I believe communication based on mutual respect and honesty is key to any relationship..."
Being transparent has its virtues.
Love is nothing but feelings. There are no reasons in love, it is purely affective. When you start having reasons, that is when you become calculative and scheming. Love is nothing like that.
It is evident you have a lot of feelings for your friend. And it appears that this may be the first time you have communicated the intensity of these feelings to him directly. Men can be so dumb sometimes. We just don't get hints easily. You just have to tell us straight.
If he requests you to reconsider, I would encourage you to do so and resolve to be more open, transparent and more sincere in your relationship with him.
It may not be time to end the relationship, but to start a new phase based on an altogether different footing...
Please come visit my Friendship Site; it may be written with much tongue-in-cheek, but it does offer much sensible ideas to consider...
take care
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
Subject: ON JEALOUSY ~ Part 2
From: Absolutely Hilarious, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
Date: Feb 27, 2004 11:31 PM
It is so perceptive of you, Sheilla, when you say:
"For me, it's all about self-confidence, rational thinking and mutual-respect."
Self-confidence is important because a low self-esteem primes you for most life's miseries.
Rational thinking is by far the most under-estimated of the skills you need to possess to succeed in the world. I was introduced to philosophical thought in 1970 by an obituary of Bertrand Russell in the New Straits Times, which described him as a mathematician and "philosopher." "Mathematics," I know, but I hadn't heard of "philosophy" before then and when I looked it up in the dictionary (another habit most people are too lazy or untrained to do nowadays) it said "love of wisdom." And I said to myself, I could do with that. And so those were the beginnings of my philosophical education. I started by reading In Praise of Idleness and Why I am Not a Christian and ended up reading almost everything I could find written by Russell. Also read books on Descartes and other greats ~ I still love Existentialism.
From Philosophy, my interest naturally progressed to Psychology and by 16, I was reading university textbooks: not just introductory texts but also books on Developmental Psychology, Social Psychology and Abnormal Psychology. The Art of Loving by Erich Fromme was such a great book to read because here was an eminent psychologist and what he writes was very much what I had thought about and came to similar conclusions myself! So much so I found my Form 5 school textbooks terribly dull and boring. Needless to say, I hardly read them and did poorly for my MCE/SPM. I got by with 6 C3s, and A1 for English, C5 for Additional Maths and C6 for English Literature.
Anyway, the point of my previous two paragraphs is that those early forays into Philosophy and Psychology formed the basis of my philosophical worldview now ~ I'm a rationalist, a deductionalist and a deconstructionist. Somewhere along the way I discovered I had high cognitive needs and had to be studying something or rather all the time, whether it be Astronomy, Ecology, Environmentalism (I read Silent Spring long before it became fashionable to do so), Mysticism, Engineering, Plate Tectonics, Radio Theory (I've passed the RAE) or Computing.
The ability to respect others, while having its aetiology in your upbringing, sooner or later, reflects your self-esteem and self-respect. After all, if you cannot respect yourself, how can you respect others? If you abuse your body (by over-eating or taking recreational drugs, say) how can another expect you to respect them?
In the final analysis, mutual respect is just an extension of self-respect, which in turn is dictated by your self-esteem ~ your self-confidence.
Subject: ON JEALOUSY ~ Part 2
From: Absolutely Hilarious, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
Date: Feb 27, 2004 11:31 PM
It is so perceptive of you, Sheilla, when you say:
"For me, it's all about self-confidence, rational thinking and mutual-respect."
Self-confidence is important because a low self-esteem primes you for most life's miseries.
Rational thinking is by far the most under-estimated of the skills you need to possess to succeed in the world. I was introduced to philosophical thought in 1970 by an obituary of Bertrand Russell in the New Straits Times, which described him as a mathematician and "philosopher." "Mathematics," I know, but I hadn't heard of "philosophy" before then and when I looked it up in the dictionary (another habit most people are too lazy or untrained to do nowadays) it said "love of wisdom." And I said to myself, I could do with that. And so those were the beginnings of my philosophical education. I started by reading In Praise of Idleness and Why I am Not a Christian and ended up reading almost everything I could find written by Russell. Also read books on Descartes and other greats ~ I still love Existentialism.
