During one of his many trips to London, George Burns became friends
with a very wealthy, yet very modest, Jewish chap named Hyman
Goldfarb. On one visit, Hy told George that because of his large
donations to charities through the years, the Queen wanted to knight
him, but he was going to turn it down. "That's a great honour," George
said. "Why would you turn it down?"
"Because during the ceremony you have to say something in Latin," he
said. "And I don't wish to bother studying Latin just for that."
"So say something in Hebrew. The Queen wouldn't know the difference."
"Brilliant," Hy complimented George, "but what should I say?"
"Remember that question the son asks the father on the first night of
Passover?... 'Why is this night different from all other nights?' Can
you say that in Hebrew?"
"Of course," he said. "Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh. Thank you, old
sport, I shall become a knight."
At the ceremony Hy waited his turn while several of the other honorees
went before the Queen. Finally they called his name. He knelt before
Her Majesty, she placed her sword on one shoulder and then on the
other, and motioned for Hy to speak. Out came "Ma nishtana ha leila
hazeh."
The Queen turned to her husband and said, "Why is this knight
different from all other knights?"
Friday, July 30, 2004
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Delusions of Grandeur
Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another patient asked, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"
Another patient asked, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"
Balance Transfer
Eligibility
You must currently hold a credit card for more than one year.
You must NOT be: 1) Financially Tight, or 2) Have Adverse Credit History (ACH)
Unique Feature
Restructure your credit card debt into a term loan at 4.99% p.a.
interest (as opposed to 18%) over three years (36 months).
Conditions
Maximum transfer allowed is 80% of your highest present credit limit.
Minimum transfer allowed is RM2,000 for Classic cards, RM2,500 for
Gold or Platinum cards.
Added Benefits
1) Get 2% discount when you buy petrol or diesel from BP.
2) 24-hour Auto Assist with free towing for the first 30 km.
If you're interested, photocopy both sides of your IC and both sides
of all of your current credit cards. Photocopy onto one side of paper
only ~ you may use two sheets, if necessary. You also need to supply
your bank account details, your employment details (and name, address
and telephone of previous employer) and one personal referee (or
spouse).
When you have all these ready, then only contact me. It is month end
and I have loads of applications to process, so please only contact me
when you have all these supporting documents in hand.
Azlan
012-383 1324
You must currently hold a credit card for more than one year.
You must NOT be: 1) Financially Tight, or 2) Have Adverse Credit History (ACH)
Unique Feature
Restructure your credit card debt into a term loan at 4.99% p.a.
interest (as opposed to 18%) over three years (36 months).
Conditions
Maximum transfer allowed is 80% of your highest present credit limit.
Minimum transfer allowed is RM2,000 for Classic cards, RM2,500 for
Gold or Platinum cards.
Added Benefits
1) Get 2% discount when you buy petrol or diesel from BP.
2) 24-hour Auto Assist with free towing for the first 30 km.
If you're interested, photocopy both sides of your IC and both sides
of all of your current credit cards. Photocopy onto one side of paper
only ~ you may use two sheets, if necessary. You also need to supply
your bank account details, your employment details (and name, address
and telephone of previous employer) and one personal referee (or
spouse).
When you have all these ready, then only contact me. It is month end
and I have loads of applications to process, so please only contact me
when you have all these supporting documents in hand.
Azlan
012-383 1324
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Church Restoration Project
There was a tradesman, a painter named Jack, who was very interested
in making a dollar where he could. So he often would thin down his
paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away
with this for some time.
Eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration project.
Jack put in a painting bid and, because his price was so competitive,
he got the job. And so he started, erecting the trestles and putting
up the planks, and buying the paint and thinning it down with
turpentine. Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job
nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The
sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all
over the church and knocking Jack off the scaffold to land on the
lawn. Jack was no fool.
He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees
and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, "Repaint! Repaint! And
thin no more!"
BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that religious humour can be risky.
It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we can make
this subject more approachable. If you find any of these
objectionable, we apologize. Many were passed along via email and
others spotted on websites. As with most jokes, the original authors
are unknown -- but we thank them.
in making a dollar where he could. So he often would thin down his
paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away
with this for some time.
Eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration project.
Jack put in a painting bid and, because his price was so competitive,
he got the job. And so he started, erecting the trestles and putting
up the planks, and buying the paint and thinning it down with
turpentine. Jack was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job
nearly done, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The
sky opened and the rain poured down, washing the thin paint from all
over the church and knocking Jack off the scaffold to land on the
lawn. Jack was no fool.
He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he fell on his knees
and cried, "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty Voice spoke, "Repaint! Repaint! And
thin no more!"
BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that religious humour can be risky.
It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we can make
this subject more approachable. If you find any of these
objectionable, we apologize. Many were passed along via email and
others spotted on websites. As with most jokes, the original authors
are unknown -- but we thank them.
Monday, July 26, 2004
Nun at the Hospital
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery. He
awakened to find himself in the care of a nun at a Catholic hospital.
As he was recovering, the nun asked how he was going to pay the bill.
He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "Just a spinster sister, who is a nun."
The nun, slightly perturbed, said, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are
married to God."
The patient replied, "Then, send the bill to my brother-in-law."
BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that religious humour can be risky.
It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we can make
this subject more approachable. If you find any of these
objectionable, we apologize. Many were passed along via email and
others spotted on other websites. As with most jokes, the original
authors are unknown -- but we thank them.
awakened to find himself in the care of a nun at a Catholic hospital.
As he was recovering, the nun asked how he was going to pay the bill.
He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "Just a spinster sister, who is a nun."
The nun, slightly perturbed, said, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are
married to God."
The patient replied, "Then, send the bill to my brother-in-law."
BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that religious humour can be risky.
It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we can make
this subject more approachable. If you find any of these
objectionable, we apologize. Many were passed along via email and
others spotted on other websites. As with most jokes, the original
authors are unknown -- but we thank them.
Sunday, July 25, 2004
INTRODUCTORY SPEECH
AT YPCS POETRY READING BY SALLEH BEN JONED
AT 8.00 PM ON JULY 24, 2004
HELD AT RUMAH UNIVERSITI, UNIVERSITY OF MALAYA, LEMBAH PANTAI, KUALA LUMPUR
[SALUTATION]
I am pleased to introduce Salleh Ben Joned, who shall tonight be reading some as-yet-unpublished poems from his forth-coming book, "Adam's Dream."
Salleh was born in Malacca in 1941 ~ which makes him 62, I suppose ~ but like me, he keeps his mind active so that number doesn't mean a thing.
Salleh spent several years Down Under as one of the last Colombo Plan Scholars. He fell seriously -- and unconventionally, I might add -- in love with an Australian fellow student in the first year and married her. Due to her family's disapproval of the marriage, the couple moved from University of Adelaide to University of Tasmania, where fate has it, that he became a student of the major poet James McAuley.
He came back to Malaysia in 1973 and lectured in English Literature at the University of Malaya until 1983, when he quit to become Head of Drama at TV3 and a freelance scribbler. His first book was the bilingual poetry collection "Sajak-Sajak Saleh" (Teks, 1987). His publisher later committed suicide.
This was followed by "As I Please" (Skoob, 1994) which compiled his popular New Straits Times column. A remixed version of "Sajak-Sajak Saleh" was published by Pustaka Cipta in 2002. His last film appearance was as the vicious pimp Farouk in "Bintang Malam" (1991) and he also wrote the original story for "Amok (1995), both directed by Adman Salleh (no relation). By the way, I should also add that I am also no relation of Salleh, although we both were once contemporaries at the University of Malaya.
According to Googlism.com, there are only three things you ought to remember about Salleh:
1) Salleh Ben Joned is a Malaysian writer who pushed the envelope of political criticism in a young and fragile democracy.
2) Salleh Ben Joned is one of that rare breed; the literary street fighter who does not hesitate to be controversial or shocking to prove his point.
3) Salleh Ben Joned is a Malaysian poet equally at ease writing in English and in Bahasa Melayu.
Intellectuals like Salleh are important in society because he provokes us to think and in so thinking, we begin to question our implicit assumptions, their validity and, therefore, help us innovate and become better people, citizens and thinkers.
I am pleased that Salleh has agreed to give this poetry reading tonight with the aim being two-fold:
1) Firstly, to initiate a dialogue among Young Professionals Consultative Society members and prospective members about the society we live in, the values we hold dear and through this consultation among it's young professional members, we can be stimulated to improve society by being motivated to give back to society. Salleh's writing is controversial ~ which means he has succeeded in provoking thought. He is a living example why it is important to embrace diversity of thought; dissent, even. If we live in a world of "yes-men," society will have no room for progress.
2) Secondly, I am very pleased that both Salleh and YPCS have agreed to donate tonight's collection to the United World College Scholarship Fund. Since you have contributed to this fund by your presence here tonight, it is only fitting for me to say a few words about the United World Colleges movement, of which I am the chairman of the UWC National Committee for Malaysia.
Ladies and gentlemen,
There is an old Chinese saying that says a picture is worth a thousand words.
I would like to take the liberty of extending the word "picture" here to imply picture-like expressions by people other than me so that they become more convincing.
