Portuguese Ikan Bakar
The Food Court, Mid-Valley Mega Mall

Went there tonight with my friend Emry. Its just at the entrance, first stall on the left. We had ikan bawal (pomfret) and sotong (calamari) mixed. If you want different types--there are ikan bawal, ikan kembong (mackerel), ikan pari (skate), udang (prawns) and sotong--don't go for mixed. Order separate dishes. We had about 3 pieces of sotong. For vegetables, they have bendir (okra), kacang botol (four-angled bean) and kacang panjang (long beans).

The fish is heated on a hot plate in a package of sambal layered with banana leaf and wrapped in tin foil. This means two things:

1) Firstly, because a hotplate and not a proper grill or barbacue is used, the fish is not grilled.

2) And more importantly, because everything is wrapped in the tin foil, its contents is steamed, and the fish is cooked by this steaming process.

While I have tasted better grilled fish elsewhere, this Portuguese "grilled" fish is quite tasty, the sambal being its sole redeeming feature. Despite being steamed on a hotplate, the ikan bawal we ate tasted pretty okay, much better than I had expected, with the piquant sambal saving the day: not merely hot, it's also sweet, sour and tasty.

Verdict: 3/5

My Age

I prefer to befriend young ladies in their late teens or twenties. Some young ladies on the Internet have a problem with that and a few have even sent me email calling me a "Dirty Old Man" and "You are Ancient."

It's just a preference, as in, if I had a choice. Just like I also prefer to befriend intelligent (IQ >130), attractive (top 5% world class beauties), articulate (we can communicate in English without translation services), sincere and caring young ladies.

Other men may have other preferences. That's their choice. Who are we to criticize theirs?

There are, evidently, young ladies who prefer not to befriend men my age. That is fine. It's their choice. But, really, it's not necessary to be rude or practise name-calling. Don't you think so?

Besides, I look and behave a lot younger than I am. Almost everyone is surprised to learn my age. They think I am 30 or 32. It's in my genes. When people meet my mother (who is almost 70), they assume she's my sister. She certainly looks like she could be.

I could lie about my age and be done with it. Then my age may not be an issue with these ladies, but I'd rather not. I'd rather they get to know me and appreciate me for what I am. Many do and the issue of my age is totally irrelevant. We have common interests (poetry, writing, photography, whatever) and we enjoy sharing our work or pursuing these activities together.

Like I said, my age doesn't even come into the picture.

Many of you may very well ask why do I prefer young ladies? Well, for a start, women my age are mostly already married. Besides, women my age, especially when they look it, are embarrassed to be seen with me--an ostensibly "younger" man. They'd much prefer the company of an older man, or at least one who looks older than they do.

For God's sake, is it really too much to ask for a friendship where we could have some good clean fun pursuing common interests? With someone young and pretty, vivacious and carefree? Someone intelligent enough to cross swords with, but that not being the sole basis of our friendship? Someone adorable to look at? With a face as in the Malay saying "pandang tak jemu?" Is that really too much to ask for?

so what's up with u lately?

for Julie Anna, with affection


nothing special,
same as usual,
missing u like crazy,
what else, Julie?

u're no longer an option
in my life, Julie.
u're a priority.
Am i 1 in urs 2?

tell me
tell me
tell me
quickly

My Immortal
by Emma
with the cryptic message:
GOOD BYE WORLD. THE "MY IMMORTAL" I SENT JUST NOW, ITS MY FINALE TO Y'ALL. U'D NEVER CATCH ME HERE AGAIN. NEVER. LIFE'S SO FULL OF HATRED…

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Source: Emma's Blog

Never Forget
by Izyan Syafinaz

dedicated to Jasmine Jane John,
my amazingsoul angel who's a joy to look at ~
a balm for the heart, uplifting the spirit
and food for the soul

Your presence is a gift to the world,
You're unique and one-of-a-kind;
Your life can be what you want it to be,
Just take it one day at a time.

Count your blessings, not your troubles,
And you'll make it through what comes along;
Within you are so many answers,
Understand, have courage, be strong.

Don't put limits on yourself,
Your dreams are waiting to be realized;
Don't leave your important decisions to chance,
Reach for your peak, your goal, and your prize.

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying,
The longer a problem is carried, the heavier it gets;
Don't take things too seriously,
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

Remember that a little love goes a long way,
Remember that a lot goes on forever;
Remember that a relationship is a wise investment,
Life's treasures are people, together.

Have faith, health and happiness,
Take the time to wish upon a star;
And don't ever forget, for even a day
How very special YOU are!

GEORGE KELLY & ALTERNATIVE CONSTRUCTIVISM

Especially dedicated to my psychologist friends, Caitlin, Carla-Maria, Chloe, Michelle Anne Paigey and Nina Muslim.

George Kelly
George Kelly was teaching physiological psychology at Fort Hays Kansas State College in 1931, at the time of the dust bowl and the depression. Recognizing the pains and sorrows of the farming families of the area, he decided to develop a rural clinical service. This was hardly a money-making operation as many of his clients had no money. Some couldn't come to him, and so he and his students would travel, sometimes for hours, to them.

At first, Kelly used standard Freudian techniques. He had these folks lie down on a couch, free associate, and tell him their dreams. When he saw resistances or symbols of sexual and aggressive needs, he would patiently convey his impressions to them. He was surprised by how readily these relatively unsophisticated people took to these explanations of their problems. Surely, given their culture, the standard Freudian interpretations should seem terribly bizarre? Apparently, they placed their faith in him, the professional.

Kelly himself, however, found these standard Freudian explanations a bit far-fetched, and inappropriate to the lives of Kansan farm families. So, as time went by, he noticed that his interpretations were becoming increasingly unorthodox. In fact, he began "making up" explanations! His clients listened as carefully as before, believed in him as much as ever, and improved at the same slow but steady pace.

It began to occur to him that what truly mattered to these people was that they had an explanation of their difficulties, that they had a way of understanding them. What mattered was that the "chaos" of their lives developed some order. And he discovered that, while just about any order and understanding that came from an authority was accepted gladly, order and understanding that came out of their own lives, their own culture, was even better.

Out of these insights, Kelly developed his theory and philosophy. He called the philosophy constructive alternativism. Constructive alternativism is the idea that, while there is only one true reality, reality is always experienced from one or another perspective, or alternative construction. I have a construction, you have one, a person on the other side of the planet has one, someone living long ago had one, a primitive person has one, a modern scientist has one, every child has one, even someone who is seriously mentally ill has one.

Some constructions are better than others. Yet no-one's construction is ever complete--the world is just too complicated, too big, for anyone to have the perfect perspective. And no-one's perspective is ever to be completely ignored. Each perspective is, in fact, a perspective on the ultimate reality, and has some value to that person in that time and place.