From Philosophy, my interest naturally progressed to Psychology and by 16, I was reading university textbooks: not just introductory texts but also books on Developmental Psychology, Social Psychology and Abnormal Psychology. The Art of Loving by Erich Fromme was such a great book to read because here was an eminent psychologist and what he writes was very much what I had thought about and came to similar conclusions myself! So much so I found my Form 5 school textbooks terribly dull and boring. Needless to say, I hardly read them and did poorly for my MCE/SPM. I got by with 6 C3s, and A1 for English, C5 for Additional Maths and C6 for English Literature.
Anyway, the point of my previous two paragraphs is that those early forays into Philosophy and Psychology formed the basis of my philosophical worldview now ~ I'm a rationalist, a deductionalist and a deconstructionist. Somewhere along the way I discovered I had high cognitive needs and had to be studying something or rather all the time, whether it be Astronomy, Ecology, Environmentalism (I read Silent Spring long before it became fashionable to do so), Mysticism, Engineering, Plate Tectonics, Radio Theory (I've passed the RAE) or Computing.
The ability to respect others, while having its aetiology in your upbringing, sooner or later, reflects your self-esteem and self-respect. After all, if you cannot respect yourself, how can you respect others? If you abuse your body (by over-eating or taking recreational drugs, say) how can another expect you to respect them?
In the final analysis, mutual respect is just an extension of self-respect, which in turn is dictated by your self-esteem ~ your self-confidence.
Friday, February 27, 2004
on ENVY and JEALOUSY
Many people are unaware of the difference between envy and jealousy.
Envy is a positive attitude and can motivate you to greater heights. For example, if your best friend has a CGPA of 3.8, it is natural for you to feel a little envious and it may well make you study harder from now on.
Jealousy on the other hand is a negative attitude. Feeling jealous may move you to do negative things like sabotaging your friend, bad-mouthing her, and etc.
In so far as both envy and jealousy are affective, that is, they pertain to your feelings, you can control them because you are one of those intelligent and mature enough to realise that your mind controls your feelings. If, however, you find that your feelings control your mind, you are are still thinking with your "reptilian brain" (medula oblongata) and not your "higher" brain (cerebrum and cerebellum). You will need to change this.
After all, it is through our mind, that we are in control of our life and actions. It is we, who decide whether we want to let something upset us or not. Yes, I did say "let." Because unless we give permission for a feeling like jealousy to affect us, we are still in charge of our lives.
What are your thoughts?
Many people are unaware of the difference between envy and jealousy.
Envy is a positive attitude and can motivate you to greater heights. For example, if your best friend has a CGPA of 3.8, it is natural for you to feel a little envious and it may well make you study harder from now on.
Jealousy on the other hand is a negative attitude. Feeling jealous may move you to do negative things like sabotaging your friend, bad-mouthing her, and etc.
In so far as both envy and jealousy are affective, that is, they pertain to your feelings, you can control them because you are one of those intelligent and mature enough to realise that your mind controls your feelings. If, however, you find that your feelings control your mind, you are are still thinking with your "reptilian brain" (medula oblongata) and not your "higher" brain (cerebrum and cerebellum). You will need to change this.
After all, it is through our mind, that we are in control of our life and actions. It is we, who decide whether we want to let something upset us or not. Yes, I did say "let." Because unless we give permission for a feeling like jealousy to affect us, we are still in charge of our lives.
What are your thoughts?
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Random Jottings
1) I must apologise on behalf of blogspot.com for the multiple postings you've been getting. I've written to their support and hopefully they'll sort out this problem soon. I've configured this blog to send ONE copy of every new posting to my Fan Club mailing list. However, for the past few days, it's been sending MULTIPLE copies, at least three. Until blogspot sorts this out, please delete the extra copies. No need to tell me. We are aware of the problem and blogspot is diagnosing their system. FYI, they are moving their servers to a new location and for the time being, their system is using a temporary server. So the three copies may be coming one each from the old server, the temporary server and the new server. So please bear with it until their transition is completed and they shut down their old and temporary servers.