Here is one such expression:
"Through international education, experience and community service, United World Colleges enables young people to become responsible citizens, politically and environmentally aware, and committed to the ideals of peace and justice, understanding and cooperation, and the implementation of these ideals through action and personal example."
- So says the UWC Mission Statement.
United World Colleges (UWC) is the only global educational movement which brings together students from all over the world at pre-university level (or tertiary level in the case of one College), regardless of their ability to pay. Almost all students are scholars. Students are selected on merit and live together in an environment designed to foster international understanding, tolerance and peace.
The United World Colleges originated in the ideas of the educationalist Kurt Hahn in the 1950s and the first United World College, Atlantic College, opened in Wales in 1962.
Today, there are ten United World Colleges in the UK, Singapore, Canada, Swaziland, the USA, Italy, Venezuela, Hong Kong, Norway and India. Each College has its own distinctive character but all share a common mission which has become more relevant than ever.
High academic standards, extensive community service and a wide range of cultural and outdoor activities are features of a UWC education. There is also great diversity: students come from a very wide range of backgrounds and it is common for more than 80 nationalities to be represented in a College at any one time. 27,000 Graduates are evidence of UWC's success -- in most cases, a personal commitment to peace and international understanding has become a central part of these Graduates' lives.
The ten United World Colleges follow one of three models:
1) those offering a two-year pre-university education for students aged 16-19 based on the International Baccalaureate (IB) curriculum;
2) those which offer this programme within a larger College and provide students of younger ages with the opportunity to gain a UWC experience;
and
3) Simon Bolivar UWC of Agriculture which offers a three-year tertiary agricultural education and training for students aged 18-21.
The academic curriculum forms just one part of UWC students' busy and diverse lives: an extensive programme of community service plays a central role in all the Colleges, while the shared experiences of living and working together in an intensive multicultural environment also do much to build international understanding.
UWC National Committees and Selection Committees are currently formed in 114 countries in order to promote UWC, select the students to attend the Colleges, and raise some of the funds needed. The fact that students throughout the world are selected from within their own cultures and communities is a further unique feature of the United World.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Let me give you another "picture" that is worth a thousand words.
"Each UWC Graduate is potentially a future architect of peace... The fundamental values of a UWC education are increasingly relevant to global stability and peace and I truly believe that the world will be a better place because of the contribution of our Graduates."
~ So says HM Queen Noor of Jordan, President of the United World Colleges.
Yet another "picture":
"The striking feature of the United World Colleges is that they embrace the entire world across all divides of race, history, culture, wealth, religion, economic status and political belief: they are unique and they are conscious of their responsibilities."
~ So says Nelson Mandela, United World Colleges Honorary President.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am indeed pleased to learn that the Young Professionals Consultative Society (YPCS) has agreed at it's recent Annual General Meeting to adopt United World Colleges as its flagship education project until it's next AGM. Raising money for a Malaysian student to attend one of the United World Colleges will have great benefit not only to the scholar concerned, but also to Malaysia and to everyone the scholar comes into contact with in College.
To the President, Committee Members and members of the Young Professionals Consultative Society, I would like to thank you for working in partnership with United World Colleges Malaysia to raise funds for scholarships.
So, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the colourful and ever-so-thought-provoking Salleh Ben Joned.
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
Incompetent Idiots
I'm in a foul mood and am looking for someone to sue.
Almost got killed at noon today at Subang Jaya, at the T-junction near Chatters'. The incompetent idiots who were doing the roadworks screwed up the traffic lights and it was green in two mutually exclusive directions. It was green for me as I was turning right while it was also green for traffic coming straight on from the right.
I'm thinking of suing the roadwork contractors, the President of the Subang Jaya Municipal Council, the Jabatan Kerja Raya (JKR) Selangor, the suppliers of the traffics lights, all of whom are incompetent idiots in my books for exposing me and my two young passengers to imminent danger and possibly death.
If I were the MB of Selangor, I'd suspend all of them without pay pending an official investigation. Gross incompetence and criminal negligence all come to mind.
Any mercenary Doberman lawyers out there who wanna take up the challenge?
Might be some money and publicity in it for you...
Almost got killed at noon today at Subang Jaya, at the T-junction near Chatters'. The incompetent idiots who were doing the roadworks screwed up the traffic lights and it was green in two mutually exclusive directions. It was green for me as I was turning right while it was also green for traffic coming straight on from the right.
I'm thinking of suing the roadwork contractors, the President of the Subang Jaya Municipal Council, the Jabatan Kerja Raya (JKR) Selangor, the suppliers of the traffics lights, all of whom are incompetent idiots in my books for exposing me and my two young passengers to imminent danger and possibly death.
If I were the MB of Selangor, I'd suspend all of them without pay pending an official investigation. Gross incompetence and criminal negligence all come to mind.
Any mercenary Doberman lawyers out there who wanna take up the challenge?
Might be some money and publicity in it for you...
A Profitable Evening by All Accounts
A Short Report
We had a great time earlier tonight at the poetry reading by Salleh Ben Joned, who was in top form and held court over an engrossed audience. Not a large audience by any stretch of the imagination, but a very attentive and appreciative one, who all profited from Salleh's wisdom and largesse--he read some of his political and social commentary as well as poems in both English and Malay.
Thanks to a large donation of RM400 by Mazlan that underwrote the cost of the evening, we made a profit of RM75 (RM50 from Yang Ariff and husband, RM20 from Greg of the British Council and RM5 from me). We also have a pledge from Azreen and wife of an undisclosed amount, so we look forward to receiving that soon. So, financially we made a nett profit.
A big "Thank You" to Prof Awang Had for giving up his time to introduce Salleh and to say a few words about UWC. It was very gracious of him to spend a whole evening with us.
Same goes to Khaldun and Baizura for volunteering to drive Prof Awang Had and Salleh back home respectively.
I'd also like to thank Mr Cheah from Times Publishing who not only agreed to sell As I Please, but also volunteered to sell copies of Poems Sacred and Profane/Sajak-Sajak Salleh and Nothing is Sacred. Thank you to all those who bought books. I'm sure Salleh is grateful for the royalty (poets have to eat, too).
So, all in all, a profitable evening all round. And for those who wanted to turn up but got inconveniently indisposed at the last moment (BK & Hasmah), we thank you for your moral support because we know you were with us in spirit. As for all those who promised to turn up but didn't (you know who you are)--no need to apologise, it's your loss.
We had a great time earlier tonight at the poetry reading by Salleh Ben Joned, who was in top form and held court over an engrossed audience. Not a large audience by any stretch of the imagination, but a very attentive and appreciative one, who all profited from Salleh's wisdom and largesse--he read some of his political and social commentary as well as poems in both English and Malay.
Thanks to a large donation of RM400 by Mazlan that underwrote the cost of the evening, we made a profit of RM75 (RM50 from Yang Ariff and husband, RM20 from Greg of the British Council and RM5 from me). We also have a pledge from Azreen and wife of an undisclosed amount, so we look forward to receiving that soon. So, financially we made a nett profit.
A big "Thank You" to Prof Awang Had for giving up his time to introduce Salleh and to say a few words about UWC. It was very gracious of him to spend a whole evening with us.
Same goes to Khaldun and Baizura for volunteering to drive Prof Awang Had and Salleh back home respectively.
I'd also like to thank Mr Cheah from Times Publishing who not only agreed to sell As I Please, but also volunteered to sell copies of Poems Sacred and Profane/Sajak-Sajak Salleh and Nothing is Sacred. Thank you to all those who bought books. I'm sure Salleh is grateful for the royalty (poets have to eat, too).
So, all in all, a profitable evening all round. And for those who wanted to turn up but got inconveniently indisposed at the last moment (BK & Hasmah), we thank you for your moral support because we know you were with us in spirit. As for all those who promised to turn up but didn't (you know who you are)--no need to apologise, it's your loss.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
EVENT UPDATE!
Date: Saturday, July 24, 2004
Time: 7.30 pm to 11.00 pm
Event: Poetry Reading
Poet: Salleh Ben Joned
Introduction by: Professor Emeritus Tan Sri Dato' Awang Had Salleh
Venue: Rumah Universiti, University of Malaya, Lembah Pantai, 59100 Kuala Lumpur. If lost, ring Tel: 03-7956 0286 for directions.
Directions: Nearest LRT station is Putra Stesen Universiti, then take a bus or taxi (they are plentiful outside the PUTRA LRT Stesen Universiti)
Maps:
Routes to the University of Malaya
Entrance: by donation at the door
Light refreshments will be served
Organised by
Young Professionals Consultative Society (YPCS)
in aid of
United World Colleges Scholarship Fund
International Debut
Salleh Ben Joned is one of that rare breed; the literary street fighter who does not hesitate to open his "big mouth" (above, centre) as he pleases to be controversial or shocking in order to make his point.
SATURDAY, JULY 24, 2004
FREE IN YOUR DIARY!
Venue is confirmed at Rumah Universiti, University of Malaya, Lembah Pantai, 59100 Kuala Lumpur.
