contributed by Tiki
All of us spend our lives searching, consciously or unconsciously, for lasting fulfillment. We make hundreds of decisions every day, from what to eat for breakfast to what CD to listen to in the car to how hard to work on a project to whom we fall in love with, based on what we think will make us happier, what will create a greater sense of security, what will provide us with more of the things we tell ourselves we need to feel successful and complete. Most of these decisions are attempts to master, or at least cope with, the outer world. This is where we put our energies ~ trying to get what we want and keep everything under control.
In spite of our best efforts, in spite of how hard we try to get everything to turn out the way we want it to, a strange thing happens: our hopes and dreams keep bumping into reality. We have a picture of how we always thought our lives should be, but if we are really honest with ourselves, we have to admit that our lives look very different from that picture. And so we suffer, because what is happening, because we are feeling something different from what we think we should be feeling. Reality lets us down, not just once, but over and over again.
At some point in our lives, usually by the time we reach our thirties or forties, we face the difficult realization that no matter what we acquire or achieve, we can't completely control what happens on the outside. This conclusion often fills our hearts with a deep sensation of emotional and spiritual uneasiness, and haunts our minds with challenging and perhaps disturbing questions: What is the purpose of my life? What am I supposed to be doing here? Why is it so difficult for me to experience true happiness, true inner peace?
Sunday, March 14, 2004
Friday, March 12, 2004
Notable Mention
Got mentioned in Jalan-Jalan on Wednesday for pointing out some typos and for "being such a stickler for grammatical conventions." Go read it for yourself here.
Although it appears I have no right to, according to Belle de Jour, also on Wednesday:
mercredi 10 mars
It's official - everyone's an editor now. I shall go through the archives and change all sentences to suit the suggestions that come my way.
Um, or not.
Got mentioned in Jalan-Jalan on Wednesday for pointing out some typos and for "being such a stickler for grammatical conventions." Go read it for yourself here.
Although it appears I have no right to, according to Belle de Jour, also on Wednesday:
mercredi 10 mars
It's official - everyone's an editor now. I shall go through the archives and change all sentences to suit the suggestions that come my way.
Um, or not.
Midnight Musings
Midnight Musings
Although we had never met before, she let on that she had come across me on the Net ~ but couldn't remember if it was My Friendship Site, My Blog or My Fan Club. She just remembered my photo ("Oh, sure!") and had recognised me. Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Talking about reputation, it appears that I've become a bit of a minor celebrity in the Securities Commission, with the whole of the SC, it seems, discussing whether I'm real, a fake or just a persona. Apparently, they've been forwarding the URL of My Friendship Site to each other and having heated debates ~ which explains a couple of miss calls I received from the general line of the SC a few weeks ago. I guess the caller wanted to find out if I was for real but didn't really know what to say. When I called back, of course, the operator answered, but since I didn't know who had called, that was where the trail went cold.
A source reliably informs me that a gaggle of ladies behaving like schoolgirls had met at the Coffee Bean in Ampang Point lunchtime last Saturday. They had brought along pages printed from My Friendship Site and were having a raucous time pouring over my prose. It was almost too unreal to believe ~ some of these ladies were middle-aged and married ~ and, yet, they were enthusiastically discussing my thoughts on relationships, love and romance like a study group going over their notes on Hardy or Byron.
As you know, I get my fair share of hate-mail ~ "Ah, the price of fame!" ~ the majority of which are from Malay boyz. I hesitate to call them "men" because they don't appear to be mature enough to deserve to be called "men." Some of them are friends or colleagues of my lady friends, who were appalled to note that these boyz ~ their friends ~ could say such nasty things about me, someone they hadn't met or even know. They say that this behaviour is typical of Malay boyz ~ and a particularly virulent specimen is a final-year English literature student at the International Islamic University. I'm sad that a literature student, of all students, could be so juvenile.
I write what I write. I make no apologies for this. If you do not like what I write, that is fine. After all, I am not holding a gun to your head and forcing you to read my essays. You do not have to read them (I doubt my blog is set reading text). It's a free world. If anyone thinks what I write is wrong, they're most welcome to start a blog of their own and write (if, indeed, these boyz are capable of articulating what transpires inside those silly heads of theirs) to correct me.
Freedom of expression ~ one of the basic tenets of democracy ~ means I am free to write (predicated by the laws of copyright and of libel) what I desire. They may not agree with what I write, but I sincerely doubt that they are willing to defend to their death, my freedom to express it.
This is a sad state of affairs, indeed, and not only a dismal reflection on the state of our education system, but also of our society and the values it purports to uphold. And a couple of months of National Service is unlikely to put that right, either.
Note:
Also kecoh sikit kat www.wolverinemalaya.com as you can see:
... din_y65: azlan adnan sape nih??apsal kecoh pasal azlan adnan nih?? alan si kumis aku kenal ...
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
How to Tell if You're Rich
by Harvey Mackay
When I was a kid in Minnesota, watermelon was a delicacy. One of my father's buddies, Bernie, was a prosperous fruit-and-vegetable wholesaler, who operated a warehouse in St. Paul.
Every summer, when the first watermelons rolled in, Bernie would call. Dad and I would go to Bernie's warehouse and take up our positions. We'd sit on the edge of the dock, feet dangling, and lean over, minimizing the volume of juice we were about to spill on ourselves.
Bernie would take his machete, crack our first watermelon, hand us both a big piece and sit down next to us. Then we'd bury our faces in watermelon, eating only the heart - the reddest, juiciest, firmest, most seed-free, most perfect part - and throw away the rest.
Bernie was my father's idea of a rich man. I always thought it was because he was such a successful businessman.
Years later, I realized that what my father admired about Bernie's wealth was less its substance than its application.
Bernie knew how to stop working, get together with friends and eat only the heart of the watermelon.
What I learned from Bernie is that being rich is a state of mind. Some of us, no matter how much money we have, will never be free enough to eat only the heart of the watermelon. Others are rich without ever being more than a paycheck ahead.
If you don't take the time to dangle your feet over the dock and chomp into life's small pleasures, your career is probably overwhelming your life. For many years, forgot that lesson I'd learned as a kid on the loading dock. I was too busy making all the money I could.
Well, I've relearned it. I hope I have time left to enjoy the accomplishments of others and to take pleasure in the day. That's the heart of the watermelon. I have learned again to throw the rest away.
Finally, I am rich.
by Harvey Mackay
When I was a kid in Minnesota, watermelon was a delicacy. One of my father's buddies, Bernie, was a prosperous fruit-and-vegetable wholesaler, who operated a warehouse in St. Paul.
Every summer, when the first watermelons rolled in, Bernie would call. Dad and I would go to Bernie's warehouse and take up our positions. We'd sit on the edge of the dock, feet dangling, and lean over, minimizing the volume of juice we were about to spill on ourselves.
Bernie would take his machete, crack our first watermelon, hand us both a big piece and sit down next to us. Then we'd bury our faces in watermelon, eating only the heart - the reddest, juiciest, firmest, most seed-free, most perfect part - and throw away the rest.
Bernie was my father's idea of a rich man. I always thought it was because he was such a successful businessman.
Years later, I realized that what my father admired about Bernie's wealth was less its substance than its application.
Bernie knew how to stop working, get together with friends and eat only the heart of the watermelon.
What I learned from Bernie is that being rich is a state of mind. Some of us, no matter how much money we have, will never be free enough to eat only the heart of the watermelon. Others are rich without ever being more than a paycheck ahead.
If you don't take the time to dangle your feet over the dock and chomp into life's small pleasures, your career is probably overwhelming your life. For many years, forgot that lesson I'd learned as a kid on the loading dock. I was too busy making all the money I could.
Well, I've relearned it. I hope I have time left to enjoy the accomplishments of others and to take pleasure in the day. That's the heart of the watermelon. I have learned again to throw the rest away.
Finally, I am rich.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
WHAT OTHERS SAY
I have updated my Friendship Site to include a
WHAT OTHERS SAY section at the bottom of the front page.
Check it out at my Friendship Site.
Please feel free to forward the URL ~ http://geocities.com/azlan088 ~ to your friends and colleagues.
Also, if you have any Comments you wish me to consider including in the WHAT OTHERS SAY section, please email them to az2koh@yahoo.co.uk
Do not forget to include your Full Name, Designation, Company, E-mail address, and Website URL.
Thank you.
never a dull moment
(",) azlan ::~~~
the Absolutely Hilarious, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
I have updated my Friendship Site to include a
WHAT OTHERS SAY section at the bottom of the front page.
Check it out at my Friendship Site.
Please feel free to forward the URL ~ http://geocities.com/azlan088 ~ to your friends and colleagues.
Also, if you have any Comments you wish me to consider including in the WHAT OTHERS SAY section, please email them to az2koh@yahoo.co.uk
Do not forget to include your Full Name, Designation, Company, E-mail address, and Website URL.
Thank you.
never a dull moment
(",) azlan ::~~~
the Absolutely Hilarious, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
Monday, March 08, 2004
Election issues
What are the political issues that differentiate the Barisan Nasional (National Front) from the Opposition in the coming Malaysian General Elections on March 21? What are the issues the Malaysian public are most concerned about?
Certainly, corruption in public office is high on the agenda. If the Barisan Nasional (BN) fields candidates with less than a pristine reputation, candidates who have a chequered past, candidates with a reputation for being skirt-lifters, candidates who are well-past their expiry date, they have only themselves to blame if they do not win with the majority they expect.
Yes, it is true, the BN will win by a two-thirds majority. They may not be able to regain Kelantan or Terengganu. They may even lose Kedah and Perlis. One or two "big name" BN MPs will certainly lose their seats. Many BN candidates will win, albeit with a narrower majority. All of that is almost a dead certainty.
The Malaysian population would like to see more good work done by the Anti-Corruption Agency (ACA). To this end, they will not vote for candidates who are known to be less than upright. The BN has to ensure that they field reputable candidates. To not do this, would be to court disaster ~ political suicide, even.
Malaysians are a little intolerant of PAS, the main Opposition party, because of its inflexible "Islamic State" policies. However, the electorate is willing to send a strong message to the BN by voting for PAS if the BN fields the wrong candidates. MPs and Ministers who have over-stayed their terms in office should not be fielded. Young blood is what is needed, especially in the MIC and Gerakan (component BN parties).
While mega-projects like Putrajaya and the Twin Towers are seen as a waste of public money by the population, infrastructure projects are most welcomed. The new highways on the outskirts of Kuala Lumpur, for example, have alleviated much of the traffic congestion in KL and are much appreciated. So have the PUTRA, STAR, Aerobus and KTM Kommuter railway systems. A promise to revive the North-South double-tracking railway system, while much appreciated, is not exactly an election issue, though.
The economy is on the mend. Unemployment is not an election issue. In any case, it is doubtful if the Opposition can do a better job with the economy. So, the economy is not an election issue.
Anwar Ibrahim is a non-issue. In fact, most Malaysians are certainly quite fed-up of hearing his name and wish he'd just die; if not for anything, so that they can forgot this whole sordid episode. Similarly, the DAP, a has-been opposition political party, is history.
So, really, except for the corruption issue, which the government can do something about by making some well-timed high-profile arrests in the next two weeks; and by fielding young and upright candidates, this election is going to be one characterized by the lack of issues.
Go and vote in the morning and then sit back, relax and watch Formula 1 on the telly at 3 pm.
What are the political issues that differentiate the Barisan Nasional (National Front) from the Opposition in the coming Malaysian General Elections on March 21? What are the issues the Malaysian public are most concerned about?
Certainly, corruption in public office is high on the agenda. If the Barisan Nasional (BN) fields candidates with less than a pristine reputation, candidates who have a chequered past, candidates with a reputation for being skirt-lifters, candidates who are well-past their expiry date, they have only themselves to blame if they do not win with the majority they expect.
Yes, it is true, the BN will win by a two-thirds majority. They may not be able to regain Kelantan or Terengganu. They may even lose Kedah and Perlis. One or two "big name" BN MPs will certainly lose their seats. Many BN candidates will win, albeit with a narrower majority. All of that is almost a dead certainty.
The Malaysian population would like to see more good work done by the Anti-Corruption Agency (ACA). To this end, they will not vote for candidates who are known to be less than upright. The BN has to ensure that they field reputable candidates. To not do this, would be to court disaster ~ political suicide, even.
Malaysians are a little intolerant of PAS, the main Opposition party, because of its inflexible "Islamic State" policies. However, the electorate is willing to send a strong message to the BN by voting for PAS if the BN fields the wrong candidates. MPs and Ministers who have over-stayed their terms in office should not be fielded. Young blood is what is needed, especially in the MIC and Gerakan (component BN parties).
While mega-projects like Putrajaya and the Twin Towers are seen as a waste of public money by the population, infrastructure projects are most welcomed. The new highways on the outskirts of Kuala Lumpur, for example, have alleviated much of the traffic congestion in KL and are much appreciated. So have the PUTRA, STAR, Aerobus and KTM Kommuter railway systems. A promise to revive the North-South double-tracking railway system, while much appreciated, is not exactly an election issue, though.
The economy is on the mend. Unemployment is not an election issue. In any case, it is doubtful if the Opposition can do a better job with the economy. So, the economy is not an election issue.
Anwar Ibrahim is a non-issue. In fact, most Malaysians are certainly quite fed-up of hearing his name and wish he'd just die; if not for anything, so that they can forgot this whole sordid episode. Similarly, the DAP, a has-been opposition political party, is history.
So, really, except for the corruption issue, which the government can do something about by making some well-timed high-profile arrests in the next two weeks; and by fielding young and upright candidates, this election is going to be one characterized by the lack of issues.
Go and vote in the morning and then sit back, relax and watch Formula 1 on the telly at 3 pm.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
A question of etiquette
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Miss C
Date: Mar 6, 2004 08:33 PM
if a boy and a girl have been together for a long time, should the guy/girl invite their significant other to friends' birthdays, weddings, etc? yes or no? and if it is yes? some of the time? most of the time? all of the time?
----------------- My Response -----------------
There is no hard and fast rule. Do whatever feels most comfortable, for both of you and well as the host.
If the both of you are "an item" and your friends and relatives know this, an invitation to you should rightly be for "Miss C and Partner." If the invitation is for "Miss C" only, then extending the invitation to include your partner without your host's knowledge and permission may cause problems with the catering arrangements as your significant other was not expected. This would also embarass your significant other, as he may feel excluded at the party. Besides, you should realise it's not you who's the host. You have no business inviting anybody. That's the host's prerogative; it's their party.
Having said that, if you get an invitation for "Miss C" only and you feel like bringing along your significant other, please clarify with your host if you may bring your significant other. Most hosts would be gracious enough to say they didn't realise you were both an item, apologise for the oversight, and say, of course, please extend the invitation to him as well. Your host would also make the necessary adjustments to the catering arrangements.
The next issue is your significant other. An invitation is just that ~ an invitation. It is up to you and your significant other to either accept or decline an invitation. You may both decide to both accept the invitation or ~ for various reasons ~ only for you to accept it. It is considered bad form for your significant other to accept the invitation and for you not to. That would be kinda weird, too.
Of course, the host may be mutual friends of you and your significant other and he may have received a separate invitation of his own. It that case, he may accept the invitation even if you should decline and there would be no etiquette issue.
Coming back to your significant other. Having received an invitation for "Miss C and Partner" ~ for you and your significant other ~ and you wish to accept the invitation and want to bring along your significant other, but he is unwilling to go. This is a likely scenario. You should be both open enough to discuss and understand his reluctance.
Say it's for a cousin's wedding and all your relatives would be there and he's not ready to face them. Perhaps you may reassure him it's no big deal. Or, perhaps, he is not ready to make a marital commitment to you and sees going to the wedding as "problematic." All your aunts and cousins would ask you when is your turn to get married and he just doesn't want to face all that pressure.
Or, it could be something as simple as he would be out of town, having to work over-time or would be otherwise indisposed at the time of the party. Discuss this with him. Talk to each other. Don't make assumptions!