In fact, Kelly says, there are an infinite number of alternative constructions one may take towards the world, and if ours is not doing a very good job, we can take another!

Kelly's Theory
Kelly's theory begins with what he called his "fruitful metaphor." He had noticed long before that scientists, and therapists, often displayed a peculiar attitude towards people: While they thought quite well of themselves, they tended to look down on their subjects or clients. While they saw themselves as engaged in the fine arts of reason and empiricism, they tended to see ordinary people as the victims of their sexual energies or conditioning histories. But Kelly, with his experience with Kansan students and farm people, noted that these ordinary people, too, were engaged in science; they, too, were trying to understand what was going on.

So people--ordinary people--are scientists, too. The have constructions of their reality, like scientists have theories. They have anticipations or expectations, like scientists have hypotheses. They engage in behaviors that test those expectations, like scientists do experiments. They improve their understandings of reality on the bases of their experiences, like scientists adjust their theories to fit the facts. From this metaphor comes Kelly's entire theory.

The fundamental postulate
Kelly organized his theory into a fundamental postulate and 11 corollaries. His fundamental postulate says this:

"A person's processes are psychologically channelized by the ways in which he anticipates events."

(This and all subsequent quotations are from Kelly's 1955 The Psychology of Personal Constructs.)

This is the central movement in the scientific process: from hypothesis to experiment or observation, i.e. from anticipation to experience and behavior.

By processes, Kelly means your experiences, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and whatever might be left over. All these things are determined, not just by the reality out there, but by your efforts to anticipate the world, other people, and yourself, from moment to moment as well as day-to-day and year-to-year.

So, when I look out of my window to find the source of some high-pitched noises, I don't just see exactly and completely what is out there. I see that which is in keeping with my expectations. I am ready for birds, perhaps, or children laughing and playing. I am not prepared for a bulldozer that operates with a squeal rather than the usual rumbling, or for a flying saucer landing in my yard. If a UFO were in fact the source of the high-pitched noises, I would not truly perceive it at first. I'd perceive something. I'd be confused and frightened. I'd try to figure out what I'm looking at. I'd engage in all sorts of behaviors to help me figure it out, or to get me away from the source of my anxiety! Only after a bit would I be able to find the right anticipation, the right hypothesis: "Oh my God, it's a UFO!"

If, of course, UFO's were a commonplace occurrence in my world, upon hearing high-pitched noises I would anticipate birds, kids, or a UFO, an anticipation that could then be quickly refined with a glance out of the window.

The 11 corollaries are:
1. The construction corollary
2. The experience corollary
3. The dichotomy corollary
4. The organization corollary
5. The range corollary
6. The modulation corollary
7. The choice corollary
8. The individuality corollary
9. The commonality corollary
10. The fragmentation corollary
11. The sociality corollary

Feelings
The theory so far presented may sound very cognitive, with all its emphasis on constructs and constructions, and many people have said so as their primary criticism of Kelly's theory. In fact, Kelly disliked being called a cognitive theorist. He felt that his "professional constructs" included the more traditional ideas of perception, behavior, and emotion, as well as cognition. So to say he doesn't talk about emotions, for example, is to miss the point altogether.

What you and I would call emotions (or affect, or feelings) Kelly called constructs of transition, because they refer to the experiences we have when we move from one way of looking at the world or ourselves to another.

When you are suddenly aware that your constructs aren't functioning well, you feel anxiety. You are (as Kelly said) "caught with your constructs down." It can be anything from your chequebook not balancing, to forgetting someone's name during introductions, to an unexpected hallucinogenic trip, to forgetting your own name. When anticipations fail, you feel anxiety. If you've taken a social psychology course, you might recognize the concept as being very similar to cognitive dissonance.

When the anxiety involves anticipations of great changes coming to your core constructs—the ones of greatest importance to you—it becomes threat. For example, you are not feeling well. You think it might be something serious. You go to the doctor. He looks. He shakes his head. He looks again. He gets solemn. He calls in a colleague... This is "threat." We also feel it when we graduate, get married, become parents for the first time, when roller coasters leave the track, and during therapy.

When you do things that are not in keeping with your core constructs--with your idea of who you are and how you should behave--you feel guilt. This is a novel and useful definition of guilt, because it includes situations that people know to be guilt-ridden and yet don't meet the usual criterion of being in some way immoral. If your child falls into a manhole, it may not be your fault, but you will feel guilty, because it violates your belief that it is your duty as a parent to prevent accidents like this. Similarly, children often feel guilty when a parent gets sick, or when parents divorce. And when a criminal does something out of character, something the rest of the world might consider good, he feels guilty about it!

We have talked a lot about adapting to the world when our constructs don't match up with reality, but there is another way: You can try to make reality match up with your constructs. Kelly calls this aggression. It includes aggression proper: If someone insults my tie, I can punch his lights out, in which case I can wear my tie in peace. But it also includes things we might today prefer to call assertiveness: Sometimes things are not as they should be, and we should change them to fit our ideals. Without assertiveness, there would be no social progress!

Again, when our core constructs are on the line, aggression may become hostility. Hostility is a matter of insisting that your constructs are valid, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Examples might include an elderly boxer still claiming to be "the greatest," a nerd who truly believes he's a Don Juan, or a person in therapy who desperately resists acknowledging that there even is a problem.

Psychopathology and Therapy
This brings us nicely to Kelly's definition of a psychological disorder:

"Any personal construction which is used repeatedly in spite of consistent invalidation."

The behaviors and thoughts of neurosis, depression, paranoia, schizophrenia, etc., are all examples. So are patterns of violence, bigotry, criminality, greed, addiction, and so on. The person can no longer anticipate well, yet can't seem to learn new ways of relating to the world. He or she is loaded with anxiety and hostility, is unhappy and is making everyone else unhappy, too.

If a person's problem is poor construction, then the solution should be reconstruction, a term Kelly was tempted to use for his style of therapy. Psychotherapy involves getting the client to reconstrue, to see things in a different way, from a new perspective, one that allows the choices that lead to elaboration.

Kellian therapists essentially ask their clients to join them in a series of experiments concerning the clients' life styles. They may ask their clients to loosen their constructs, to slip them around, to test them, to tighten them up again, to "try them on for size." The intent is to encourage movement, essential for any progress.

Kelly, with his background in drama, liked to use role-playing (or enactment) to encourage movement. He might take the part of your mother and have you express your feelings. After a while, he might ask you to reverse roles with him—you be your mother, and he'll be you! In this way, you become aware of your own construction of your relationship and your mother's construction. Perhaps you will begin to understand her, or see ways in which you might adapt. You may come to a compromise, or discover an entirely new perspective that rises above both.

