a fictional short story in diary form, inspired by Azleena Abu Bakar
Thursday, May 1, 2003
Dear Diary
I met a lovely young lady ~ let's call her Tina ~ over the Internet on April 9 (yesterday, Wednesday April 30 was our third week anniversary). Two weeks into the relationship we had done just about all we could over the phone, via SMS and email and it was time to meet. The situation was the classic: "I like her; she likes me and I like the fact that she likes me" situation. We were making plans to meet, possibly at the weekend of May 3/4 (she lives in a town 200 km away).
Then, on Tuesday April 22, her mom dropped her a bombshell. She was in tears when I asked her what was the matter over the phone that evening. She said she'd tell me the next day but right now she needed some space and wanted to be alone.
When I called her at work the next day during her lunch-break, she was still distressed and said she didn't know how to convey what was bothering her, as she was so distraught and confused. I offered to make the journey to meet her in person; which was gratefully accepted.
When we met that Wednesday evening, I could see that the dozen or so photos I had of her didn't do justice to her winsome charms. She was a babe. The sort of woman I could fall in love with at first sight. And, of course, I did.
After brief introductory pleasantries, we plunged into the nature of her "crisis." Her mother had arranged for her to be engaged on May 3, to someone she has not even met or have an inkling about. Apparently, he had once had a brief glimpse of her and was smitten (as I said, she's really a world-class beauty one could fall in love with at first sight). She was aghast that her mother could do this to her. However, all her protestations to her mother to call it off simply fell on deaf ears.
Her suitor's mother and her mother were friends and they had orchestrated the preliminary proceedings without her knowledge. Then it was presented to her on April 22 as a fait accompli. Being a career woman and also someone who believed in romantic love, this was anathema to her convictions.
The issue of me being in her life (at that time) was irrelevant. We were too soon into our relationship to talk about an engagement, let alone marriage. We had a budding friendship, one that we were keen to explore, no more.
The engagement is in two parts: on April 26 Tina's suitor and his parents arrived at her parents' house and she was formally presented to them ~ the so-called merisik.
Apparently, her mother thought that at 27 (in October) Tina would soon be past her "sell-by-date." His mother was someone her mother had known for some years and therefore the assumption was that the suitor had a suitable family background. He is 36, a building contractor and still single, with a house he was eager to make into a home with the help of a young bride.
Tina met her suitor one-on-one on Sunday, April 27 and had asked him to call it off. He was adamant on marrying her, he said, and the only way to call it off was for her to initiate the break-up. She knew this was a trap as she had already tried that with her mother, to no avail. But she neither loved nor respected him, she protested. Alas, he was far too self-centred to give those considerations any serious thought. When the time came, he gleefully anticipated, he would assert his conjugal rights without taking "no" for an answer.
It is a sad reflection on Malaysian society that such beasts roam amongst us.
Tina is torn between living her own life (and one day finding her own life-partner) and filial duty. Her distress and anxiety over the past week had aggravated her gastric ulcer. Medical diagnostic imaging had further revealed two gallstones, in addition to her gastric ulcer. She is slotted in for a laparoscopic procedure to remove her gall bladder on May 6.
In the past week, Tina's confiding her dilemma in me had drawn us closer than would otherwise be possible in such a short time. I was a mirror to her thoughts, with empathy, genuine care and concern. Tina told me there is no one else in her life that could have provided the emotional and moral support that I did.
I was careful to advise her repeatedly that I was an interested party and, as much as I could try, my judgment is clouded by my vested interest in her.
If before she was hesitant or afraid to admit her true feelings towards me (in order not to set expectations that she would be unable to fulfill), as of yesterday (Wednesday, April 30) they are now in the open. And she now unashamedly confesses her care, affection and fondness for me (using words like "sayang" and "dear"); as I had done since Saturday, April 19 when I was convinced of the heart of gold she possesses.
The engagement proper ~ pertunangan ~ is to be on May 3, which is largely a formality done by proxy between family elders in the presence of the assembled clans of both parties. Her suitor's presence is not a necessary requirement in the proceedings. She is not likely to be asked if she consents to the engagement, because being an educated lady who speaks her mind, she will only give an adamant "NO!" and thereby embarrass her mother and family in front of the assembled family members from both sides.