As I have written elsewhere in my profile and at my friendship site, "communication based on mutual respect and honesty is key to any relationship" and also "you should be very open with your feelings as the foundation of intimacy is truth."
As a general rule of thumb, doing the right thing is doing what feels most comfortable for all parties concerned.
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Miss C
Date: Mar 6, 2004 08:33 PM
if a boy and a girl have been together for a long time, should the guy/girl invite their significant other to friends' birthdays, weddings, etc? yes or no? and if it is yes? some of the time? most of the time? all of the time?
----------------- My Response -----------------
There is no hard and fast rule. Do whatever feels most comfortable, for both of you and well as the host.
If the both of you are "an item" and your friends and relatives know this, an invitation to you should rightly be for "Miss C and Partner." If the invitation is for "Miss C" only, then extending the invitation to include your partner without your host's knowledge and permission may cause problems with the catering arrangements as your significant other was not expected. This would also embarass your significant other, as he may feel excluded at the party. Besides, you should realise it's not you who's the host. You have no business inviting anybody. That's the host's prerogative; it's their party.
Having said that, if you get an invitation for "Miss C" only and you feel like bringing along your significant other, please clarify with your host if you may bring your significant other. Most hosts would be gracious enough to say they didn't realise you were both an item, apologise for the oversight, and say, of course, please extend the invitation to him as well. Your host would also make the necessary adjustments to the catering arrangements.
The next issue is your significant other. An invitation is just that ~ an invitation. It is up to you and your significant other to either accept or decline an invitation. You may both decide to both accept the invitation or ~ for various reasons ~ only for you to accept it. It is considered bad form for your significant other to accept the invitation and for you not to. That would be kinda weird, too.
Of course, the host may be mutual friends of you and your significant other and he may have received a separate invitation of his own. It that case, he may accept the invitation even if you should decline and there would be no etiquette issue.
Coming back to your significant other. Having received an invitation for "Miss C and Partner" ~ for you and your significant other ~ and you wish to accept the invitation and want to bring along your significant other, but he is unwilling to go. This is a likely scenario. You should be both open enough to discuss and understand his reluctance.
Say it's for a cousin's wedding and all your relatives would be there and he's not ready to face them. Perhaps you may reassure him it's no big deal. Or, perhaps, he is not ready to make a marital commitment to you and sees going to the wedding as "problematic." All your aunts and cousins would ask you when is your turn to get married and he just doesn't want to face all that pressure.
Or, it could be something as simple as he would be out of town, having to work over-time or would be otherwise indisposed at the time of the party. Discuss this with him. Talk to each other. Don't make assumptions!
As I have written elsewhere in my profile and at my friendship site, "communication based on mutual respect and honesty is key to any relationship" and also "you should be very open with your feelings as the foundation of intimacy is truth."
As a general rule of thumb, doing the right thing is doing what feels most comfortable for all parties concerned.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Aleeya stars in Udara
WATCH TV3 AT 9 PM TONIGHT (WED MARCH 3)
My MySpace Friend Aleeya is starring in Udara a TV3 drama at 9 pm tonight, Wednesday, March 3.
She's single and available so if you know any guys who want to catch a babe, (did I just say "catch"? I meant "watch") just ask them to tune in tonight, okay?
BTW, the drama was filmed 3 years ago, but I can attest Aleeya masih lagi cun as I've met her in person.
live and laugh
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
WATCH TV3 AT 9 PM TONIGHT (WED MARCH 3)
My MySpace Friend Aleeya is starring in Udara a TV3 drama at 9 pm tonight, Wednesday, March 3.
She's single and available so if you know any guys who want to catch a babe, (did I just say "catch"? I meant "watch") just ask them to tune in tonight, okay?
BTW, the drama was filmed 3 years ago, but I can attest Aleeya masih lagi cun as I've met her in person.
live and laugh
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
Sunday, February 29, 2004
Quotation of the Week
Many thanks to my new fan club member Estela Marie B. Ubaña for this absolutely profound quotation:
"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not."
which I have edited to read as:
"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for who you are not."
I love the subtle change in meaning.
live and laugh
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
Many thanks to my new fan club member Estela Marie B. Ubaña for this absolutely profound quotation:
"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not."
which I have edited to read as:
"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for who you are not."
I love the subtle change in meaning.
live and laugh
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
Saturday, February 28, 2004
The End, or, A New Beginning?
From: M
Date: Feb 28, 2004
Subject: A Goodbye Letter
Dear P,
I give up… There are a lot of things that I want to tell you, but I don’t know where to start. I just want to thank you for the friendship that was. I am not sure if I can stay friends with you because I am always expecting… assuming that we have more than friendship. I should have kept it simple, the first time you shared your thoughts… your books… your angst in life… your life… with me. I should have made myself understand that I can never have you. I may strike you as a carefree “one–of-the-boys� pare that you can ask for favors from… a girl who drinks more than you do… a girl who stopped smoking to impress you without you knowing my reasons… I may be the strong-willed individual in your eyes… I may act as if I don’t need you. But you are wrong; I wore a mask to hide my expectations, to hide my assumptions, to hide the colossal and confusing emotions building up inside me… I just want to let go of these emotions without searching for the reasons. There are questions that are simply left unanswered. I don’t want to infer with my heart, I just want to give everything up before the time comes that I am holding on to you more than I am holding on to reality… thanks for the thoughtfulness and the sincerity of your friendship…
Goodbye!!!
M
----------------- My Response -----------------
Dear M,
As I write in my Friendship Site, "The ladies I'm seeking need to possess, above all, sincerity and candour... You should be very open with your feelings as the foundation of intimacy is truth. ...I believe communication based on mutual respect and honesty is key to any relationship..."
Being transparent has its virtues.
Love is nothing but feelings. There are no reasons in love, it is purely affective. When you start having reasons, that is when you become calculative and scheming. Love is nothing like that.
It is evident you have a lot of feelings for your friend. And it appears that this may be the first time you have communicated the intensity of these feelings to him directly. Men can be so dumb sometimes. We just don't get hints easily. You just have to tell us straight.
If he requests you to reconsider, I would encourage you to do so and resolve to be more open, transparent and more sincere in your relationship with him.
It may not be time to end the relationship, but to start a new phase based on an altogether different footing...
Please come visit my Friendship Site; it may be written with much tongue-in-cheek, but it does offer much sensible ideas to consider...
take care
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
From: M
Date: Feb 28, 2004
Subject: A Goodbye Letter
Dear P,
I give up… There are a lot of things that I want to tell you, but I don’t know where to start. I just want to thank you for the friendship that was. I am not sure if I can stay friends with you because I am always expecting… assuming that we have more than friendship. I should have kept it simple, the first time you shared your thoughts… your books… your angst in life… your life… with me. I should have made myself understand that I can never have you. I may strike you as a carefree “one–of-the-boys� pare that you can ask for favors from… a girl who drinks more than you do… a girl who stopped smoking to impress you without you knowing my reasons… I may be the strong-willed individual in your eyes… I may act as if I don’t need you. But you are wrong; I wore a mask to hide my expectations, to hide my assumptions, to hide the colossal and confusing emotions building up inside me… I just want to let go of these emotions without searching for the reasons. There are questions that are simply left unanswered. I don’t want to infer with my heart, I just want to give everything up before the time comes that I am holding on to you more than I am holding on to reality… thanks for the thoughtfulness and the sincerity of your friendship…
Goodbye!!!
M
----------------- My Response -----------------
Dear M,
As I write in my Friendship Site, "The ladies I'm seeking need to possess, above all, sincerity and candour... You should be very open with your feelings as the foundation of intimacy is truth. ...I believe communication based on mutual respect and honesty is key to any relationship..."
Being transparent has its virtues.
Love is nothing but feelings. There are no reasons in love, it is purely affective. When you start having reasons, that is when you become calculative and scheming. Love is nothing like that.
It is evident you have a lot of feelings for your friend. And it appears that this may be the first time you have communicated the intensity of these feelings to him directly. Men can be so dumb sometimes. We just don't get hints easily. You just have to tell us straight.
If he requests you to reconsider, I would encourage you to do so and resolve to be more open, transparent and more sincere in your relationship with him.
It may not be time to end the relationship, but to start a new phase based on an altogether different footing...
Please come visit my Friendship Site; it may be written with much tongue-in-cheek, but it does offer much sensible ideas to consider...
take care
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
Subject: ON JEALOUSY ~ Part 2
From: Absolutely Hilarious, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
Date: Feb 27, 2004 11:31 PM
It is so perceptive of you, Sheilla, when you say:
"For me, it's all about self-confidence, rational thinking and mutual-respect."
Self-confidence is important because a low self-esteem primes you for most life's miseries.
Rational thinking is by far the most under-estimated of the skills you need to possess to succeed in the world. I was introduced to philosophical thought in 1970 by an obituary of Bertrand Russell in the New Straits Times, which described him as a mathematician and "philosopher." "Mathematics," I know, but I hadn't heard of "philosophy" before then and when I looked it up in the dictionary (another habit most people are too lazy or untrained to do nowadays) it said "love of wisdom." And I said to myself, I could do with that. And so those were the beginnings of my philosophical education. I started by reading In Praise of Idleness and Why I am Not a Christian and ended up reading almost everything I could find written by Russell. Also read books on Descartes and other greats ~ I still love Existentialism.
From Philosophy, my interest naturally progressed to Psychology and by 16, I was reading university textbooks: not just introductory texts but also books on Developmental Psychology, Social Psychology and Abnormal Psychology. The Art of Loving by Erich Fromme was such a great book to read because here was an eminent psychologist and what he writes was very much what I had thought about and came to similar conclusions myself! So much so I found my Form 5 school textbooks terribly dull and boring. Needless to say, I hardly read them and did poorly for my MCE/SPM. I got by with 6 C3s, and A1 for English, C5 for Additional Maths and C6 for English Literature.
Anyway, the point of my previous two paragraphs is that those early forays into Philosophy and Psychology formed the basis of my philosophical worldview now ~ I'm a rationalist, a deductionalist and a deconstructionist. Somewhere along the way I discovered I had high cognitive needs and had to be studying something or rather all the time, whether it be Astronomy, Ecology, Environmentalism (I read Silent Spring long before it became fashionable to do so), Mysticism, Engineering, Plate Tectonics, Radio Theory (I've passed the RAE) or Computing.
The ability to respect others, while having its aetiology in your upbringing, sooner or later, reflects your self-esteem and self-respect. After all, if you cannot respect yourself, how can you respect others? If you abuse your body (by over-eating or taking recreational drugs, say) how can another expect you to respect them?
In the final analysis, mutual respect is just an extension of self-respect, which in turn is dictated by your self-esteem ~ your self-confidence.
Subject: ON JEALOUSY ~ Part 2
From: Absolutely Hilarious, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
Date: Feb 27, 2004 11:31 PM
It is so perceptive of you, Sheilla, when you say:
"For me, it's all about self-confidence, rational thinking and mutual-respect."
Self-confidence is important because a low self-esteem primes you for most life's miseries.
Rational thinking is by far the most under-estimated of the skills you need to possess to succeed in the world. I was introduced to philosophical thought in 1970 by an obituary of Bertrand Russell in the New Straits Times, which described him as a mathematician and "philosopher." "Mathematics," I know, but I hadn't heard of "philosophy" before then and when I looked it up in the dictionary (another habit most people are too lazy or untrained to do nowadays) it said "love of wisdom." And I said to myself, I could do with that. And so those were the beginnings of my philosophical education. I started by reading In Praise of Idleness and Why I am Not a Christian and ended up reading almost everything I could find written by Russell. Also read books on Descartes and other greats ~ I still love Existentialism.
From Philosophy, my interest naturally progressed to Psychology and by 16, I was reading university textbooks: not just introductory texts but also books on Developmental Psychology, Social Psychology and Abnormal Psychology. The Art of Loving by Erich Fromme was such a great book to read because here was an eminent psychologist and what he writes was very much what I had thought about and came to similar conclusions myself! So much so I found my Form 5 school textbooks terribly dull and boring. Needless to say, I hardly read them and did poorly for my MCE/SPM. I got by with 6 C3s, and A1 for English, C5 for Additional Maths and C6 for English Literature.
Anyway, the point of my previous two paragraphs is that those early forays into Philosophy and Psychology formed the basis of my philosophical worldview now ~ I'm a rationalist, a deductionalist and a deconstructionist. Somewhere along the way I discovered I had high cognitive needs and had to be studying something or rather all the time, whether it be Astronomy, Ecology, Environmentalism (I read Silent Spring long before it became fashionable to do so), Mysticism, Engineering, Plate Tectonics, Radio Theory (I've passed the RAE) or Computing.
The ability to respect others, while having its aetiology in your upbringing, sooner or later, reflects your self-esteem and self-respect. After all, if you cannot respect yourself, how can you respect others? If you abuse your body (by over-eating or taking recreational drugs, say) how can another expect you to respect them?
In the final analysis, mutual respect is just an extension of self-respect, which in turn is dictated by your self-esteem ~ your self-confidence.
Friday, February 27, 2004
on ENVY and JEALOUSY
Many people are unaware of the difference between envy and jealousy.
Envy is a positive attitude and can motivate you to greater heights. For example, if your best friend has a CGPA of 3.8, it is natural for you to feel a little envious and it may well make you study harder from now on.
Jealousy on the other hand is a negative attitude. Feeling jealous may move you to do negative things like sabotaging your friend, bad-mouthing her, and etc.
In so far as both envy and jealousy are affective, that is, they pertain to your feelings, you can control them because you are one of those intelligent and mature enough to realise that your mind controls your feelings. If, however, you find that your feelings control your mind, you are are still thinking with your "reptilian brain" (medula oblongata) and not your "higher" brain (cerebrum and cerebellum). You will need to change this.
After all, it is through our mind, that we are in control of our life and actions. It is we, who decide whether we want to let something upset us or not. Yes, I did say "let." Because unless we give permission for a feeling like jealousy to affect us, we are still in charge of our lives.
What are your thoughts?
Many people are unaware of the difference between envy and jealousy.
Envy is a positive attitude and can motivate you to greater heights. For example, if your best friend has a CGPA of 3.8, it is natural for you to feel a little envious and it may well make you study harder from now on.
Jealousy on the other hand is a negative attitude. Feeling jealous may move you to do negative things like sabotaging your friend, bad-mouthing her, and etc.
In so far as both envy and jealousy are affective, that is, they pertain to your feelings, you can control them because you are one of those intelligent and mature enough to realise that your mind controls your feelings. If, however, you find that your feelings control your mind, you are are still thinking with your "reptilian brain" (medula oblongata) and not your "higher" brain (cerebrum and cerebellum). You will need to change this.
After all, it is through our mind, that we are in control of our life and actions. It is we, who decide whether we want to let something upset us or not. Yes, I did say "let." Because unless we give permission for a feeling like jealousy to affect us, we are still in charge of our lives.
What are your thoughts?
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Random Jottings
1) I must apologise on behalf of blogspot.com for the multiple postings you've been getting. I've written to their support and hopefully they'll sort out this problem soon. I've configured this blog to send ONE copy of every new posting to my Fan Club mailing list. However, for the past few days, it's been sending MULTIPLE copies, at least three. Until blogspot sorts this out, please delete the extra copies. No need to tell me. We are aware of the problem and blogspot is diagnosing their system. FYI, they are moving their servers to a new location and for the time being, their system is using a temporary server. So the three copies may be coming one each from the old server, the temporary server and the new server. So please bear with it until their transition is completed and they shut down their old and temporary servers.
2) I saw the moon and Mars in the western sky at 8.30 pm last night. My, were they beautiful. The moon was a sharp crescent and within a few degrees of Mars and both were a beautiful glowing orange.
3) Took the maid to the clinic yesterday evening ~ she was complaining of pains in her lower abdomen. The doctor at the 24-hr clinic I took her to said he suspected an ovarian cyst. He wanted to do a urine test but since the maid was having her menses, that would make the test inaccurate. He decided to refer her to the gynae next door for an ultrasound scan. Turned out she has a fibroid in her uterus the size of a large mango. Need to take her to GH for an operation soon.