"...another poet writing in English--and Bahasa Malaysia--worth mentioning, but he has written too few poems. Strong poems, but only a handful."
~ Poet Wong Phui Nam in MANOA, A Pacific Journal of International Writing: Land Beneath the Wind.
Salleh Ben Joned was born in Malacca in 1941~-which makes him 62, I suppose~-but he keeps his mind active so that number doesn't mean a thing.
He spent several years Down Under as one of the last Colombo Plan Scholars. He fell seriously--and unconventionally, I might add--in love with an Australian fellow student in the first year and married her. Due to her family's disapproval of the marriage, the couple moved from University of Adelaide to University of Tasmania, where fate has it, he became a student of the major poet James McAuley.
Salleh returned to Malaysia in 1973 and lectured in English Literature at the University of Malaya until 1983, when he quit to become Head of Drama at TV3 and a divinely inspired freelance apostate and scribbler. His first book was the bilingual poetry collection "Sajak-Sajak Saleh" (Teks, 1987). His publisher later committed suicide.
His last film appearance was as the vicious pimp Farouk in "Bintang Malam" (1991) and he also wrote the original story for "Amok (1995), both directed by Adman Salleh (no relation).
According to Googlism.com, there are only three things you ought to remember about Salleh:
1) Salleh Ben Joned is a Malaysian writer who pushed the envelope of political criticism in a young and fragile democracy.
2) Salleh Ben Joned is one of that rare breed; the literary street fighter who does not hesitate to open his "big mouth" as he pleases be controversial or shocking to prove his point.
3) Salleh Ben Joned is a Malaysian poet equally at ease writing in English and in Bahasa Melayu.
Intellectuals like Salleh are important in society because he provokes us to think and in so thinking, we begin to question our implicit assumptions, their validity and, therefore, help us innovate and become better people, citizens and thinkers.
The Young Professionals Consultative Society (YPCS) aims to be a conduit for both the interests and responsibilities of professionals across the country. We are first and foremost committed to the idea that as professionals, we have an attendant responsibility to give something back to our community. And that includes, as how we have come to understand it, the process of educating, exposing, exchanging and ultimately involving both professionals and other members of society in improving and bettering our lives individually and collectively. We believe that creating a better society is a collective effort and that young professionals are in a position to help tremendously in achieving those aims. We hope to share some of these aspirations with you. YPCS has "adopted" United World Colleges as its flagship education project and has decided to help raise funds for Malaysian students to attend a United World College.
UWC Mission Statement
8.00 pm Welcome address by Khaldun Malek, President of YPCS.
8.10 pm Introduction by Professor Emeritus Tan Sri Dato' Awang Had Salleh, Chairman, UWC Malaysia National Committee.
8.30 pm Introductory Remarks and Poetry Reading by Salleh Ben Joned.
Question and Answer Session.
Announcement by Khaldun Malek, President of YPCS of total amount of donation collected from audience.
10 pm Salleh Ben Joned will sign copies of his various books, which shall be on sale. More mingling and networking.
11 pm Close.
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
HUMOUR: On Fire!
During a recent ecumenical gathering, a secretary rushed in shouting,
"The building is on fire!"
The Methodists gathered in the corner and prayed.
The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"
The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the damage.
The Jews posted symbols on the door hoping the fire would pass.
The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself!"
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Christian Scientists concluded that there was no fire.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a
committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.
The secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.
BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that religious humour can be
risky. It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we
can make this subject more approachable. If you find any of these
objectionable, we apologize. Many were passed along via email and
others spotted on other websites. As with most jokes, the original
authors are unknown -- but we thank them.
"The building is on fire!"
The Methodists gathered in the corner and prayed.
The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"
The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the damage.
The Jews posted symbols on the door hoping the fire would pass.
The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself!"
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Christian Scientists concluded that there was no fire.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a
committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.
The secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.
BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that religious humour can be
risky. It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we
can make this subject more approachable. If you find any of these
objectionable, we apologize. Many were passed along via email and
others spotted on other websites. As with most jokes, the original
authors are unknown -- but we thank them.
Albert Einstein on Personal Development
All that is valuable in human society depends upon the opportunity for development accorded to the individual.
~ Albert Einstein
~ Albert Einstein
HUMOUR: Leaves of the Book
A little boy opened the big Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found!" the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
"Mama, look what I found!" the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
Qur'an, Al-Mujadilah, Surah 58:1
God hears the words of the woman who complains to Muhammad about the cruelty of her husband;
God hears her words when she complains directly to Him.
God listens to everything that is said;
He hears all and observes all.
God hears her words when she complains directly to Him.
God listens to everything that is said;
He hears all and observes all.
HUMOUR: Sweeter Than Pork
A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a
train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying, "I
know that in your religion you're not supposed to eat pork. Have you
actually ever tasted it?"
The rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd
occasion." Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked,
"Your religion, too... I know you're supposed to be celibate, but...?"
The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have
succumbed once or twice."
There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the
newspaper he was reading and said, "Sweeter than pork, isn't it?"
train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying, "I
know that in your religion you're not supposed to eat pork. Have you
actually ever tasted it?"
The rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd
occasion." Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked,
"Your religion, too... I know you're supposed to be celibate, but...?"
The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have
succumbed once or twice."
There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the
newspaper he was reading and said, "Sweeter than pork, isn't it?"
Qur'an, At-Taghabun, Surah 64:5-6
Have you not heard of people in the past who refused to believe?
They have already suffered through their unbelief;
and a terrible punishment awaits them.
When their envoys brought them clear arguments, they said:
"Will mortals be our guides?"
They denied the truth, and turned their backs.
But God has no need of them;
He has all He needs,
and He alone should be praised.
They have already suffered through their unbelief;
and a terrible punishment awaits them.
When their envoys brought them clear arguments, they said:
"Will mortals be our guides?"
They denied the truth, and turned their backs.
But God has no need of them;
He has all He needs,
and He alone should be praised.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Qur'an, An-Nisa, Surah 4:134
Let those who seek rewards in this life, remember that God holds the rewards in both this life and the next. God sees all and hears all.
Qur'an, Al-Nour, Surah 24:20-21
If God lacked patience and mercy, all of you would long ago have been punished.
If God lacked compassion and forgiveness, none of you would have escaped.
If God lacked compassion and forgiveness, none of you would have escaped.
Al-Sarraj, "Rabi'a the Mystic"
Fear is a state of darkness in which the soul wanders, bewildered, seeking help, and then comes hope as a ray of light, and grace prevails.
HUMOUR: The Haircut
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car.
His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car.
They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."
To which his father replied, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it."
After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car.
They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."
To which his father replied, "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went!"
SYMPTOMS OF BURNOUT
2. anger at those making demands
3. self-criticism for putting up with the demands
4. cynicism, negativity, and irritability
5. a sense of being besieged
6. exploding easily at seemingly inconsequential things
7. frequent headaches and gastro-intestinal disturbances
8. weight loss or gain
9. sleeplessness and depression
10. shortness of breath
11. suspiciousness
12. feelings of helplessness
13. increased degree of risk taking
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
HUMOUR: The Coffin
It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it!
When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top; which... read as follows.
Dear Cousins,
I am sending Ahma's (Grandma) body to you since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in Tung Shin.
Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave have been utilised. You will find inside the coffin, under Ahma's body, 12 cans of Yohmeitsu (alcoholic herbal tonic), 10 packets of Swiss chocolates and packets of Chinatown Lap Cheong (Chinese sausage). Please divide these among all of you.
On Ahma's feet you will find a new pair of Nike Air shoes (size 10) for Ah boy. Also, there are 2 pairs of shoes for Ah Mei's (sister) and Ah Lien's (sister) sons. Hope the sizes are correct. Ahma is wearing 6 CK T-Shirts. The large size is for Ah Bak (Uncle) and the others are for my nephews. Just distribute them among yourselves. The 2 new Armani jeans that Ahma is wearing are for the boys.
The Rolex watch that Lee Ah Bai wanted is on Ahma's left wrist. Kiasu Aunty Pei Pei, Ahma is wearing the Tiffany necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them. The 6 white Polo cotton socks that Ahma is wearing must be divided among my teenage cousins.
Let me know what else you need as Ah Kong is also not keeping well nowadays. I can send all required things when our Ah Kong (Grandpa) also...
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
HUMOUR: Mate Match
Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney.
The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match". The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked three random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.
One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet.
Anyway, here's how it all went down:
DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win.
What is your name? First only please."
Contestant: "Brian."
DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
Brian: "Yes."
DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"
Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian: "Sarah."
DJ: "Is Sarah at work, Brian?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"
Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian: "About 10 minutes."
DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?
Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a couple of weeks..."
DJ: "Uh huh..."
Brian: "...and the mother-in-law was in the shower at the time."
DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian: "On the kitchen table."
DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."
[3 minutes of commercials follow.]
DJ: "Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?" (Touch tones.....ringing....)
Clerk: "Kinkos."
DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
Clerk: "This is she."
DJ: "Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"
Sarah: "No."
DJ: "Good!"
Brian: (laughing)
Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian: (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."
DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Oh God, Brian... uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
DJ: "What time?"