This is her nature. She speaks her mind and this is one of the qualities I find so refreshing and attractive about her. However, despite having repeatedly protested her objection to the engagement for a week, she acceded to her filial duty and obeying her parents' wishes.
So the next steps now are these:
Tina will return the engagement ring to her suitor (thus ending the engagement) in the presence on a religious official from the Religious Department (it is expressly forbidden in Islam to compel any party to marry against her wishes) sometime after her surgery, well after the assembled clans have dispersed. This would save her mother and family face. Tina would inform her suitor not to call, SMS or attempt to visit her again.
She also has her surgery on May 6 to be concerned about. She will instruct her doctor and surgeon not to discuss her medical condition to her "fiance" as they had done this past week. We both find it an offensive invasion of privacy to discuss another's medical condition with their doctor. I informed her that the Medical Code of Ethics expressly forbids this and therefore she needs to remind her doctor to respect patient confidentiality and the serious consequences of such a breach.
If her suitor has any brains, he would make a tactical withdrawal at this point. This is the only way to even have a chance of broaching the subject of the engagement at some later point in time. To persist at it now, having been the cause of her aggravated gastric ulcer, distress, anxiety, physical pain and mental anguish would simply spoil his chances even further, if not forever. This is called the Law of Diminishing Returns.
While he makes his tactical withdrawal, Tina and I shall meet in person again as soon as she is sufficiently recovered from her laparosopic surgery, which I am informed by my doctor friends is a minimally-invasive procedure, requiring three 1-cm incisions. Barring any complications, she is likely to be discharged on May 7 and given two weeks' medical leave to recuperate at home.
We may meet possibly on May 24 or even sooner, sometime between May 13 to 19. It all depends on her recovery; we don't foresee any complications.
My cousin is getting married on May 24 (in the town I live in) and Tina is open to the idea of attending as my "date" or "escort" (as opposed to my "special girlfriend" - we don't want to start tongues wagging!) if she is in my town. I reminded her to be aware of how to be dressed (traditional formal) for the occasion.
May 4, 2003
Dear Diary
I've been having lots of anxiety lately. Not an anxiety attack, per se, but just a high ambient level of anxiety resulting in lack of concentration, fixation ("obsessed" was a word used to describe my mental state by a friend), insomnia, and worry.
From a critical path analysis point of view, I'm in slack-time before the next milestone, the engagement. I have no control over what happens at the engagement and can only have faith, prayer and doa (supplication) to comfort me. This is the main stressor I'm having right now. The helplessness.
Tina and I have an alternative scenario as to what we want to happen at the milestone but she is bound by filial piety. I can't make a scene and antagonize my future changes with her family. We are resigned to letting the milestone pass and undoing the engagement at a later stage. Strategically, it is a tactical withdrawal because we have another milestone for Tina to be concerned with right now.
This concerns her health and we both agree it's more important. She will have laparascopic surgery done on Tuesday May 6 to remove her gall bladder. She has been on painkillers and antibiotics for this, and kaolin and morphine for her gastric ulcer the past ten days. That is why she can't "fight" the engagement as she has been in pain and in a physically weak state.
After the surgery, she will be discharged the following day, Wednesday May 7 (assuming no complications) and given 2 weeks medical leave to recover. A doctor friend's wife had this very surgery so I got the details from him.
Once she has recovered sufficiently, she will terminate the engagement. The "how" is quite complicated (involving State Religious Department officials) as has been suggested and I don't want to pre-empt it anyway.
As an indication of her determination, her suitor had sent her an SMS a few days ago and referred to her as "dear." She replied "Don't call me dear." Yesterday, he had asked permission to hold her hand, she protested: "No Way!"
The suitor will soon realize he is talking to a brick wall and will be disillusioned with his infatuation and will eventually be happy to amicably end the engagement. The sound of one hand clapping can be deafening.
I've been taking 2 mg lorazepam at night to help me sleep. Much less hangover than 50 mg of chlorpromazine which takes ages to "kick in" anyway.
My ladyfriend and I both find our long telephone conversations very therapeutic for the both of us. After a good heart-to-heart talk, there is a peaceful calmness that comes from within that's quite restful to the psyche. When I get agitated (from not hearing from her or from working myself up to a state,) I find breathing exercises bring immediate relief. Of course, journaling (like what I'm doing now) is of tremendous help, too.