4) But doctors can be such quacks at times. One of my cousins was told she had a fibroid in her uterus. They opened her up and found nothing. It doesn't matter if the state-of-the-art of medical diagnostic imaging isn't perfect; surely, the doctor should have done other collaboratives tests? For example, palpating the uterus manually would have given some indication if a fibroid was present or not. Bodoh kan?
5) One of my friends, Maria Joy Rowan, would be on TV3 at 9.30 pm tomorrow, Wednesday, Feb 25. The program is called EXPLORACE and she is one of the participants.
live and laugh
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
1) I must apologise on behalf of blogspot.com for the multiple postings you've been getting. I've written to their support and hopefully they'll sort out this problem soon. I've configured this blog to send ONE copy of every new posting to my Fan Club mailing list. However, for the past few days, it's been sending MULTIPLE copies, at least three. Until blogspot sorts this out, please delete the extra copies. No need to tell me. We are aware of the problem and blogspot is diagnosing their system. FYI, they are moving their servers to a new location and for the time being, their system is using a temporary server. So the three copies may be coming one each from the old server, the temporary server and the new server. So please bear with it until their transition is completed and they shut down their old and temporary servers.
2) I saw the moon and Mars in the western sky at 8.30 pm last night. My, were they beautiful. The moon was a sharp crescent and within a few degrees of Mars and both were a beautiful glowing orange.
3) Took the maid to the clinic yesterday evening ~ she was complaining of pains in her lower abdomen. The doctor at the 24-hr clinic I took her to said he suspected an ovarian cyst. He wanted to do a urine test but since the maid was having her menses, that would make the test inaccurate. He decided to refer her to the gynae next door for an ultrasound scan. Turned out she has a fibroid in her uterus the size of a large mango. Need to take her to GH for an operation soon.
4) But doctors can be such quacks at times. One of my cousins was told she had a fibroid in her uterus. They opened her up and found nothing. It doesn't matter if the state-of-the-art of medical diagnostic imaging isn't perfect; surely, the doctor should have done other collaboratives tests? For example, palpating the uterus manually would have given some indication if a fibroid was present or not. Bodoh kan?
5) One of my friends, Maria Joy Rowan, would be on TV3 at 9.30 pm tomorrow, Wednesday, Feb 25. The program is called EXPLORACE and she is one of the participants.
live and laugh
(",) azlan ::~~~
the AHFW guy!
Sunday, February 22, 2004
February Update
The past month has been rather chaotic for me, what with me being intermittently away and having limited access to the Net so I haven't been blogging as usual or "entertaining" my Fan Club members as much as I should. So new members may be wondering what's going on.
The good news is that I shall be back with full access to the Net next week and also I had the electrician and wireman come in today to move my iMac to my room from the TV room so that I will be less interrupted by people who want to watch the TV in the dark.
Over the next few days I shall also attempt something I haven't done before ~ re-install Mac OS X onto another partition on my hard disk. The partition where it is on right now is almost full and I intend to install it on a partition with is much bigger and has more free space. This will allow me to install the latest upgrades to the OS X, including some javascript support for Safari.
Also, from March 1, I shall be the Website Administrator for http://www.ypcs.org ~ the website for the Young Professionals Consultative Society. I would encourage you to join this society if you are a Malaysian and a working professional.
It is an excellent society for business and social networking. I would also encourage postgraduates and final-year students to join as it would help you get a job. You can register under the Head Hunting section and also there is a Situations Vacant section where jobs are advertised.
The site is in Beta++ testing at the moment and needs to be cleaned up. So please ignore the obvious test entries under the various sections. Do not take them seriously. You can identify them by their hilarious or nonsensical nature.
On the political front, besides bird flu, it is election fever in most of Southeast Asia ~ in the Phillipines, Indonesia and, of course, Malaysia. I met some friends just back from a holiday in Jakarta and they told me their holiday was marred by the pre-election hoo-hah there. They didn't feel very safe; I guess because erm, well, you know what Indons are like when they get excited or incited.
Bernama reported the Selangor MB as saying yesterday that he expects the General Elections in Malaysia to be in a month's time. This is a grave error for Toyo to make. He should have realised that's it is not his place to say when the elections would be. But he has a history of shooting his mouth off. The word on the grapevine is that he would be standing for a Parliament constituency and if he wins will be appointed a Parliamentary Secretary in a Federal Government ministry. If he wins, that is a big if, given his hare-brained track record of shooting his mouth off, as I said.
Which begs the question, who will be the next Selangor Chief Minister? A source within UMNO says that one of the deputy ministers who currently is MP for one of the Selangor constituencies will be sitting for a State seat and made CM if he wins. Or it could be a Parliamentary Secretary with a constituency in Selangor. Kuala Langat and Tanjung Karang were bandied about. As you can see, there is a lot of speculation right now, as can be expected.
Thanks to Hadiyah, a Friend at myspace.com, I've decided to start the New Hijrah Year by modifying my tagline, replacing Harmless with Hilarious. I think it's more apt. What say you?
live and laugh
azlan ::~~~
the Absolutely Hilarious, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
The past month has been rather chaotic for me, what with me being intermittently away and having limited access to the Net so I haven't been blogging as usual or "entertaining" my Fan Club members as much as I should. So new members may be wondering what's going on.
The good news is that I shall be back with full access to the Net next week and also I had the electrician and wireman come in today to move my iMac to my room from the TV room so that I will be less interrupted by people who want to watch the TV in the dark.
Over the next few days I shall also attempt something I haven't done before ~ re-install Mac OS X onto another partition on my hard disk. The partition where it is on right now is almost full and I intend to install it on a partition with is much bigger and has more free space. This will allow me to install the latest upgrades to the OS X, including some javascript support for Safari.
Also, from March 1, I shall be the Website Administrator for http://www.ypcs.org ~ the website for the Young Professionals Consultative Society. I would encourage you to join this society if you are a Malaysian and a working professional.
It is an excellent society for business and social networking. I would also encourage postgraduates and final-year students to join as it would help you get a job. You can register under the Head Hunting section and also there is a Situations Vacant section where jobs are advertised.
The site is in Beta++ testing at the moment and needs to be cleaned up. So please ignore the obvious test entries under the various sections. Do not take them seriously. You can identify them by their hilarious or nonsensical nature.
On the political front, besides bird flu, it is election fever in most of Southeast Asia ~ in the Phillipines, Indonesia and, of course, Malaysia. I met some friends just back from a holiday in Jakarta and they told me their holiday was marred by the pre-election hoo-hah there. They didn't feel very safe; I guess because erm, well, you know what Indons are like when they get excited or incited.
Bernama reported the Selangor MB as saying yesterday that he expects the General Elections in Malaysia to be in a month's time. This is a grave error for Toyo to make. He should have realised that's it is not his place to say when the elections would be. But he has a history of shooting his mouth off. The word on the grapevine is that he would be standing for a Parliament constituency and if he wins will be appointed a Parliamentary Secretary in a Federal Government ministry. If he wins, that is a big if, given his hare-brained track record of shooting his mouth off, as I said.
Which begs the question, who will be the next Selangor Chief Minister? A source within UMNO says that one of the deputy ministers who currently is MP for one of the Selangor constituencies will be sitting for a State seat and made CM if he wins. Or it could be a Parliamentary Secretary with a constituency in Selangor. Kuala Langat and Tanjung Karang were bandied about. As you can see, there is a lot of speculation right now, as can be expected.
Thanks to Hadiyah, a Friend at myspace.com, I've decided to start the New Hijrah Year by modifying my tagline, replacing Harmless with Hilarious. I think it's more apt. What say you?
live and laugh
azlan ::~~~
the Absolutely Hilarious, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
Saturday, February 21, 2004
ANOTHER DJ MISUNDERSTOOD?
There was this story that Yasmin Yusof hosted a quiz over her
morning radio program on the now defunct WOWfm, where she
was looking for "salt & pepper" as the answer.
A lady caller asked for a clue and Yasmin mentioned that
"It's something that you put over your husband's eggs
in the morning" to which the lady caller confidently answered:
"TALCUM POWDER!"
There was this story that Yasmin Yusof hosted a quiz over her
morning radio program on the now defunct WOWfm, where she
was looking for "salt & pepper" as the answer.
A lady caller asked for a clue and Yasmin mentioned that
"It's something that you put over your husband's eggs
in the morning" to which the lady caller confidently answered:
"TALCUM POWDER!"
Sunday, February 01, 2004
Of love and romance
Friday, January 30, 2004
Frog Prince...
Unfortunately, a girl has to kiss many frogs and some toads before she meets her frog prince. Darn those amphibians! Can't live with them! Can't live without them!
Posted by Normala at 10:16 PM
It's called flipping the deck of cards, Normala. Sometimes the first card you flip is a Prince. Sometimes you have to flip almost all the cards in the deck before you flip a Prince. It could even be among the last four cards you flip. If you shuffle the deck properly, there is no way of knowing which card you flip is going to be the Prince.
In real-life, whether you want to admit it or not, we all have criteria. Some ladies in their twenties, wouldn't befriend men my age, for example. I am not in their acceptable age range, according to their criteria.
Others would only want to befriend me if they think I'm loaded (I wish I were); irrespective of what my age is. To them, money has a higher priority than age. They ask not-so-subtle questions like "Do you play golf?" or "What car do you drive?" They want to know my net asset value, without actually having to mouth: "What is your net asset value?"
I have four main criteria to which I give equal weighting (in alphabetical order): beauty, intelligence, personality and youth, which needs to comes as a total package. Although I aim for top 5% world-class beauty, I may settle for less (pandang tak jemu) if there are redeeming features in the other criteria. I aim for an IQ of more than 130. Don't get me started on personality theory and meta-values or else you'll be reading all night. Suffice it to say, we all need to befriend honest, virtuous and loving people with compassion and a sense of humour. I'm not interested in meeting women my age because they are either already somebody's wife or divorced with three kids and want to get married now! before menopause sets in. They have a window of opportunity and don't want to miss having children (or at least one child) with their new husband. They are not interested in being friends first. They want a husband and a whirlwind romance to achieve that end. They want a child to cement the marriage.
Of course, I'm being facetious and hyperbolic but you get my drift.
Of my four criteria, age and physical beauty may be appreciated by the eyes within seconds. It takes a little longer to know if someone is intelligent. But to really know someone, to learn what makes them tick, to appreciate the way they think, what lies within, beneath the surface... takes time. It takes time to get a feel for someone's personality and meta-values. Can they match your wit? Can they relate to your logic? Will they have anything stimulating to offer to you mentally?
They may, or they may not. But what's definite is, you're not about to discover their inner beauty in a matter of minutes. And that's a risk worth taking, an investment in time worth making.
It takes time because some people can fake a persona for months, or even years, particularly if they have a hidden agenda.
You need to start off all relationships on a platonic basis then mutually and reciprocally "upgrade" each other to a romantic relationship when both are comfortable doing so. You cannot jump into a romance straight away.
Many, less mature, men do that, especially if they find their beau physically attractive. Even when the lady is not ready for romance. Their logic is to "cekup cepat-cepat sebelum orang lain kebas." This is a big mistake.
Why? Because in love--romantic love--it takes two to tango. If one partner is keen in a disinterested other, it is not love. It is called infatuation.
A tango is a dance. Which means both partners need to move at the same pace. There is no use for the man to dance at a frenetic pace, leaving the lady standing still and bewildered. Both have to move at the same pace.
It works both ways. While a lady may have to befriend many frogs and toads before she finds her prince, a man, too, must invest in many platonic friendships and a few romantic relationships before finding a good wife. Investing in friendships is not a waste of time or money, though it can be. Think of it as a learning experience. Each time we befriend someone, we learn something. Some new virtue to look for, some annoying trait to avoid next time.
With time, and some degree of lowering of expectations through re-iterative reality checks ("you ingat babe macam tu nak ke orang macam you? Rumah takde, kereta pun takde, cuba cermin sikit!") people usually find each other. Hopefully.
Friday, January 30, 2004
Frog Prince...
Unfortunately, a girl has to kiss many frogs and some toads before she meets her frog prince. Darn those amphibians! Can't live with them! Can't live without them!
Posted by Normala at 10:16 PM
It's called flipping the deck of cards, Normala. Sometimes the first card you flip is a Prince. Sometimes you have to flip almost all the cards in the deck before you flip a Prince. It could even be among the last four cards you flip. If you shuffle the deck properly, there is no way of knowing which card you flip is going to be the Prince.
In real-life, whether you want to admit it or not, we all have criteria. Some ladies in their twenties, wouldn't befriend men my age, for example. I am not in their acceptable age range, according to their criteria.
Others would only want to befriend me if they think I'm loaded (I wish I were); irrespective of what my age is. To them, money has a higher priority than age. They ask not-so-subtle questions like "Do you play golf?" or "What car do you drive?" They want to know my net asset value, without actually having to mouth: "What is your net asset value?"
I have four main criteria to which I give equal weighting (in alphabetical order): beauty, intelligence, personality and youth, which needs to comes as a total package. Although I aim for top 5% world-class beauty, I may settle for less (pandang tak jemu) if there are redeeming features in the other criteria. I aim for an IQ of more than 130. Don't get me started on personality theory and meta-values or else you'll be reading all night. Suffice it to say, we all need to befriend honest, virtuous and loving people with compassion and a sense of humour. I'm not interested in meeting women my age because they are either already somebody's wife or divorced with three kids and want to get married now! before menopause sets in. They have a window of opportunity and don't want to miss having children (or at least one child) with their new husband. They are not interested in being friends first. They want a husband and a whirlwind romance to achieve that end. They want a child to cement the marriage.
Of course, I'm being facetious and hyperbolic but you get my drift.
Of my four criteria, age and physical beauty may be appreciated by the eyes within seconds. It takes a little longer to know if someone is intelligent. But to really know someone, to learn what makes them tick, to appreciate the way they think, what lies within, beneath the surface... takes time. It takes time to get a feel for someone's personality and meta-values. Can they match your wit? Can they relate to your logic? Will they have anything stimulating to offer to you mentally?
They may, or they may not. But what's definite is, you're not about to discover their inner beauty in a matter of minutes. And that's a risk worth taking, an investment in time worth making.
It takes time because some people can fake a persona for months, or even years, particularly if they have a hidden agenda.
You need to start off all relationships on a platonic basis then mutually and reciprocally "upgrade" each other to a romantic relationship when both are comfortable doing so. You cannot jump into a romance straight away.
Many, less mature, men do that, especially if they find their beau physically attractive. Even when the lady is not ready for romance. Their logic is to "cekup cepat-cepat sebelum orang lain kebas." This is a big mistake.
Why? Because in love--romantic love--it takes two to tango. If one partner is keen in a disinterested other, it is not love. It is called infatuation.
A tango is a dance. Which means both partners need to move at the same pace. There is no use for the man to dance at a frenetic pace, leaving the lady standing still and bewildered. Both have to move at the same pace.
It works both ways. While a lady may have to befriend many frogs and toads before she finds her prince, a man, too, must invest in many platonic friendships and a few romantic relationships before finding a good wife. Investing in friendships is not a waste of time or money, though it can be. Think of it as a learning experience. Each time we befriend someone, we learn something. Some new virtue to look for, some annoying trait to avoid next time.
With time, and some degree of lowering of expectations through re-iterative reality checks ("you ingat babe macam tu nak ke orang macam you? Rumah takde, kereta pun takde, cuba cermin sikit!") people usually find each other. Hopefully.
Friday, January 23, 2004
Ulam
Ulam is analogous to the Western practice of eating raw vegetables and fruits - whatever is in hand - in salads. The condiments differ, instead of salad dressings, various types of sambal, typically sambal belacan is consumed. Legumes eaten in ulam not only include the petai but also include the more pungent and more delicious jering and kerdas. Other, less exotic, fruits include pineapple, green unripe mangos and banana hearts.