Sarah: "Around 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?"
Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
DJ: "Where did you have it?"
Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?"
Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
Sarah: "Well..."
DJ: Come on Sarah... where did you have it?
Sarah: "Up the arse..."
After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station break..."
har har har har harrrrrrrrrrr
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
Dhammapada 2
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
Al-Furqan
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
Saturday, July 17, 2004
AL-SAFFAT
(Revealed At Mecca, 182 Verses)
Then doa in your own words.
120. Salamun AAala moosa waharoona
'Peace be upon Moses and Aaron!' (120)
121. Inna kathalika najzee almuhsineena
Thus We recompense the good-doers. (121)
122. Innahuma min AAibadina almumineena
They were among our Believing servants. (122)
123. Wainna ilyasa lamina almursaleena
And Elias was among the Envoys. (123)
124. Ith qala liqawmihi ala tattaqoona
When he said to his people, 'will you not be god-fearing? (124)
125. AtadAAoona baAAlan watatharoona ahsana alkhaliqeena
Do you call on Baal, and forsake the Best of the creators~~ (125)
126. Allaha rabbakum warabba abaikumu alawwaleena
God, your Lord, and the Lord of your ancient fathers?' (126)
127. Fakaththaboohu fainnahum lamuhdaroona
But they gave lies to him, so they will surely be arraigned, (127)
128. Illa AAibada Allahi almukhlaseena
except for God's exclusive servants. (128)
129. Watarakna AAalayhi fee alakhireena
And We left for him among the later folk: (129)
130. Salamun AAala il yaseena
'Peace be upon Elias!' (130)
131. Inna kathalika najzee almuhsineena
Thus We recompense the good-doers. (131)
132. Innahu min AAibadina almumineena
He was among Our Believing servants. (132)
133. Wainna lootan lamina almursaleena
And Lot was among the Envoys. (133)
134. Ith najjaynahu waahlahu ajmaAAeena
When We delivered him and his family altogether, (134)
135. Illa AAajoozan fee alghabireena
except an old woman among those who stayed behind. (135)
136. Thumma dammarna alakhareena
Then We utterly destroyed the others. (136)
137. Wainnakum latamurroona AAalayhim musbiheena
And you indeed pass by them in the morning, (137)
138. Wabiallayli afala taAAqiloona
and in the night; will you not understand? (138)
139. Wainna yoonusa lamina almursaleena
And Jonah was among the Envoys. (139)
140. Ith abaqa ila alfulki almashhooni
When he fled to the laden ship, (140)
141. Fasahama fakana mina almudhadeena
and he cast lots and was among the rebutted. (141)
142. Failtaqamahu alhootu wahuwa muleemun
Then the whale swallowed him, and he was to blame. (142)
143. Falawla annahu kana mina almusabbiheena
And had he not been of those that celebrate God, (143)
144. Lalabitha fee batnihi ila yawmi yubAAathoona
he would have remained in its belly, till the day they shall be raised. (144)
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
AL-WAQIAH
(Revealed at Mecca, 96 Verses)
Then doa in your own words
35. Inna anshanahunna inshaan
We have formed them perfect, (35)
36. FajaAAalnahunna abkaran
and made them virgins, (36)
37. AAuruban atraban
loving, of like age, (37)
38. Liashabi alyameeni
for Those on the Right-- (38)
39. Thullatun mina alawwaleena
a multitude among the former, (39)
40. Wathullatun mina alakhireena
a multitude among the later. (40)
41. Waashabu alshshimali ma ashabu alshshimali
And Those on the Left, what of Those on the Left; (41)
42. Fee samoomin wahameemin
they shall be amidst scorching winds and scalding waters, (42)
43. Wathillin min yahmoomin
and the shadow of black smoke-- (43)
44. La baridin wala kareemin
neither cool nor refreshing. (44)
45. Innahum kanoo qabla thalika mutrafeena
Before that, they lived at ease, (45)
46. Wakanoo yusirroona AAala alhinthi alAAatheemi
and persisted in the Great Sin. (46)
47. Wakanoo yaqooloona aitha mitna wakunna turaban waAAithaman ainna lamabAAoothoona
And they used to say, 'is it that when we are dead and become dust and bones, shall we be raised up, (47)
48. Awa abaona alawwaloona
and our ancient fathers?' (48)
49. Qul inna alawwaleena waalakhireena
Say, 'surely the former and the later folk (49)
50. LamajmooAAoona ila meeqati yawmin maAAloomin
shall be gathered to the appointed time of a known day. (50)
51. Thumma innakum ayyuha alddalloona almukaththiboona
Then, O you that have gone astray and cried lies! (51)
52. Laakiloona min shajarin min zaqqoomin
you shall eat of a tree of cactus, (52)
53. Famalioona minha albutoona
and fill your bellies with it; (53)
54. Fashariboona AAalayhi mina alhameemi
and, on top of that, you shall drink boiling water, (54)
55. Fashariboona shurba alheemi
and drink as drinks the thirsty camel. (55)
56. Hatha nuzuluhum yawma alddeeni
This shall be their hospitality on the Day of Recompense. (56)
57. Nahnu khalaqnakum falawla tusaddiqoona
We have created you, then why do you not confirm? (57)
58. Afaraaytum ma tumnoona
Have you considered that which you spill? (58)
59. Aantum takhluqoonahu am nahnu alkhaliqoona
Do you create it, or are We the Creators? (59)
60. Nahnu qaddarna baynakumu almawta wama nahnu bimasbooqeena
We have decreed death between you, and We cannot be outstripped, (60)
61. AAala an nubaddila amthalakum wanunshiakum fee ma la taAAlamoona
in that We change your likes, and make you to grow in a form you do not know. (61)
62. Walaqad AAalimtumu alnnashata aloola falawla tathakkaroona
And you have known the first form, then why do you not pay heed? (62)
63. Afaraaytum ma tahruthoona
Have you considered that which you sow? (63)
64. Aantum tazraAAoonahu am nahnu alzzariAAoona
Do you cause it to grow, or are We the Growers? (64)
65. Law nashao lajaAAalnahu hutaman fathaltum tafakkahoona
If We will, We would make it broken bits, and you would remain bitterly jesting: (65)
66. Inna lamughramoona
'We are debt-loaded; (66)
67. Bal nahnu mahroomoona
no, we have been deprived!' (67)
68. Afaraaytumu almaa allathee tashraboona
Have you considered the water you drink? (68)
69. Aantum anzaltumoohu mina almuzni am nahnu almunziloona
Did you send it down from the clouds, or are We the Senders? (69)
70. Law nashao jaAAalnahu ojajan falawla tashkuroona
If We will, We would make it bitter; then why do you not give thanks? (70)
71. Afaraaytumu alnnara allatee tooroona
Have you considered the fire that you kindle? (71)
72. Aantum anshatum shajarataha am nahnu almunshioona
Did you make its tree to grow, or are We the Growers? (72)
73. Nahnu jaAAalnaha tathkiratan wamataAAan lilmuqweena
We Ourselves have made it a reminder and a comfort for the desert-dwellers. (73)
74. Fasabbih biismi rabbika alAAatheemi
So extol the Name of thy Mighty Lord. (74)
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
AL-ZUKHRUF
(Revealed at Mecca, 89 Verses)
33. Walawla an yakoona alnnasu ommatan wahidatan lajaAAalna liman yakfuru bialrrahmani libuyootihim suqufan min fiddatin wamaAAarija AAalayha yathharoona
And were it not that mankind would become one community, We would have made for those who disbelieve in the All-merciful, the roofs of their houses, and the stairs whereon they mount, (33)
34. Walibuyootihim abwaban wasururan AAalayha yattakioona
and doors of their houses and the couches whereon they recline, (34)
35. Wazukhrufan wain kullu thalika lamma mataAAu alhayati alddunya waalakhiratu AAinda rabbika lilmuttaqeena
of silver and ornamental; and but all that is only the comfort of the present life; and the Hereafter with thy Lord is for the godfearing. (35)
36. Waman yaAAshu AAan thikri alrrahmani nuqayyid lahu shaytanan fahuwa lahu qareenun
And he who blinds himself to the Remembrance of the All-merciful, We assign to him a devil and he becomes his comrade. (36)
37. Wainnahum layasuddoonahum AAani alssabeeli wayahsaboona annahum muhtadoona
And they bar them from the way, yet they think that they are guided. (37)
38. Hatta itha jaana qala ya layta baynee wabaynaka buAAda almashriqayni fabisa alqareenu
Until, when he comes to Us, he will say (to the comrade), 'would that there had been between me and thee the distance of the two Easts!' How evil is the comrade! (38)
39. Walan yanfaAAakumu alyawma ith thalamtum annakum fee alAAathabi mushtarikoona
'But since you committed wrong, it shall not profit you today; you are partners in the punishment.' (39)
40. Afaanta tusmiAAu alssumma aw tahdee alAAumya waman kana fee dalalin mubeenin
Wilt thou then make the deaf to hear, or guide the blind and him who is clearly astray? (40)
41. Faimma nathhabanna bika fainna minhum muntaqimoona
Whether We take thee away, We shall take vengeance upon them; (41)
42. Aw nuriyannaka allathee waAAadnahum fainna AAalayhim muqtadiroona
or We shall show thee what We have promised them, for We have power over them. (42)
43. Faistamsik biallathee oohiya ilayka innaka AAala siratin mustaqeemin
So hold thou fast to that revealed to thee; surely thou art on a straight path. (43)
44. Wainnahu lathikrun laka waliqawmika wasawfa tusaloona
And it is surely a Reminder to thee and to thy people; and you shall soon be questioned.(44)