Kelly's therapy often involves home-work, things he would ask you to do outside the therapy situation. His best-known technique is called fixed-role therapy. First, he asks you for a description of yourself, a couple of pages in the third person, which he calls the character sketch. Then he constructs, perhaps with the help of a colleague, another description, called the fixed-role sketch, of a pretend person.

He writes this sketch by examining your original sketch carefully and using constructs that are "at right angles" to the constructs you used. This means that the new constructs are independent of the original ones, but they are used in a similar way, that is, they refer to the same range of elements.

If, for example, I use genius-idiot as a construct in dealing with people, I don't give them a lot of room to be somewhere in between, and I don't allow much for change. And, since we use the same constructs on ourselves as we use for others, I don't give myself much slack either. On a really good day, I might call myself a genius. On most days, I'd have no choice, if I used such a dramatic construct, but to call myself an idiot. And idiots stay idiots; they don't turn into geniuses. So, I'd be setting myself up for depression, not to mention for a life with very few friends.

Kelly might write a fixed-role sketch with a construct like skilled-unskilled. This is a much more "humane" construct than genius-idiot. It is much less judgmental: A person can, after all, be skilled in one area, yet unskilled in another. And it allows for change: If I find that I am unskilled in some area of importance, I can, with a little effort, become skilled.

Anyway, Kelly would then ask his client to be the person described in the fixed-role sketch for a week or two. Mind you, this is a full time commitment: He wants you to be this person 24 hours a day, at work, at home, even when you're alone. Kelly found that most people are quite good at this, and even enjoy it. After all, this person is usually much healthier than they are!

Should the client come back and say "Thank you, doc! I believe I'm cured. All I need to do now is be "Dave" instead of "George" for the rest of my life," Kelly would have a surprise in store: He might ask that person to play another fixed-role for a couple of weeks, one that might not be so positive. That's because the intent of this play-acting is not that the therapist give you a new personality. That would quickly come to nothing. The idea is to show you that you do, in fact, have the power to change, to "choose yourself."

Kellian therapy has, as its goal, opening people up to alternatives, helping them to discover their freedom, allowing them to live up to their potentials. For this reason, and many others, Kelly fits most appropriately among the humanistic psychologists.

Assessment
Perhaps the thing most associated with George Kelly is his role construct repertory test, which most people now call the rep grid. Not a test in the traditional sense at all, it is a diagnostic, self-discovery, and research tool that has actually become more famous than the rest of his theory.

First, the client names a set of ten to twenty people, called elements, likely to be of some importance to the person's life. In therapy, these people are named in response to certain suggestive categories, such as "past lover" and "someone you pity," and would naturally include yourself, your mother and father, and so on.

The therapist or researcher then picks out three of these at a time, and asks you to tell him or her which of the three are similar, and which one is different. And he asks you to give him something to call the similarity and the difference. The similarity label is called the similarity pole, and the difference one is called the contrast pole, and together they make up one of the constructs you use in social relations. If, for example, you say that you and your present lover are both nervous people, but your former lover was very calm, then nervous is the similarity pole and calm the contrast pole of the construct nervous-calm.

You continue in this fashion, with different combinations of three, until you get about twenty contrasts listed. By eyeballing the list, or by performing certain statistical operations on a completed chart, the list might be narrowed down to ten or so contrasts by eliminating overlaps: Often, our constructs , even though they have different words attached to them, are used in the same way. Nervous-calm, for example, may be used exactly like you use neurotic-healthy or jittery-passive.

In diagnosis and self-discovery uses, you are, of course, encouraged to use constructs that refer to people's behaviors and personalities. But in research uses, you may be asked to give any kind of constructs at all, and you may be asked to give them in response to all sorts of elements. In industrial psychology, for example, people have been asked to compare and contrast various products (for marketing analyses), good and bad examples of a product (for quality control analyses), or different leadership styles. You can find your musical style constructs this way, or your constructs about political figures, or the constructs you use to understand personality theories.

In therapy, the rep grid gives the therapist and the client a picture of the client's view of reality that can be discussed and worked with. In marriage therapy, two people can work on the grid with the same set of elements, and their constructs compared and discussed. It isn't sacred: The rep grid is rare among "tests" in that the client is invited to change his or her mind about it at any time. Neither is it assumed to be a complete picture of a person's mental state. It is what it is: a diagnostic tool.

In research, we can take advantage of a number of computer programs that allow for a "measurement" of the distances between constructs or between elements. We get a picture, created by the people themselves, of their world-views. We can compare the views of several people (as long as they use the same elements). We can compare a person's world-view before and after training, or therapy. It is an exciting tool, an unusual combination of the subjective and objective side of personality research.

Discussion
Kelly published The Psychology of Personal Constructs in 1955. After a brief flurry of interest (and considerable criticism), he and his theory were pretty much forgotten, except by a few loyal students, most of whom were involved more in their clinical practices than in the advancement of the psychology of personality. Curiously, his theory continued to have a modest notoriety in England, particularly among industrial psychologists.

The reasons for this lack of attention are not hard to fathom: The "science" branch of psychology was at that time still rather mired in a behaviorist approach to psychology that had little patience with the subjective side of things; And the clinical side of psychology found people like Carl Rogers much easier to follow. Kelly was a good 20 years ahead of his time. Only recently, with the so-called "cognitive revolution," are people really ready to understand him.

It is ironic that George Kelly, always true to his philosophy of constructive alternativism, felt that, if his theory were still around in ten or twenty years, in a form significantly like the original, there would be cause for concern. Theories, like our individual views of reality, should change, not remain static.

There are legitimate criticisms. First, although Kelly is a very good writer, he chose to reinvent psychology from the ground up, introducing a new set of terms and a new set of metaphors and images. And he went out of his way to avoid being associated with other approaches to the field. This inevitably alienated him from the mainstream.

In a more positive vein, some of the words he invented are now firmly fixed in mainstream psychology (although many still think of them as "trendy!"): Anticipation has been made popular by the famous cognitive psychologist Ulric Neisser; Construct, construction, construal, and all its variations can be found in books and articles right alongside of words like perception and behavior. Sadly, Kelly, just like other innovators, seldom gets any credit for his innovations, mostly because psychologists are rarely trained to pay much attention to where ideas come from.

The "rep grid" has also become quite popular, especially since computers have made it much easier to use. As I mentioned before, it is a nice blend of the qualitative and the introspective that even critics of Kelly's overall theory have a hard time finding fault with.