2) I saw the moon and Mars in the western sky at 8.30 pm last night. My, were they beautiful. The moon was a sharp crescent and within a few degrees of Mars and both were a beautiful glowing orange.
3) Took the maid to the clinic yesterday evening ~ she was complaining of pains in her lower abdomen. The doctor at the 24-hr clinic I took her to said he suspected an ovarian cyst. He wanted to do a urine test but since the maid was having her menses, that would make the test inaccurate. He decided to refer her to the gynae next door for an ultrasound scan. Turned out she has a fibroid in her uterus the size of a large mango. Need to take her to GH for an operation soon.
4) But doctors can be such quacks at times. One of my cousins was told she had a fibroid in her uterus. They opened her up and found nothing. It doesn't matter if the state-of-the-art of medical diagnostic imaging isn't perfect; surely, the doctor should have done other collaboratives tests? For example, palpating the uterus manually would have given some indication if a fibroid was present or not. Bodoh kan?
5) One of my friends, Maria Joy Rowan, would be on TV3 at 9.30 pm tomorrow, Wednesday, Feb 25. The program is called EXPLORACE and she is one of the participants.
live and laugh
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
1) I must apologise on behalf of blogspot.com for the multiple postings you've been getting. I've written to their support and hopefully they'll sort out this problem soon. I've configured this blog to send ONE copy of every new posting to my Fan Club mailing list. However, for the past few days, it's been sending MULTIPLE copies, at least three. Until blogspot sorts this out, please delete the extra copies. No need to tell me. We are aware of the problem and blogspot is diagnosing their system. FYI, they are moving their servers to a new location and for the time being, their system is using a temporary server. So the three copies may be coming one each from the old server, the temporary server and the new server. So please bear with it until their transition is completed and they shut down their old and temporary servers.
2) I saw the moon and Mars in the western sky at 8.30 pm last night. My, were they beautiful. The moon was a sharp crescent and within a few degrees of Mars and both were a beautiful glowing orange.
3) Took the maid to the clinic yesterday evening ~ she was complaining of pains in her lower abdomen. The doctor at the 24-hr clinic I took her to said he suspected an ovarian cyst. He wanted to do a urine test but since the maid was having her menses, that would make the test inaccurate. He decided to refer her to the gynae next door for an ultrasound scan. Turned out she has a fibroid in her uterus the size of a large mango. Need to take her to GH for an operation soon.
4) But doctors can be such quacks at times. One of my cousins was told she had a fibroid in her uterus. They opened her up and found nothing. It doesn't matter if the state-of-the-art of medical diagnostic imaging isn't perfect; surely, the doctor should have done other collaboratives tests? For example, palpating the uterus manually would have given some indication if a fibroid was present or not. Bodoh kan?
5) One of my friends, Maria Joy Rowan, would be on TV3 at 9.30 pm tomorrow, Wednesday, Feb 25. The program is called EXPLORACE and she is one of the participants.
live and laugh
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
Sunday, February 22, 2004
February Update
The past month has been rather chaotic for me, what with me being intermittently away and having limited access to the Net so I haven't been blogging as usual or "entertaining" my Fan Club members as much as I should. So new members may be wondering what's going on.
The good news is that I shall be back with full access to the Net next week and also I had the electrician and wireman come in today to move my iMac to my room from the TV room so that I will be less interrupted by people who want to watch the TV in the dark.
Over the next few days I shall also attempt something I haven't done before ~ re-install Mac OS X onto another partition on my hard disk. The partition where it is on right now is almost full and I intend to install it on a partition with is much bigger and has more free space. This will allow me to install the latest upgrades to the OS X, including some javascript support for Safari.
Also, from March 1, I shall be the Website Administrator for http://www.ypcs.org ~ the website for the Young Professionals Consultative Society. I would encourage you to join this society if you are a Malaysian and a working professional.
It is an excellent society for business and social networking. I would also encourage postgraduates and final-year students to join as it would help you get a job. You can register under the Head Hunting section and also there is a Situations Vacant section where jobs are advertised.