45. Waisal man arsalna min qablika min rusulina ajaAAalna min dooni alrrahmani alihatan yuAAbadoona
And ask those of Our Messengers that We sent before thee, 'have We appointed, apart from the All-merciful, any gods to be served?' (45)
46. Walaqad arsalna moosa biayatina ila firAAawna wamalaihi faqala innee rasoolu rabbi alAAalameena
And We sent Moses with Our Signs to Pharaoh and his chiefs and he said, 'I am a Messenger of the Lord of the world.' (46)
47. Falamma jaahum biayatina itha hum minha yadhakoona
Then, when he brought them Our Signs, they laughed at them. (47)
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
AL-TAUBA
(Revealed at Medina, Verses 129)
O Believers, the idolaters are simply unclean, so let them not come near the Sacred Mosque after this year of theirs. And if you fear poverty, God will soon enrich you of His bounty if He will; God is Knowing, Wise. (28)
29. Qatiloo allatheena la yuminoona biAllahi wala bialyawmi alakhiri wala yuharrimoona ma harrama Allahu warasooluhu wala yadeenoona deena alhaqqi mina allatheena ootoo alkitaba hatta yuAAtoo aljizyata AAan yadin wahum saghiroona
Fight those who do not believe in God, nor in the Last Day, nor do they forbid what God and His Messenger have forbidden, nor do they practise the religion of truth, from among those who were given the Book, until they pay tribute out of hand, duly humbled. (29)
30. Waqalati alyahoodu AAuzayrun ibnu Allahi waqalati alnnasara almaseehu ibnu Allahi thalika qawluhum biafwahihim yudahioona qawla allatheena kafaroo min qablu qatalahumu Allahu anna yufakoona
And the Jews say, 'Ezra is the son of God,' and the Christians say, 'Messiah is the son of God'; that is their utterance with their mouths; they imitate the utterance of the unbelievers before them; God destroy them; how perverted they are! (30)
31. Ittakhathoo ahbarahum waruhbanahum arbaban min dooni Allahi waalmaseeha ibna maryama wama omiroo illa liyaAAbudoo ilahan wahidan la ilaha illa huwa subhanahu AAamma yushrikoona
They have taken their priests and their monks and the Messiah, son of Mary, as lords, apart from God, while they were commanded to serve only One God; there is no god but He; He is Holy, above that they associate. (31)
32. Yureedoona an yutfioo noora Allahi biafwahihim wayaba Allahu illa an yutimma noorahu walaw kariha alkafiroona
They desire to extinguish the light of God with their mouths, but God refuses except that He will perfect His light, though the unbelievers be averse. (32)
33. Huwa allathee arsala rasoolahu bialhuda wadeeni alhaqqi liyuthhirahu AAala alddeeni kullihi walaw kariha almushrikoona
It is He who has sent His Messenger with Guidance and the Religion of Truth that He may make it prevail over all religions, though the idolaters be averse. (33)
34. Ya ayyuha allatheena amanoo inna katheeran mina alahbari waalrruhbani layakuloona amwala alnnasi bialbatili wayasuddoona AAan sabeeli Allahi waallatheena yaknizoona alththahaba waalfiddata wala yunfiqoonaha fee sabeeli Allahi fabashshirhum biAAathabin aleemin
O Believers, many of the priests and the monks eat the goods of the people falsely and bar from God's way. And those who treasure up gold and silver and do not expend them in the way of God, give them the good news of a painful punishment, (34)
35. Yawma yuhma AAalayha fee nari jahannama fatukwa biha jibahuhum wajunoobuhum wathuhooruhum hatha ma kanaztum lianfusikum fathooqoo ma kuntum taknizoona
on the day it shall be heated in the Fire of Hell, and their foreheads and their sides and their backs shall be branded with it: 'this is what you treasured up for yourselves; now taste what you were treasuring.' (35)
36. Inna AAiddata alshshuhoori AAinda Allahi ithna AAashara shahran fee kitabi Allahi yawma khalaqa alssamawati waalarda minha arbaAAatun hurumun thalika alddeenu alqayyimu fala tathlimoo feehinna anfusakum waqatiloo almushrikeena kaffatan kama yuqatiloonakum kaffatan waiAAlamoo anna Allaha maAAa almuttaqeena
The number of the months with God, the day He created the heavens and the earth, is twelve in the Book of God--of them four are sacred. That is the standing religion; so do not wrong yourselves during them. And fight the idolaters totally as they fight you totally, and know that God is with the god-fearing. (36)
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
Friday, July 16, 2004
Poetry Reading by Salleh Ben Joned
Date: Saturday, July 24, 2004
Time: 8.00 pm to 10.00 pm
Event: Poetry Reading
Poet: Salleh Ben Joned
Introduction by: Professor Emeritus Tan Sri Dato' Awang Had Salleh
Venue: Rumah Universiti, University of Malaya, Lembah Pantai, 59100 Kuala Lumpur. If lost, ring Tel: 03-7956 0286 for directions.
Directions: Nearest LRT station as Putra Stesen Universiti, then take a bus or taxi (they are plentiful outside the PUTRA LRT Stesen Universiti)
Routes To the University of Malaya
University of Malaya Campus Map
Entrance: by donation at the door
Light refreshments will be served
Organised by
Young Professionals Consultative Society (YPCS)
in aid of
United World Colleges Scholarship Fund
Salleh Ben Joned is one of that rare breed; the literary street fighter who does not hesitate to be controversial or shocking in order to make his point.
Venue is confirmed at Rumah Universiti, University of Malaya, Lembah Pantai, 59100 Kuala Lumpur.
Background
~ Poet Wong Phui Nam in MANOA, A Pacific Journal of International Writing: Land Beneath the Wind.
The Young Professionals Consultative Society (YPCS) aims to be a conduit for both the interests and responsibilities of professionals across the country. We are first and foremost committed to the idea that as professionals, we have an attendant responsibility to give something back to our community. And that includes, as how we have come to understand it, the process of educating, exposing, exchanging and ultimately involving both professionals and other members of society in improving and bettering our lives individually and collectively. We believe that creating a better society is a collective effort and that young professionals are in a position to help tremendously in achieving those aims. We hope to share some of these aspirations with you. YPCS has "adopted" United World Colleges as its flagship education project and has decided to help raise funds for Malaysian students to attend a United World College.
United World Colleges (UWC) is the only global educational movement which brings together students from all over the world at pre-university level (or tertiary level, in the case of one College), regardless of their ability to pay. Students are selected on merit and live together in an environment designed to foster international understanding, tolerance and peace.
~ UWC Mission Statement
8.00 pm Welcome address by Khaldun Malek, President of YPCS.
8.10 pm Introduction by Professor Emeritus Tan Sri Dato' Awang Had Salleh, Chairman, UWC Malaysia National Committee.
8.30 pm Introductory Remarks and Poetry Reading by Salleh Ben Joned.
Question and Answer Session.
Announcement by Khaldun Malek, President of YPCS of total amount of donation collected from audience.
10 pm Salleh Ben Joned will sign copies of his various books, which shall be on sale. More mingling and networking.
Close.
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
Monday, July 12, 2004
The Ceremony of Tree-Planting
~ His Holiness the Dalai Lama, October 1993
in The Pocket Dalai Lama edited by Mary Craig
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Your Deeds
Weigh a man's merits and weigh his faults
Then judge him according to the greater.
The touchstone which discloses a man's greatness
Or smallness is simply this--his deeds.
~ Tirukkural 51:504-505
Excerpted from the Tirukkural, translated by Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
This fleeting life
'Those who are concerned only with this fleeting life, will soon suffer in the manner we choose. We determine people's fate as we please. We have prepared hell for those in love with this fleeting life; they will burn within its flames, despised and helpless.' But the true believers who are concerned with the life to come, and strive for it with all their souls, will have their efforts rewarded by God.
~ Translated by Robert Van der Weyer in 366 Readings From Islam
Whoso desires this hasty world, We hasten for him therein what We will, for whomso We desire; then We appoint for him Hell; there he shall burn condemned and rejected. And whoso desires the Hereafter and strives for it as he should, and he is a Believer, those -- their striving shall be thankfully accepted.
~ Translated by Dr Colonel (Rtd) Muhammad Ayub in www.quranweb.com
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
Constant Regret of Your Sins
The Bounty of Allah: Daily Reflections from the Qur'an and Islamic Tradition
Translated by Aneela Khalid Arshed. The Crossroad Publishing Company, New York
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Dressing for Success
The first thing an interviewer will notice about you is how you're dressed. Even before you say hello or shake their hand, they're starting to form an impression of you based on your appearance. Therefore, you need to make sure you are dressed properly for interviews.