Connections
Much of Personal Construct Theory is phenomenological. Kelly acknowledged his sympathies with the phenomenological theories of Carl Rogers, Donald Snygg and Arthur Combs, and the "self-theorists" Prescott Lecky and Victor Raimy. But he was skeptical of phenomenology per se. Like so many people, he assumed that phenomenology was some kind of introspective idealism. As we shall see in later chapters, that is a mistaken assumption.

But a phenomenologist would find much of Kelly's theory quite congenial. For example, Kelly believes that to understand behavior you need to understand how the person construes reality—i.e. how he or she understands it, perceives it—more than what that reality truly is. In fact, he points out that everyone's view—even the hard-core scientist's—is just that: a view. And yet he also notes, emphatically, that there is no danger here of solipsism (the idea that the world is only my idea), because the view has to be of something. This is exactly the meaning of the phenomenologist's basic principle, known as intentionality.

On the other hand, there are aspects of Kelly's theory that are not so congenial to phenomenology. First, he was a true theory-builder, and the technical detail of his theory shows it. Phenomenologists, on the other hand, tend to avoid theory. Second, he had high hopes for a rigorous methodology for psychology—even using the experimental scientist as his "fruitful metaphor." Most phenomenologists are much more skeptical about experimentation.

The emphasis on theory-building, fine detail, and the hope for a rigorous methodology do make Kelly very appealing to modern cognitive psychologists. Time will tell whether Kelly will be remembered as a phenomenologist or a cognitivist!

Readings
The basic reference for George Kelly is the two volume Psychology of Personal Constructs (1955). The first three chapters are available in paperback as A Theory of Personality (1963). Kelly wrote a number of very interesting articles as well; most of these are collected into Clinical Psychology and Personality: Selected papers of George Kelly, edited by Brendan Maher (1969).



This essay is an abridged version of the original written by
Dr. C. George Boeree
Psychology Department
Shippensburg University of Pennsylvania
available at:
http://www.ship.edu/~cgboeree/kelly.html

It has been created for undergraduate and graduate courses in Personality Theories. While it is copyrighted, you may download it or print it out without permission from the author, as long as the material is used only for personal or educational purposes, and the source is indicated.

Pantun Raya Orang Bujang

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
Duduk di rumah masak sendiri
Pergi rumah orang makan free

Sweetie, How Much Should You Give Up to Keep That Relationship: I Can Answer That!
by Debra J. Palardy
1st Books Library

Book Review by Azlan Adnan

You have a boyfriend and it’s a really exciting time for you. Your relationship is very intense. He focuses all his attention on you, all the time. He wants you every waking minute. He’s always telling you he thinks only of you. He actually means it too.

It’s nothing like the cool reserved relationships your friends have. Yours is always so full of passion. You almost feel sorry for your friends. They don’t know the joy of his white hot love. He’s every girl’s dream. To be loved that intensely is something that you’ve always dreamed of. Now that you have it; you won’t give it up.

But there is just one problem: he loves you so much that he is insanely jealous and will hurt you if don’t do anything and everything that does not put you right in his presence and under his complete control. He wants to isolate you from everyone.

When you see him and none of the things you tell him seems to comfort him, does he have a familiar look in his eyes right before he strikes you verbally or physically?

Does he ask you to leave your home and make one with him? Does he ask this because he just hates to part with you at the end of the day? The real reason is because he needs you alone and under his complete control. There is nothing more predictable than a control freak looking for the ultimate control.

He tells you the intensity of your relationship is born from the way you make him feel. He keeps telling you your problems are unique to the love the two of you share. He’s lying. There is nothing unique about a control freak. It’s classic. Don’t let him. If he gets his way, you will lose yours.

He has had or will have the same problems with all the relationships in his life. You’re just the current young lady having her spirit sucked dry by him. Abusive partners have varied backgrounds that can range from the poorest to the most affluent.

If you’re a victim of violence, do not think that one day your partner will change and everything will be back to normal again. It simply gets worse. Only fifteen percent of abusive partners ever change for the better, and even then, only slightly and after serving a prison term.

You need to get out of that relationship before its too late.

This book is for young ladies trapped in such abusive relationships. Its purpose is to give them the inner strength they need to make informed decisions to avoid the lion’s share of pain and heartbreak victims of dating violence would otherwise face by offering a way out of these relationships.

They’ll read how such relationships seemed to feel good at first, what make them stay, how there’s no romantic spin on jealousy, what it cost them by staying too long and, most importantly, how to get free.

Sweetie is certain to be a godsend for every young lady currently trapped in an abusive relationship. It is also certain to educate every girl not yet trapped in dating violence, so that she can recognise it at the onset.

After reading Sweetie, every girl will understand with clarity the psychology of an abusive partner. That means for every girl who reads this book today, an abusive partner will be out of business tomorrow.

###570 words###

On being the kind of person that I am...

I shudder when I look at the body of people around me. So many of them are one-dimensional; homogenous; generic. They do the same things every weekend. They wear the same clothes and always eat the same foods, they always sit at tables with the exact same set of people. Blindly, they accept what is fed to them; I think half of them still pretend to be religious by going to the mosque once a week. Sheep. Followers. Lemmings. Afraid to be anything other than the norm.

Maybe they're content with that and I have no right to criticize. But still, I pity them. I see them all over the city, always with the exact same expression frozen onto their faces.

The girls titter at bad jokes and are afraid to take a bus to the city by themselves. The boys call obnoxious slang to each other as evidence of their machismo, and hide under superficial conversation topics.

Don't these people ever do anything different? Don't they ever read, other than just for work? Don't they ever run, other than just to diet or "beef up"? Doesn't everything ever strike them as feeling good, so that they don't have to resort to catty elitism?

These are the people I've worked with all my life--tired adults who watch television every evening when they come home, and do nothing else.

Tired adults who schlep off to jobs in rush hour traffic, the monotony mind-numbing, so that after a few years feeling isn't even required.

When I look around and try to figure out who I am, I know that I didn't take any cues from these people. They are everything that I am not.

Maybe that explains why I'm finally reaching a point in my life where I can be happy--at least I know what I don't want. What I don't want is to be one of them. And I'm not, definitely not, thank God.

What Sign of Affection Are You?



cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Maria Hazrina

SWEET SIXTEEN!

and also to
Ezrah of Kota Kinabalu

many happy returns

SUPPLICATION
dedicated to all my friends taking exams

I pray that you get plenty of rest and good sleep,
the ability to step back and analyse the questions,
total memory recall, peace of mind, clarity of thought,
that you excel in your exams and succeed brilliantly!