Vegetables are not limited to the run-of-the-mill variety, herbs such as daun selasih (basil), pegaga (Centella asiatica) and even various ferns are also consumed with much gusto and delight. The other herbal ulam which I had for lunch today together with the others already mentioned is ulam raja which is the shoots and leaves of the common garden flower Cosmos caudatus Kunth. Don't laugh until you've tried it--yummy! The Ministry of Agriculture describes it in some detail in Bahasa Melayu but fails to give its scientific name:
http://agrolink.moa.my/jph/kelantan/ulamraja.htm
See also:
http://agrolink.moa.my/jph/kelantan/INDEX01.HTML
A UKM page gives descriptions in Bahasa Melayu of a number of ulam, including petai and a whole bunch I had missed out:
http://pkukmweb.ukm.my/~ahmad/tugasan/s2_99/a56496.htm
Other ulam I had for lunch today are the shoots of penyambung nyawa and cewek muda which we grow in our herbal garden at home. Hey, don't ask me for their Latin names, I'm no ethnobotanist, just a gourmet!
Western fruits and vegetables also lend themselves to be eaten as ulam. I'm sure most of you have tried cabbage, cucumber, tomato and perhaps even carrots and brussel sprouts. Others I have tried include sour or not-so-sweet strawberries mashed in the sambal belacan, Bramleys (sour cooking apples) and asparagus.
Ulam is analogous to the Western practice of eating raw vegetables and fruits - whatever is in hand - in salads. The condiments differ, instead of salad dressings, various types of sambal, typically sambal belacan is consumed. Legumes eaten in ulam not only include the petai but also include the more pungent and more delicious jering and kerdas. Other, less exotic, fruits include pineapple, green unripe mangos and banana hearts.
Vegetables are not limited to the run-of-the-mill variety, herbs such as daun selasih (basil), pegaga (Centella asiatica) and even various ferns are also consumed with much gusto and delight. The other herbal ulam which I had for lunch today together with the others already mentioned is ulam raja which is the shoots and leaves of the common garden flower Cosmos caudatus Kunth. Don't laugh until you've tried it--yummy! The Ministry of Agriculture describes it in some detail in Bahasa Melayu but fails to give its scientific name:
http://agrolink.moa.my/jph/kelantan/ulamraja.htm
See also:
http://agrolink.moa.my/jph/kelantan/INDEX01.HTML
A UKM page gives descriptions in Bahasa Melayu of a number of ulam, including petai and a whole bunch I had missed out:
http://pkukmweb.ukm.my/~ahmad/tugasan/s2_99/a56496.htm
Other ulam I had for lunch today are the shoots of penyambung nyawa and cewek muda which we grow in our herbal garden at home. Hey, don't ask me for their Latin names, I'm no ethnobotanist, just a gourmet!
Western fruits and vegetables also lend themselves to be eaten as ulam. I'm sure most of you have tried cabbage, cucumber, tomato and perhaps even carrots and brussel sprouts. Others I have tried include sour or not-so-sweet strawberries mashed in the sambal belacan, Bramleys (sour cooking apples) and asparagus.
On rape, incest and other sex crimes
Social Commentary by Hajjah Normala and Azlan Adnan
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Normala
Date: Jan 22, 2004 02:02 AM
I've kept my loudmouth shut for the longest time on this sick subject but the daily headlines are too much to bear.
Just from today's news headlines, January 22, 2004:
"Police trainees held over rape, sodomy of Indon"
"75-year-old held over rape of girl"
"Girl's brother traumatised by sister's rape and murder"
"Hadi: Killers and rapists should be stoned to death"
"10pc of dadah addicts commit rape, say police"
"The Canny Ong Rape/Murder Trial: Exchange of words over why accused was absent from work"
"Abdullah is angered by 10-year-old rape and murder"
"Gang rape: Court dismisses appeal"
"Guilty of raping pupil, 10"
"4 anggota polis ditahan -- Wanita Indonesia mengadu dirogol secara bergilir-gilir"
"Lelaki tua disyaki rogol anak jiran ditahan"
"Abang kepada mangsa rogol dan bunuh diberi rawatan psikiatrik"
"Child rapes spark plans for public whipping, sex register"
"Stop rape, start with the law"
Instead of improving, the situation seems to get worse by the day despite numerous public outrage, media highlights and safety awareness campaigns.
Are Malaysian or Malay men sex-starved, sex-crazed and unable to realistically cope with a restrictive and modest Islamic lifstyle? Is it the foreign workers and immigrants who are responsible for the majority of sex crimes? Is education enough to combat this social sickness? Should we resort to castration? Me thinks public castration on live TV would be even more effective. De-ball and de-penis all the incestous bastards and cowards, the rapists and murderers of children, women and other men on LIVE TV during PRIME AIR TIME!!!
What says you?
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Absolutely Harmless, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
Date: Jan 22, 2004 02:35 AM
I say a society that does not provide a legitimate platform for social intercourse between the sexes invites these social problems. Even university students are not allowed to interact between the sexes: can't sit next to each other in class, can't sit together in the canteen, can't have a coed study group. When people grow up not knowing how to act towards the opposite sex, do you really expect them to behave in a socially acceptable manner? The "socially acceptable manner" was never culturally defined.
azlan ::~~~
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Normala
Date: Jan 22, 2004 11:34 PM
To Azlan:
I agree with you 100%!
Social Commentary by Hajjah Normala and Azlan Adnan
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Normala
Date: Jan 22, 2004 02:02 AM
I've kept my loudmouth shut for the longest time on this sick subject but the daily headlines are too much to bear.
Just from today's news headlines, January 22, 2004:
"Police trainees held over rape, sodomy of Indon"
"75-year-old held over rape of girl"
"Girl's brother traumatised by sister's rape and murder"
"Hadi: Killers and rapists should be stoned to death"
"10pc of dadah addicts commit rape, say police"
"The Canny Ong Rape/Murder Trial: Exchange of words over why accused was absent from work"
"Abdullah is angered by 10-year-old rape and murder"
"Gang rape: Court dismisses appeal"
"Guilty of raping pupil, 10"
"4 anggota polis ditahan -- Wanita Indonesia mengadu dirogol secara bergilir-gilir"
"Lelaki tua disyaki rogol anak jiran ditahan"
"Abang kepada mangsa rogol dan bunuh diberi rawatan psikiatrik"
"Child rapes spark plans for public whipping, sex register"
"Stop rape, start with the law"
Instead of improving, the situation seems to get worse by the day despite numerous public outrage, media highlights and safety awareness campaigns.
Are Malaysian or Malay men sex-starved, sex-crazed and unable to realistically cope with a restrictive and modest Islamic lifstyle? Is it the foreign workers and immigrants who are responsible for the majority of sex crimes? Is education enough to combat this social sickness? Should we resort to castration? Me thinks public castration on live TV would be even more effective. De-ball and de-penis all the incestous bastards and cowards, the rapists and murderers of children, women and other men on LIVE TV during PRIME AIR TIME!!!
What says you?
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Absolutely Harmless, Fabulously Wonderful Guy!
Date: Jan 22, 2004 02:35 AM
I say a society that does not provide a legitimate platform for social intercourse between the sexes invites these social problems. Even university students are not allowed to interact between the sexes: can't sit next to each other in class, can't sit together in the canteen, can't have a coed study group. When people grow up not knowing how to act towards the opposite sex, do you really expect them to behave in a socially acceptable manner? The "socially acceptable manner" was never culturally defined.
azlan ::~~~
----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Normala
Date: Jan 22, 2004 11:34 PM
To Azlan:
I agree with you 100%!
Monday, January 19, 2004
Of heavenly bodies…
One of my new friends shares my interest in amateur astronomy. I wonder if there are other star-gazers out there? I particularly look forward to hearing from those in the Southern Hemisphere as the constellations you see there are unique to your latitude and most of the literature available caters to the Northern Hemisphere.
I reproduce below part of a message I sent to Starry Dzullia as a means of sharing our interest with other star-gazers.
When I was a member of the Astronomical Society of Malaysia (ASM), I had access to the Society's 12.5-inch Schmidt-Cassegrain which, at the time, was the largest telescope in Malaysia. It was housed at a friend's quarters at the Telekom Malaysia Short-Wave Monitoring Station in Sungai Lang near Banting/Morib.
Anyway, before members of the ASM go to Sungai Lang to use the telescope, we would arrive earlier for a slap-up seafood dinner at Kanchong Laut, near Morib. So we used to joke that we would have a Gastronomical Society meeting before the Astronomical Society meeting!
At the Telekom SW Monitoring Station in Sungai Lang, which is 4,000 hectares of Short-Wave antennas, there is a big switch which you can throw and plunge the whole 4,000 hectares into complete darkness. This was ideal for star-gazing as the nearest city-light glare was from Klang, >30 km away.
We used to have our sessions on a moonless night. We were able to view the moons of Jupiter, the rings of Saturn, the sword of Orion, the canalli on Mars, the Red Spot on Jupiter, and etc. On a full moon, we could see the craters on the moon vividly.
I don't have a telescope now and mostly do star-gazing, looking at constellations, of which Orion is the easiest to recognise. I also see Ursa Major very early in the morning from my location. The last time I saw it in May 2003, very low on the horizon, was from an express coach back from Johor Baru about 2 am and it is wonderful to see.
Of the planets, Mars is easily seen, as are Jupiter and Saturn.
BTW, ladies, you should always try to get a boyfriend who has an interest in astronomy ~ for who else can promise you the sun, the moon and the stars and deliver?
P.S.
I also have an interest in Amateur Radio and had the call-signs 9M2ZL and GV5LVT but it's been some years since I owned a rig. But I'll leave ham radio for another day.
One of my new friends shares my interest in amateur astronomy. I wonder if there are other star-gazers out there? I particularly look forward to hearing from those in the Southern Hemisphere as the constellations you see there are unique to your latitude and most of the literature available caters to the Northern Hemisphere.
I reproduce below part of a message I sent to Starry Dzullia as a means of sharing our interest with other star-gazers.
When I was a member of the Astronomical Society of Malaysia (ASM), I had access to the Society's 12.5-inch Schmidt-Cassegrain which, at the time, was the largest telescope in Malaysia. It was housed at a friend's quarters at the Telekom Malaysia Short-Wave Monitoring Station in Sungai Lang near Banting/Morib.
Anyway, before members of the ASM go to Sungai Lang to use the telescope, we would arrive earlier for a slap-up seafood dinner at Kanchong Laut, near Morib. So we used to joke that we would have a Gastronomical Society meeting before the Astronomical Society meeting!
At the Telekom SW Monitoring Station in Sungai Lang, which is 4,000 hectares of Short-Wave antennas, there is a big switch which you can throw and plunge the whole 4,000 hectares into complete darkness. This was ideal for star-gazing as the nearest city-light glare was from Klang, >30 km away.
We used to have our sessions on a moonless night. We were able to view the moons of Jupiter, the rings of Saturn, the sword of Orion, the canalli on Mars, the Red Spot on Jupiter, and etc. On a full moon, we could see the craters on the moon vividly.
I don't have a telescope now and mostly do star-gazing, looking at constellations, of which Orion is the easiest to recognise. I also see Ursa Major very early in the morning from my location. The last time I saw it in May 2003, very low on the horizon, was from an express coach back from Johor Baru about 2 am and it is wonderful to see.
Of the planets, Mars is easily seen, as are Jupiter and Saturn.
BTW, ladies, you should always try to get a boyfriend who has an interest in astronomy ~ for who else can promise you the sun, the moon and the stars and deliver?
P.S.
I also have an interest in Amateur Radio and had the call-signs 9M2ZL and GV5LVT but it's been some years since I owned a rig. But I'll leave ham radio for another day.
Saturday, January 17, 2004
The Ugly Duckling
I read a Comment at a lady Friend’s page at Friendster today that reminded me of Hans Christian Andersen's The Ugly Duckling which most of you would have read as a child.
In the tale, the mother duck knew from the very beginning that one of her babies would be different from the rest... the sixth egg was large and oddly shaped. When it finally hatches that summer, she thinks the "monstrous big duckling" must be a turkey chick! Other ducks are appalled by the ugly duckling, and he is chased, pecked, and kicked aside.
When he can't stand it anymore, he runs away from the pond and heads out into the wide, increasingly cold autumn world. One day, he heard a sound of whirring wings, and up in the air he saw a flock of birds flying high. They were as bright as the snow that had fallen during the night, and their long necks were stretched southward. Oh, if only he could go with them! But what sort of companion could he be to those beautiful beings?
At last, after a hard, cold winter--and plenty of the kind of adventures no one really wants to have--the duckling sees the same flock of birds he'd seen in the sky so many months ago. He decides he will follow them, and much to his surprise, they welcome him! And when he looks for his dull, awkward reflection in the water, he sees a beautiful swan instead.
Children who feel ostracized, even for the tiniest of differences, may shed a few sympathetic tears for the ugly duckling. And no doubt, it was Andersen's wish to give them the hope of one day finding their own peaceful place.
I don't know how many of you have really appreciated the grace and beauty of a swan. In England, the swan has been a bird protected by royal decree for hundreds of years. Killing a swan is a capital offence punishable by death until recently, when the Brits abolished capital punishment. And if, like Elizabeth Link, you live in Perth, Western Australia you get to see black swans, found nowhere else in the world (except in parks and zoos, I suppose).
There comes a time in one's life when one meets a swan and you fall in love with her beauty, her grace, her charm.
Sure, she may have once been an ugly duckling, but that doesn’t now really matter, does it?
I read a Comment at a lady Friend’s page at Friendster today that reminded me of Hans Christian Andersen's The Ugly Duckling which most of you would have read as a child.
In the tale, the mother duck knew from the very beginning that one of her babies would be different from the rest... the sixth egg was large and oddly shaped. When it finally hatches that summer, she thinks the "monstrous big duckling" must be a turkey chick! Other ducks are appalled by the ugly duckling, and he is chased, pecked, and kicked aside.
When he can't stand it anymore, he runs away from the pond and heads out into the wide, increasingly cold autumn world. One day, he heard a sound of whirring wings, and up in the air he saw a flock of birds flying high. They were as bright as the snow that had fallen during the night, and their long necks were stretched southward. Oh, if only he could go with them! But what sort of companion could he be to those beautiful beings?
At last, after a hard, cold winter--and plenty of the kind of adventures no one really wants to have--the duckling sees the same flock of birds he'd seen in the sky so many months ago. He decides he will follow them, and much to his surprise, they welcome him! And when he looks for his dull, awkward reflection in the water, he sees a beautiful swan instead.
Children who feel ostracized, even for the tiniest of differences, may shed a few sympathetic tears for the ugly duckling. And no doubt, it was Andersen's wish to give them the hope of one day finding their own peaceful place.
I don't know how many of you have really appreciated the grace and beauty of a swan. In England, the swan has been a bird protected by royal decree for hundreds of years. Killing a swan is a capital offence punishable by death until recently, when the Brits abolished capital punishment. And if, like Elizabeth Link, you live in Perth, Western Australia you get to see black swans, found nowhere else in the world (except in parks and zoos, I suppose).
There comes a time in one's life when one meets a swan and you fall in love with her beauty, her grace, her charm.
Sure, she may have once been an ugly duckling, but that doesn’t now really matter, does it?
Thursday, January 15, 2004
7 ways good photos go bad
By Alan Goldsher
Say you're cruising the online personals and you find a "CrazySexyCool" headline that grabs your attention. Say you're intrigued by what her profile has to say and excited to see that you're everything she's looking for.
But then you look at her photos. Sure, she's attractive enough, you guess; it's just that her pictures are, well ... bad.
A quality photo plays a huge part the number of responses your profile elicits. In fact, profiles with photos receive seven times more attention than those that go photoless.
It isn't necessarily a looks issue; after all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just be certain you're seen in your best light, both literally and figuratively.
Don't call in a professional shutterbug, but be smart. Avoid these seven common photographic foul-ups:
1. Losing focus
You can be wearing your cutest outfit — with a 1000-watt smile plastered on your mug. You might be having a good hair day, even a great hair day. But if your photographer can't keep the camera still, potential matches won't be able to tell how smokin' you really are. Got a poor quality pic in your free profile? Replace it with another one right away.