It's estimated that people gain meaning more from non-verbal cues in conversations than from the actual words exchanged. Therefore, how you present yourself in an interview will have a significant impact on how the interviewer perceives you. If you're applying for a job as a manager, the interviewer will be trying to decide how you would be perceived by subordinates and other managers.
Basically, they're asking themselves, "would this person fit in?" One way to figure out how best to dress to fit in would be to visit the company ahead of time for some "surveillance" work. If you hang around outside the company's parking lot, you could observe how most people dress there. Of course it's best not to be conspicuous - if the interviewer saw you hanging around their parking lot a few days earlier, they might think you're strange! There are some basic rules that everyone should follow when going on a job interview:
- Your goal should be to look clean, healthy and successful.
- Make sure you don't have bad breath. Nobody wants to work with someone who smells bad.
- On the other hand, don't overdo it with aftershave/perfume.
- Always err on the side of conservatism. Men should wear conservative ties for interviews and women should opt for a more conservative blouse.
- Your hair should be clean and neat.
- Your nails should be clean and a reasonable length.
- Women should wear tan or light hosiery. If you know people who work in a similar company (or the same company) in the same location, talk to them about how people dress for work. Especially if you are moving from another part of the country. For example, lawyers in California often dress a bit more casually and wear less conservative ties than lawyers in New York.
- Be sure to follow rules of etiquette when on the interview itself. Give the interviewer a chance to offer you a seat. If you're wearing a suit jacket, don't take it off in the interview. Remember, an interview is partly a formality. Especially if the interviewer is a human resources person or other staff member who is not very familiar with your field, you may be judged much more on your appearance and how well you conform to the "picture" of what a good interviewee should be like than on the content of what you say in the interview.
- A great movie about creating the right appearance is the recent Steven Spielberg film, "Catch Me If You Can," which starred Leonardo Di Caprio. In the movie, which is based on a true story, Di Caprio plays a con artist and counterfeiter named Frank Abignale, Jr. Frank is able to work as an airline pilot, a doctor and a lawyer all because he is able to come across like he fits in. Even though he was only 16, he knew enough to do his research ahead of time and create the right appearance.
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
Crank Callers
A friend of mine received an amusing crank telephone call from a number in Kajang (+603-8733 2143) at 10 pm (well, 21:58:59 to be exact) last night from someone who claims to be "Rosli" asking for "Azzmy."
Other (possibly unrelated) crank callers and their accomplices have been making numerous threatening, abusive and slanderous calls and SMSes (text messages) ~ even in the wee hours of the morning ~ for the past few months. The powers-that-be know the main perpetrator's identity. They even know he trespassed another friend's house and scratched her Suzuki, had been stalking her, harassing her and drives round her house. He has even gone to make a nuisance of himself at her mother's house, weeping in tears. Before you jump to the conclusion that he is a typical wussy, a pathetic wimp, do consider the following.
The problem is that this crank caller is mentally disordered and from the ramblings in his speech and abusive SMSes, he is self-evidently schizopheric and delusional.
From what evidence we have gathered, he appears to suffer from bipolar affective disorder but is undiagnosed, untreated and unmedicated. His angst appears to be derived from a failed relationship and from jealousy. The object of his desire has had enough of his emotional instability and abusive behaviour. She broke off with him on January 4, 2004 but he still can't accept that he's history and move on with his life. She had forgiven him then for all his sins towards her and moved on with her life. See The Final Goodbye: Farewell message to an ex-boyfriend.
He is in self-denial, not being able to accept that he is no longer loved and that his former beau does not want to have anything to do with him anymore. He can go commit suicide for all she cares. She is beyond caring.
I pray that Allah destroys his anger and cures him of his illness. I suggest he seeks psychiatric help as soon as possible before he poses a danger to others and/or to himself. He can go to the walk-in clinic at any psychiatric department in any general hospital without an appointment and seek urgent treatment.
The authorities know your identity, have your description, know who you have been talking to in the media and also your handphone number. We know where you live, what cars you drive. It's a pity you don't realise you're only making a fool of yourself. Everyone who knows you, your friends, your office colleagues, your business partners and associates, all think you're "crazy."
If any of my friends and I are in the slightest danger, not only will the full force of the law come down bearing on you, but also the wrath of Allah, for the All Mighty has promised:
Innama alssabeelu AAala allatheena yathlimoona alnnasa wayabghoona fee alardi bighayri alhaqqi olaika lahum AAathabun aleemun
More about this mentally disordered person is available here: A Short Note to Ex-boyfriends
See also:
The Mental Health Act 2001
On Envy and Jealousy
On Jealousy Part 1
On Jealousy Part 2
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Urology 101
ANATOMICAL STRUCTURES INVOLVED
The prostate gland is a small walnut-shaped organ that lies just below a man's bladder. It surrounds the urethra, the tube that carries urine from the bladder out of the body through the penis. The prostate gland produces most of the fluid in semen.
Seminal Vesicles
The seminal vesicles are two sac-like structures that produce part of the thick fluid (semen) that contains sperm. The vesicles are located just above the prostate gland.
The Bladder
The bladder is a hollow organ in the lower abdomen. It stores urine, the waste that is produced when the kidneys filter the blood. The bladder has a muscular wall that allows it to get larger and smaller as urine is stored or emptied. Urine passes from the two kidneys into the bladder through two tubes called ureters. Urine leaves the bladder through another tube, the urethra.
Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia (BPH) Assessment
symptoms
Do you have any of the following symptoms that have not been evaluated by your doctor? (Check all that apply.)
( ) blood in your urine
( ) pain or burning upon urination
( ) persistent pain in your lower back, pelvis, or upper thighs
( ) new onset of impotence or inability to attain or maintain an erection
( ) none of the above
more information
If you have any of these symptoms, visit your primary healthcare practitioner right away. These symptoms are not typical of an enlarged prostate and may be caused by an acute, bacterial infection of the prostate called prostatitis, by prostate cancer, or by another medical condition. It is important to have your primary healthcare practitioner promptly determine what is causing the symptoms and to prescribe the appropriate treatment.
type of symptoms
Do you have urinary tract symptoms, such as a weak stream, low volume, a feeling that you have not emptied your bladder completely, or getting up to urinate frequently at night?
( ) yes
( ) no
more information
These urinary symptoms typically are caused by age-related, prostate changes that are attributed to an enlarged prostate and may be diagnosed as BPH. There are many treatment options available, but you may not need to treat your symptoms at all.
cause of symptoms
Has your primary healthcare practitioner told you that your urinary symptoms are due to benign prostate problems (e.g., BPH, enlarged prostate, obstruction caused by tissue enlargement, or smooth muscle tension in the prostate)?
( ) yes
( ) no
( ) unsure
more information
There are many possible causes of urinary symptoms. BPH is the most common and can result in several changes in the prostate that contribute to urinary symptoms. Be sure to see your primary healthcare practitioner to ensure that the cause of your symptoms is diagnosed properly.
completion
During the past 4 weeks, how often have you had the feeling that you did not empty your bladder completely after you finished urinating?
( ) not at all
( ) less than 1 time in 5
( ) less than one-half the time
( ) about one-half the time
( ) more than one-half the time
( ) almost always
more information
This symptom is usually, but not always, caused by BPH. An enlarged prostate or a constriction of the smooth muscles of the gland can narrow the urethra and cause urinary difficulties. How often you experience this problem does not necessarily indicate how much your prostate is enlarged or how severely your urethra is obstructed.
stopping and starting
During the past 4 weeks, how often have you found that, when urinating, you stopped and started again several times?
( ) not at all
( ) less than 1 time in 5
( ) less than one-half the time
( ) about one-half the time
( ) more than one-half the time
( ) almost always
more information
This symptom is usually, but not always, caused by BPH. An enlarged prostate or a constriction of the smooth muscles of the gland can narrow the urethra and cause urinary difficulties. How often you experience this problem does not necessarily indicate how much your prostate is enlarged or how severely your urethra is obstructed.
weak stream
During the past 4 weeks, how often have you had a weak urine stream?
( ) not at all
( ) less than 1 time in 5
( ) less than one-half the time
( ) about one-half the time
( ) more than one-half the time
( ) almost always
more information
This symptom is usually, but not always, caused by BPH. An enlarged prostate or a constriction of the smooth muscles of the gland can narrow the urethra and cause urinary difficulties. How often you experience this problem does not necessarily indicate how much your prostate is enlarged or how severely your urethra is obstructed.
pushing or straining
During the past 4 weeks, how often have you had to push or strain to begin urination?
( ) not at all
( ) less than 1 time in 5
( ) less than one-half the time
( ) about one-half the time
( ) more than one-half the time
( ) almost always
more information
This symptom is usually, but not always, caused by BPH. An enlarged prostate or a constriction of the smooth muscles of the gland can narrow the urethra and cause urinary difficulties. How often you experience this problem does not necessarily indicate how much your prostate is enlarged or how severely your urethra is obstructed.
frequency
During the past 4 weeks, how often did you have to urinate less than 2 hours after your last urination?