BALIK KAMPUNG
inspired by Maria Joy Rowan
and dedicated to all my friends who have some driving to do in the next week

Do have a safe journey,
please drive carefully.
Make allowances for the drunks and those in a mad hurry.
And come back safely,
to your loved ones and family.

went to the doctor this morning. sat down. told him i had pyrexia and delirium. some sort of urti, since 5 am saturday. told him i had no appetite and had lost a lot of weight which, in itself, is no bad thing. my throat probably inflamed or injected. ear-ache, left ear. he asked if i had any discharge from the ear. i said no. he had a peep with his whatever-you-call-it-scope. said he could only see ear wax, cheeky bugger. he took a tongue depressor and had a look at my throat. injected - as opposed to inflamed - with meant my salivary glands were infected, too. which explained the loss of appetite. the nurse stuck a thermometer under my tongue, but as luck would have it, my temperature was normal then. shit, why isn't it the worse whenever i see a doctor? he decided to give me some antibiotic cover to prevent opportunistic infections. penglobe? no. amoxicillin? no. ceporex. a 4th generation cephalosporin broad spectrum wonder drug. 2 tablets 3 times a day for a week. 42 tablets in all. i liked that - no fasting for a week. haha. but seriously, my water intake is so low, it would be daft to fast. and i'm not eating anything anyway. he prescribed some pcm - paracetamol (panadol) for the fever. asked if there's any stronger anti-pyretic he could give me because the delirium and recurrent dreams were the pits. bruphen, he said. isn't that an analgesic, i asked? he said, well, yes, but brings down fever as well. decided to stick with the pcm. he asked if i had a cough. actually, i didn't but dreaded dragging myself to the clinic again in case one developed so i said only just started this morning - so he gave me some black cough mixture. at the pharmacy, the dispenser was being mean - gave me only 15 tablets of pcm. i could do with a lot more. i finished 10 since saturday. but all in all, its not bad for free treatment at the poliklinik kommuniti tanglin. foc because i'm a blood donor, or else i'd have to fork out a hefty $1. don't you just love living in malaysia?

~ • ~

MY SOCIAL WISH LIST
Intelligence is sexy to this gentleman. If a lady friend I find physically attractive isn't also bright, articulate and someone I can trust and talk to, I'm not interested. I’ve learnt the hard way that young babes are bankrupt in every direction except in looks. The ladies I'm seeking need to possess, above all, sincerity and candour, and should be very open with their feelings as the foundation of intimacy is truth.

We need to be able to communicate well as I believe communication based on mutual respect and honesty is key to any relationship, be it a platonic friendship.


COMMENTARY
by a lady friend whom I suspect would prefer anonymity

It is indeed intelligent to separate the bankrupt babes from the lovely ladies and even more so to be able to recognize the difference. Physical attractiveness alone is no longer the benchmark and it would best be complemented with a "beautiful mind." Beauty at its physical dimension may be in the eyes of the beholder but what of the mind?

Physical beauty may be appreciated by the eyes within seconds but to really know someone, to learn what makes them tick, to appreciate the way they think, what lies within, beneath the surface... takes time.

Can they match your wit? Can they relate to your logic? Will they have anything stimulating to offer to you mentally?

They may, or they may not. But what's definite is, you're not about to discover that in a matter of minutes. That’s the beauty of it. And that's a risk worth taking, an investment in time worth making.

I'd rather invest my time in someone who can speak their mind, who doesn't oblige and say certain things to live up to society's expectations, just to be "nice," or to avoid offending or troubling you for the sake of harmony which inevitably will rise to a crisis eventually.

So, yes, I would very much appreciate someone who is open with their feelings, thoughts and opinions while maintaining mutual respect in the relationship.

~ Source: Undisclosed

Jambatan Do Tamparuli
Famous Kadazandusun love song
contributed by Ezrah of Kota Kinabalu

Pak-pak kangku'n do
Sumunsui do Jambatan
Jambatan do Tamparuli Bakasut tinggi oku

Sumusui do jambatan
Jambatan do Tamparuli
Pak-pak kangku'n do
Bakasut tinggi oku

Silaka nodi kasutku
Naeatu loh'd jambatan
Tinggal poh do sukatin
Nowitku ginumuli

Ontok d hari tiga
Tomu loh d Tamparuli
Mingusuk poh hilo d kadai
Mogihum do kasut tinggi

Kiusak Totomou

Ika noi bunga ku
Kiusak totomou
Osindak tomod oh sinunion
Olomi nogi oh sinuruton
Oh! bungaku kiusak totomou

Soira koh nopo
Do kopomiusak
Kada kasaga kotuon do tulun
Tuh ati oku poingandad dika
Oh! bungaku piupus-upusku

Kada lumayu do otongkiadanku
Gulionku ie bokasari ika
Kunomoonku kupang do tua nu
Oh! bungaku kuisak totomou...

frenship4ever...

dedicated to Juliana Azman
of Sydney, Australia


In case I haven’t made it abundantly clear before,
Julie,
I want you to know I think you’re a gorgeous babe—
a top 1% world class beauty,
certainly.
But quite apart from what is skin deep, there are aspects of your personality
and inner beauty
that I am strongly drawn to: your intelligence, your humility,
your maturity,
your honesty,
your level-headedness and much,
much more.
I like what you say to me,
how you treat me
and, best of all, how you make me feel
since I got to know you in April 2003.
To quote you,
we have a "mere frenship but best buds,"
and
"i do treasure ur honesty though...
like I said...
frenship4ever..."

Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)
contributed by Juliana Azman
from Sydney, Australia

I was five and he was six
We rode on horses made of sticks
He wore black and I wore white
He would always win the fight

Bang Bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down.

Seasons came and changed the time
And I grew up, I called him mine
He would always laugh and say
"Remember when we used to play?"

"Bang Bang, i shot u down
Bang bang, u hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, i used to shoot u down"

Now he's gone, I don't know why
And till this day, sometimes I cry
He didn't even say goodbye
He didn't take the time to lie.

Bang Bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down.

THE ELEPHANT'S CHILD
by Rudyard Kipling

I Keep six honest serving-men:
(They taught me all I knew)
Their names are What and Where and When
And How and Why and Who.
I send them over land and sea,
I send them east and west;
But after they have worked for me,
I give them all a rest.

I let them rest from nine till five.
For I am busy then,
As well as breakfast, lunch, and tea,
For they are hungry men:
But different folk have different views:
I know a person small--
She keeps ten million serving-men,
Who get no rest at all!
She sends 'em abroad on her own affairs,
From the second she opens her eyes--
One million Hows, two million Wheres,
And seven million Whys!