As fate would have it, my cell phone packed up this morning and I had to send it for repair, which will take a few days. Tina called my home landline about 1 pm as I was subbing this journal entry and I read her the above. She listened intently without interruption or comment.
She said she had called to say that her engagement was to be in a few moments. She asked me to take care and that she was sorry for involving me in her problems. I told her not to be sorry. I asked her to think of it as a trial from God for us and if we get through this, nothing can shake our love, faith, trust and commitment to each other. I also told her that my cell phone packing up at this time was also a test from God.
Having had that heart-to-heart conversation yesterday and been reassured by the strength of prayer, I am calm and at peace. Not resigned or defeated, but strengthen by my faith and patient in outlook.
Saturday May 10, 2003, 11.15 am
Of White Lies and Dark Secrets
Dear Diary
I gave Tina a call this morning. No answer. Then I received a missed call. I called back. It was 11.15 am.
A person purporting to be Tini, 23, Tina's sister, answered. She said Tina is sick and is sleeping. She asked who I was. I said I was Adam. She asked me if I realized Tina was already engaged. I said she told me it was against her wishes. She then proceeded to tell me more about this fiance, without mentioning his name.
Tina's and his family used to be neighbours. He used to be Tina's boyfriend and they were supposed to go study in England together and then something happened and they broke up. This was news to me, Tina had told me quite the otherwise!
Tini suspects that this engagement is a form of revenge on the fiance's part. There is also the issue of family obligation because his father passes some contracting jobs to Tina's father, a retired Major who is a now a Class A contractor.
Tini doesn't like Tina's fiance. She thinks he is a good actor, pretending to be very nice ~ alim-alim kucing~ when in front of Tina's mother.
Tini confirms that Tina doesn't treat her fiance well. Doesn't accept any offer of help from him, e.g. a ride to the beauty salon. He is not allowed to hold her hand, she doesn't wear the engagement ring.
Tini said her mother had often asked Tini who Tina is talking to when I had been on the phone with Tina. Tini knows it was me but is unable to bring herself to tell her mother that, putting her in a bit of a spot. Tini told me her mother would not ask Tina directly.
Tini suggested I not call Tina whilst Tina is staying at her parent's home. Not simply out of respect but also not to make the situation any more difficult for both Tina and Tini. I said I'll wait for Tina to call me then.
Tini asked me if Tina ever said she loved me. I told her on May 7 she told me she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.
Tina called me at 1.40 pm. She asked if I have had lunch and I said no. I recapitulated what Tini had told me (see above). I told her that Tini has been reading our SMSes and email. We agreed to change our joint email password. I told Tina I now know she had told me some white lies to make is easier for me and so I don't hold that against her. I told her I understand but I told her it's easier to be honest and reminded her what I said at the beginning of our relationship -- honesty and respect is very important to me.
Then, Tina abruptly said she had to go. We had spoken for only 4 minutes 39 seconds.
Monday, May 19, 2003
10 pm
Dear Diary
I am feeling very well, extremely well, in fact considering what happened yesterday. I went to Ipoh without Tina expecting me and went to her doctor's suite and she arrived with her sister, Tini, and her fiance's sister, Ina at 3 pm.
(Tina had being forced to get engaged to someone she doesn't love nor respect on May 3, 2003.)
My bus arrived at 2 pm and it just so happened that her hospital was right next to the bus station so I took a short walk there. Tina had mentioned her doctor's name to me (Mr Tan). In any case, there was only one gastroenterologist on the directory of resident specialists on the wall.
My excuse for being there was to lend her a walking stick, which, in the event, she felt much better and didn't need it. She said I should have told her I was coming because of the situation with the fiance (he was downstairs waiting in the car) and his sister.
I told her when we spoke on Saturday night (she was at a birthday party with friends eating chocolate cake), I had asked her to call me when she had arrived home but she didn't call. I told her I had meant to tell her then that I was coming.
But since she didn't call, she didn't know of my impending arrival. My bus left at 9.30 am as the tickets for the one at 8.30 am were sold out. Along the way, the bus made a half-hour lunch break at a town called Tapah. I called her cell phone repeatedly until eventually her sister Tini picked it up. I told Tini I was at Tapah and would most likely arrive in Ipoh at 3 pm (in the event the bus arrived at 2 pm).