The site is in Beta++ testing at the moment and needs to be cleaned up. So please ignore the obvious test entries under the various sections. Do not take them seriously. You can identify them by their hilarious or nonsensical nature.
On the political front, besides bird flu, it is election fever in most of Southeast Asia ~ in the Phillipines, Indonesia and, of course, Malaysia. I met some friends just back from a holiday in Jakarta and they told me their holiday was marred by the pre-election hoo-hah there. They didn't feel very safe; I guess because erm, well, you know what Indons are like when they get excited or incited.
Bernama reported the Selangor MB as saying yesterday that he expects the General Elections in Malaysia to be in a month's time. This is a grave error for Toyo to make. He should have realised that's it is not his place to say when the elections would be. But he has a history of shooting his mouth off. The word on the grapevine is that he would be standing for a Parliament constituency and if he wins will be appointed a Parliamentary Secretary in a Federal Government ministry. If he wins, that is a big if, given his hare-brained track record of shooting his mouth off, as I said.
Which begs the question, who will be the next Selangor Chief Minister? A source within UMNO says that one of the deputy ministers who currently is MP for one of the Selangor constituencies will be sitting for a State seat and made CM if he wins. Or it could be a Parliamentary Secretary with a constituency in Selangor. Kuala Langat and Tanjung Karang were bandied about. As you can see, there is a lot of speculation right now, as can be expected.
Thanks to Hadiyah, a Friend at myspace.com, I've decided to start the New Hijrah Year by modifying my tagline, replacing Harmless with Hilarious. I think it's more apt. What say you?
live and laugh
azlan ::~~~
the Absolutely Hilarious, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
The past month has been rather chaotic for me, what with me being intermittently away and having limited access to the Net so I haven't been blogging as usual or "entertaining" my Fan Club members as much as I should. So new members may be wondering what's going on.
The good news is that I shall be back with full access to the Net next week and also I had the electrician and wireman come in today to move my iMac to my room from the TV room so that I will be less interrupted by people who want to watch the TV in the dark.
Over the next few days I shall also attempt something I haven't done before ~ re-install Mac OS X onto another partition on my hard disk. The partition where it is on right now is almost full and I intend to install it on a partition with is much bigger and has more free space. This will allow me to install the latest upgrades to the OS X, including some javascript support for Safari.
Also, from March 1, I shall be the Website Administrator for http://www.ypcs.org ~ the website for the Young Professionals Consultative Society. I would encourage you to join this society if you are a Malaysian and a working professional.
It is an excellent society for business and social networking. I would also encourage postgraduates and final-year students to join as it would help you get a job. You can register under the Head Hunting section and also there is a Situations Vacant section where jobs are advertised.
The site is in Beta++ testing at the moment and needs to be cleaned up. So please ignore the obvious test entries under the various sections. Do not take them seriously. You can identify them by their hilarious or nonsensical nature.
On the political front, besides bird flu, it is election fever in most of Southeast Asia ~ in the Phillipines, Indonesia and, of course, Malaysia. I met some friends just back from a holiday in Jakarta and they told me their holiday was marred by the pre-election hoo-hah there. They didn't feel very safe; I guess because erm, well, you know what Indons are like when they get excited or incited.
Bernama reported the Selangor MB as saying yesterday that he expects the General Elections in Malaysia to be in a month's time. This is a grave error for Toyo to make. He should have realised that's it is not his place to say when the elections would be. But he has a history of shooting his mouth off. The word on the grapevine is that he would be standing for a Parliament constituency and if he wins will be appointed a Parliamentary Secretary in a Federal Government ministry. If he wins, that is a big if, given his hare-brained track record of shooting his mouth off, as I said.
Which begs the question, who will be the next Selangor Chief Minister? A source within UMNO says that one of the deputy ministers who currently is MP for one of the Selangor constituencies will be sitting for a State seat and made CM if he wins. Or it could be a Parliamentary Secretary with a constituency in Selangor. Kuala Langat and Tanjung Karang were bandied about. As you can see, there is a lot of speculation right now, as can be expected.