( ) not at all
( ) less than 1 time in 5
( ) less than one-half the time
( ) about one-half the time
( ) more than one-half the time
( ) almost always
more information
This symptom is usually, but not always, caused by BPH. An enlarged prostate or a constriction of the smooth muscles of the gland can narrow the urethra and cause urinary difficulties. How often you experience this problem does not necessarily indicate how much your prostate is enlarged or how severely your urethra is obstructed.
postponement
During the past 4 weeks, how often have you found it difficult to postpone urination?
( ) not at all
( ) less than 1 time in 5
( ) less than one-half the time
( ) about one-half the time
( ) more than one-half the time
( ) almost always
more information
This symptom is usually, but not always, caused by BPH. An enlarged prostate or a constriction of the smooth muscles of the gland can narrow the urethra and cause urinary difficulties. How often you experience this problem does not necessarily indicate how much your prostate is enlarged or how severely your urethra is obstructed.
night habits
During the past 4 weeks, how many times did you most typically get up to urinate from the time that you went to bed until the time that you got up in the morning?
( ) 0 times
( ) 1 time
( ) 2 times
( ) 3 times
( ) 4 times
( ) 5 or more times
more information
This symptom is usually, but not always, caused by BPH. An enlarged prostate or a constriction of the smooth muscles of the gland can narrow the urethra and cause urinary difficulties. How often you experience this problem does not necessarily indicate how much your prostate is enlarged or how severely your urethra is obstructed.
lifetime symptoms
How would you feel if you were to spend the rest of your life with your prostate symptoms exactly the way they are now?
( ) pleased
( ) mostly satisfied
( ) mixed (about equally satisfied and dissatisfied)
( ) mostly dissatisfied
( ) unhappy
( ) terrible
more information
As a rule, nothing is done for mild symptoms that are related to an enlarged prostate. But as symptoms become more severe, treatment becomes more appropriate.
current treatment
Which, if any, of the following treatments are you currently using for your urinary symptoms? (Check all that apply.)
( ) herbal therapy (e.g., saw palmetto or Pygeum africanum)
( ) alpha-blocker drugs [e.g., terazosin (Hytrin), doxazosin (Cardura), and tamsulosin (Flomax)]
( ) finasteride (Proscar)
( ) none of the above
more information
The response to different treatments varies among men. If you have had a previous treatment that was not successful, you may have to try another approach. Generally, the optimal strategy is to use the least invasive approach necessary to get the desired improvement in symptoms.
habits and lifestyle
Which of the following activities do you do on a regular basis? (Check all that apply.)
( ) sitting for long periods
( ) getting little exercise
( ) tending to hold urination
( ) taking cold or allergy medicine regularly
( ) eating a diet low in fruits and vegetables
( ) drinking fluids 2-3 hours before bed
( ) drinking coffee
( ) drinking alcohol
( ) ejaculating infrequently
( ) experience stress
( ) none of the above
more information
All of these activities can affect prostate function negatively and worsen urinary symptoms. While few studies have actually investigated the relationship of these behaviors with urinary symptoms--or the effects that these behaviors may have on improving symptoms--these habits may help to improve overall prostate health.
diagnosis or DRE
Have you been diagnosed with prostate cancer or had a digital rectal exam (DRE) with a possibly abnormal result on which you did not follow up?
( ) Yes, I've been diagnosed with prostate cancer.
( ) Yes, I've had a DRE with a possibly abnormal result.
( ) No, I've had a DRE with a NO abnormal result.
more information
BPH and prostate cancer often occur at the same time because they both become more common as you age. Prostate cancer is obviously a more serious concern and is more important to treat. A possibly abnormal (or suspicious) DRE is usually the result of BPH, but there is a chance that it could be prostate cancer.
prostate cancer concerns
Are you concerned that your BPH may increase your risk of prostate cancer?
( ) yes
( ) no
more information
Neither BPH nor its associated urinary symptoms has been shown to increase the risk of prostate cancer. The only major risk factors of prostate cancer are having a family history of the disease or being African American.
related conditions
Do you have a history of any of the following conditions? (Check all that apply.)
( ) recurrent urinary tract infections
( ) recurrent or persistent blood in your urine
( ) bladder stones
( ) acute urinary retention (complete inability to urinate)
( ) renal insufficiency or hydronephrosis
( ) overflow incontinence
( ) urethral stricture
( ) prior lower urinary tract surgery (e.g., TURP )
( ) none of the above
( ) unsure
more information
These conditions are related to BPH and could be causing or contributing to your symptoms. If you have a history of any of these conditions, your primary healthcare practitioner should evaluate them before considering treatment for BPH. With these conditions, non-surgical options for treating BPH may be less likely to help.
coexisting medical conditions
Do you have any of the following symptoms? (Check all that apply.)
( ) high blood pressure
( ) diabetes
( ) congestive heart failure
( ) neurological problems, such as stroke or Parkinson's disease
( ) none of the above
more information
Certain coexisting medical conditions make treating BPH more complicated. Because BPH is usually more of an annoyance than a real threat to longevity, its treatment may follow the treatment of the other diseases.
How You're Doing
The following set of recommendations are based on the results from your Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia (BPH) Assessment (above). If you feel that your condition has changed, you may want to go back to the Questionnaire and change your answers.
Severity of Symptoms
Your urinary symptoms are classified as mild. Usually this means that treatment is not necessary until symptoms worsen. If you do start some treatment, you may have difficulty noticing improvement because your symptoms are mild. The key factor in deciding whether to start treatment is to determine how much your symptoms bother you--not how severe your symptoms are.
Severity of Bother
Because you have indicated that you are significantly bothered by your symptoms, treatment is warranted. Treatment options include drug therapy; newer, low-risk surgical procedures; and traditional TURP, which still provides the best long-term symptom relief but with more risks involved.
Men under age 50
BPH that is so advanced as to cause significant urinary problems is unusual in men under the age of 50. See your primary healthcare practitioner to determine the cause of your symptoms. BPH is often a diagnosis by exclusion; that is, other more serious causes are ruled out to confirm that it is BPH.
Sitting
Avoid sitting continuously for long periods of time. Develop the habit of getting up and moving around once in while. Doing so helps maintain the circulation in the prostate region (and the rest of the body) and stimulates normal, urinary-tract function.
Exercise
Exercise, for about 30 minutes a day, can play an important role in balancing hormones in the body, by keeping testosterone levels in check. A higher testosterone level means a greater amount is converted into dihydrotestosterone (DHT), which stimulates prostate growth. Exercise also can reduce the activity of the sympathetic nervous system, which may help reduce smooth muscle tone in the prostate.
Holding Urination
Getting in the habit of holding your urination can increase the tone in the bladder sphincter muscle, which, in turn, can lead to symptoms related to BPH. When you feel the urge to urinate, relieve yourself.
Fluid Intake
Make sure that you drink plenty of water. However, if you must frequently get up at night to urinate, don't drink any fluids after 6:00 pm in the evening and go take a piss before you go to bed.
Stress
The smooth, involuntary muscle of the prostate and the bladder neck are contracted when adrenal hormones, which are brought on by stress, trigger the sympathetic nervous system. To avoid this, take some measures to reduce the stress in your life.
Behaviour
You have checked at least one behaviour that could be changed to possibly receive some relief from your BPH-related symptoms. Consider changing your behaviours to determine if your symptoms improve.
What You're Doing Right
Avoiding Over The Counter Cold Medications
It is good that you do not take too many nonprescription (over-the-counter) decongestants or antihistamines for colds or allergies because they can make your urinary symptoms worse. Remember, if you need a cold or allergy medication, ask your doctor for one that will not aggravate your prostate.
Eating a Diet with Plenty of Fruits and Vegetables
It is good that you eat a healthful diet, especially with plenty of fruits and vegetables. This helps keep your bowels regular, which reduces the pressure on your prostate.
Limiting Coffee Intake
It is good that you are limiting your consumption of caffeine. This helps keep your prostate relaxed, so urination is easier. In addition, limiting your consumption of caffeine reduces the amount of urine your body produces. Be sure to drink plenty of water, spread out over the day.
Limiting Alcohol
You are helping your urinary problems by limiting your alcohol consumption. Keep this up. It doesn't mean that you cannot drink any alcohol, simply keep it to a minimum.
Having Regular Ejaculations (go wank a lot!)
You are helping your prostate by having regular ejaculations. The fluids produced by the prostate need to be regularly released to keep your prostate from getting stale.
Your Treatment Choices and Options
An Overview of BPH Treatments
Treating the symptoms of BPH is not necessary unless symptoms are bothersome or some complication exists that places the urinary system at risk. Men who suffer from mild symptoms are usually advised to use watchful waiting.
For a man with moderate-to-severe symptoms, alpha-blocker medications that specifically target the prostate are the usual initial treatment. These drugs are less expensive, work faster, and address symptoms better than the alternative medication, an enzyme inhibitor called finasteride (Proscar). However, for a man who has a palpably enlarged prostate and does not respond to alpha-blockers, finasteride is usually prescribed.