GUILTY
by Cheryl Izatty
of Seremban

Should I have to tell the truth?
Should I pretend to be fine?
Should I have to use the rules?
All I want is you to be mine

I feel guilty for everything
Wanna say sorry for all the things
I didn’t mean to make you hurting
You just smile and say nothing

You never mad but made me smile
You never lie or made me cry
You never run and say good bye
All being with you is satisfy

POEMS OF LOVE & HATE
contributed by Lyn of Cyberjaya


If Only

If only tears could bring you back to me
If only love could find a way
What I would do, what I would give
If you returned to me someday
Somehow, somewhere
If my tears could bring you back to me

If only to want you for more than you know,
and learn about you for all you show
If only to feel your joy and understand your fear,
is what I want when you are near
If only to be shy in your presence
and conscious of my stance,
Makes me wonder
If only you feel that way too?

If only to be aroused when you are close
and concerned from afar
makes me want to know
who you really are
If only to feel your emotions
and show you I care
If only to give you my support
and let you know that I’ll be there

If only to want so much
and give you even more
If only to let you know I’ve been caring
and waiting by your heart’s door
If only I knew how
If only I could show
If only I wasn’t so afraid
of being emotional for you

For if only I could show you,
and express what it is I feel for you
If only I could say
If only you knew



Love and Hate

Then,
I was so naive,
I was so lonely and a dull girl,
I always thought that my life was boring,

Suddenly,
when I saw you,
I felt so happy,
I had finally found somebody,
I thought my life was going to change,
I showered you with love,
But you showed me hate,
I just don't have a clue,
Why are you feeling that way?

Now,
I don't care about the answer,
I just want to thank you,
For letting me taste,
The sweetness and bitterness of love,
Even though you were never there,
To share this perfect feeling with me,

Someday,
Even if you learn,
That hating me is a mistake,
I will never accept you,
My heart is too hurt and never will mend,
I know how a real man,
Will react to this situation,
You are not one of them,
But you will always remain to be,
The love I'll never forget…


~ Source: Unknown

On a Positive Note

On a positive note I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and 6 months out-of-a-job.

I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life.

I’ve learned that making a “living� is not the same thing as making a “life.�

I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.

I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.

I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch—holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.

I’ve learned that you should pass this on to someone you care about. I just did. Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile.

Note: People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

~ Source: Unknown

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids…
on a merry-go-round?
or listened to the rain
slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask “How are you?�
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
do you lie in your bed
with the next hundred chores
running through your head?
You’d better slow down
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Ever told your child,
We’ll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
to call and say “Hi�?
You’d better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
you miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
it is like an unopened gift…
thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
before the song is over.

~ Source: Unknown

LEAVE ME ALONE
by Cheryl Izatty
of Seremban

You came then go
Left my life feeling so slow
Thus pain was inside you’ll never know
Your swear doesn't mean anything
Your heart never stopped lying
Why can't you stop hurting
Another person’s heart?
Don't you feel guilty, of all thus things you do?
Don't you feel the pain? If you at da' same site
You leave me endlessly, thou all da' pain alone
Never look back, now you come again
Bringing your broken heart
Expecting me to accept, to take you back into my life
Never was set on my site
Now leave me alone
Don't you ever beg to come
Cuz' this heart were never get it down
Never turn back a'round

ON FRIENDSHIP
contributed by Paloma Rahman
Cyberjaya


Words begin with
A, B, C
Numbers begin with
1, 2, 3
Music begins with
Do, Re, Me
But Friendship
Begins with
You and Me!

STILL MORE BITS & PIECES


From Ezrah of Kota Kinabalu:

Dah tidur kah duhai kanda yang jauh di mata?
Mata dinda tak mahu lena—
Asyik ingat kanda membawa berita—
Berita cinta kanda dengan si dara.


From Azita Baizura of Kuala Lumpur:

And then, there was silence.
No second guessing,
No reminiscing.
For the curtain has been drawn for the the night.
Sleep beckons in full stride.
So let your spirit take flight!

The insomniac, inspired by the period of waiting
for an sms reply from a dear friend.
I'm so awake, gosh, and everyone else is in slumber,
or approaching it.

MORE BITS & PIECES
somethings sweet, classic and cusses, too!


From Ezrah of Kota Kinabalu:

Berkat doa restu kanda,
Dinda dah sembuh, seperti sediakala...
Harap kanda pun sihat sejahtera
Hendaknya bersama keluarga!

Jangan cakap setakat bulan puasa,
Nak Raya dengan you pun I rela!
Nanti I terbang ke sana—


From Sya of Shah Alam:

Buah selasih buah bidara,
Masak sebiji diatas para,
Kalau tuan hamba sudah berkata,
Hamba rasa bolehlah juga!


From Azita Baizura of Kuala Lumpur (she writes in a very classic style):

Menganyam ketupat di atas pangkin,
Dianyam dengan jari jemari,
Hendak kuturut manakan mungkin,
Maaf dipohon di bulan nan suci.


by Azlan:

Ahai, budak kecil dan nakal,
Yang tinggal ku sorang tengok wayang,
Ku doa semoga mu menyesal,
Perbuatan mu yang curang!


From Mabelle of Kuching:

1, 2, 3, 4!
Someone's knocking at the door.
I told you so
She's is a fucking whore!


From Tiki of Kelana Jaya (and also previously from Azleena of Johor Baru):

Simple music can make you sing,
Simple hug makes you feel better,
Simple things can make you happy.
Hope this simple 'hi!' will make you...
SMILE!

RISQUE POEMS
bits and pieces by me
and some contributed by others
(you know who you are)


Yang ku minat ramai,
tapi yang minat I...
Setakat ini, ahai,
semuanya tak sesuai!


Hot lips, hot sweat,
hot naked bodies, hot sex.
You and I
each and every day and night,
forever and ever...


On my bed,
thinking of you.
Everything said,
I still love you!


If you were to climb up the mountains,
you would see me down below,
deep and quite fathomless,
my soul darker than midnight,
and nobody beside...


You feel nice when somebody misses you.
You feel good when somebody loves you.
You feel better when somebody's with you.
But don't you feel the best
when somebody never forgets you?


LOVE is not only made for lovers,
it's also for friends who care for each other
better than lovers sometimes.


Roses, orchids, tulips—
all pretty flowers
but none compare
to the beauty of having
a great friend like you!


In my life
I've learnt
how...
to love
to smile
to be happy
to be strong
to work hard
to be honest
to be faithful
to forgive
But I
couldn't
learn
how...
to stop
missing
you.

Hati
contributed by Paloma Rahman
Cyberjaya, Monday, November 10, 2003


Nah, ambil la benda ni.
Apa ni?
Ini adalah hati. Hati aku.
Hati kau? Hmm.. kenapa kau sudi kasi kat aku?
Sebab kau dah jadik sebahagian dari aku.
Kau lebih dari seorang kawan.
Terima kasih.... ianya bererti. Aku terlalu
menghargainya.
Oh ye ke... tapi maaf.
Untuk apa?
Sebab, hati tu aku tak beri sepenuhnya.
Cuma sebahagian saja...