2. The eyes have it
Blue or green, brown or hazel. You'll find they all work well. But red eyes are bad — and frankly, a bit scary. Invest in a flash that reduces red-eye or take a few minutes to touch up your photo before you upload it to your profile.
3. And who are you?
Unless it's your best picture ever, avoid posting group photos. If there are four other guys in the shot, nobody will be able to tell which one is you. Crop your pic to spotlight your face or describe in your profile where someone should look for you.
4. Disembodied parts
This one's hard for some singles to process, but here's this tired tip again: Do not post pics that show some faceless someone's arm around your neck or mystery lips kissing your cheek. A floating limb or a random torso is weird and disconcerting — and implies there's someone in your life that you're not willing to talk about.
5. Look happy, damn it
Let's see some teeth. Turn that frown upside down. Say, "Cheese ...." Long story short, look happy. You don't want scare away the clientele.
6. Pooches and pussycats
If you want to feature a photo of yourself posing with your pooch ... or kitty or rabbit or snake, great. But don't post a picture of your pet unless you've posted at least one pic of you. Though your Doodles might be a darling, a profile with a solo animal shot sends an odd message.
7. False advertising
Be sure you look like you do in the picture. Don't put up a shot you took three years or 42 pounds or six hair styles ago.
By Alan Goldsher
Say you're cruising the online personals and you find a "CrazySexyCool" headline that grabs your attention. Say you're intrigued by what her profile has to say and excited to see that you're everything she's looking for.
But then you look at her photos. Sure, she's attractive enough, you guess; it's just that her pictures are, well ... bad.
A quality photo plays a huge part the number of responses your profile elicits. In fact, profiles with photos receive seven times more attention than those that go photoless.
It isn't necessarily a looks issue; after all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just be certain you're seen in your best light, both literally and figuratively.
Don't call in a professional shutterbug, but be smart. Avoid these seven common photographic foul-ups:
1. Losing focus
You can be wearing your cutest outfit — with a 1000-watt smile plastered on your mug. You might be having a good hair day, even a great hair day. But if your photographer can't keep the camera still, potential matches won't be able to tell how smokin' you really are. Got a poor quality pic in your free profile? Replace it with another one right away.
2. The eyes have it
Blue or green, brown or hazel. You'll find they all work well. But red eyes are bad — and frankly, a bit scary. Invest in a flash that reduces red-eye or take a few minutes to touch up your photo before you upload it to your profile.
3. And who are you?
Unless it's your best picture ever, avoid posting group photos. If there are four other guys in the shot, nobody will be able to tell which one is you. Crop your pic to spotlight your face or describe in your profile where someone should look for you.
4. Disembodied parts
This one's hard for some singles to process, but here's this tired tip again: Do not post pics that show some faceless someone's arm around your neck or mystery lips kissing your cheek. A floating limb or a random torso is weird and disconcerting — and implies there's someone in your life that you're not willing to talk about.
5. Look happy, damn it
Let's see some teeth. Turn that frown upside down. Say, "Cheese ...." Long story short, look happy. You don't want scare away the clientele.
6. Pooches and pussycats
If you want to feature a photo of yourself posing with your pooch ... or kitty or rabbit or snake, great. But don't post a picture of your pet unless you've posted at least one pic of you. Though your Doodles might be a darling, a profile with a solo animal shot sends an odd message.
7. False advertising
Be sure you look like you do in the picture. Don't put up a shot you took three years or 42 pounds or six hair styles ago.
Sepang Apartments for Rent
I have two unfurnished 3-bedroom apartments for rent in Sepang, right next to the Salak Tinggi ERL Station (the KLIA Transit stops there). The monthly rental is RM438.00 (rent discount clause available). The postal addresses are:
Unit B-3-6, 3rd Floor (corner unit)
Block B, Villa Impian Apartments
Persiaran Warisan
Kota Warisan
43900 SEPANG
Unit A-3-8, 3rd Floor (end unit overlooking Security Guardhouse)
Block A, Prima Apartments
Persiaran Warisan
Kota Warisan
43900 SEPANG
Both flats are 5 minutes' drive from KLIA, Putrajaya/Cyberjaya and Bandar Baru Salak Tinggi. I'll throw in free household contents insurance (RM12,000 coverage) against fire, burglary, lightning and the usual perils.
Suitable for aircrew, MASkargo, Pos Malaysia, Pan Pacific Hotel & Malaysian Airport Berhad staff as well as people working in Putrajaya/Cyberjaya. The ERL fare to Putrajaya/Cyberjaya ERL Station is only RM3.00 one-way. To KLIA is only RM3.20 one-way. You can also buy weekly and monthly season tickets which work out cheaper per trip.
As a landlord, I prefer a single lady tenant or a young couple without children. I'm not that keen on renting to students, families or foreign workers.
The flats are bright and breezy and really quite adorable. There's a security guard at each Apartment Complex and only tenants' vehicles are allowed in (visitors have to park outside and sign in). The common areas are well-maintained and beautifully landscaped.
The Villa Impian Apartment Complex is a corner unit on a low hill and it's very airy and breezy. The Prima Apartment is an end unit which overlooks the Security Guardhouse within walking distance of Villa Impian.
There are lots of shoplots nearby with a mini-market and the ubiquitous 24-hour kedai mamak. There's also a driving range within walking distance and the Nilai golf course is just a few minutes' drive away.
If anybody wants it fully- or semi-furnished, I could accommodate that, too. Just have to adjust the rent a bit lah...
If you know of anyone who is my target market, do pass the info along and I can arrange a viewing as soon as practicable.
warm regards
Azlan Adnan
012-383 1324
azlan088@gmail.com
Unit B-3-6, 3rd Floor (corner unit)
Block B, Villa Impian Apartments
Persiaran Warisan
Kota Warisan
43900 SEPANG
Unit A-3-8, 3rd Floor (end unit overlooking Security Guardhouse)
Block A, Prima Apartments
Persiaran Warisan
Kota Warisan
43900 SEPANG
Both flats are 5 minutes' drive from KLIA, Putrajaya/Cyberjaya and Bandar Baru Salak Tinggi. I'll throw in free household contents insurance (RM12,000 coverage) against fire, burglary, lightning and the usual perils.
Suitable for aircrew, MASkargo, Pos Malaysia, Pan Pacific Hotel & Malaysian Airport Berhad staff as well as people working in Putrajaya/Cyberjaya. The ERL fare to Putrajaya/Cyberjaya ERL Station is only RM3.00 one-way. To KLIA is only RM3.20 one-way. You can also buy weekly and monthly season tickets which work out cheaper per trip.
As a landlord, I prefer a single lady tenant or a young couple without children. I'm not that keen on renting to students, families or foreign workers.
The flats are bright and breezy and really quite adorable. There's a security guard at each Apartment Complex and only tenants' vehicles are allowed in (visitors have to park outside and sign in). The common areas are well-maintained and beautifully landscaped.
The Villa Impian Apartment Complex is a corner unit on a low hill and it's very airy and breezy. The Prima Apartment is an end unit which overlooks the Security Guardhouse within walking distance of Villa Impian.
There are lots of shoplots nearby with a mini-market and the ubiquitous 24-hour kedai mamak. There's also a driving range within walking distance and the Nilai golf course is just a few minutes' drive away.
If anybody wants it fully- or semi-furnished, I could accommodate that, too. Just have to adjust the rent a bit lah...
If you know of anyone who is my target market, do pass the info along and I can arrange a viewing as soon as practicable.
warm regards
Azlan Adnan
012-383 1324
azlan088@gmail.com
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Anak Kerbau Mati Emak
(The Orphan Buffalo Calf)
Istana Budaya, Kuala Lumpur, January 16 to 25, 2004
Review by Azlan Adnan
Just came back from seeing a play, Anak Kerbau Mati Emak (The Orphan Buffalo Calf). Written in Bahasa Melayu and set in the mid-Seventies, this socio-political work can been seen as Malaysia’s answer to Archie Bunker, a popular sit-com of that decade.
On the larger scale, it explores the current themes of the day: social and economic development, and the empowerment of women through education. These “heavy� national development themes are cleverly juxtaposed with slap-stick humour in the form of the village idiot who brings levity to an otherwise dry script; much in the same way Shakespeare would use the court jester or clown as a theatrical device.
The protagonist is a father and husband who is a bigoted, chauvinistic, un-listening boor who screams at his wife and daughter, and barks orders at them, who are submissive and subservient to him. In one scene, he canes his daughter with a rotan for having, in an act of unprecedented self-determinism, the audacity to want to end her engagement. While he is a satire of the typical uneducated male villager of the day, he is not altogether evil but a product of his ignorance and therefore there is also a human, plausible side to his character.
The reason the daughter wants to end the engagement is interesting. Although she is fond of (kasih), loves (cinta) and cares for (sayang) her fiancé, she hates his mentality, which is similar to her father’s. A crisis surfaces when her fiancé sees her with the village schoolmaster and confronts her with what he sees as a love triangle. She asks him if he is jealous (cemburu) and asks for the reasons why. When he is unable to articulate the reasons for his jealousy and obvious anger at her, she decides to break off the engagement, which leads him to sulk (merajuk, kecil hati), albeit inwardly.
When she informs her father of her decision, he is angered by the lost of face this brings to him and his wife. An engagement is an investment, he says, the expected return of which is marriage and marital bliss. Therefore, while an engagement is not to be taken lightly, the decision to break it is also not to be taken lightly as it constitutes a wasted investment, not just a lost of face because it also denotes a breach of promise.
The First Act is slow and very loosely written, with separate threads that do not appear to be there for a purpose. It could have been more tightly written with much of the superfluous conversation cut out. The pace picks up from the Second Act onwards. The device of the radio is unique: whenever it is switched on, it is either the news with reports of economic development projects or of a political speech with development themes.
The resolution of the play is a happy one; all the loose threads are neatly tied-up and the audience is left with a definite feel-good factor. The daughter, in an unpredicted and surprising development, wins her way with the help of the village schoolmaster, but not in the manner the audience was earlier led to expect.
(The Orphan Buffalo Calf)
Istana Budaya, Kuala Lumpur, January 16 to 25, 2004
Review by Azlan Adnan
Just came back from seeing a play, Anak Kerbau Mati Emak (The Orphan Buffalo Calf). Written in Bahasa Melayu and set in the mid-Seventies, this socio-political work can been seen as Malaysia’s answer to Archie Bunker, a popular sit-com of that decade.
On the larger scale, it explores the current themes of the day: social and economic development, and the empowerment of women through education. These “heavy� national development themes are cleverly juxtaposed with slap-stick humour in the form of the village idiot who brings levity to an otherwise dry script; much in the same way Shakespeare would use the court jester or clown as a theatrical device.
The protagonist is a father and husband who is a bigoted, chauvinistic, un-listening boor who screams at his wife and daughter, and barks orders at them, who are submissive and subservient to him. In one scene, he canes his daughter with a rotan for having, in an act of unprecedented self-determinism, the audacity to want to end her engagement. While he is a satire of the typical uneducated male villager of the day, he is not altogether evil but a product of his ignorance and therefore there is also a human, plausible side to his character.
The reason the daughter wants to end the engagement is interesting. Although she is fond of (kasih), loves (cinta) and cares for (sayang) her fiancé, she hates his mentality, which is similar to her father’s. A crisis surfaces when her fiancé sees her with the village schoolmaster and confronts her with what he sees as a love triangle. She asks him if he is jealous (cemburu) and asks for the reasons why. When he is unable to articulate the reasons for his jealousy and obvious anger at her, she decides to break off the engagement, which leads him to sulk (merajuk, kecil hati), albeit inwardly.
When she informs her father of her decision, he is angered by the lost of face this brings to him and his wife. An engagement is an investment, he says, the expected return of which is marriage and marital bliss. Therefore, while an engagement is not to be taken lightly, the decision to break it is also not to be taken lightly as it constitutes a wasted investment, not just a lost of face because it also denotes a breach of promise.
The First Act is slow and very loosely written, with separate threads that do not appear to be there for a purpose. It could have been more tightly written with much of the superfluous conversation cut out. The pace picks up from the Second Act onwards. The device of the radio is unique: whenever it is switched on, it is either the news with reports of economic development projects or of a political speech with development themes.
The resolution of the play is a happy one; all the loose threads are neatly tied-up and the audience is left with a definite feel-good factor. The daughter, in an unpredicted and surprising development, wins her way with the help of the village schoolmaster, but not in the manner the audience was earlier led to expect.
Monday, January 12, 2004
Time Never Goes Back
With many thanks to Mussadikh Meah
Once upon a time, there was a teacher and his student lying down under a big tree near a big pasture of grass. Then, suddenly, the student asked the teacher:
Student : Teacher, I'm confused, how can we find our soul-mate? Can you please help me?
Teacher : (Silent for few seconds, than he answers) Well, it's a pretty hard and easy question.
Student : (Thinking hard) Huh???
Teacher : Look on that way, there are a lot of grass there, why don't you walk there but please never walk backward, just walk straight ahead. On your way, try to find a beautiful blade of grass and pick it up then give it to me. But just one.
Student : Well, ok then... wait for me... (walked straight ahead to the grass pasture).
A few minutes later...
Student : I'm back.
Teacher : Erm, well I don't see any beautiful grass on your hand.
Student : On my journey, I found a few beautiful blades of grass, but I thought that I would find a better one, so I didn't pick it up. But I didn't realize that I'm at the end of the pasture, and I hadn't picked up any. Cause you told me not to go back, so I didn't go back.
Teacher : That's what happened in real life.
What is the message of this story?
* Grass ~ is people around you
* Beautiful Blade of Grass ~ is people that attract you
* Grass Pasture ~ is time
* In looking for your soul-mate, please don't always compare and hope that there will be a better one. By doing that, you'll waste your lifetime, because remember "Time Never Goes Back".
It applies the same in finding your ideal life partner, your suitable career or business. Therefore, the morale is LOVE & grab hold of the opportunity that you have now, don't waste time!
Teach your children about ISLAM the FUN way. Visit: http://www.ummikusayang.com
With many thanks to Mussadikh Meah
Once upon a time, there was a teacher and his student lying down under a big tree near a big pasture of grass. Then, suddenly, the student asked the teacher:
Student : Teacher, I'm confused, how can we find our soul-mate? Can you please help me?
Teacher : (Silent for few seconds, than he answers) Well, it's a pretty hard and easy question.
Student : (Thinking hard) Huh???
Teacher : Look on that way, there are a lot of grass there, why don't you walk there but please never walk backward, just walk straight ahead. On your way, try to find a beautiful blade of grass and pick it up then give it to me. But just one.
Student : Well, ok then... wait for me... (walked straight ahead to the grass pasture).
A few minutes later...
Student : I'm back.
Teacher : Erm, well I don't see any beautiful grass on your hand.
Student : On my journey, I found a few beautiful blades of grass, but I thought that I would find a better one, so I didn't pick it up. But I didn't realize that I'm at the end of the pasture, and I hadn't picked up any. Cause you told me not to go back, so I didn't go back.
Teacher : That's what happened in real life.
What is the message of this story?
* Grass ~ is people around you
* Beautiful Blade of Grass ~ is people that attract you
* Grass Pasture ~ is time
* In looking for your soul-mate, please don't always compare and hope that there will be a better one. By doing that, you'll waste your lifetime, because remember "Time Never Goes Back".
It applies the same in finding your ideal life partner, your suitable career or business. Therefore, the morale is LOVE & grab hold of the opportunity that you have now, don't waste time!
Teach your children about ISLAM the FUN way. Visit: http://www.ummikusayang.com
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Sharp wit, never sardonic but always, always so very amusing and kind to me.
We have mutual respect and admiration for each other.
And I have much fondness and affection for her, too!
Heck, Juliana's someone I could love with all my heart...
...mind, body, spirit and soul, too!