At 2 pm I called the cell phone repeatedly to no avail as Tini was only expecting my call at 3 pm.
I only noticed as the bus was getting to the station that her hospital was right next door. Since I had an hour to kill I thought I might as well wait at the hospital, which was more comfortable. I asked at the reception where Mr Tan's clinic was and was told 2nd floor, suite 21. There, I asked the nurse if the patient Tina had already seen the doctor and she said Tina had come at 1.30 pm with another person but the doctor was busy. I asked if the other person was tall and the nurse said yes, so I guessed it was Tini. They were told to come back at 3 pm, which was just my good luck, I suppose.
Anyway, I was in the waiting room in the clinic when I saw them arrive. Ina was sitting next to Tina and Tini was sitting opposite Ina. There was an empty seat opposite Tina. I went to sit there quietly just in case the two ladies were related to Tina's fiance. This was the first time I met them and they could be "hostile."
I was hoping Tina would notice me and I would get up and move along the corridor and she would discreetly follow me and we could have a private tete-a-tete.
In the event, she exclaimed, "Adam, what are you doing here?" which I replied I came to lend you a walking stick as she had mentioned she had difficulty walking earlier. Tina introduced me to the two ladies and I confirmed my recognition of Tini as Tina had described her as a lanky ectomorph during one of our long telephone conversations.
Tina had also described Ina to me once as an ugly thing that would probably have to have an arranged marriage in order to get married, as she looked like something that had escaped from the zoo. Tina said she was at least 30 times more beautiful as Ina. This was an understatement.
Tina introduced me to Ina as her friend. Ina asked her if I was an old friend or a new friend to which I didn't hear the response. Ina then directed me a question to which I answered, "I'm the man with the walking stick." I know was being evasive and reticent.
Tina had requested Ina and Tini to go the pharmacy first and she'd join them later but Ina insisted we go down in the lift together. Tina and I managed a few private moments together later near the pharmacy by Tina giving Ina her prescription and requesting her and Tini to get a number and wait for their turn.
I told Tina my bus back to KL was at 8 pm and if she could ditch Ina and her fiance, I'd be waiting right here for her. She said no promises but she'd try and would call.
In the event, no call and no show.
After collecting her meds, all three ladies came up to me and Ina said she wanted to give me some advice - "Tina is my future sister-in-law." I said "I heard you." Then Tini interrupted saying this was a public place and it best not to have a scene. Although she appeared to direct her remarks at me, she really was addressing Ina. I'm a pacifist by nature and inclination; and a scene was the last thing I had in mind.
Then, as promptly as they arrived, they left.
This trip to Ipoh served two purposes. Firstly, I got to see my beloved Tina again, even if it was for a few furtive minutes.
Secondly, and more importantly, it planted seeds of doubt in her fiance's mind, as I'm sure Ina would give him a report. Tactically, it was a success, given the stonewall treatment Tina had been giving him. Her fiance would soon hear the deafening silence of one-hand clapping and he would get disillusioned with his infatuation on Tina.
It's only a matter of time before he breaks off the engagement.
I called Tina on her handphone at her lunch break at 12.30 pm today and apologized for yesterday. She said she it was okay but said she was busy - she's back at work with all the backlog of work that entailed - and asked me not to call again today. And I can handle that.
I've been praying (supplication as well as worship) more often since I've known Tina and of her crisis which began on April 22, and that's no bad thing.
I feel wonderful because this situation now is a waiting game that I can handle. I know Tina is hurt right now possibly from an earful from her fiance. But that would at once confirm his abusive nature and unsuitability as a future husband. But this pain will pass.
We had discussed earlier of the possibility of his hitting her. We agreed for her to offer the other cheek and then make a police report. The more bruises the better, as far as evidence is concerned. We had discussed and agreed that the physical pain involved is only temporary and will soon pass. But we would have got rid of him for good.
Anyway, her fiance would begin to have doubts about Tina and that would pave the way for me to enter the scene. I know it's a mind game and Tina is being used as a pawn but this is something we had discussed earlier and something she had agreed to.
Tina was absolutely ecstatic when I read her the poem "If I Have Not Your Love" over the phone last Wednesday, my gift for her on our 5th Week Anniversary.
~*Adam*~
Copyright 2003-2004 Azlan Adnan Legal Notice
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