Maksud kau?
Aku pernah beri hati aku kat orang lain juga.
Dan aku tak pernah beri kesemuanya. Aku
takut aku tiada hati untuk diri aku sendiri.
Mungkin aku takut, hati itu tidak akan dijaga
dengan sebaik-baiknya. Ianya bukan seperti
barangan lain seperti duit, permata dan
sebagainya. Hati ini penuh mistik, ada
keajaiban yang tersendiri.

Mistik? Kelakar bunyinya...
Mungkin kelakar. Tapi itu realitinya.
Ia juga berubah mengikut rentak hidup engkau.
Rentak perasaan orang yang aku beri. Jika dia
betul-betul ikhlas, hati ini akan indah dan bersinar.
Tapi, jika dia mempersia-siakannya, hati ini akan
malap. Mungkin akan terus mati untuknya. Ianya
bukan satu benda yang percuma. Hati ini diberi hanya
kepada insan yang terpilih sahaja. Insan yang istimewa.
Dan kau adalah salah seorang daripada mereka, kerana
naluri aku terlalu percayakan kau.

Aku insan terpilih?
Ya, kau yang terpilih. Hati ini sering bertukar-tukar
mengikut perasaan orang yang diberikan. Ianya
terlalu sensitif. Tapi ianya cukup kebal dan kental
pada musuh aku. "Musuh", mungkin terlalu kejam untuk
aku memperkatakan perihal mereka ini. Ianya tak
berubah-berubah seperti yang terjadi jika hati ini diberi
pada orang yang istimewa.


Hati aku hanya tinggal sebahagian sahaja. Ada orang
yang tidak pernah memulangkannya, walaupun aku hanya
pinjamkan sekejap. Ada yang pulangkan dengan penuh
kelukaan. Ada yang sudi berikan sebahagiaan hatinya
pula sebagai ganti. Dan jika kau nak tahu, setiap hati
manusia ada nilai yang tersendiri. Setiapnya terlalu
mistik!

Cuma satu saja yang kau tak mengerti. Sekali hati itu
terluka, kadangkala sukar nak mengubatinya. Ada
kalanya, mengambil masa yang lama untuk itu.
Dan bila tiba sesuatu yang tidak diingini, mungkin
pemilik hati itu akan menyendiri buat seketika...
sehingga hatinya pulih seperti sediakala.
Hati yang diberi ini bukan untuk suka-suka. Ianya
lahir atas satu kepercayaan. Dari situ, wujudlah kasih
sayang. Jika hilang rasa percaya itu, maka sukarlah untuk
hati itu kembali indah.

At the Dentist's

At the Dentist's
by Azlan Adnan
A short story inspired by Shahliza Anuar (Baby)
Klinik Zahida, Kampung Tunku
March 19, 2003


8.12 pm In the waiting room. We had both skipped dinner. She was in too much pain to eat anything. I was in sympathy and hadn't eaten either. Sympathetic pain: whole volumes have been written on this phenomenon.

8.45 pm She was sleeping, or, at least, trying to, on the waiting room chair. She had a tiring day at work. Her cell phone rang. It was her office. She still needed to go back to the office to sort out some loose ends. She settled down again, eyes shut. I was unashamedly staring at her... again. She looked so adorable, I felt like holding her tight in my arms. It was obvious, from the frowns on her forehead, that she was in considerable pain. I felt like giving her forehead a massage but I had only just known her a few weeks. I couldn't just touch her. We don't have that kind of relationship; but how I wished we did. I just looked at her, admiring her closed eyes, her exquisitely-formed lips, her finely-chiseled cheeks, the highlights in her hair, her unusual ear lobes, and the stray lock of hair falling over her right eye. Her firm and curvy breasts, taut thighs and sexy bottom in her tight black jeans started me fantasizing...

9.10 pm I was awaken from my reverie. It was her turn on the dental chair. It was a lower molar. Root canal surgery was required. She needed to take antibiotics for the swelling to come down and come back again in a week's time. Nothing could be done tonight due to the swelling and the acute pain. It would take three more visits. She wanted the tooth extracted and be done with it. The dentist explained that she was young (21 last October) and that an early extraction of her molar would cause her jaw to resorb and eventually make her look old prematurely. I hope she listens. She's such a good-looking babe and it would be a pity if her stunning looks were tarnished. But she has a stubborn streak and an independent mind... Funny thing though, I like that in a woman, the independent mind, I mean.

9.30 pm It was raining cats and dogs when we left with two packets of medications. An antibiotic and some heavy-duty painkillers. The dentist hadn't charged for tonight's consultation, nor for the meds. He's a friend of mine. This was a special favour, seeing her without an appointment. We drove in silence for miles. She ran through some red lights. It was obvious her mind was elsewhere. Finally, I broke the silence and told her what the dentist had explained to me: it would cost about $300 altogether for the next three visits. She could pay $50 to begin with and pay the rest in installments, again, as a special favour to a friend of a friend. (I had told him privately that she was in financial difficulties.) She replied she might as well have gone to her company's panel dentist but her company wouldn't pay for root canal surgery. I knew what she was thinking: "Get an extraction and be done with it." I had no response but "Teeth are for life." It seemed lame, considering the pain she had gone through these past few weeks. I could have told her she shouldn't have put it off for so long, that she should have gone to see a dentist earlier, as soon as she had realized something was amiss, but I bit my lips. There was no point in antagonizing her. Or crying over spilt milk.

10.08 pm It was still raining heavily when we reached my lane. I told her she could call me next week if she needed me to accompany her to the dentist again. "Take care and don't forget to take your meds," I blurbed the obvious. Thinking of nothing else to say, I got out of her car, a little reluctantly. She had dropped me off a little distance from my house at the end of the cul de sac, so that she could turn her car round easily. And so, I had to walk the last few yards in the light drizzle. I didn't mind that. I just wished there was more I could do for her.

Isn't it funny how when you're in love, nothing's too much to do for your heart's delight?

~*~

ON FRIENDSHIP

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that this new world is born.
~ Anais Nin

Dedicated to my hardworking tutee, Shakirah Illias
of the Multimedia University, Cyberjaya
Monday, November 10, 2003

AUTHOR: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807–1882)
QUOTATION:

The heights by great men reached and kept
Were not attained by sudden flight,
But they while their companions slept
Were toiling upward in the night.

i carry your heart
by e.e. cummings

dedicated to juliana azman
sydney, australia
monday, november 10, 2003


i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
not fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

MY SOCIAL WISH LIST

Intelligence is sexy to this gentleman who believes chivalry is not dead. If a lady friend I find physically attractive (Body Mass Index <20, top 5% world-class beauty) isn't also bright (IQ >130), articulate and someone I can trust and talk to, I'm not interested. The ladies I'm seeking need to possess, above all, sincerity and candour, and be neither pretentious nor ostentatious. You should be very open with your feelings as the foundation of intimacy is truth.