Juliana's my muse; she inspires the poet in me.
I long to meet Juliana in the flesh, face-to-face, cheek-to-cheek...
~ Patience Has Its Rewards!
Things To Remember
With many thanks to Bernadette
No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.
Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.
Success stops when you do.
When your ship comes in.... make sure you are willing to unload it.
You will never "have it all together."
Life is a journey... not a destination. Enjoy the trip!
The biggest lie on the planet: "When I get what I want, I will be happy."
The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.
I've learned that ultimately, 'takers' lose and 'givers' win.
Life's precious moments don't have value, unless they are shared.
If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.
We often fear the thing we want the most.
He or she who laughs.... lasts.
Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
Look for opportunities... not guarantees.
Life is what's coming.... not what was.
Success is getting up one more time.
Now is the most interesting time of all.
When things go wrong.... don't go with the flow.
With many thanks to Bernadette
No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.
Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.
Success stops when you do.
When your ship comes in.... make sure you are willing to unload it.
You will never "have it all together."
Life is a journey... not a destination. Enjoy the trip!
The biggest lie on the planet: "When I get what I want, I will be happy."
The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.
I've learned that ultimately, 'takers' lose and 'givers' win.
Life's precious moments don't have value, unless they are shared.
If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.
We often fear the thing we want the most.
He or she who laughs.... lasts.
Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
Look for opportunities... not guarantees.
Life is what's coming.... not what was.
Success is getting up one more time.
Now is the most interesting time of all.
When things go wrong.... don't go with the flow.
The week that was
Interesting week what with all that outage at MySpace. It was up and running within 36 hours but with so many bugs and lost msgs and Comments that Tom had to shut down the site again. Friendster ~ slow as usual ~ gave me a pleasant surprise with dozens of people requesting to be my Friend this week. 115 at last count. Must be the post I did on the Bulletin Board, adding my email to an already long list. Had invitations to join Hipster and Frenzzy but I declined. Even an Internet Addict like me needs to draw the line somewhere.
The outage had at least one positive effect: got me to practise my rudimentary html skills by making several pages at my geocities site:
Azlan on His Age Azlan on Things Oral Azlan's Late Daddy Azlan on Romance Azlan on Friendship
Even got me to paste photographs at this blog, something I hadn't done before. Devised a work-around to download photographs from face-pic. I’m pleased as punch about that. But please don't ask me how it's done. It's such a useful tool you'd have to pay me cash money for that!
Got an assignment to co-author a handbook on Public Relations called PR at Work as well as some marketing consulting for orthodontic products. Orthodontic products? Yeah, I speak the lingo, you see. Cross-bite, over-bite, Class I and Class II occlusion, lingual, buccal, and etc. My client was impressed by my all-round ability. He made a joke: if anybody asks me "Who are you? " that I should answer "Who do you want me to be today? " He was probably buttering me up so that I accept a lesser consulting fee. But I'm not as gullible as I may have been before, though. Also received a tentative offer to administer an NGO website but I'll know more about this later.
Posted my Plans for 2004 at my Friendster Bulletin Board. Against my better judgment, I'm going to reproduce them here for the sake of posterity. I know I shouldn't do this. My gut feeling tells me I shall live to regret this but what the hell ~ live and laugh, I say!
For 2004 I'm going to...
Lady J
1. Excel in my assignments n exams,no matter what it takes
2. Hv s much fun s i can while i m still here,b4 i go back4good after study's over
3. Play cupid n pendakwah in the same time,n by way things r goin,it's rite on track!although in the xpense n hurt some ppl's feeling including mine..i will apologize later,after plan's completed successfully
Azlan Adnan
1. Help Lady J achieve her goals (esp. # 1, above) in any way I can
2. Sort out all my unfinished business in KL so that I can return home where my heart is
3. Exercise more tolerance and less knee-jerk reactions ("Patience has its Rewards, My Dear")
4. Be more forgiving
5. Be a good single parent from Jan 25 to March 15
6. Be more discriminating when accepting new tenants and no more handing over keys without CASH deposits (you'd be surprised how many cheques still bounce nowadays)
7. Write more at my:blog 8. Be more transparent:
Azlan on Friendship 9. Get more fan club members:
Join Azlan's Fan Club 10. Be less naive and gullible when it comes to relationships; to learn from my mistakes and not repeat them; appreciate my true friends more
11. Attend my mother's wedding on July 3rd
A chat on IM with a non-Muslim lady friend inspired me to write about my religious ideology and a reply to another's msg prompted me to enlarge upon it, taking into account Friday's khutbah. The new version is reproduced in full at a previous post on Monday, January 05, 2004. Below is today's update:
I once wrote a poem (see my second blog entry for Saturday, November 08, 2003) saying that what I seek in life is Faith, Knowledge and Love. And as serendipity would have it, at last Friday's prayers, the sermon was about our duty to seek Faith and Knowledge. (Love is very much downplayed in Islam, although it plays a central part in Christianity where it is previously known as Charity. In fact, Christ is known as the Prophet of Love.)
Anyway, the gist of the sermon is as follows: God created Humans to be his steward (kalifah or caliph) on Earth; to care for the Earth on God's behalf. To this end, God has given Humans capabilities far more than Animals. One such "enhanced" ability is the ability to learn. Although Animals, too, have the ability to learn, the Human capability is far more.
It is our duty and obligation to learn, so that we have the Knowledge to perform our role as God's stewards on Earth and also obtain Knowledge to gain us a place in the Hereafter. Knowledge in itself is neutral; it may be used for good or for evil. That is why we need Faith. Faith in God and in the Hereafter will guide us; how we should use the Knowledge we have gained.
Of course, as I mentioned before, the sermon was silent on the subject of Love. I can write a whole treatise on the subject of Love and its many different types. There's a whole spectrum from Platonic Love, Romantic Love, Erotic Love and more. But I'll leave that for another day.
Unusually, I was at the TTDI market twice this week. People watching as usual, on the first visit I noticed an immaculately-dressed Indian gentleman in his fifties. Starched long-sleeved white shirt, neatly-pressed black trousers. Dead give-away, a lawyer. He was on with his handphone with his hands-free, as he needed them to be, gesticulating wildly as he was, while barking instructions to his underling at the other end. He seemed more at home conducting an orchestra than in a market. Pity about the grotty shoes, though.
On the second visit I saw a lady in her forties with a bare-back black top with pink plastic string bra-straps showing. "Hey, Lady, that's okay on a teeny-bopper of fourteen but not on someone your age!"
Interesting week what with all that outage at MySpace. It was up and running within 36 hours but with so many bugs and lost msgs and Comments that Tom had to shut down the site again. Friendster ~ slow as usual ~ gave me a pleasant surprise with dozens of people requesting to be my Friend this week. 115 at last count. Must be the post I did on the Bulletin Board, adding my email to an already long list. Had invitations to join Hipster and Frenzzy but I declined. Even an Internet Addict like me needs to draw the line somewhere.
The outage had at least one positive effect: got me to practise my rudimentary html skills by making several pages at my geocities site:
Even got me to paste photographs at this blog, something I hadn't done before. Devised a work-around to download photographs from face-pic. I’m pleased as punch about that. But please don't ask me how it's done. It's such a useful tool you'd have to pay me cash money for that!
Got an assignment to co-author a handbook on Public Relations called PR at Work as well as some marketing consulting for orthodontic products. Orthodontic products? Yeah, I speak the lingo, you see. Cross-bite, over-bite, Class I and Class II occlusion, lingual, buccal, and etc. My client was impressed by my all-round ability. He made a joke: if anybody asks me "Who are you? " that I should answer "Who do you want me to be today? " He was probably buttering me up so that I accept a lesser consulting fee. But I'm not as gullible as I may have been before, though. Also received a tentative offer to administer an NGO website but I'll know more about this later.
Posted my Plans for 2004 at my Friendster Bulletin Board. Against my better judgment, I'm going to reproduce them here for the sake of posterity. I know I shouldn't do this. My gut feeling tells me I shall live to regret this but what the hell ~ live and laugh, I say!
For 2004 I'm going to...
Lady J
1. Excel in my assignments n exams,no matter what it takes
2. Hv s much fun s i can while i m still here,b4 i go back4good after study's over
3. Play cupid n pendakwah in the same time,n by way things r goin,it's rite on track!although in the xpense n hurt some ppl's feeling including mine..i will apologize later,after plan's completed successfully
Azlan Adnan
1. Help Lady J achieve her goals (esp. # 1, above) in any way I can
2. Sort out all my unfinished business in KL so that I can return home where my heart is
3. Exercise more tolerance and less knee-jerk reactions ("Patience has its Rewards, My Dear")
4. Be more forgiving
5. Be a good single parent from Jan 25 to March 15
6. Be more discriminating when accepting new tenants and no more handing over keys without CASH deposits (you'd be surprised how many cheques still bounce nowadays)
7. Write more at my:
11. Attend my mother's wedding on July 3rd
A chat on IM with a non-Muslim lady friend inspired me to write about my religious ideology and a reply to another's msg prompted me to enlarge upon it, taking into account Friday's khutbah. The new version is reproduced in full at a previous post on Monday, January 05, 2004. Below is today's update:
I once wrote a poem (see my second blog entry for Saturday, November 08, 2003) saying that what I seek in life is Faith, Knowledge and Love. And as serendipity would have it, at last Friday's prayers, the sermon was about our duty to seek Faith and Knowledge. (Love is very much downplayed in Islam, although it plays a central part in Christianity where it is previously known as Charity. In fact, Christ is known as the Prophet of Love.)
Anyway, the gist of the sermon is as follows: God created Humans to be his steward (kalifah or caliph) on Earth; to care for the Earth on God's behalf. To this end, God has given Humans capabilities far more than Animals. One such "enhanced" ability is the ability to learn. Although Animals, too, have the ability to learn, the Human capability is far more.
It is our duty and obligation to learn, so that we have the Knowledge to perform our role as God's stewards on Earth and also obtain Knowledge to gain us a place in the Hereafter. Knowledge in itself is neutral; it may be used for good or for evil. That is why we need Faith. Faith in God and in the Hereafter will guide us; how we should use the Knowledge we have gained.
Of course, as I mentioned before, the sermon was silent on the subject of Love. I can write a whole treatise on the subject of Love and its many different types. There's a whole spectrum from Platonic Love, Romantic Love, Erotic Love and more. But I'll leave that for another day.
Unusually, I was at the TTDI market twice this week. People watching as usual, on the first visit I noticed an immaculately-dressed Indian gentleman in his fifties. Starched long-sleeved white shirt, neatly-pressed black trousers. Dead give-away, a lawyer. He was on with his handphone with his hands-free, as he needed them to be, gesticulating wildly as he was, while barking instructions to his underling at the other end. He seemed more at home conducting an orchestra than in a market. Pity about the grotty shoes, though.
On the second visit I saw a lady in her forties with a bare-back black top with pink plastic string bra-straps showing. "Hey, Lady, that's okay on a teeny-bopper of fourteen but not on someone your age!"
Friday, January 09, 2004
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
and if you feel a warm breeze brush against you today
that's the good vibes I blew your way
to brighten up your day
this wednesday
hv a gd day
J.A.
x
|
A.A.
|
x
J.A.
hv a gd day
this wednesday
to brighten up your day
I blew good vibes along your way
so you'll feel a warm breeze brush against you today
Salatul Istikharah
Salatul Istikharah
With many thanks to Hadiyah Tayammum Mohamed for originally posting this at the myspace.com Bulletin Board.
This Salah is offered to seek Allah's guidance in any matter where you cannot be sure which is the best course of action to take. Only Allah knows the consequences of our actions, and which choices are best for us both in this life in the Akhirah.
You first perform two rak'ahs of Sunnah or Nafl Salah, with the intention of making Istikharah, then say a special du'a'. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) used to instruct his companions to pray for quidance (Istikharah) in all their concerns just as he would teach them a Surah from the Qur'an. He (PBUH) said:
"If any of you intends to undertake a matter, then let him pray two rak'ahs other than the Fard (i.e. Sunnah or Nafl), after which he should say:
Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi 'ilmika wa astaqdiruka biqudratika, wa as'aluka min fadlikal 'azim, fa innaka taqdiru wa la aqdiru wa ta'lamu wa la a'lamu wa anta 'allamul ghuyub. Allahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna hadhal amra (mention your matter here) khairul li fi dini wa ma'ashi wa 'aqibati amri faqdurhu li wa yassirhu li thumma barik li fihi, wa in kunta ta'lamu anna hadhal amra sharrul li fi dini wa ma'ashi wa 'aqibati amri fasrifhu 'anni wasrifni 'anhu waqdur lil khaira haithu kana thumma ardini bih.
O Allah, I seek Your guidance through Your knowledge, and ability through Your power, and beg of Your infinite bounty; for You have power and I have none, You know and I know not, and You are the Knower of hidden things. O Allah, if in Your knowledge this matter (mention your matter here) is good for my faith, for my livelihood and for the outcome of my affairs, then decide it for me and make it easy for me and bless me therein; but if in Your knowledge this matter is bad for my faith, for my livelihood and for the outcome of my affairs, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it, and decide for me the good wherever it may be, and cause me to be pleased with it. (al-Bukhari, Muslim)
Once you have made Istikharah, Allah may cause you to keep firm to your choice or to change your mind. After you have gone through with whatever decision you finally made, you should trust that Allah led you to what is best, and should have no regret. "Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah. Certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)." (Surah Ali 'Imran 3:159)
The aforementioned Islamic Terms:
Salah
The five compulsory daily prayers offered in a particular way at set times.
Allah
The proper mame of God. Allah is the Maker of all creatures. He is not just the God of Muslims, but of all human kind.
Akhirah
Life-after-death. It includes the Day of Judgement and the never-ending life-after-death.
Rak'ah
(pl. Raka'at) A 'unit' of Salah, each Salah having two, three or four rak'ahs.
Sunnah
(pl. Sunan) The example of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) in what he did, said and approved.
Nafl
Optional.
Du'a'
A supplication to Allah, or asking Allah for favour, blessing and mercy.
Muhammad (PBUH)
The final messenger of Allah to mankind. He was Muhammad bin 'Abdullah.
Surah
(pl. Suwar) A chapter of the Qur'an.
Qur'an
The sacred book of Muslims, the final book of guidance from Allah, sent down to Muhammad (PBUH) through the angel Jibra'il (Gabriel) over a period of 23 years.
Jibra'il
The angel (Gabriel) who brought revelation from Allah. (2:97-98).
Tell Them That I Am Near
"When my servants question you about me, tell them that I am near. I answer their prayers when they call on me; let them answer my call. Let them trust in me, that they may be guided along the path of righteousness."-Qur'an, Al-Baqara, Surah 2:186
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
Australian Girl!
A short story by Juliana Azman
A girl goes to australia for her master
degree.Her parent,among others,sends her at the
KLIA airport.
She asked her dad,"Dad,i'm not sure if i'll b
back for raya this december (p/s:she didnt),but
if i do,what would u like me to bring for u?"
Her dad answered,"why,n australian girl,of
cos!".Others just laugh while her mum smilingly
pinched her husband on his hand.
The daughter just smiles s she waves goodbye.
A week later,she phoned her dad using the public
phone,n hv a bubbly conversation with him.He
then asked,"so hv u look for my present?"
"What present?" She asked back.
"The 1 i asked for;the australian girl!",her dad
answered,laughingly.
The daughter said,"Oh,that-Well, i did what i
could.It's definitely an australian.But we hv to
wait for a few months to see if it's a girl or
not!"
It tooks her n hour later to convince him not to
take the next day's flight to sydney, n that she
was just joking with him..Sori yah,adik main2
je..^_^..
A short story by Juliana Azman
A girl goes to australia for her master
degree.Her parent,among others,sends her at the
KLIA airport.
She asked her dad,"Dad,i'm not sure if i'll b
back for raya this december (p/s:she didnt),but
if i do,what would u like me to bring for u?"
Her dad answered,"why,n australian girl,of
cos!".Others just laugh while her mum smilingly
pinched her husband on his hand.