Because good medications are available and the use of herbs, such as saw palmetto, is more widely accepted, surgery--including new, minimally invasive procedures--is declining in use. Other surgical approaches, such as balloon dilation and hyperthermia, are used primarily as temporary fixes.
Try An Herbal Treatment - Speak With Your Doctor
The severity of your symptoms is mild, and you report that your symptoms bother you very significantly. You can try an herbal treatment--namely, saw palmetto--to achieve symptom relief. Remember, continuously taking the herbal therapy for at least six months will probably be required to achieve full results. If this seems too long to wait, consult with your primary healthcare practitioner about taking a prescription drug that acts more rapidly.
What to Expect from Your Doctor
If you choose to visit your primary healthcare practitioner about treatment for bothersome urinary symptoms, expect a physical examination, including a blood pressure check and a digital rectal examination to check the size and consistency of your prostate. You also may need an analysis of a urine sample and other laboratory tests, depending on your history and physical exam findings, before your primary healthcare practitioner prescribes treatment.
An Overview of Treatment for BPH:
A quick guide
Benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) is a quality-of-life disease. While the condition is extremely common in older men, BPH will not kill you and will rarely make you sick. But BPH can cause urinary problems that can be extremely bothersome.
The course of BPH in a particular man is unpredictable, and there is little consensus about when it becomes necessary to treat the condition. The only clear-cut indication for treatment is when a complication arises that threatens the urinary tract. Otherwise, the indications for treatment are dependent on each man's perception of how the symptoms affect his quality of life.
The purpose of this decision guide is to help you decide whether treatment is reasonable and, if you want treatment, to suggest which therapies will best fit your situation.
The Right Time for Treatment
The most important factor in seeking treatment is how bothered you are by your urinary difficulties--regardless of how often the symptoms arise. The frequency with which you experience difficulties is known as the severity of symptoms and are classified as mild, moderate, or severe.
Mild
Your symptoms are mild, meaning that they occur infrequently. Generally, treatment is not recommended at this stage. But continued monitoring is important to spot when urinary problems are becoming troublesome enough to make treatment worth the risks. You can also change certain habits that affect urinary function or use a low-risk, herbal supplement to treat your BPH symptoms.
The Difference Between Severity and Bother
The severity (or frequency) of symptoms is not necessarily indicative of how bothered you are by urinary difficulties. Tolerance for, and acceptance of, symptoms varies greatly among men. That's why the need for treatment really comes down to how you personally feel about living with the symptoms.
Sorting Out the Options
Drug therapy is the initial treatment for BPH and is usually prescribed by primary healthcare practitioners and internists. A referral to a urologist is typically made, if drug therapy does not yield satisfactory relief of BPH-related symptoms. At this level of treatment, you and your urologist may consider surgery or less-invasive alternatives. You might also consider using herbal therapy before seeking medical care. So, the next step in the decision-making process is determining which options best fit your needs and preferences.
Preferences and Values
While the need for treatment depends on your feelings about the impact of your urinary problems on your daily life, the type of treatment that you choose depends on your values and preferences. The benefits and risks of each option vary, so the final decision must be a personal one.
The first decision that you will make is whether to have surgery.
If you think you would prefer surgery, consider whether you want to:
1) have a long-lasting fix so that you won't have to undergo another procedure to treat BPH later on (Recommended approach: TURP)
2) have the best chance of improvement (Recommended approach: TURP)
3) maintain sexual function and potency (Recommended approach: TUIP or a minimally invasive procedures)
4) minimize complications--even at the expense of less durable improvement (Recommended approach: a minimally invasive procedure)
5) avoid general anesthesia and hospitalization (Recommended approach: a minimally invasive procedure)
If you think you would prefer a nonsurgical alternative, consider whether you want to:
1) avoid drug side effects (Alternative treatment: herbal therapy)
2) prompt relief of symptoms (Alternative treatment: alpha-blocker drugs)
3) prevent complications (Alternative treatment: finasteride)
4) maintain sexual function and desire (Alternative treatment: alpha-blocker drugs or herbal therapy)
Work With Your Primary Healthcare Practitioner
Whatever you decide, consult with your primary healthcare practitioner who can best evaluate your personal risks, other medical conditions that may affect your urinary difficulties, and your potential for improvement. The probabilities presented here are averages taken from the best evidence available. Your personal risks and benefits may be a little different.
THE DIAGNOSIS
Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia (BPH)
Benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) is a non-cancerous enlargement of the prostate that occurs in almost all men as they age. It is not clear if BPH is a disease, because the process may be natural. The enlargement is usually harmless, but as the gland gets bigger, it may cause problems such as difficulty urinating, getting up many times a night to urinate, frequently feeling an urge to urinate, or having the sense that the bladder is not completely empty after urination.
BPH does not cause prostate cancer, does not have an effect on a man's ability to father children, and does not usually result in erection problems. However, there is some association between severe symptoms of BPH an increased risk of erection problems. See Erectile Dysfunction and Better Living Through Urology.
I only have a mild case of BPH, what my urologist calls irritative symptoms of the Lower Urinary Tract (see items in blue, above.)
Severity of Symptoms
Your urinary symptoms are classified as mild. Usually this means that treatment is
not necessary until symptoms worsen. If you do start some treatment, you may
have difficulty noticing improvement because your symptoms are mild.
If a man desires treatment for symptoms of an enlarged prostate, his options include medications and surgery. Neither is indicated in my case. My treatment is simply to avoid caffeine (coffee, tea, cola drinks), diuretics (petai, asparagus being two of them) and to take a piss every two hours whether I feel like having one or not.
DIAGNOSTIC PROCEDURES
Transrectal Ultrasound (not indicated)
During a transrectal ultrasound (TRUS), an instrument is placed into the rectum that produces and detects sound waves that bounce off the prostate gland. The pattern of the sound waves creates a picture of the prostate gland that can help locate areas of abnormal tissue. TRUS can also be used to help a doctor guide a needle to the correct spot in the prostate gland for collecting a tissue sample (biopsy).
Transabdominal Ultrasound (not indicated)
You will need to drink 4 to 6 glasses (240 ml) of liquid about an hour before the test and avoid urinating until the test is over. If you cannot drink enough liquid, your bladder may be filled with water through a thin, flexible tube (catheter) inserted through your urethra.
You will be asked to lie on your back on a padded examination table. A special gel will be spread on your abdomen to improve the transmission of the sound waves, which do not pass easily through air. The transducer is pressed against your skin and moved across your abdomen multiple times. You need to lie very still while the ultrasound scan is being done. You may be asked to take a breath and hold it for several seconds during the scanning.
When the test is finished, the gel is cleaned off your skin. You can urinate as soon as the test is done. Transabdominal ultrasound takes about 30 minutes. You may be asked to wait until the radiologist has reviewed the information. The radiologist may want to do additional ultrasound views.
Pelvic Ultrasound in Men (not indicated)
Normal:
The prostate gland and seminal vesicles are normal in size and shape. No growths, tumours, or other abnormalities (such as cysts) are seen.
The bladder is normal in size and shape. No stones or abnormal growths are seen. If the bladder is evaluated before and after urination, it empties completely during urination.
Urine flows from the ureter openings into the bladder.
Abnormal:
Benign prostatic hypertrophy is one of the most common abnormal findings. Other abnormal results may include an abscess, a kidney stone in the urinary tract, or a tumour in or near the prostate gland or bladder.
The bladder may have an abnormal shape or a thickened wall. A growth or stone may be seen in the bladder. If the bladder is evaluated before and after urination, it may not empty completely during urination.
An abnormal amount of fluid is present in the pelvis.
Digital Rectal Examination (done)
Flow Rate Test (done)
I drank 2.5 litres of water in one go and pissed onto a machine. If it means anything to you, here are my results (I repeated it twice as I had so much piss inside me after drinking 2.5 litres of mineral water):
RESULTS 1
July 6, 2004; 5.10 pm
Voiding Time: 21 s
Flow Time: 19 s
Time to Max Flow: 4 s
Max Flow Rate: 20.9 ml/s
Average Flow rate: 14.1 ml/s
Voided Volume: 272 ml
Filter: Standard
Sensor: Spinning Disk
RESULTS 2
July 6, 2004; 5.16 pm
Voiding Time: 16 s
Flow Time: 15 s
Time to Max Flow: 5 s
Max Flow Rate: 27.0 ml/s
Average Flow rate: 15.7 ml/s
Voided Volume: 239 ml
Filter: Standard
Sensor: Spinning Disk
RESULTS 3
July 6, 2004; 5.42 pm
Voiding Time: 33 s
Flow Time: 25 s
Time to Max Flow: 11 s
Max Flow Rate: 33.5 ml/s
Average Flow rate: 13.1 ml/s
Voided Volume: 337 ml
Filter: Standard
Sensor: Spinning Disk
Nota Bene:
Results 3 is inaccurate as I did it while taking 2 samples ~ one in the beginning of the flow and one in mid-flow. These samples were to investigate for sub-clinical infections and for microscopic blood in the urine which may determine the underlying aetiology for my BPH. I shall get the results of these investigations in two weeks.
Further Reading
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
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