Thanks to Hadiyah, a Friend at myspace.com, I've decided to start the New Hijrah Year by modifying my tagline, replacing Harmless with Hilarious. I think it's more apt. What say you?
live and laugh
azlan ::~~~
the Absolutely Hilarious, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
Saturday, February 21, 2004
ANOTHER DJ MISUNDERSTOOD?
There was this story that Yasmin Yusof hosted a quiz over her
morning radio program on the now defunct WOWfm, where she
was looking for "salt & pepper" as the answer.
A lady caller asked for a clue and Yasmin mentioned that
"It's something that you put over your husband's eggs
in the morning" to which the lady caller confidently answered:
"TALCUM POWDER!"
There was this story that Yasmin Yusof hosted a quiz over her
morning radio program on the now defunct WOWfm, where she
was looking for "salt & pepper" as the answer.
A lady caller asked for a clue and Yasmin mentioned that
"It's something that you put over your husband's eggs
in the morning" to which the lady caller confidently answered:
"TALCUM POWDER!"
Sunday, February 01, 2004
Of love and romance
Friday, January 30, 2004
Frog Prince...
Unfortunately, a girl has to kiss many frogs and some toads before she meets her frog prince. Darn those amphibians! Can't live with them! Can't live without them!
Posted by Normala at 10:16 PM
It's called flipping the deck of cards, Normala. Sometimes the first card you flip is a Prince. Sometimes you have to flip almost all the cards in the deck before you flip a Prince. It could even be among the last four cards you flip. If you shuffle the deck properly, there is no way of knowing which card you flip is going to be the Prince.
In real-life, whether you want to admit it or not, we all have criteria. Some ladies in their twenties, wouldn't befriend men my age, for example. I am not in their acceptable age range, according to their criteria.
Others would only want to befriend me if they think I'm loaded (I wish I were); irrespective of what my age is. To them, money has a higher priority than age. They ask not-so-subtle questions like "Do you play golf?" or "What car do you drive?" They want to know my net asset value, without actually having to mouth: "What is your net asset value?"
I have four main criteria to which I give equal weighting (in alphabetical order): beauty, intelligence, personality and youth, which needs to comes as a total package. Although I aim for top 5% world-class beauty, I may settle for less (pandang tak jemu) if there are redeeming features in the other criteria. I aim for an IQ of more than 130. Don't get me started on personality theory and meta-values or else you'll be reading all night. Suffice it to say, we all need to befriend honest, virtuous and loving people with compassion and a sense of humour. I'm not interested in meeting women my age because they are either already somebody's wife or divorced with three kids and want to get married now! before menopause sets in. They have a window of opportunity and don't want to miss having children (or at least one child) with their new husband. They are not interested in being friends first. They want a husband and a whirlwind romance to achieve that end. They want a child to cement the marriage.
Of course, I'm being facetious and hyperbolic but you get my drift.
Of my four criteria, age and physical beauty may be appreciated by the eyes within seconds. It takes a little longer to know if someone is intelligent. But to really know someone, to learn what makes them tick, to appreciate the way they think, what lies within, beneath the surface... takes time. It takes time to get a feel for someone's personality and meta-values. Can they match your wit? Can they relate to your logic? Will they have anything stimulating to offer to you mentally?
They may, or they may not. But what's definite is, you're not about to discover their inner beauty in a matter of minutes. And that's a risk worth taking, an investment in time worth making.
It takes time because some people can fake a persona for months, or even years, particularly if they have a hidden agenda.
You need to start off all relationships on a platonic basis then mutually and reciprocally "upgrade" each other to a romantic relationship when both are comfortable doing so. You cannot jump into a romance straight away.
Many, less mature, men do that, especially if they find their beau physically attractive. Even when the lady is not ready for romance. Their logic is to "cekup cepat-cepat sebelum orang lain kebas." This is a big mistake.
Why? Because in love--romantic love--it takes two to tango. If one partner is keen in a disinterested other, it is not love. It is called infatuation.
A tango is a dance. Which means both partners need to move at the same pace. There is no use for the man to dance at a frenetic pace, leaving the lady standing still and bewildered. Both have to move at the same pace.