The daughter just smiles s she waves goodbye.
A week later,she phoned her dad using the public
phone,n hv a bubbly conversation with him.He
then asked,"so hv u look for my present?"
"What present?" She asked back.
"The 1 i asked for;the australian girl!",her dad
answered,laughingly.
The daughter said,"Oh,that-Well, i did what i
could.It's definitely an australian.But we hv to
wait for a few months to see if it's a girl or
not!"
It tooks her n hour later to convince him not to
take the next day's flight to sydney, n that she
was just joking with him..Sori yah,adik main2
je..^_^..
The July Wedding
by Azlan Adnan
A true-life love story
My mom is getting married in July to a man she met and fell in love with fifty years ago while they were in Kirkby Teacher Training College together. His parents had objected to their marriage, having already made a choice for their son. So the young lovers sacrificed their love for each other, for the sake of his filial love for his parents.
Besides, they would have had a miserable marriage, anyway, had they not the blessings of his parents who would have made my mother feel so excluded.
They lost touch after graduating from college, each going their separate ways, and having families of their own. His wife passed away five years ago of a weak heart. My father passed away 18 months ago of end-stage renal failure and a weak heart.
Recently, after fifty years, and at the age of 70, they were re-united at their College reunion dinner. And they realised that their love for each other is still as strong as ever...
~~~:: azlan ::~~~
good for them. not all people are given a 2nd chance. my best wishes and congratulations to your mom and soon-to-be stepdad. i wish both of them good health and more years of togetherness. i think they just defined the word "soulmates." ~ Mara
by Azlan Adnan
A true-life love story
My mom is getting married in July to a man she met and fell in love with fifty years ago while they were in Kirkby Teacher Training College together. His parents had objected to their marriage, having already made a choice for their son. So the young lovers sacrificed their love for each other, for the sake of his filial love for his parents.
Besides, they would have had a miserable marriage, anyway, had they not the blessings of his parents who would have made my mother feel so excluded.
They lost touch after graduating from college, each going their separate ways, and having families of their own. His wife passed away five years ago of a weak heart. My father passed away 18 months ago of end-stage renal failure and a weak heart.
Recently, after fifty years, and at the age of 70, they were re-united at their College reunion dinner. And they realised that their love for each other is still as strong as ever...
good for them. not all people are given a 2nd chance. my best wishes and congratulations to your mom and soon-to-be stepdad. i wish both of them good health and more years of togetherness. i think they just defined the word "soulmates." ~ Mara
Monday, January 05, 2004
About my religious ideology...
Special thanks to Kristi Dehana Gronvist-Hager, Jasmine Jane John, Rizchelle F. Sampang and Samantha James who have, at various times, inspired me to write this social commentary.
Let me first explain the strict religious laws we have in Malaysia: If a Muslim marries a non-Muslim, the non-Muslim party must convert to Islam beforehand. Before Muslims can marry, they have to attend an Islamic Marriage Course. Before non-Muslims can convert to Islam, they have to attend an Islamic Conversion Course.
However, in many Muslim countries, like for example Lebanon, Egypt and Indonesia, the non-Muslim spouse need NOT convert. So this means, if (hypothetically) I were to get married to a non-Muslim who doesn't convert, we can't live in Malaysia. The marriage would also have to be a "secret" from the Malaysian authorities or else I would be arrested upon return to Malaysia. The sentence may be a fine of thousands of ringgit or jail or whipping or all three. Not sure about the quantum, but its a very serious offence.
Its just the way the Islamic religious law is in Malaysia. The rationale is that they want to make sure there is no "half-breed" children who are neither Muslim, Other Religion or Confused. Their solution is to have only Muslim children and this is how they make the law to ensure that happens.
To be absolutely honest with you, although I am a practising Muslim, I am liberal and progressive. My interpretation of it is very modern and forward-looking. I am a non-Traditionalist. I am a Fundmentalist in that I go back to what actually the Quran requires of me and interpret it in a rational and pragmatic way. I always question myself what is the essense or reason for a law and interpret it the way I feel my logic tells me is right for this time and age. I respect the essence and not the form. I do not blindly follow tradition. I do not dress as a pseudo-Arab or wear the serban, or other badges of religiousity.
Many other Muslims, however, venerate the form, handed down blindly for generations without understanding the essence. Sometimes the form is cultural and not religious in origin but they confuse the two.
An example is that I keep a dog, Speedy. Many uninformed Muslims are horrified that I do. Islam never said we, as Muslims, cannot keep a dog. It just says that we should avoid letting a dog's saliva come into contact with our skin. If it does, we have to wash it with clay (in those days soap wasn't even invented yet, so clay was their idea of "soap.") There is a fatwa (religious ruling), that not many of these traditionalists are aware of, that says we can now use soap instead of clay. I wash my hands with soap and water when I come into contact with Speedy. I also train her not to slobber over me.
Now the essence of this business about dogs and their saliva has to do with disease and cleanliness. Everyone knows dogs carry ticks and fleas, just as cats do. So I don't let Speedy in the house. This is where I draw the line. I also bathe her once a week and use anti-tick shampoo.
There are non-Muslims who keep house-dogs and some even let them in bed with them. I'm not even talking about bestiality. This is unacceptable to me. Not because I am a Muslim per se but purely on hygiene grounds. My religion serves by providing broad guidelines. Only by understanding the essense or rationale behind these religious guidelines can we interpret them into practical rules by which we live our lives.
I once wrote a poem (see my second blog entry for Saturday, November 08, 2003) saying that what I seek in life is Faith, Knowledge and Love. And as serendipity would have it, at last Friday's prayers, the sermon was about our duty to seek Faith and Knowledge. (Love is very much downplayed in Islam, although it plays a central part in Christianity where it is previously known as Charity. In fact, Christ is known as the Prophet of Love.)
Anyway, the gist of the sermon is as follows: God created Humans to be his steward (kalifah or caliph) on Earth; to care for the Earth on God's behalf. To this end, God has given Humans capabilities far more than Animals. One such "enhanced" ability is the ability to learn. Although Animals, too, have the ability to learn, the Human capability is far more.
It is our duty and obligation to learn, so that we have the Knowledge to perform our role as God's stewards on Earth and also obtain Knowledge to gain us a place in the Hereafter. Knowledge in itself is neutral; it may be used for good or for evil. That is why we need Faith. Faith in God and in the Hereafter will guide us; how we should use the Knowledge we have gained.
Of course, as I mentioned before, the sermon was silent on the subject of Love. I can write a whole treatise on the subject of Love and its many different types. There's a whole spectrum from Platonic Love, Romantic Love, Erotic Love and more. But I'll leave that for another day.
Special thanks to Kristi Dehana Gronvist-Hager, Jasmine Jane John, Rizchelle F. Sampang and Samantha James who have, at various times, inspired me to write this social commentary.
Let me first explain the strict religious laws we have in Malaysia: If a Muslim marries a non-Muslim, the non-Muslim party must convert to Islam beforehand. Before Muslims can marry, they have to attend an Islamic Marriage Course. Before non-Muslims can convert to Islam, they have to attend an Islamic Conversion Course.
However, in many Muslim countries, like for example Lebanon, Egypt and Indonesia, the non-Muslim spouse need NOT convert. So this means, if (hypothetically) I were to get married to a non-Muslim who doesn't convert, we can't live in Malaysia. The marriage would also have to be a "secret" from the Malaysian authorities or else I would be arrested upon return to Malaysia. The sentence may be a fine of thousands of ringgit or jail or whipping or all three. Not sure about the quantum, but its a very serious offence.
Its just the way the Islamic religious law is in Malaysia. The rationale is that they want to make sure there is no "half-breed" children who are neither Muslim, Other Religion or Confused. Their solution is to have only Muslim children and this is how they make the law to ensure that happens.
To be absolutely honest with you, although I am a practising Muslim, I am liberal and progressive. My interpretation of it is very modern and forward-looking. I am a non-Traditionalist. I am a Fundmentalist in that I go back to what actually the Quran requires of me and interpret it in a rational and pragmatic way. I always question myself what is the essense or reason for a law and interpret it the way I feel my logic tells me is right for this time and age. I respect the essence and not the form. I do not blindly follow tradition. I do not dress as a pseudo-Arab or wear the serban, or other badges of religiousity.
Many other Muslims, however, venerate the form, handed down blindly for generations without understanding the essence. Sometimes the form is cultural and not religious in origin but they confuse the two.
An example is that I keep a dog, Speedy. Many uninformed Muslims are horrified that I do. Islam never said we, as Muslims, cannot keep a dog. It just says that we should avoid letting a dog's saliva come into contact with our skin. If it does, we have to wash it with clay (in those days soap wasn't even invented yet, so clay was their idea of "soap.") There is a fatwa (religious ruling), that not many of these traditionalists are aware of, that says we can now use soap instead of clay. I wash my hands with soap and water when I come into contact with Speedy. I also train her not to slobber over me.
Now the essence of this business about dogs and their saliva has to do with disease and cleanliness. Everyone knows dogs carry ticks and fleas, just as cats do. So I don't let Speedy in the house. This is where I draw the line. I also bathe her once a week and use anti-tick shampoo.
There are non-Muslims who keep house-dogs and some even let them in bed with them. I'm not even talking about bestiality. This is unacceptable to me. Not because I am a Muslim per se but purely on hygiene grounds. My religion serves by providing broad guidelines. Only by understanding the essense or rationale behind these religious guidelines can we interpret them into practical rules by which we live our lives.
I once wrote a poem (see my second blog entry for Saturday, November 08, 2003) saying that what I seek in life is Faith, Knowledge and Love. And as serendipity would have it, at last Friday's prayers, the sermon was about our duty to seek Faith and Knowledge. (Love is very much downplayed in Islam, although it plays a central part in Christianity where it is previously known as Charity. In fact, Christ is known as the Prophet of Love.)
Anyway, the gist of the sermon is as follows: God created Humans to be his steward (kalifah or caliph) on Earth; to care for the Earth on God's behalf. To this end, God has given Humans capabilities far more than Animals. One such "enhanced" ability is the ability to learn. Although Animals, too, have the ability to learn, the Human capability is far more.
It is our duty and obligation to learn, so that we have the Knowledge to perform our role as God's stewards on Earth and also obtain Knowledge to gain us a place in the Hereafter. Knowledge in itself is neutral; it may be used for good or for evil. That is why we need Faith. Faith in God and in the Hereafter will guide us; how we should use the Knowledge we have gained.
Of course, as I mentioned before, the sermon was silent on the subject of Love. I can write a whole treatise on the subject of Love and its many different types. There's a whole spectrum from Platonic Love, Romantic Love, Erotic Love and more. But I'll leave that for another day.
Sunday, January 04, 2004
I've found her
by Azlan Adnan
dedicated to Juliana Azman, with affection
It's been said it'd take four ladies combined together
to meet all my social "wish list" criteria.
Having said that, my search is over,
I've found her.
The lady I've spent a lifetime seeking is Julia.
But, right now, she's in Australia
and I'm right here in Malaysia.
As we're both so fond of saying:
PATIENCE HAS ITS REWARDS, MY DEAR!
Note: See my blog entry of Saturday, November 08, 2003
entitled MY SOCIAL WISH LIST for my criteria.
by Azlan Adnan
dedicated to Juliana Azman, with affection
to meet all my social "wish list" criteria.
Having said that, my search is over,
I've found her.
The lady I've spent a lifetime seeking is Julia.
But, right now, she's in Australia
and I'm right here in Malaysia.
As we're both so fond of saying:
PATIENCE HAS ITS REWARDS, MY DEAR!
Note: See my blog entry of Saturday, November 08, 2003
entitled MY SOCIAL WISH LIST for my criteria.
thank you, juliana!
for the wonderful 2 hr chat this morning. my mom is so excited abt the july 3rd wedding. it's going to be the wedding of the year, if she has her way. and i'm sure she will, knowing her. c u at harbour bridge 2morow at 8 then ; ) azlan ::~~~
for the wonderful 2 hr chat this morning. my mom is so excited abt the july 3rd wedding. it's going to be the wedding of the year, if she has her way. and i'm sure she will, knowing her. c u at harbour bridge 2morow at 8 then ; ) azlan ::~~~
Sally's Scandal
by Azlan Adnan
A work of autobiographical fiction inspired by Shahriza Nor Hosni
It was a Tuesday evening in late November when I first set eyes on her. The committee meeting was about to commence when she breezed into the function room at the Prince Hotel. Our eyes met and I was love-struck. Her eyes had spoken to me in a way words can never equal. Through the placid pools of her limpid eyes I had a glimpse into her very soul.
She sat down next to me, to my right. I noticed she was adorned in a black long-sleeved figure-hugging top and beige slacks. After the usual pleasantries, I offered to make her a cup of honey lemon tea. She graciously accepted my offer and the rest--as they say--is history.
She gave me her business card which spelt out her name in full but implored I called her simply Sally. She was a marketing executive with an event management company.
At our next meeting two days later, Sally wore a short, knee-length black skirt which showed her lovely legs to their full advantage. She had slender calves that looked decidedly ravishing.
Sally is petite. 45 kg or so. 5 feet 1 inch. Her body is well proportioned--her torso is short and her legs relatively long. She possessed lovely, pert, well-separated breasts that were neither too large nor too small. She had broad hips for her size, which emphasized the sexiness of her bottom, which was full, well-rounded and firm.
We had our first date--alone together at last--the following Tuesday. It was 6.20 pm when we were driving down the road towards the traffic lights. As we were held up in the bumper-to-bumper traffic Sally asked me if I wasn't going to ask her if she had a boyfriend. I told her I deduced she hasn't because if she did, she wouldn't entertain me out of loyalty to her boyfriend. I said I'd expect she'd be faithful to him, if she had one. She confirmed she hadn't a boyfriend although there was this one guy, Gary, who has been pestering her. But she wasn't in the least romantically interested in him, she said. My heart sang with joy!
Sally asked me what I was looking for. I said "Romance."
Bemused, she tittered and interrupted me. I was about to add--"and sex would be nice, too"--but held my tongue. I figured prudence would be better at this early stage of our relationship. I told her it is nice to have someone to love and even nicer to be loved. She agreed it was nice to be loved.
I ordered a King-sized spare rib, which I told the waitress we intended to share. She ordered a mushroom soup and I a guacamole dip. We shared each other's starters: How romantic! Sally assured me she didn't have HIV but I didn't care, or rather, I took it as a given. In any case, you can't get HIV from sharing food. Hepatitis, yes, but I've already taken my booster jab.
For drinks, she had hot lemon tea and I had a hot honey lemon. It reminded her of the honey lemon tea of our first meeting and she laughed, displaying her lovely set of teeth and her ready, sweet smile.
I told Sally I was enjoying her company and for a first date I was very pleased with how it was progressing along. She expressed an earlier anxiety that she had--given our age difference (I'm 44)--she was worried we might have nothing in common to talk about. She was glad we had nothing to worry on that score.
Sally asked me about my divorce. I told her I was not comfortable discussing the reason as I was still on good terms with my ex. Talking about the divorce was like betraying her trust and the private nature of a relationship. She agreed when I suggested that she would not like it if whatever happened between us was blabbered to other people. Sally said she understood. Maybe when the time was ripe and if it was relevant, I'd confide in her. But not just yet--I needed to know her better.
Sally was quite clear that she wants me not to expect anything. I guessed, correctly, that she did not want to rush into things and would like things to take their course.
She asked me what I had been doing. I said my last job was as CEO of a medical supply company. She expressed surprise that an obviously "successful" person, a CEO no less--would take a romantic interest in her. Her humility and total lack of vanity was the very essence of her charm. I told her as such. She was bemused, expressing disbelief, probably thinking I was telling her a line.
The lighting in the restaurant gave a warm glow to her cheeks and before I could comment on it she said that the lighting made my face look handsome. We laughed. I had a warm tingling sensation in my cheeks ever since I realised I was in love with her. I certainly had a buzz and she made me high.