We need to be able to communicate in English without the use of translation services as I believe communication based on mutual respect and honesty is key to any relationship, be it a platonic friendship. I'm big on mutuality and reciprocity in a relationship. I have a highly-developed aesthetic sense and am strongly drawn to ladies of taste, wit and charm who are young at heart, if not in age. It'd be great if you can sing as well.

They say young babes are bankrupt in every direction except in looks. If you’d like to prove to me that you’re the exception to Pareto’s Rule, you’re most welcome to do so. But make sure you have a list of redeeming features.

If you can meet at least 80% of the above "wish list" criteria, I’d love to hear from you.

I'm open-minded, sensitive, caring, torridly passionate and always willing to learn new fields of knowledge as I have high cognitive needs. I believe knowledge is meant to be shared and passed around. I have a sense of humour, drive for life and live life to the fullest. I'm a pretty good cook, too!

Presently unattached, I'm available and seeking a host of decent, honest and understanding lady friends from around the world for friendship and companionship and to enjoy the art of fine conversation. We can do anything or nothing; its the company that counts. I’m in that period of my life when I’m seeing many women with no particular special girlfriend in mind - just platonic lady friends with whom we can relate at several levels.

If I Have Not Your Love—
by Azlan Adnan

Dedicated to Juliana Azman
in Sydney, Australia
on November 8, 2003


Though I may speak with the tongue of angels,
And though I may have faith
such that I could move mountains,
If I have not love—
my words would resound with but a tinkle

Love is patient, full of goodness;
Love tolerates all things
Aspires to all things

Love never dies,
While tongues shall be silenced
knowledge shall fade—

I seek faith, knowledge and love—
but the greatest of these…
is love.

For if I have not love…
if I have not your love…
I am nothing.

~ # ~

A TRIBUTE TO PICASSO, born October 25, 1881

Probably the most famous artist of the twentieth century, Pablo Picasso almost single-handedly created modern art. Famous for his pioneering role in Cubism, Picasso continued to develop his art, and it might be said that Picasso lived several artistic lifetimes.

Born in 1881 of an artist, Jose Ruiz, and Maria Picasso, the young Picasso took the rarer name of his mother. At the age of 14, he completed the one-month qualifying examination of the Academy of Fine Arts in Barcelona in one day. He then studied in Madrid.

From 1901 to 1904, known as his Blue Period because of his blue paintings, Picasso made frequent stays in Paris, studying the masterworks at the Louvre.

During 1905 and 1906, he painted in subtle pinks and greys, in what was known as his Pink Period.

In 1907, Picasso met Georges Braque, the other leading figure of the Cubist movement. Cubism was equally the creation of Picasso and Braque. The 1920's saw Picasso painting in Cubist, Classical and Surreal modes, and sculpting in wrought iron.

In 1937, the northern Basque village of Guernica was pounded with bombs by the Luftwaffe. Sixteen hundred civilians were killed or wounded as they ran from the crumbling buildings.

Picasso was stunned by the stark black and white photographs in the newspapers. Appalled and enraged, he began his great anti-war painting, Guernica.

Representing the horror of the massacre with a jumble of tortured images, Guernica challenges our notions of warfare as heroic and is modern art's most powerful anti-war statement.

During the Second World War, Picasso lived in France where he continued painting tragic themes with distorted figures. In 1945 he received a commission for decorating the interior of the Antibes cultural centre. There, he developed his White Period, painting landscapes, still lifes and mythological subjects.

Picasso died at the ripe age of ninety-two.

~ Azlan Adnan

N.B. This is an abridged version of a much longer article submitted for publication to the New Straits Times.

THE NEED

Beanie, a new friend sent me this poem for Valentine's Day, when two lovers are sadly separated by distance:

THE NEED

This day, it's much more than desire.
It's something I require.

The longing seethes:

I feel its pressure
deep inside me. Some
impending flood

from out of my heart
to surge its way through me
until it crests -

emptying into
the passage her love
has opened.

But she can't absorb the flow
she nurses out of me,
because of the distance
between us -

or feel the tremors
that only her touch can bring,
or see how her loving determination
brings me past the boundaries
of fulfillment
into nurtured ecstasy.

That need never lets go.

On this stormy day, it comes
with every gale, and
rains onto me in
urgent bursts - as
intense as the pleasure
her love needs to
bring to me.

Instead I have this picture
that shows me
what my palms imagine
they are filled with:
the soft, willing, unflinching
curve just above her thighs

but that doesn't show
what my mouth is tasting,
in its imagination,
as it does my heart's work
for me where she's most
vulnerable to my love.

The need exceeds even the distance
between us. It exceeds the
pain of all my disappointments
and all the lust of all my
past debaucheries.

This time it's a Valentine.
The finest work of Cupid;
his gift to me: That I exist
solely for her pleasure,
to fulfill her, to be part of her,

gripped tightly in the
slick, warm, and throbbing
shelter of her need:
that need of hers
she needs for me
to fill: that common need.
Our need to love.

~ Anonymous

MALAYSIAN POLITICS - NEW CABINET LINE-UP

It is not surprising that Pak Lah did not use the Post Cabinet Meeting Press Conference yesterday as the occasion to announce his new Cabinet line-up, as such a decision takes some time to derive. Furthermore, some of the longer standing "deadwood" on the cabinet may need a little persuasion to "retire." There are many who would like to see Samy Vellu make way for younger blood, for example, even if Samy himself thinks he's indispensable.

The question on everyone's mind is who will be the new Deputy PM, the new Home Minister and the new Finance Minister. Pak Lah has already stated (in today's The Star newspaper) that his era as PM will see him acting as Foreign Minister, as statesmanship and international relations are key in this post 9/11 era. Of course, he has the option of remaining as Home Minister and Finance Minister, putting strain on his foreign relations duties, even though he may be ably assisted by the current Foreign Minister.

It would therefore make some sense for the current Foreign Minister to take on the (additional?) role as the new Deputy PM. As much sense as this would seem to make, there is at least one minister who would not be happy with this, as he appears to have greater seniority and hence would have greater claim to be the new Deputy. It may appease him to make him the new Foreign Minister, though.

Of one thing is certain: making too many changes may lead to discontinuity and the perception of uncertainty. Certainly, if Pak Lah takes too long to decide on a Deputy, speculation will run rife.

If you have any thoughts on the new Cabinet line-up, please share them here.

Welcome to this site, which archives the random jottings of Azlan Adnan .