It works both ways. While a lady may have to befriend many frogs and toads before she finds her prince, a man, too, must invest in many platonic friendships and a few romantic relationships before finding a good wife. Investing in friendships is not a waste of time or money, though it can be. Think of it as a learning experience. Each time we befriend someone, we learn something. Some new virtue to look for, some annoying trait to avoid next time.
With time, and some degree of lowering of expectations through re-iterative reality checks ("you ingat babe macam tu nak ke orang macam you? Rumah takde, kereta pun takde, cuba cermin sikit!") people usually find each other. Hopefully.
Friday, January 30, 2004
Frog Prince...
Unfortunately, a girl has to kiss many frogs and some toads before she meets her frog prince. Darn those amphibians! Can't live with them! Can't live without them!
Posted by Normala at 10:16 PM
It's called flipping the deck of cards, Normala. Sometimes the first card you flip is a Prince. Sometimes you have to flip almost all the cards in the deck before you flip a Prince. It could even be among the last four cards you flip. If you shuffle the deck properly, there is no way of knowing which card you flip is going to be the Prince.
In real-life, whether you want to admit it or not, we all have criteria. Some ladies in their twenties, wouldn't befriend men my age, for example. I am not in their acceptable age range, according to their criteria.
Others would only want to befriend me if they think I'm loaded (I wish I were); irrespective of what my age is. To them, money has a higher priority than age. They ask not-so-subtle questions like "Do you play golf?" or "What car do you drive?" They want to know my net asset value, without actually having to mouth: "What is your net asset value?"
I have four main criteria to which I give equal weighting (in alphabetical order): beauty, intelligence, personality and youth, which needs to comes as a total package. Although I aim for top 5% world-class beauty, I may settle for less (pandang tak jemu) if there are redeeming features in the other criteria. I aim for an IQ of more than 130. Don't get me started on personality theory and meta-values or else you'll be reading all night. Suffice it to say, we all need to befriend honest, virtuous and loving people with compassion and a sense of humour. I'm not interested in meeting women my age because they are either already somebody's wife or divorced with three kids and want to get married now! before menopause sets in. They have a window of opportunity and don't want to miss having children (or at least one child) with their new husband. They are not interested in being friends first. They want a husband and a whirlwind romance to achieve that end. They want a child to cement the marriage.
Of course, I'm being facetious and hyperbolic but you get my drift.
Of my four criteria, age and physical beauty may be appreciated by the eyes within seconds. It takes a little longer to know if someone is intelligent. But to really know someone, to learn what makes them tick, to appreciate the way they think, what lies within, beneath the surface... takes time. It takes time to get a feel for someone's personality and meta-values. Can they match your wit? Can they relate to your logic? Will they have anything stimulating to offer to you mentally?
They may, or they may not. But what's definite is, you're not about to discover their inner beauty in a matter of minutes. And that's a risk worth taking, an investment in time worth making.
It takes time because some people can fake a persona for months, or even years, particularly if they have a hidden agenda.
You need to start off all relationships on a platonic basis then mutually and reciprocally "upgrade" each other to a romantic relationship when both are comfortable doing so. You cannot jump into a romance straight away.
Many, less mature, men do that, especially if they find their beau physically attractive. Even when the lady is not ready for romance. Their logic is to "cekup cepat-cepat sebelum orang lain kebas." This is a big mistake.
Why? Because in love--romantic love--it takes two to tango. If one partner is keen in a disinterested other, it is not love. It is called infatuation.
A tango is a dance. Which means both partners need to move at the same pace. There is no use for the man to dance at a frenetic pace, leaving the lady standing still and bewildered. Both have to move at the same pace.
It works both ways. While a lady may have to befriend many frogs and toads before she finds her prince, a man, too, must invest in many platonic friendships and a few romantic relationships before finding a good wife. Investing in friendships is not a waste of time or money, though it can be. Think of it as a learning experience. Each time we befriend someone, we learn something. Some new virtue to look for, some annoying trait to avoid next time.
With time, and some degree of lowering of expectations through re-iterative reality checks ("you ingat babe macam tu nak ke orang macam you? Rumah takde, kereta pun takde, cuba cermin sikit!") people usually find each other. Hopefully.
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