Sally drove me home and asked if she'd like to take my dog for a walk. I was greatly pleased when she said she would love to do so and although she was a little afraid of Speedy who is huge in comparison to her slight body, she eagerly accepted the idea of walking Speedy. Speedy excitedly jumped on her a couple of times and I naturally took the opportunity to hug and touch her to protect Sally from Speedy's enthusiastic slobbering. We walked the length of my street and as I was still not contented, we walked round the block as well. At some point I asked her if it was too much to hold her hand and she promptly replied in the affirmative. So its hands-off for now.
Our next meeting was at a more public occasion, but was lovely to see her again and we did manage a few quiet moments to ourselves. Sally wore beige slacks that slipped and bared her black panties. I made a jocular remark about them--(Why do women wear black panties? In memory of all those who were buried here)--to which she responded with rowdy laughter.
At some stage she was seated on a barstool and I was behind her. I eyed and admired her voluptuously broad butt. I told her I noticed from the back that she had curvy hips. She said I was naughty to notice such things and laughed.
We met next at a Christmas Tree Lighting ceremony on December 2. I passed Sally a hand-written journal I had been keeping since we had first met--it contained 40 pages of entries. Then, she said she had to go away for about two weeks...
I only saw her briefly on Dec 11 at a gala charity dinner when I just managed to pass her a "I Miss You!" card. She had returned specifically for that dinner as she had to go on stage to receive an momento as her company had managed the event.
Not being able to see her for weeks--she was hundreds of miles away--was driving me crazy. I wanted to surprise her and made a fan club website devoted to her and uploaded some photographs of her--taken by a friend on Dec 11 when she went on stage.
Also, I had wanted to write in my journal and not elsewhere as I had wanted it all in one location. Keeping my emotions and thoughts from running around wild in my mind was driving me crazy. In retrospect, I should have started another journal and not wait for the original.
On Tuesday, Dec 17 I received a very angry email from her demanding that I delete the website. How dare I published her photos on the Internet without her permission? I was so stunned, I did as she commanded without a moment's hesitation. I phoned her at 1 pm (we spoke for 5 and a half minutes) to let her know that I did as she had demanded. She was pleased that I complied and immediately let it be known that I was on probation--I was not permitted to call her, only emails were allowed. While she was away, I had been permitted to call only once a day. That night I took 50 mg of chlorpromazine at 1.30 am as I was anxious not to lose any sleep over this incident less it trigger a depressive episode.
It so happened we met again Wednesday night at a business dinner with a mutual client. Again, we did manage to have a few quiet words together. She forgave me for my audacity but made it clear that I was still on probation--I was so pleased--I told her that I had felt awful the past 48 hours--like I had been walking on egg-shells and my tummy was turning, churning. On her part, she agreed to return my journal which I had lent her to read at the beginning of the month.
She, however, informed me that she didn't now need the settee she had earlier requested from me. This was in response to my asking whether she received the SMS giving the width of it--153 cm. She had wanted to know its dimensions because she needed a relatively small settee to fit in her apartment. I was crest-fallen, but perked-up when the conversation eventually turned to less serious matters.
I left at 10.40 pm with a load taken off my shoulders.
What I need to know is what should I do next? I posted (snail-mail) cards apologising for my error. In mitigation, I said I was driven by my enthusiasm and the intensity of my affection for and devotion to her and I had wanted to surprise her. I told her I had no intention of hurting her--that was the last thing on my mind. I had learnt my lesson and would not pull a stunt like that again.
Would flowers help? I need a woman's perspective on this. Should I back off until Sally contacts me? If she doesn't, does it mean I blew it? How much space does Sally need? How will I ever know when I can get in touch again? Help!
On the night of Monday, January 6 2003, I had a meeting with Sally and her now boyfriend, Gary. It was a business meeting with two other colleagues of mine, but I did manage a few private words with her as usual.
On Dec 31, when Sally SMSed me that she was already taken, she didn't tell me who her boyfriend was, only that he was someone I knew. I suspected it was Gary but this puzzled and confused me. On our first date, Sally had told me that she had told Gary repeatedly--berkali-kali--that she was not in the least romantically interested in him. So what gives? By Monday, I had realised that Sally, like any other woman, has the right to change her mind.
Also, on Monday night, Gary spoke of his religious convictions. He unabashedly claimed that he had none and that he worshiped money. How Sally could go out with him is beyond me and in that manner, she has gone down in my estimation of her.
She looked sad and tired; and definitely a far cry from the Sally I had met and fell in love with in November. Then, she used to smoke 3 cigarettes a day. Now she smokes much more.
Earlier that day, a mutual friend of ours, Don, had surreptitiously witnessed a shouting match between Gary and a young lady Don did not know. Gary was yelling and saying that he had already cancelled the supplementary credit card he had given to his wife. It was an ugly scene. So, Gary was married and Sally was his extra-marital affair!
One thing I know for a fact, Gary is Sally's first boyfriend and we all know from experience that first relationships almost always don't work out. It turned out that Gary had formed a business--a partnership with Sally and her sister, who backed the venture financially--and is using Sally's flat address as the business address. This was convenient because they were living together there. Sally had resigned her job with the event management company to work with Gary full-time. I suppose she was impressed with the money he had thrown at her--the "working holidays" over Christmas and New Year, gallivanting at various resort towns (Penang, Kuantan, Malacca and Kuching) and travelling first-class.
Of one thing I am certain--patience has its rewards--in time, God will deliver someone better into my arms. It could be Amanda, a new acquaintance, or even someone I haven't even met yet, but if I am true to myself, in time I shall reap the rewards of my patience.
I hadn't expected closure over Sally to be so unperturbing. Maybe it's the carbamazepine, a mood stabilizer I was on, but whatever it is, its her loss, not mine.
Three months later, Don received an SMS from Gary. It read that Sally had left him and Gary was about to commit suicide. Don immediately called Gary. It transpired that Sally's conservative parents had learnt of their affair and were aghast that she had lost her virginity before marriage to a married man who was co-habiting wth her in her apartment. Gary had spent all the money Sally's sister has invested in the business, taking Sally on those "business trips" all over the country with nothing to show for it. It was a scandal!
Needless to say, Sally didn't attend Gary's funeral. Neither did I, for that matter.
by Azlan Adnan
A work of autobiographical fiction inspired by Shahriza Nor Hosni
It was a Tuesday evening in late November when I first set eyes on her. The committee meeting was about to commence when she breezed into the function room at the Prince Hotel. Our eyes met and I was love-struck. Her eyes had spoken to me in a way words can never equal. Through the placid pools of her limpid eyes I had a glimpse into her very soul.
She sat down next to me, to my right. I noticed she was adorned in a black long-sleeved figure-hugging top and beige slacks. After the usual pleasantries, I offered to make her a cup of honey lemon tea. She graciously accepted my offer and the rest--as they say--is history.
She gave me her business card which spelt out her name in full but implored I called her simply Sally. She was a marketing executive with an event management company.
At our next meeting two days later, Sally wore a short, knee-length black skirt which showed her lovely legs to their full advantage. She had slender calves that looked decidedly ravishing.
Sally is petite. 45 kg or so. 5 feet 1 inch. Her body is well proportioned--her torso is short and her legs relatively long. She possessed lovely, pert, well-separated breasts that were neither too large nor too small. She had broad hips for her size, which emphasized the sexiness of her bottom, which was full, well-rounded and firm.
We had our first date--alone together at last--the following Tuesday. It was 6.20 pm when we were driving down the road towards the traffic lights. As we were held up in the bumper-to-bumper traffic Sally asked me if I wasn't going to ask her if she had a boyfriend. I told her I deduced she hasn't because if she did, she wouldn't entertain me out of loyalty to her boyfriend. I said I'd expect she'd be faithful to him, if she had one. She confirmed she hadn't a boyfriend although there was this one guy, Gary, who has been pestering her. But she wasn't in the least romantically interested in him, she said. My heart sang with joy!
Sally asked me what I was looking for. I said "Romance."
Bemused, she tittered and interrupted me. I was about to add--"and sex would be nice, too"--but held my tongue. I figured prudence would be better at this early stage of our relationship. I told her it is nice to have someone to love and even nicer to be loved. She agreed it was nice to be loved.
I ordered a King-sized spare rib, which I told the waitress we intended to share. She ordered a mushroom soup and I a guacamole dip. We shared each other's starters: How romantic! Sally assured me she didn't have HIV but I didn't care, or rather, I took it as a given. In any case, you can't get HIV from sharing food. Hepatitis, yes, but I've already taken my booster jab.
For drinks, she had hot lemon tea and I had a hot honey lemon. It reminded her of the honey lemon tea of our first meeting and she laughed, displaying her lovely set of teeth and her ready, sweet smile.
I told Sally I was enjoying her company and for a first date I was very pleased with how it was progressing along. She expressed an earlier anxiety that she had--given our age difference (I'm 44)--she was worried we might have nothing in common to talk about. She was glad we had nothing to worry on that score.
Sally asked me about my divorce. I told her I was not comfortable discussing the reason as I was still on good terms with my ex. Talking about the divorce was like betraying her trust and the private nature of a relationship. She agreed when I suggested that she would not like it if whatever happened between us was blabbered to other people. Sally said she understood. Maybe when the time was ripe and if it was relevant, I'd confide in her. But not just yet--I needed to know her better.
Sally was quite clear that she wants me not to expect anything. I guessed, correctly, that she did not want to rush into things and would like things to take their course.
She asked me what I had been doing. I said my last job was as CEO of a medical supply company. She expressed surprise that an obviously "successful" person, a CEO no less--would take a romantic interest in her. Her humility and total lack of vanity was the very essence of her charm. I told her as such. She was bemused, expressing disbelief, probably thinking I was telling her a line.
The lighting in the restaurant gave a warm glow to her cheeks and before I could comment on it she said that the lighting made my face look handsome. We laughed. I had a warm tingling sensation in my cheeks ever since I realised I was in love with her. I certainly had a buzz and she made me high.
Sally drove me home and asked if she'd like to take my dog for a walk. I was greatly pleased when she said she would love to do so and although she was a little afraid of Speedy who is huge in comparison to her slight body, she eagerly accepted the idea of walking Speedy. Speedy excitedly jumped on her a couple of times and I naturally took the opportunity to hug and touch her to protect Sally from Speedy's enthusiastic slobbering. We walked the length of my street and as I was still not contented, we walked round the block as well. At some point I asked her if it was too much to hold her hand and she promptly replied in the affirmative. So its hands-off for now.
Our next meeting was at a more public occasion, but was lovely to see her again and we did manage a few quiet moments to ourselves. Sally wore beige slacks that slipped and bared her black panties. I made a jocular remark about them--(Why do women wear black panties? In memory of all those who were buried here)--to which she responded with rowdy laughter.
At some stage she was seated on a barstool and I was behind her. I eyed and admired her voluptuously broad butt. I told her I noticed from the back that she had curvy hips. She said I was naughty to notice such things and laughed.
We met next at a Christmas Tree Lighting ceremony on December 2. I passed Sally a hand-written journal I had been keeping since we had first met--it contained 40 pages of entries. Then, she said she had to go away for about two weeks...
I only saw her briefly on Dec 11 at a gala charity dinner when I just managed to pass her a "I Miss You!" card. She had returned specifically for that dinner as she had to go on stage to receive an momento as her company had managed the event.
Not being able to see her for weeks--she was hundreds of miles away--was driving me crazy. I wanted to surprise her and made a fan club website devoted to her and uploaded some photographs of her--taken by a friend on Dec 11 when she went on stage.
Also, I had wanted to write in my journal and not elsewhere as I had wanted it all in one location. Keeping my emotions and thoughts from running around wild in my mind was driving me crazy. In retrospect, I should have started another journal and not wait for the original.
On Tuesday, Dec 17 I received a very angry email from her demanding that I delete the website. How dare I published her photos on the Internet without her permission? I was so stunned, I did as she commanded without a moment's hesitation. I phoned her at 1 pm (we spoke for 5 and a half minutes) to let her know that I did as she had demanded. She was pleased that I complied and immediately let it be known that I was on probation--I was not permitted to call her, only emails were allowed. While she was away, I had been permitted to call only once a day. That night I took 50 mg of chlorpromazine at 1.30 am as I was anxious not to lose any sleep over this incident less it trigger a depressive episode.
It so happened we met again Wednesday night at a business dinner with a mutual client. Again, we did manage to have a few quiet words together. She forgave me for my audacity but made it clear that I was still on probation--I was so pleased--I told her that I had felt awful the past 48 hours--like I had been walking on egg-shells and my tummy was turning, churning. On her part, she agreed to return my journal which I had lent her to read at the beginning of the month.
She, however, informed me that she didn't now need the settee she had earlier requested from me. This was in response to my asking whether she received the SMS giving the width of it--153 cm. She had wanted to know its dimensions because she needed a relatively small settee to fit in her apartment. I was crest-fallen, but perked-up when the conversation eventually turned to less serious matters.
I left at 10.40 pm with a load taken off my shoulders.
What I need to know is what should I do next? I posted (snail-mail) cards apologising for my error. In mitigation, I said I was driven by my enthusiasm and the intensity of my affection for and devotion to her and I had wanted to surprise her. I told her I had no intention of hurting her--that was the last thing on my mind. I had learnt my lesson and would not pull a stunt like that again.
Would flowers help? I need a woman's perspective on this. Should I back off until Sally contacts me? If she doesn't, does it mean I blew it? How much space does Sally need? How will I ever know when I can get in touch again? Help!
On the night of Monday, January 6 2003, I had a meeting with Sally and her now boyfriend, Gary. It was a business meeting with two other colleagues of mine, but I did manage a few private words with her as usual.
On Dec 31, when Sally SMSed me that she was already taken, she didn't tell me who her boyfriend was, only that he was someone I knew. I suspected it was Gary but this puzzled and confused me. On our first date, Sally had told me that she had told Gary repeatedly--berkali-kali--that she was not in the least romantically interested in him. So what gives? By Monday, I had realised that Sally, like any other woman, has the right to change her mind.
Also, on Monday night, Gary spoke of his religious convictions. He unabashedly claimed that he had none and that he worshiped money. How Sally could go out with him is beyond me and in that manner, she has gone down in my estimation of her.
She looked sad and tired; and definitely a far cry from the Sally I had met and fell in love with in November. Then, she used to smoke 3 cigarettes a day. Now she smokes much more.
Earlier that day, a mutual friend of ours, Don, had surreptitiously witnessed a shouting match between Gary and a young lady Don did not know. Gary was yelling and saying that he had already cancelled the supplementary credit card he had given to his wife. It was an ugly scene. So, Gary was married and Sally was his extra-marital affair!
One thing I know for a fact, Gary is Sally's first boyfriend and we all know from experience that first relationships almost always don't work out. It turned out that Gary had formed a business--a partnership with Sally and her sister, who backed the venture financially--and is using Sally's flat address as the business address. This was convenient because they were living together there. Sally had resigned her job with the event management company to work with Gary full-time. I suppose she was impressed with the money he had thrown at her--the "working holidays" over Christmas and New Year, gallivanting at various resort towns (Penang, Kuantan, Malacca and Kuching) and travelling first-class.
Of one thing I am certain--patience has its rewards--in time, God will deliver someone better into my arms. It could be Amanda, a new acquaintance, or even someone I haven't even met yet, but if I am true to myself, in time I shall reap the rewards of my patience.
I hadn't expected closure over Sally to be so unperturbing. Maybe it's the carbamazepine, a mood stabilizer I was on, but whatever it is, its her loss, not mine.
Three months later, Don received an SMS from Gary. It read that Sally had left him and Gary was about to commit suicide. Don immediately called Gary. It transpired that Sally's conservative parents had learnt of their affair and were aghast that she had lost her virginity before marriage to a married man who was co-habiting wth her in her apartment. Gary had spent all the money Sally's sister has invested in the business, taking Sally on those "business trips" all over the country with nothing to show for it. It was a scandal!
Needless to say, Sally didn't attend Gary's funeral. Neither did I, for that matter.
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